Boston Robotics-looking robot baristas are here. Now everyone is forced to consume a jar of coffee a day. Each person must select one of the 7 jars in the image above. The robots will deliver this jar to you every day and prepare it for you on-site.
The exclusive set of available customizations to your coffee are:
lowering the temperature,
choice of roast (e.g. in-person, televised, online)
choice of milk (e.g. celebrity-, mammal-, or plant-based),
method of consumption, and
There are no exemptions for:
caffeine sensitivity, lactose intolerance, allergens, or otherwise adverse reactions
diabetes, IBS, high blood pressure, or other medical conditions
religious, medical, moral, cultural, or personal restrictions, abstainments, or fasts
age, height, or caloric intake
housing status, delivery access, or residence type
insufficient consciousness, coherence, or freedom of movement
The robots will interpret the following actions as a willful failure to comply:
Attempting to modify, combine, or mix the contents of your jar with other jars
Pouring the coffee into something else
Requesting a different style of coffee
Modifying the jar into a different style of coffee
Not finishing the coffee yourself
The robots will interpret the following actions as being rude:
Requesting clarification on the terms
Asking to have the coffee delivered in a different jar
Attempting to drink the coffee from a different container
Attempting to Taskmaster Logic your way out of this
Not letting them prepare it for you
Not letting them watch you drink it
The robots will allow the following actions:
Taking 23 hours, 23 minutes, and 59 seconds following the delivery to finish the coffee
Readjusting the coffee's temperature
Gettin' real comfy with it
Having a little sip of every jar from their sample tray within your day's time limit
Getting a different jar every day
Starting to drink it, being like, "Oh no, this was supposed to be soy milk," and getting the robot to make you a new jar fifteen times in a row within your day's limit
The robots are actually pretty chill so they're not gonna freak out if you make a face or a noise or anything. But it should go without saying that failing to comply or being rude will result in being force-fed the coffee.
Anyway what jar are you gonna pick, I'd do #1
gummygunk
turnnoffyourmind
theartofmadeline
vaporwave
dailybridgerton
yousharknotpass
annaxmalina
