simi. !!

a dull ache settling right behind your ribs, waiting for a shift, closure, something that you knew deep down would never come. yet hoping for the best anyway. you’ve been together for four years, long enough to know the exact shift in his posture when he was pulling away, long enough to know that the sigh he just let out meant he was building a wall. "are you going to bed soon?" you asked. you hated how thin your voice sounded.

he didn't look up from the screen. "in a bit. just need to finish this arrangement."

it was the same answer he gave yesterday.

and the night before that.

and the entire week before that.

every repetitive response felt like a door closing in your face with such gentleness you couldn't even be angry. you felt a familiar knot twisting in your stomach. that quiet panic that told you you're slowly becoming invisible to the person who used to see you clearest.

used to.

you prayed not. not your hee.

he was the only one who saw you at your lowest, who held you when the rest of the world felt too loud. that one rare constant in a life that felt like an unpredictable maze.

he was the person who knew exactly how you took your tea when your chest felt too tight to breathe, the one who would silently drive you around the city for hours without demanding an explanation for your tears.

you had survived so much loss, left holding so many broken pieces of a life you were still trying to glue back together to this day, and he had been the glue.

the constant.

you pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders, looking at the space between the couch and the kitchen island. it felt like an ocean. the disagreement hadn't started with a shout; it had started three weeks ago with a missed dinner, a forgotten anniversary plan, and a quiet, "it's fine, you're busy," that you didn't really mean. you said it because you loved him.

since then it had been a slow painful slide into miscommunication. your mind had spent the last 21 days spinning in circles, replaying old conversations. trying to pinpoint the exact moment the warmth drained out of the room.

you thought he was pulling away because he was losing interest; he thought you were being distant because you were tired of his schedule.

neither of you asked.

the uncertainty felt like a constant fever, leaving you ultimately exhausted and raw.

you stood up, the friction of the blanket against the fabric of the couch making a soft sound.

heeseung’s hand froze on his mouse, but he still didn't turn around.

the urge to say something, anything to make him snap out of it fought with the utter dread of hearing him confirm your worst fears. your heart thumped harshly against your ribs. a frantic rhythm that made you feel dizzy.

"i'm going to sleep," you said softly. waiting for just a second to see if he'd ask you to stay.

"okay. goodnight," he murmured, his tone level. completely unreadable.

the utter lack of emotion in his voice made something break inside you. you walked into the bedroom, closing the door just loud enough for him to hear the click of the latch.

it was 2:14 am when the bedroom door finally opened.

the light from the hallway cut a sharp line across the bed before disappearing as heeseung closed the door behind him. he moved in the dark with the familiarity of someone who knew every square inch of this space. but he hesitated before getting into bed. you caught it.

when he did lie down, he stayed on the absolute edge of his side. the mattress barely dipping under his weight. you were awake. staring at the wall, listening to the uneven rhythm of his breathing.

your throat felt dry, and your eyes burned from staring into the dark. for four years, your bodies used to find each other automatically in the dark. now, the space between you felt deliberate. the emptiness of the mattress between your bodies felt massive, like a barrier you weren't allowed to cross. your chest hurt with the sheer amount of effort of keeping your breathing steady so he wouldn't know you were crying.

"hee?" you whispered into the dark, unable to take the quiet anymore.

a long pause. you thought he might pretend to be asleep, but then he cleared his throat. "yeah?"

"are we okay?"

the question hung in the air. your stomach dropped, waiting for his answer.

heeseung shifted, the fabric of the sheets rustling. "why wouldn't we be?"

it was the wrong answer. it was the safe, defensive answer that closed the door before the conversation could even start. its the reason this started in the first place. "because you haven't even looked at me in three days," you said, your voice cracking slightly. the built up frustration of the last month finally leaking through. "because you're here, but you're not actually here. you're just..." you trailed off. you were at a loss for words.

he let out a sharp, frustrated breath, sitting up in the dark. "i'm working. you know how important this comeback is. i thought you understood that. you said you were fine with it."

"i'm fine with the work, hee... i'm not fine with the absolute silence," you turned around to face him, though you could only see the silhouette of his shoulders against the window light. "you don't talk to me. you just assume i'm angry, so you stay away, which makes me think you don't care anymore. it feels like you're just waiting for me to leave."

"waiting for you to leave?" he repeated. his voice dropping to a strained whisper. "is that really what you think? i stay away because every time i walk into the room, you look like you want to be anywhere else. it's like you're unhappy. i'm trying to give you space because i don't know what else to do. i feel like everything i do right now is just... wrong. i'm watching you look more and more distant, and i'm just trying not to make it worse."

the raw honesty of his words echoed through the room, cutting through weeks of built up hatred.

he thought you wanted space. you thought he was abandoning you.

you looked at his slumped outline, the weight of the last month finally crashing down on both of you. the miscommunication had dug a trench so deep between you that you'd both given up trying to reach across it. ultimately assuming the other had already let go.

"i'm not tired of you," you said, the tears finally slipping down your cheeks, silent and hot. you were far too exhausted to fight it. "i was just lonely, hee. i missed you so much, and you felt so far away." the silence returned. but it was a different kind of silence.

heeseung dropped his head into his hands, his fingers tangling in his dark hair. his shoulders were tense. shaking slightly with the weight of everything he’d been keeping inside. "four years," he muttered into his palms, his voice thick with a sudden exhaustion. "we've been together for four years, and i still managed to completely mess this up."

you sat up, the anger draining out of you just as quickly as it had arrived. leaving behind nothing but an aching need to be close to him again.

"you didn't mess it up," you said softly, breaking the distance between you and crawling across the mattress.

your fingers brushed his wrist and he flinched slightly before completely giving in. he caught your hand, his grip almost painfully tight. he pulled your hand up, pressing his cheek against your knuckles.

"i'm just... so tired," he whispered, and you could hear the absolute sincerity, the sheer terror of losing what you’ve built, vibrating in his chest. "im just so tired of everything...but not you. never you."

he shifted closer, sliding across the deliberate distance he had kept all night until his forehead was resting against your shoulder delicately. "i'm sorry," he murmured against your skin. his hands wrapping completely around your waist now, pulling you into his lap until there was no space left between you at all. "i'm sorry for being stubborn. for hiding behind my computer because it was easier than admitting i was overwhelmed. im so sorry for everything. please don't look at me like that again." you slid your fingers through his hair, untangling the knots. simultaneously feeling the tension slowly melt out of him as you held him close.

"like what?"

"like you think i dont love you anymore," he said softly, his voice muffled against your neck.

he stayed like that for a long time, just breathing you in, his arms locked around you. the cold vibes that had filled the apartment for weeks finally began to dissolve; replaced by the familiar warmth of his skin.

"i missed you too, baby," he murmured after a while, his voice gentle and full of relief. "so,so much."

he pulled back just enough to look at you, his thumb brushing away the damp trail of tears on your cheek before he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your forehead, then your cheeks, not minding the slight dampness. his fingers locked tightly with yours between your pillows. he didn't let go of you for the rest of the night.

a dull ache settling right behind your ribs, waiting for a shift, closure, something that you knew deep down would never come. yet hoping for the best anyway. you’ve been together for four years, long enough to know the exact shift in his posture when he was pulling away, long enough to know that the sigh he just let out meant he was building a wall. "are you going to bed soon?" you asked. you hated how thin your voice sounded.

he didn't look up from the screen. "in a bit. just need to finish this arrangement."

it was the same answer he gave yesterday.

and the night before that.

and the entire week before that.

every repetitive response felt like a door closing in your face with such gentleness you couldn't even be angry. you felt a familiar knot twisting in your stomach. that quiet panic that told you you're slowly becoming invisible to the person who used to see you clearest.

used to.

you prayed not. not your hee.

he was the only one who saw you at your lowest, who held you when the rest of the world felt too loud. that one rare constant in a life that felt like an unpredictable maze.

he was the person who knew exactly how you took your tea when your chest felt too tight to breathe, the one who would silently drive you around the city for hours without demanding an explanation for your tears.

you had survived so much loss, left holding so many broken pieces of a life you were still trying to glue back together to this day, and he had been the glue.

the constant.

you pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders, looking at the space between the couch and the kitchen island. it felt like an ocean. the disagreement hadn't started with a shout; it had started three weeks ago with a missed dinner, a forgotten anniversary plan, and a quiet, "it's fine, you're busy," that you didn't really mean. you said it because you loved him.

since then it had been a slow painful slide into miscommunication. your mind had spent the last 21 days spinning in circles, replaying old conversations. trying to pinpoint the exact moment the warmth drained out of the room.

you thought he was pulling away because he was losing interest; he thought you were being distant because you were tired of his schedule.

neither of you asked.

the uncertainty felt like a constant fever, leaving you ultimately exhausted and raw.

you stood up, the friction of the blanket against the fabric of the couch making a soft sound.

heeseung’s hand froze on his mouse, but he still didn't turn around.

the urge to say something, anything to make him snap out of it fought with the utter dread of hearing him confirm your worst fears. your heart thumped harshly against your ribs. a frantic rhythm that made you feel dizzy.

"i'm going to sleep," you said softly. waiting for just a second to see if he'd ask you to stay.

"okay. goodnight," he murmured, his tone level. completely unreadable.

the utter lack of emotion in his voice made something break inside you. you walked into the bedroom, closing the door just loud enough for him to hear the click of the latch.

it was 2:14 am when the bedroom door finally opened.

the light from the hallway cut a sharp line across the bed before disappearing as heeseung closed the door behind him. he moved in the dark with the familiarity of someone who knew every square inch of this space. but he hesitated before getting into bed. you caught it.

when he did lie down, he stayed on the absolute edge of his side. the mattress barely dipping under his weight. you were awake. staring at the wall, listening to the uneven rhythm of his breathing.

your throat felt dry, and your eyes burned from staring into the dark. for four years, your bodies used to find each other automatically in the dark. now, the space between you felt deliberate. the emptiness of the mattress between your bodies felt massive, like a barrier you weren't allowed to cross. your chest hurt with the sheer amount of effort of keeping your breathing steady so he wouldn't know you were crying.

"hee?" you whispered into the dark, unable to take the quiet anymore.

a long pause. you thought he might pretend to be asleep, but then he cleared his throat. "yeah?"

"are we okay?"

the question hung in the air. your stomach dropped, waiting for his answer.

heeseung shifted, the fabric of the sheets rustling. "why wouldn't we be?"

it was the wrong answer. it was the safe, defensive answer that closed the door before the conversation could even start. its the reason this started in the first place. "because you haven't even looked at me in three days," you said, your voice cracking slightly. the built up frustration of the last month finally leaking through. "because you're here, but you're not actually here. you're just..." you trailed off. you were at a loss for words.

he let out a sharp, frustrated breath, sitting up in the dark. "i'm working. you know how important this comeback is. i thought you understood that. you said you were fine with it."

"i'm fine with the work, hee... i'm not fine with the absolute silence," you turned around to face him, though you could only see the silhouette of his shoulders against the window light. "you don't talk to me. you just assume i'm angry, so you stay away, which makes me think you don't care anymore. it feels like you're just waiting for me to leave."

"waiting for you to leave?" he repeated. his voice dropping to a strained whisper. "is that really what you think? i stay away because every time i walk into the room, you look like you want to be anywhere else. it's like you're unhappy. i'm trying to give you space because i don't know what else to do. i feel like everything i do right now is just... wrong. i'm watching you look more and more distant, and i'm just trying not to make it worse."

the raw honesty of his words echoed through the room, cutting through weeks of built up hatred.

he thought you wanted space. you thought he was abandoning you.

you looked at his slumped outline, the weight of the last month finally crashing down on both of you. the miscommunication had dug a trench so deep between you that you'd both given up trying to reach across it. ultimately assuming the other had already let go.

"i'm not tired of you," you said, the tears finally slipping down your cheeks, silent and hot. you were far too exhausted to fight it. "i was just lonely, hee. i missed you so much, and you felt so far away." the silence returned. but it was a different kind of silence.

heeseung dropped his head into his hands, his fingers tangling in his dark hair. his shoulders were tense. shaking slightly with the weight of everything he’d been keeping inside. "four years," he muttered into his palms, his voice thick with a sudden exhaustion. "we've been together for four years, and i still managed to completely mess this up."

you sat up, the anger draining out of you just as quickly as it had arrived. leaving behind nothing but an aching need to be close to him again.

"you didn't mess it up," you said softly, breaking the distance between you and crawling across the mattress.

your fingers brushed his wrist and he flinched slightly before completely giving in. he caught your hand, his grip almost painfully tight. he pulled your hand up, pressing his cheek against your knuckles.

"i'm just... so tired," he whispered, and you could hear the absolute sincerity, the sheer terror of losing what you’ve built, vibrating in his chest. "im just so tired of everything...but not you. never you."

he shifted closer, sliding across the deliberate distance he had kept all night until his forehead was resting against your shoulder delicately. "i'm sorry," he murmured against your skin. his hands wrapping completely around your waist now, pulling you into his lap until there was no space left between you at all. "i'm sorry for being stubborn. for hiding behind my computer because it was easier than admitting i was overwhelmed. im so sorry for everything. please don't look at me like that again." you slid your fingers through his hair, untangling the knots. simultaneously feeling the tension slowly melt out of him as you held him close.

"like what?"

"like you think i dont love you anymore," he said softly, his voice muffled against your neck.

he stayed like that for a long time, just breathing you in, his arms locked around you. the cold vibes that had filled the apartment for weeks finally began to dissolve; replaced by the familiar warmth of his skin.

"i missed you too, baby," he murmured after a while, his voice gentle and full of relief. "so,so much."

he pulled back just enough to look at you, his thumb brushing away the damp trail of tears on your cheek before he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your forehead, then your cheeks, not minding the slight dampness. his fingers locked tightly with yours between your pillows. he didn't let go of you for the rest of the night.

JONGSEONGㅤif given the chance, would kiss you anywhere and everywhere, but your lips hold a special place in his heart— even more ever since you two got married.

“stay still,” you order, a tug at his tie as a warning. it is a ritual for you to do his tie every morning while he admires your pretty face.

and jay would never admit but he likes when you get a little bossy with him. “yes ma’am,”

but then his leans in for a kiss— quick and soft— with a proud grin on his face. “jay—” another kiss, you feel him smiling into it. “—let me do your tie—” and another, with his hands on your waist. “park jongseong!”

he kisses you yet again, this time for a little longer. “can’t help it, darling,”

“you’ll be late for work,”

“i’ll tell them i was busy kissing my beautiful wife,” and with that, his lips are over yours all over again.

JAEYUNㅤkisses your belly and thighs like it’s a ritual. don’t get it wrong, he would kiss your anywhere— there is no one favourite place, just a little preference.

your boyfriend has set his alarm for fifteen minutes earlier because he wants to wake up and smother you in kisses— all the way from your cheeks, lips, chest, then staying for a long, long time on your belly.

“gonna miss you, love,” his words everyday as he gets up for work, little complaints whispered against your skin amidst kisses that trail down to your thighs. “should i quit?”

and you laugh— he loves making you laugh the first thing in the morning. “don’t be silly, jake,”

“right,” he plants a chaste kiss to your inner thighs while his eyes stay fixed on yours. “gotta make sure i earn a lot so i can spoil you,”

SUNGHOONㅤkisses your wrist like a promise, like a confession, and like a warm hug from someone who’s entire world is you.

“rough day?” he senses it the second you walk in through the door, shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

you don’t even have to say it, he is already walking to you, helping you out of your coat, putting away your bag, making you comfortable on the couch.

he takes your hand in his ever so gently then kisses your palms, wrist— his lips linger there a few seconds longer— then the other hand before pulling you into a warm embrace.

“missed you,” just two words from you and you know he will stick to your side for the rest of the night.

SUNOOㅤloves smothering your face with kisses, wanting to drown you in love, but your cheeks have his heart.

“you’re—” his hands cup your face, a kiss planted to both your cheeks. “ —so—” and one more. “ —cute,”

you sigh, pointing at your laptop. “i need to finish this—”

“and pretty,” and he cuts you off efficiently with another kiss to your cheek. “time for a break,”

he has it all planned out: cup of nice tea or maybe your favourite snacks and lots of kisses peppered all over your face, especially your cheeks that he holds carefully in his hands like you’re something precious, because you are.

“you work so hard,” another kiss— forehead then cheek, again, while caressing the other with his thumb. and that’s how evenings are with your fiancé, kisses and praises.

JUNGWONㅤalways finds himself gravitating towards the nape of your neck like a moth to the flame.

like always, his hands snake around you from behind, lips immediately falling over the skin of your nape in a gentle kiss. “you smell so good. new perfume?”

a random question, really. he only wants an excuse to hold you for as long as he can. “yes, i got it a few days ago,”

you continue with your post shower routine and he continues to adore you with little kisses, moving down to your shoulders. “you should wear it more,”

and his lips move over your skin with practiced ease, knowing all the spots that make you shiver— you can feel him smirk when he gets a little sound out of you.

he continues with his little ministrations, hands getting a little risky, might have even left a little mark. “wonie!” and before you could complain further, he is already pulling you to bed.

NI-KIㅤmight be taller than you but his favourite thing is to get on his knees and kiss your waist like a ritual.

or pull you between his legs after a long day as he melts on the couch, losing himself with his face buried in your stomach and waist.

“gosh, you’re so amazing,” a soft, quiet praise falls off his lips— he can compliment you all day, all night. “can never get enough of you, baby,”

thread your fingers through his hair and he sighs ever so gently against your skin, lips mapping your skin inch by inch with feathery kisses of love.

jay ₊˚

☆ biggest gentleman, very traditional. he pays. he holds the door. he cooks for you. he makes love to you. he's okay if his partner prefers a different way of loving eachother though.

☆ extremely loyal. he was telling people he was married before he even proposed, because he knew you would be his wife one day. he doesn't even pay other women any mind. you're all he needs.

☆ can be really stubborn or hardheaded. its something you love about him, but it doesn't always work in your favor. arguments with him are never heated, but nobody ever wins. however, he is usually the first to apologize.

☆ sometimes he's too logical instead of emotional. you don't always need a logical answer or explanation on why something happened, sometimes you just want comfort from your boyfriend.

jake ₊˚

☆ always shows gratitude. it could be something as small as washing his favorite hoodie. he's showering you in kisses and thank yous. also gives gifts as a thank you, although none of that amounts to how grateful he truly is for you.

☆ everyone knows about you and layla. he can't go long without mentioning one of you. you're his lockscreen, he wakes up everyday to a picture of the both of you— he's obsessed.

☆ doesn't let himself be sad. which leads to him hiding things from you or getting agitated with you for no reason. he's trying his best for you, but it's not easy.

☆ clingy, which can be good but not when it's too much. he's an adult man, he can handle himself but every time you leave his side he's wondering where you're going, getting ready to follow you and include himself in your plans. gets upset when you won't tell him.

sunghoon ₊˚

☆ knows how to make you laugh. you could be having the worst day on earth, and coming home to him will make you feel like it was amazing. he will go out of his way to make a fool of himself, just to see you smile.

☆ treats you like a princess. whatever you need, whatevers wrong, he'll fix it. you're hungry? he's taking you to the fanciest restaurant. your feet hurt? he'll carry you. you hate your job? quit. he has enough money.

☆ really doesn't play about his career. this could be a green and red flag. once he's in his 30s he'll probably be more ready to settle down and focus on his wife, but for now there will be times where you feel like a second option.

☆ doesn't fight off girls who flirt with him. whether he's just oblivious or loving the attention, you may never know. he doesn't stop them though. he does try his best to reassure you.

sunoo ₊˚

☆ literally your best friend in boyfriend form. you guys do everything together. skincare, shopping, cooking, watching movies. literally inseparable, everyone knows you come in a pair.

☆ always looking out for you. if he notices you're getting thin, he'll put extra food on your plate. if you fell asleep with your makeup on, he's coming to bed with wipes so you can sleep comfortably. he loves his baby so bad

☆ can be a little sassy or sarcastic, which is great and even funny at times, but it's not needed all the time, and it has resulted in you being upset because he made you feel stupid. he always says sorry, though.

☆ will leave when you guys argue. he'll busy himself with something else to ignore the fact he's upset and the love of his life probably hates him. meanwhile, you're just concerned on why he's been missing for hours.

jungwon ₊˚

☆ your biggest supporter. you could tell him you wanna be an astronaut, and he'll start helping you look for rocketships. why? because no dream is too big for you in his mind.

☆ knows when to be silly and when to be serious. he can be a clown and a therapist in the same night. this means you two can literally talk about anything for hours.

☆ extremely jealous and possessive, which is some peoples cup of tea! however, he doesn't like when you have male friends, doesn't really like when you go out with your girls either and is always in your business. he can't control what you do, but if you do decide to partake in any of those activities, be ready for an attitude.

☆ sometimes he says things harsher than intended, and then gets confused when your feelings are hurt. he'll even try to argue you down about it. he does eventually apologize, but he's still a little confused on why you're upset.

niki ₊˚

☆ much more loving than people paint him out to be. he does not love you nonchalantly. he posts you, he will tell you how beautiful you are, talk about how much he loves your ass and hold you close in his sleep.

☆ actually kind of mature for his age. he is still young, but he gives great advice. a lot of it he stole from jay, but he's learning and it helps you either way.

☆ doesn't always know when to stop his teasing, but is learning quickly where you draw the line. it took a few arguments and tears for him to understand, though.

☆ instead of explaining why he's upset or even yelling at you, he just becomes quiet and cold, leaving you to guess what you did wrong. eventually he comes to you and apologizes, but it's still a bad feeling.

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taglist: @wonscapes , @tojiworshipper , @wonderikii , @evansfangz , @lilyhaslowiron , @riki2swaggy , @pix3lkitten , @ryukumi ꨄ︎