jaefman

Lately I've been really examining my relationship with tabletop roleplaying games and what they mean to me as a person. I've experienced some of my greatest moments of joy playing Dungeons and Dragons surrounded by friends, and have gotten closer to others just by virtue of having played a game that supports displaying raw performance and emotion, in a collaborative storytelling environment that not only welcomes someone being "extra" but actively encourages it.

I do not consider myself a "great" GM by any means, more than anyone I know this is a personal sense of hindrance, especially when comparing myself with people that I admire that get to do it for a paycheck, in an environment that necessitates a valuable performance. I know that every GM is different and all have different thoughts regarding their own personal style and what they glean from others.

The first time I GM'd a game, it was a quick little homebrew to give one of my closest friends a taste of what d&d was like,I GM'd for 2 people, my friend and his brother. It was really simple, nothing crazy, no huge amount of lore, just dice rolls and numbers to hit, with successes and failures and crazy amounts of flavor, a roleplaying game with numbers boiled down to its simplest formula. I definitely didn't do any game systems any justice, but I just wanted to show them what I loved about playing d&d with a group of friends. They both loved it, and so did I.

The next game I GM'd was for my little sister and her group of friends, I did maybe 3 or 4 sessions before it fell apart, through nobody's fault. They were all freshly graduated from high school and it was the summer before freshman year for them and I was on a break from school myself. I know from my sister that they still played d&d after that and she even had a short stint as a DM, asking me for advice.

Since then, I have run two campaigns, one for 9 months or so, maybe a little under a year and then one I've been running for nearly the past 4 years, since October of 2018?

The first fully homebrewed d&d 5e campaign I ran back in 2018, Symphony of Bones, was a HOT MESS. I let everyone make the characters they wanted without restriction and tailored the campaign with my limited experience to facilitate that, sometimes to great results, sometimes to middling ones. I have many regrets about the campaign, but I learned a hell of a lot of lessons I brought into my next one. I ultimately made the decision to end the campaign because 2 of us, myself and Shelby, my now partner, moved to Los Angeles and the time zone issue became flipped and more untenable. It was also during the most stressful moment of my life and I was using it for an escape but needed to prioritize other things in my life. I still hold the story and player characters in that world to high regard, and occasionally make reference to them, having my current campaign, which canonically takes place in an alternate universe, make reference  to some of the lore established in Symphony of Bones.

The current campaign I am running, titled the Wishing Star, felt like a reset, taking in a lot of the lessons I'd learned from DMing, from listening to actual play podcasts like The Adventure Zone and an episode or two of Critical Role, and applying them to another homebrew campaign with the intent that I wanted to build this fun little narrative playground for my friends to play as their wacky little characters in. Still a pretty nascent DM at the beginning, I was hit hard by a lot of new lessons that come with character conflict, and having a very very loose story. Story threads I introduced YEARS ago are just now coming into play, which is both fun and has its fair share of problems, and I feel self conscious about how much focus I give on individual characters, and worry so much about robbing their agency via railroading, I have felt time and again that I have failed my players. It's also really difficult because sometimes we will have bits of time where we are consistent in playing biweekly or pushing back a week, but since COVID-19 began, the consistency went out the window. Narratively, it is hard to keep the momentum going when there are months between sessions, and new influences and learnings prop up in the interim, which can change the flow of the story and cause new things to happen in the story that others don’t see coming but I at the time think in all of my mania, “Wow this is such a fucking good idea.” It can create a sense of whiplash amongst my players, and even myself. To say some of my narrative pitfalls are self-inflicted would be placing some of the blame on my players, which I am not, but I have learned how important it is to keep that momentum going, so I have to figure out ways to keep my own personal bad narrative habits in check in the long term and that’s a problem in and of itself. Another pitfall I have to leap over is during long breaks, I lose interest in my own work and my own game and it takes a pretty gnarly mental toll on me to try and get back to it. To this day it is still a sense of defeat that I contend with, but try to push through. So I’m writing this with the intent of sharing what I love about my current campaign in order to show off that spark of creativity and the wild storytelling my group and I have all been a part of.

To make sense of my thoughts on the campaign and some of the lessons I've learned I should introduce my friends' characters, all individually badass in their own way.

Firstly, I wouldn't have started the campaign without being hyped up by my partner Shelby and her character Chymes, a Milo Thatch + Kimihiro Watanuki and now Victor Frankenstein-esque Necromantic Wizard character archetype. He's a little whiny intellectual who has a lot of complicated biology and is on an eternal journey to unpack his relationship with his mother/maker. In the past few years, he has evolved from this incessant magical worm of a person to being well on his way to becoming one of the most powerful wizards the Arcane world of Orgaus has ever seen. One time Chymes did drugs with one of the potential Big Bads of the main story and saw god. Also one time Chymes got shot in the side and blacked out and saw an even stronger god. There's so much to explore with Chymes, but his rich backstory has provided me with a ton of potential lore to work with, and some vital lessons to player character creation in the future. I've got so many plans for the Slimeslayers' resident wizard academic that will be coming to great fruition, it's going to be exciting for everyone. I could write pages about things Chymes has done, but I think one of the most important things he's done has been betraying the biggest rebel anti-monarchy/anti-fascist group in the world (consequences unintended), which resulted in like 70% of their active forces being eradicated. Fun stuff! He has a couple of potential boyfriends in the mix, two are burly and one is a twink and that's all I will say about that.

Then we have Ayla Strimstar, played by Zach, a Air Genasi Paladin, a character that might be slightly overpowered at level 12 with some homebrewed items, but not a warrior who hasn't suffered her fair share of struggles. Strong as she is, one time, pretty recently, she tried to fight an Adult White Dragon alone and got swatted out of the sky and almost died. I love Ayla, the way that Zach plays her with his whole heart makes her a character I have grown so fondly attached to, the achievements under her belt really setting her up to be a hero cemented in the lore of the world should I do another campaign in the same setting (which I plan to! I want to play in this world til I'm 40). It was pretty early on that she and Drina, the next character I will gush about, became champions of the Eadrhi Arena, besting such warriors as Hyacinth the Brainwashed Aasimar Swordsman, a Tabaxi Rogue named "Light of Steps," and Big Daddy Goblin, a leather daddy goblin. He died. Light of Steps hasn't shown up again, but I haven't ruled out her return. There was a point where Ayla became a Grim Reaper for a Day, and there were benefits (that have yet to be realized) and consequences that were immediately enacted. Recently, Ayla got the finishing blow on the Adult White Dragon, Ragastat. It was a good button for the Genasi-Celestial War arc that had been going on for nearly a couple of years at this point, and we are at the point where we have begun to resolve it and move on to the final major Kingdom in the story. I honestly can't wait to see what kind of adventures Ayla will go on, and can't wait to explore her epilogue and see the mark she leaves on the world for future campaigns.

Golondrina Passerine, or Drina for short, is such a fun character, played by our friend Kat. A Fallen Aasimar, they fell from the celestial realm, not once, but twice over the course of the story. First to rebel from their family, and then once more to escape and be reunited with their friends, chased by their cocky, prideful brother who became humbled by his descent in pursuit of Drina, falling as a result of his chase. Drina is a bard, flavored to be that of a heavy metal rocker, spikes, deathhawk, black armor, blood red guitar, haunted (or partnered with) by the King of Hell, Ozymandius D. Dio. To get to this point however, Drina had to die in the story, a sacrifice that was facilitated by a close comrade who had bled in the sands of the Eadrhi Arena alongside them, Ayla who as previously stated, was the Grim Reaper for a day. Drina then spent the next hundred years in Hell, working for Dio as a guard, rebuilding their strength until they were collected by the celestials, which led to Drina rebelling once again, but buffed with hellfire, falling once more to the world below to be reunited with their comrades and in doing so, lit the flames of a different conflict altogether in the heavens above. Also Drina fucked the vampire queen.

Benji Zerahad, played by the baby of the group, Jamie, is a multiclass Kalashtar Monk / Cleric, born out of a desire to be a peaceful and intelligent type of being, chasing after a few things, knowledge, his own place in the world, and at one point, a star-crossed lover, the Quori spirit Novatari, an ancient spirit of battle and leadership, an old queen from thousands of solar revolutions past. The funniest part about Benji is how somehow it was pretty firmly established that Benji was a virgin, and this has become a recurring joke throughout the campaign. One day we'll get to fade to black on Benji. Recently, Benji got his ass kicked when his home monastery was overrun by evil monks, but it was a vital turning point in his story. He was able to get reunited with his mothers and learned that he doesn't have to fall into tradition and continue to be the head of the Monastery, and can leave that to his sister. Now he's faced with the choices that the potential of freedom affords him.

Griselda, played by our very own Abby, is a changeling Rogue. She has been more behind the scenes, a later addition to the campaign after Shelby and Abby moved in together, I was more than happy to include her in our campaign. I have not given Gris enough focus, which is something I feel guilt about, but a lot of her story will come into play in the final kingdom, where her underground influence will play a huge role in how the Slimeslayers proceed. I'm truly excited to shine an overdue spotlight on her character, her two dogs, and her FMA Alphonse-ass Shield Guardian, adorably named "Baby." Gris runs a brothel in the Kingdom of Ersatz, with long roots and untold influence, and is quick to make proper acquaintances and allies through her natural charisma, with a few close shaves revealing her true nature. If I remember correctly, there may only be one or two people in the party that even know that Gris is a changeling at all.

Keeping track of an ongoing collaborative story has been a challenge for sure, and it has challenged me in so many ways creatively. This campaign has been by my side throughout the past few years where I've felt like I have almost fully given up on creative endeavors, to still being here when I wanted to create new characters and draw fun scenes, though I am still a little reticent to share. I will one day spam the discord channel with sketches I've done of everyone's characters and half finished illustrations I should just vomit out into that void. I'm sure this campaign will be there when I feel the drive to go full-hog into creating once more and I will happily and patiently wait, as the milestones we experience in the campaign feel like milestones we have in real life to me.

The past four years with my friends have been great, I wouldn't trade any of the d&d sessions I've had with them for anything. I look forward to the many more adventures we will share together and the stories we'll craft together. From making cocktails based on made-up drinks ("GTM") to simply hanging out and roleplaying a battle of the bands to resurrect the vampire queen, I am truly excited for the things we will do together, and the more lessons I’ll learn along the way. Future stories I want to tell with this gang of misfits include but aren’t limited to, Fantasy Hero University Student Adventures, and a multiplanar romp through space to restore peace to the Greater Realms. I’m also looking forward to playing an adventure DM’d by one of them.