Jackass Stories

It is with a heavy heart that we will be saying goodbye to Jackass Stories. 

When I made this blog I never in my life imagine it to become as popular as is, and I sincerely apologize to everyone who looks forward to our updates, but this has become much too stressful and the joy of posting these stories has diminished for both myself and my partner, Jackie.

We will not delete this blog. We will always leave it up so that you can go back and read any story that's already been published and enjoy each separate writers creativity and talents. 

Thank you so much for participating in this blog, whether it was by submitting your own stories or even just reading. We appreciate and love all of you.

I was washing my face while Dunn changed in his room, I grabbed some of my lotion and put it on my face and hands then went into the room. Ryan was in his bathroom brushing his teeth, I sat on the bed.

“So they know I’m engaged.” I say softly pulling the covers back. Ryan washed out his mouth and turned off the light.

“Yeah well when you parade that thing around.” Ry says grinning, I just smiled and crawled into bed. “Is everything feeling okay?” He asks referring to my baby.

“Yeah I’m fine but we can go to the doctor if you need.” I tease, he rolls his eyes.

“I just want my little nephew to feel good.” He jokes walking towards the door “night Lee.” He then closed the door and I sighed turning and rubbing my stomach.

I awoke the next morning with a note saying that Ryan had to work that morning but he left me the car. I showered and drove down the castle Bam; it was extremely quite which freaked me out a little. I slowly stepped in and walked into the living room.

“Bam?” I called out walking over to the pool table. “Chris?” I said looking behind me.

“There getting stuff for tonight.” I looked up and Missy stood on the top of the stairs her hair wet and no make-up on.

“Oh I see…” I say looking down, this was awkward. “Well Ry had to work so I thought I would hang out here since I’m leaving tomorrow night but uh…” I looked up at her.

“Stay, I’m just finishing getting ready. Make yourself comfortable.” She smiled and turned back to her and Bams room. I sat on the couch and grabbed the roommate flipping through channels my mind wandering. “Alright sorry that took so long, you can help me with dinner I mean April should be here any minute.” I looked up and she was dolled up she put her hair behind her eyes and a small glittery ring caught my eyes.

“You and Bam?” I asked smiling and getting up. Missy noticed what I was talking about and smiled nodding.

“Yeah about a week ago but we wanted to wait to announce it which is tonight.” She says, I take her hand and look. It looked just about as expensive as mine but I was still jealous because well they really were ready to spend the rest of there lives together.

“It’s probably one of the best feelings hey? To walk around being like ‘he is mine.’” I say smiling more than I should have.

“Sure is, and I just wanted to say you and Jukka are so cute.” She says turning, there was a picture of Jukka and me on the beach. He had his arm around me and I was leaning on his shoulder.

“He uh just leaves it there…” I say walking over and picking it up. I smiled at us, we are pretty cute.

“April put it there, Bam doesn’t even notice. He make Ape come in once a month to do a super clean I guess my cleaning doesn’t cut it.” She jokes laughing; I laugh and put the picture down following her into the pirate bar.

Hi, so this is my first story and I really hope you all like it! I am aware that none of the Jackass crew are in this first chapter, but please be patient! It’s my first time and I’m doing this for fun!

Disclaimer: I do not own Jackass.

Monday 03rd February, 08:39am.

Ha-ha, well that was fun. Oh yeah, sleeping through my FOUR alarm clocks, spilling sauce down my expensive new suit, missing the 07:45am subway, no seat on the subway I managed to catch, have to crawl up the SEVENTEEN storeys because of course, the lift is out of order, walk into the office looking like an ACTUAL stig only to be told:

“What are you doing here, Lucy? You’re on holiday right?”

Yep, I’m on bloody holiday. How could I have managed to forget that? Well, I felt like a right doofus, so I casually left the office and, this is so annoying, stepped right onto a subway home. As though it was waiting for me! So here I am, sat on my sofa talking to an iPad with a whole week which I don’t know what to do with. Hallelujah!  Ooh hang on, phones ringing. I wonder who that could be...

Monday 03rd February, 08:52am.

Sorry I took so long. It was who I expected, the mother yet again, asking me:

“Are you sure you don’t want to move back home, love? It really is very lonely without you here since your father passed away.”

She has still not forgiven me for moving to NYC three years ago. I can’t help where this job takes me and since dad passed away last year I’ve been getting daily phone calls from, who I like to call: The Bribemeister. Oh yes, ‘the bribemeister’ is quite a lovely little thing if you really think about it, always offering me an apartment with:

“an excellent sea view, no other can compare.”

Or it’s a brand new sports car which:

“parks itself, you never have to worry about a parking space again, seriously dear it’s fantastic!”

I hate always having to say no to my mom, I find LA way too spacious and everywhere I look it reminds me of Kevin ... yeah, let’s not go there. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom to the moon and back and I would never swap her for anyone in a million years. But, I feel so much pressure from her constant nagging that it makes her slightly annoying and I just don’t know what to do with her. Here in NYC, I feel at peace, comfortable, at home. I need to be surrounded by people who just go about their daily lives, who have no idea who I am. I can slip through unnoticed. This is where I want to be. I want a slice of the apple. Simple, end of.

Anyway, I’m just going to go and have a shower and try to wash this damn brown sauce off my lovely, not-so stunning white top. Peace!

Monday 03rd February, 09:32am.

Ah, all refreshed. Now I have to decide on what to do today. I could see what Sasha is up to I suppose, see if she wants to hang out in central park or something. Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Let me just grab my phone and give her a text. So anyway, whilst I wait for a reply, I’ll just do the daily chore and check off my ‘things to do’ list. Oh damn where is it again? Under applications? Nope, not there ... maybe under tasks? Yep, found it! Right let’s have a lookie through here:

·         Get a nicer apartment. – Nope, still not there.

·         Tell mom how I really feel about her constant nagging. – Nope, she already has too much to deal with.

·         Get a car that can ‘park itself’. – Nope, still not convinced that they actually exist, MOM.

·         Find a guy who is genuinely nice, genuinely cares and who is genuinely not an idiot. – Nope, still not convinced that THEY actually exist either.

So, I guess I could get a lot done this week. Although, I doubt I’ll ever be able to achieve the last point. I seem to attract what other girls fling out in the trash. The ‘Oh I will never cheat on you baby, you know that right? Oh no, wait I actually will cheat on you because you are emotionally unavailable, so just deal with it’ guys. Oh what a barrel of laughs they are. But I never learn! Ooh yay, just received a reply from Sasha saying she can meet me at 01:00pm. Sorted. Right, I need to tidy up this pit so I’ll leave you to do your updating and charging.

Monday 03rd February, 12:39pm.

Rightio, all ready to go. Just a quick entry before I leave. Sorry iPad but it’s going to be a deep one. I don’t know why but lately I feel like I just need a change. Not from my location or my job because, to be honest, I’m very lucky with what I have. But, I don’t know, I feel like something amazing needs to happen soon so I don’t feel like I’m doing the same stuff day in day out, the same mindless drone of getting up, working, eating, and sleeping. I just want something fresh, new and fun. I just need someone or something to come along and say:

“Lucy Cotter? Yeah, you’re life is going to change for the better because of me. No more feeling like you live in ‘Groundhog Day’. Baby, I’m the answer to your prayers.”

Pfft! Yeah right! Right iPad, I’m off to meet Sasha now and you are coming with me! Let’s go and see what today brings!

Monday 03rd February, 02:38pm.

So me and Sasha just had lunch at ‘Sarabeth’s’ and it was AMAZING as always, I had the macaroni and cheese, thank you for asking. No desserts of course, need to lose a little weight just in case Vogue appears out of nowhere and needs an underwear model ASAP. Pa-ha, size 3000 more like! We’re just about to go and sunbathe in the park for a bit, might talk to you then.

Monday 03rd February 03:27pm.

Right, Central Park is a little teensy weensy bit packed so Sasha and I have had to sit near the bins and no, it’s not where we belong, thank you very much! Joy! Oh well, the sun is shining, we’ve got each other and –

Monday 03rd February 04:05pm.

After I hung up the phone with Bam, I walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I was extremely nervous to see him. ‘Had I let him win?’ I thought to myself. He was definitely apologetic, but how did I know that he wouldn’t do this to me again? He definitely had a lot of explaining to do once he got here. I sat down on my bed, and opened up my laptop. When I opened up my mailbox, there was an e-mail from my Dad. Hey Jordan, just checking to see how everything is going. Your mom told me about your trip coming up with your friend Kelly. Even though I am sad that I won’t be able to see you over Christmas break, I have to agree with your mother that you need some time to spread your wings. You’re becoming an adult and even though it’s hard to accept, it’s true.  Give me a call sometime soon so we can chat, and call your sister too. She misses you. XO, Dad The e-mail was shocking to me. I had already expected my Dad to freak out when my Mom told him about my Christmas break trip, but I didn’t expect him to be so calm about it. But then I remembered that they both thought I was going with Kelly, not Bam. I felt guilty. I had such a bad conscious when it came to lying to someone, especially my parents. Just as I was letting the guilt completely take over, Ashley entered the room holding two cups of coffee. “Here.” She said holding a cup out to me. I smiled and took the cup from her. “Thanks, Ash.”  “No problem,” She replied sitting down on the futon. “Even though I’m trying really hard to mind my own business with all the Bam drama going on, it’s really hard to.”  I laughed and took a sip of coffee. “No, it’s fine. I understand. After all, they are your friends. Bam is YOUR friend.” “Did you talk to him finally?” I took another sip of coffee and nodded. “He said he wants to come here and talk. I’m assuming that he’s on his way.”

Ashley nodded and stared down at her Cosmo magazine sitting in her lap. “It’s probably a good idea that you two talk, just to get everything straightened out.” A few hours later, after walking down to the cafeteria for another cup of coffee, I felt the vibration of my phone. I didn't know if it was the caffeine from the coffee or my nerves, but I felt jittery.  “I’m here.” Bam said when I answered my phone. “Okay, I’ll be down in a minute.” I slid on my slippers and made my way down to the front doors. When I reached the bottom of the steps, I peered through the window of the door. Instead of seeing Bam’s face, I was shocked to see balloons instead.  “What is this?” I asked opening the door. “Well, these are ‘I’m Sorry’ balloons,” He said handing them over to me. “And these are, ‘I’m Sorry’ flowers.” No one had ever bought me roses before, let alone two dozen of them.  “Wow, Bam. You didn’t have to do all this.” I said as I craned my neck to smell the flowers. “I know I didn’t,” He said running a hand through his curly hair. “But I just wanted you to realize how truly sorry I am for acting like such a dick.”  I had never seen Bam so nervous before. It was like he was a different person. At this point, as I was standing there with him at the bottom of the staircase I knew he was genuine. I knew he was sorry, and I was ready to forgive him. “I accept your apology, I really do.” I softly touched his cheek, and he nuzzled against it. I stepped closer to him and lightly put my lips to his. He kissed me back softly, and I could feel his lips turn into a smile. “I love you Bam.” “I love you too.” “I thought you said Ashley was here?” Bam said after we walked into the dorm room and realized that it was empty. “She is. She must have just went across the hall or something.” I replied as I laid the ‘I’m Sorry’ gifts on my desk.

Just as I turned to close the door, Ashley walked in. Almost on cue, I thought. “Bam! Hey!” She said giving him a hug. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?” “No, we actually just walked in.” I said walking over to sit next to Bam on the futon. “Oh good.” Ashley said throwing her hair up into a pony tail. “So, I don’t know if you two would be interested or not but I just found out about this party going on in the building next to us.”  Bam and I exchanged looks and Ashley continued talking. “It’s some guy named Blake that’s throwing it. You guys wanna go?” I looked at Bam again, and he smiled. “I’m down if you are.” He said. After a second of hesitation, I convinced myself to go. “Yeah, I’m in.” I threw on a pair of jeans, some grey heels, and a white frilly blouse. Ashley and I rarely ever went to a party on campus, so we decided to go all out for the evening, heels and all.  “You look beautiful.” Bam said spinning me around. “You look good in heels, actually you look good in anything.” Even thought it was a super cheesy line, I blushed and kissed him on the cheek. Which was not as difficult as usual since I was a few inches taller, thanks to the heels. The three of us made our way across the parking lot to the building next door. When we walked inside, we could hear the faint sound of music coming from the floor above. As we climbed the stairs to the floor, the sound of the music was now drowning out our voices. The halls were packed, and since I was new to the college I hardly knew anyone. I recognized a few faces from my classes and around the campus, but that was it.  As we walked into one of the packed dorm rooms, I felt Bam grab my hand and squeeze it tight. I smiled and felt more relaxed, and I was glad that he was there with me.  “Holy shit, Bam Margera! Dude! What are you doing here?” Bam and I turned to see a tall-dark haired-pimple faced guy staring right at us. I always forgot about Bam’s celebrity status, so when someone recognized him it would completely catch me off guard. “I’m a huge fan! Jackass is my life, seriously.” “Wow, thanks man. Glad to hear it.” Bam replied. 

As we both turned to walk away, I felt a sudden splash of liquid trickle down my back, then it got worse as I realized someone was actually pouring a drink on me. As I quickly turned around, a tall dark haired girl was staring at me with the most awful expression. She threw the cup down and stepped closer to me.  “Who the fuck is this?” She screamed. “Who the fuck are you?” I yelled back. “Jenn what the fuck do you think you’re doing? What are you even doing here?” Bam yelled. ‘Jenn as in Bam’s ex?’ I thought to myself.

___

"So, who's your friend?" I sat on the wall behind Ryan's chair and smiled to myself in anticipation for a witty retort. "Delilah." He said flatly without even turning to look at me. "Delilah... the snake?" "Yeah." "Is she yours?" "...No." I waited for more information about the owner of "Delilah the snake" but there was nothing. He didn't even turn to look at me. "Okay then..." "A'ight." He went back to gulping his beer. I looked around awkwardly in hope of an out, feeling a little embarrassed about the non-conversation. Dan was stood talking to Knoxville beside the drinks table. April and Phil had left to get ready for the bar and to pick up Don Vito, and pretty much everyone else was otherwise engaged in conversation. I spotted Raab sitting playing with one of Bam's many cats and I hastily made my exit. Hopefully a chat with Raab and his feline friend would go a little more successfully. We sat and chatted for a little while before Glomb came over, then we filmed two of the cats playing for a while. It sounds pretty boring but it was really cute and funny. Bam announced that it was time to leave and Danni and I were instructed to get into Bam's fucked up Hummer. It took us a further hour to get to the bar because Bam had arranged for Knoxville's phone number to be put on a sign near the main street in West Chester and they needed some footage for the prank war episode they were filming. We eventually got to the bar and it was fairly busy. Knoxville kept insisting for everyone in there to have a drink on him, and about six rounds in everyone was starting to feel a little brighter. We stayed there for a couple of hours then moved down a few blocks to a karaoke bar. It turned out that Johnny had charged all of the drinks at the last bar to a credit card taken out by Dickhouse in Bam's name, so this time around Bam made Johnny pay for everyone's drinks in cash.  Everyone was pretty trashed already and Bam signed everyone up to do a song, saying they'd suffer a forfeit if they chickened out. First up were April and Phil singing some Elvis. "So you're enjoying yourself then?" I asked Danni as we walked to the bathroom. "Oh my God, I'm having a blast. I can't believe I'm even here hanging out with these guys!" "You and Johnny seem to be getting along..." "Sssh, hang on.." Dan checked all of the cubicles were empty before carrying on. "Seriously, like, he's the nicest guy. We've totally been flirting all night. Would you be mad if, like, I got with him, or anything?" "Mad? Why would I be mad?? You should go for it. I mean,  he's only here for a few days, and he is sill married...." "Yeah, I know, but we're just having so much fun, and I think it'd be really nice,. You know me, anyway, one night things are my thing!" That was true. I've never known anyone to enjoy one night stands as much as Danni. I know that makes her sound slutty, but it really was her thing. She did seem to hook up with some pretty amazing guys and it always ended amicably and tear-free without any of the messy relationship stuff. I sometimes wished I had her care-free, fun-loving attitude towards these things. Jenn came in and grabbed Danni saying something about one of the bar guys being from Liverpool like her, insisting that she has to come and see him right now. I stayed in the bathroom for a little while and fixed my make up. I was wasted and the room had begun to spin a little, but I was determined to carry on and have a good time. Ryan had picked up some blonde bombshell at the last bar and they were all over each other. I don't know what I had been expecting from the situation, but the whole thing was just really uncomfortable, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, it did bother me seeing him with someone else. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought back to that night in LA. It was just a one time thing, I told myself again. No strings attached. He has no obligation to you, and you have none to him. Now get the fuck out of this bathroom and have a really fucking great time! As I walked out of the bathroom, Johnny came running over to me and grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the stage. "We have to sing! Now!" He insisted. "What, sing?! No, wait, no I can't..." "No, you have to! You have to sing now. I can't do it alone and nobody else will sing with me. Bam's going to come down like a ton of bricks on my ass if I don't do this, and even though you're a guest at his house I wouldn't put it past him to do something real shitty to you, too. So technically I'm doing you a favour. You know this song, right?" I stood for a second, slightly blinded by the lights and desperately thinking of a way to get back down off the stage without looking like a twat, then the opening bars to Take on Me started. "Oh, God... no" I shook my head at Johnny as he thrust a microphone into my hand and put his arm around me to lock me in position. Here goes nothing.... As much as I was hesitant at first, singing Aha on karaoke with Johnny Knoxville actually turned out to be hilarious- as if there was any way it wouldn't be hilarious. He sang really badly and danced around like an idiot and even got me dancing half way through. When we finally finished the song everyone was cheering us and Bam came and informed us that we were out of the forfeit. Johnny and I sat back down at the table next to Ryan and his new friend "Candy", Bran, Raab and April.  I perched myself on the bar stool and the barman appeared with free tequila shots for Johnny and I, courtesy of Bam. As I threw back the first shot, a song kicked in which sent shivers down my spine, a song I knew all too well. I turned around to look at the stage and Danni was stood there with a guy that I presumed to be the Liverpudlian barman. "Hey, I'm Danni of Liverpool and this, as I'm sure most of you know, is Clifford of Liverpool. This song's for my best friend Kim AKA Lucy. I love you, girl..." She said over the opening bars of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. I couldn't stop a huge silly grin growing over my face and my eyes started to well up as she sang the first line smiling over at me. It got to the end of the song and it turned out that Clifford actually had an amazing voice. He and Danni really killed it and everyone was on their feet applauding and whistling. Everyone except Ryan, who just sat with a grumpy look on his face, pouring his own shots from a bottle of Jack. Danni ran over to me and jumped into my arms, and Clifford collected their free shots from one of the other bar guys. We sat back down at the bar and everyone was congratulating Danni and Clifford on their performance. Ryan must have said some snide remark as Johnny turned to him and snapped "What's your problem tonight, man?" "Whatever, man.." he said, standing up. "Frankly the whole thing sickens me. It's not my fault it was shit and you're all stupid. Shit song... from a shitty band... from a shitty country." He bowed and smiled sarcastically towards me and Danni before walking off towards the exit. Johnny chased after him and Dan put her arm around me, passing her tequila to me. ------- I woke up the next day in a room I didn't recognise at all. As I forced my poor eyes open and looked around I noticed a TV and a kettle and a mini bar and therefore concluded that I was probably in a hotel room. There was nobody else around though so who's hotel room it was remained a mystery. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, desperately searching my memory for some kind of information about where I might be. I looked down and my stomach dropped when I realised I was wearing someone else's t-shirt.

A t-shirt I recognised from last night.

Oh God, what have I done this time? I heard the hotel room door open and in he came. "Goood morning!" "Oh....... um......... hi.... good morning, Johnny........"

___

November 2001

'Hello?"

'Heeeeeey theeere!" Boomed a voice from the other end of line.

'Who is this?!' I demanded.

There was numerous amounts of giggling in the background and I immediately realized who the caller was.

'Jeff, STOP CALLING ME! Its two in the morning you dick!' I glanced over at my neon green alarm. Yep, half two.

'B-but its just so funny!' He burst into laughter as did the other guys who were probably crowded around the cell phone.

I growled, sat up and flicked on the lamp beside me. 'Look, its not funny.' I roared. 'Maybe it was funng when we were young but now I'm twenty-four, you're thirty-six. Go tell your stupid friends to get a life.'

The room in which Jeff was in fell silent.

'Ouch, Sis.' Jeff chuckled, brushing it off.

He then hiccuped drunkly and I couldn't help but giggle.

'Who are you with, Jeff?' I asked.

'Buddies.' He replied plainly.

I knew he was trying to stop me from further the subject. Jeff never wanted me to talk about his friends. I hadn't met a single one of them.

'Cool,' I said casually, 'what are their names?'

'None of your business, Kay.' He hissed.

'Just because I'm drunk doesnt mean I'm gonna let anything slip!'

'TREMAINE!' Called a voice from the phone.

'Yupp?' My brother answered.

'Is that Kay on the line?'

'Yes...'

'Is she asking about us again?' The mystery guy asked.

I listened in carefully to my brothers responce.

'Yes...'

'Why dont you just tell her. Shes gonna find out anyway, even if she didnt see Jackass on MTV we're gonna be in a movie. She's bound to know!'

'Huh?' I said quizically.

Tv Show? Movie? What?! I heard a couple of guys agreeig with this man with the tennessee accent. Jeff sniffed, staying silent then finally spoke with a strange tone in his voice.

'Fine, I'll pick you up from your appartment tomorrow at 11. Be ready, Kay. I mean it.'

'Thanks, Jeff!' I hung up, too excited too care about things mentioned before he had given up the fight.

I woke up the next morning remembering the feel of Bam’s lips on mine. I smiled to myself as I got ready to go for a run “I can’t believe it’s Sunday already” I thought to myself as I slipped into a pair of jogging shorts and t-shirt. Once I was dressed I grabbed Alto’s leash and my Ipod I walked out of my house without even thinking about my phone. When I got back to my apartment 30 minutes later I jumped right in the shower, not noticing the flashing light on my phone telling me I had a text or missed call. When I got out of the shower I checked my phone before getting dressed.

“Hey Drea, do you want to grab lunch with Ryan and I at 3?” said Bam’s text.

“I would love to. Where do you want to eat?” I replied.

He gave me directions to a little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant that he and Ryan love. I got ready for my lunch date early so I could run a few errands before meeting the boys. I knew Bam was gonna ask me on another date soon so I decided to go shopping for a few new outfits. I didn’t know exactly where he was gonna take me so I shopped for a few different scenarios. I asked Alynah and Kristine to shop with me. Alynah was with Steve so she couldn’t come but Kristine met me at Wonderland LA. I don’t shop at Kat’s store often because I can’t afford much but since I just got paid and I love her clothes we start there. I got a new dress that would be red carpet worthy, a new clubbing outfit, and a new dress to go to dinner or something more normal. Kristine and I went next door so I could introduce her to Kat.

“Drea! You aren’t in for another tattoo are you?” Kat asked laughing and giving me a hug.

“No, no I just wanted to introduce you to my friend Kristine. We were just shopping at Wonderland” I replied.

“It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve done so many of Andrea’s tattoos that we have become friends. I’m so glad you found something you liked” she said.

“It’s wonderful to meet you too. We found a lot of stuff that we liked” Kristine said.

We couldn’t talk long with Kat because a client came in and she had to go. After talking with Kat I had to leave for my lunch date. I said good bye to Kristine and headed to the restaurant. I got there a few minutes after 3 because traffic had been horrible. When I arrived Bam and Ryan were already there. I walked over to their table and gave them both hugs.

“Hey guys. Sorry I’m late traffic was awful” I said as I took my seat across from Bam. He sat across from me with his blue eyes sparkling and a smile on his face. He was wearing a purple Edgar Alan Poe t-shirt, 6 necklaces that I could count, a watch on his left arm and 3 inches of bracelets on his right. He looked absolutely gorgeous. Ryan was sitting next to him also smiling at me, when I looked at him I couldn’t help smiling, he was wearing a “Listen to CKY” t-shirt with a watch on his left wrist as well.

“I’ve never heard of this place but I trust your judgment” I said picking up the menu that was on the table in front of me. The restaurant was a typical Chinese restaurant; it had huge panel murals on every long wall. One was of a heard of horses; the other was a waterfall. We were seated at a table in the far corner of the restaurant.

“Have you decided what you’re going to get?” Bam asked me after I had looked the menu over for a minute “Yep. Sesame Chicken” I replied with a nod.

“Good choice” Ryan said smiling at me.

“What are you getting?” I asked looking from one to the other.

“General Tso’s with crab ragoons” Ryan replied.

“Chiken Chop Suey with Pork Fried Rice” Bam said.

“Yum” I said smiling at them.

“Are you excited to start filming with us on Monday?” Ryan asked after the waitress came and took our order.

“Yeah I’m actually really excited. I love my job and getting to work with you and the rest of the guys is gonna be awesome” I replied.

“We’ll see how long you stay excited about working with us” Bam says chuckling.

“I could never not be excited by working with you Bam” I said winking at him. We all broke out laughing after that. Our food arrived soon after and while we ate Bam and Ryan told me horror stories from past movies about torturing production assistants. They kept me laughing so much I could barely eat my Sesame Chicken. After we finished our food I invited them to come over and hang out at my house for the afternoon.

“I’d love to come over” Bam said smiling at me.

“I’d love to also but I have plans to visit Knoxville and Madison” Dunn replied looking apologetic.

“It’s fine, go have fun. We have plenty of time to hang out” I said smiling reassuringly. Bam paid for my food even though I insisted that I would pay for my own. We said goodbye to Dunn as we walked out of the restaurant and went to our cars. As I pulled out of my parking space Bam took my right hand in his and kissed it. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

___

There was a blonde bimbo in a blonde bikini; if that was Missy she had really changed. I followed Raab down the steps to the pools edge Ryan right behind me in case someone tried to push me in. I then saw him; Bam sat on the steps Missy leaning on him her short brown hair pushed back from it being wet. I blinked forgetting just how pretty she was, Bam say me and got up Missy watching him. He walked over and smiled shaking Ryan’s hand, he then opened his arms towards me and I smiled hugging his wet body. Ryan instantly grabbed my wrist squeezing tightly then Bam stepped away.

“Don’t worry bud I wasn’t going to throw her in.” Bam says grinning. Ryan pulled me away from the edge and I sighed.

“She uh had an incident back home so I’m just worried about her.” Ryan says stepping between me and the pool.

We all sat around the pirate bar, I sat with Bam and Missy just talking to him about my life in Finnland. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought just Missy intense stares made me stomach turn. Or maybe it was the ribs – thankfully I only at one and had some apples from the fridge but I still was going to get sick later. Then I would just eat two more banana and head to bed getting up to run tomorrow.

“So how is Jukka?” Bam asks putting our paper plates on the table.

“Good really good actually, he got another job but him and the guys still are filming at least once a week.” I say smiling.

“Good there shit is hilarious.” Bam says grinning I nodded agreeing.

“So how do you know the guys again?” Missy asked leaning over Bam.

“Uh Ryan is my brother.” I say putting my hand on my stomach feeling that awful sign to get up. “Excuse me.” I say getting up and hurrying up the stairs to the nearest bathroom. I locked the door and got sick after I cleaned up cleared my mouth out washed my hands and sprayed some stuff. I just looked a little pale, I opened the door and Ryan stood there.

“You alright.” He asks walking over.

“I’m fine Ry don’t baby me.” I say pushing him away slightly.

“I’m babying your baby.” He says his eyebrows pinching together.

“What?” We looked up and April stood there grinning. “A baby? You and Jukka?” She says running over and hugging me. “Oh sweetie this is great.”

“Shh April please I don’t want to go public right now.” I whisper, she nod pushing my hair away from my face.

“I will keep my mouth shut.” She says grinning sweetly. I nodded slowly and headed back downstairs holding my stomach. I headed outside and dialed Jukkas number, I chatted with him really missing him now. I obviously still liked Bam but it sure wasn’t as strong as it was before. After I was done I hung up and leaned on the wall outside the house.

“So how long were you going to hide that?” Bam asked pointing at me. I sat up straighter as he stepped outside.

“What?” I asked in a worried voice.

“That ring, your married to Jukka?” He asks crossing his arms; I looked down at the small diamond ring.

“Everyone’s notice huh?” I asked sighing.

“Sure did, we just wanted to wait for you to tell.” He says dropping his arms.

“I’m engaged.” I say walking back into the house without another word.

___

[Three] When we pulled up to the apartment, Jack’s car was parked in the spot next to mine. Bam and I looked at each other. He shrugged his shoulders. “There’s no way we’re leaving that apartment without fists being thrown,” I said. He shrugged his shoulders again. I thought about Bam’s odds against Jack, but I don’t know shit about fighting. I figured if either one of them got out a good enough punch, it wouldn’t end well for any of us. Knowing that, I got out of the car anyway. I had things in the apartment that were irreplaceable. A cat I’d acquired in Pennsylvania.  Photographs of my dead grandfather. A script signed by Stephen King. They were pretty much important to me in that order. I took off my shoes and trotted up the stairs. I walked into the apartment as if nothing was wrong. Jack was smoking a cigarette on the couch with a 24-pack between his legs. “Take your fucking cat,” he said. She was curled up beside him, purring as she slept peacefully. “And get your piece of shit manslut out of my house.” Technically, it was our apartment, my name was on the lease, too, but I didn’t bother explaining that. Bam looked irritated, but didn’t say anything. “You don’t have to be such a piece of shit about it, and stop taking it out on Bam and Sassy. It was my decision, my fault.” I had found it best to take responsibility for your actions as soon as you possibly could. It wasn’t Bam’s fault, and it certainly wasn’t Sassy’s. Jack was just being a dick. Sure, it took two to fuck, but it also took two to fuck up a relationship to the point where one would feel the need to cheat. And Jack had fucked it up just as badly as I had. “We’ll be out of your hair in twenty minutes.” I planned on shoving my clothes into my suitcase haphazardly. Fuck folding shit up in this awkward mess of a situation. Bam didn’t have to stick around; I sort of wished he wouldn’t have. We could’ve avoided the bullshit shenanigans that ensued after I had finally packed up my bags and stuck them in my trunk. I was going back to get Sassy when the first punch was thrown. I had just entered the apartment, stooped to pick up the cat. Jack said, “And don’t let the door hit you on the way out you cock-sucking whore.” Apparently, Bam is more chivalrous than any of us had expected, because he threw the first punch. Jack attempted to tackle Bam to the floor, but slipped and pummeled him into the flat screen television instead. The television snapped and Bam started wailing on Jack. “Knock it off!“ I yelled. They were undeterred from beating the fuck out of each other. I didn’t know whether to try and get them off of each other or protect myself and the cat. I sat Sassy on the couch and attempted to pull Jack off of Bam. Instead, I got an elbow to the ribs. I ran to the neighbor and pounded on the door until Lee answered. “Bam and Jack are beating the fuck out of each other. They won’t stop!” Lee followed me to the apartment and pulled them apart. “Jesus Christ! I don’t even want to know what the fuck has gotten you two so upset. Just cut it the fuck out!” Lee yelled. Both men had black eyes. I sighed and shook my head, grabbing Sassy, putting her into her carrier, and heading downstairs. It was a disgusting display of testosterone gone awry if I’d ever seen it. Bam followed me out. I dropped Sassy in my car and turned to look at Bam. “Come here,” I said, and pulled him towards me by the wrist. I examined his face, briefly and shook my head. “You’re probably going to need stitches,” I said, touching my fingers lightly to a cut on his cheek, examined the blood for a second and then wiped it into my dress. “You know, you didn’t have to protect my honor or whatever. I deserved that, and at any rate, I know it’s not true, so.” Bam shook his head at me, “I’ll be fine; it was no big deal.” I never thought I’d see the day where Bam would become modest. Ryan Dunn, while he was alive, yes. Johnny Knoxville, yes when the occasion called for it. But Bam? The same Bam who convinced me to sleep with him just by reminding me of how shitty the relationship I was in, that he had set up, was? No. Not that I had ever expected. By his own definition he was an asshole, so what had changed? “If you say so,” I shrugged and then stepped into my car. A car-ride full of kitty crying later and I was back at Castle Bam, essentially homeless and wanting to go back to California more than anything. I spied April’s PT Cruiser in the driveway and sighed. None of this was going to go over well with her. I wondered how much she knew about Bam and Missy’s relationship. She had to know; TMZ did. I wondered if she had any inclination at the way he apparently felt about me. I was afraid to walk in, cat and bag in hand, and I was tempted to turn around and go back to the West Chester Inn or the Motel 6, but it was too late. Bam had pulled up beside me and was knocking on the driver’s side window, telling me to get out. I was half-tempted to whine, I don’t wanna, but I didn’t. I got out of the car, pulling Sassy along with me, and followed him in. “Bam, there you are! We’ve been calling all-- Oh, hello Val, what’re you..” Ape glanced at the carrying cage and shook her head. “Bam, what did you do?” It wasn’t as if Bam had been faithful to Missy all this time, any idiot that read TMZ could tell you that, but it looked like I was just settling in. I didn’t want to, didn’t plan to really. There was just no way for April to know that. “Oh my god! What happened to your face?” She began turning his face slightly left and right. “He was trying to be Prince Charming,” I said, “Protecting my honor or…” “Jack has always been a cocksucker,” Bam interrupted me. “I never liked that asshole.” “You got in a fight? What are you? Ten?” April asked, almost laughing. Bam shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I have to talk to you and Philip though, when you two get a chance. “Val, you can drop your shit in the room upstairs.” There are eighteen rooms upstairs, I thought of saying, but kept my mouth shut. I’d just dump it in whichever room came up empty first.

___

I sat down on the bench next to Danni and tucked into my ice cream, trying not to spill any of it onto my new Fred Perry polo. It was baking hot in Pennsylvania and Bam was late picking us up from the Airport. We'd been in New York for two days before I'd called Bam to tell him we were coming. I'd sort of planned it that way so that if we changed our mind about West Chester at least we'd have had a bit of a holiday out of it. We'd also had a chance to catch up with Kat and our friend Garver in New York. Apparently Garver's going to be doing some new show and he wanted Kat involved. I was so glad I'd got a chance to catch up with her, since leaving LA I'd felt so guilty about just running out on her. She was so cool about things though and totally encouraged me to come back out and do some work for her after the Summer. I was feeling surprisingly alert and upbeat. Dan did not seem as alert as me and looked as if she was about ready to pass out at any second. Of course, her rinsing the mini-bar dry in the hotel in NY probably hadn't helped. A part of me was glad that this time around I'm not the one arriving at Bam's in such a state. I didn't know what to expect from this visit, I don't think anyone can ever really know what to expect when visiting Castle Bam, but I was actually looking forward to it this time. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I didn't feel guilty for being here this time and the sun was just so glorious it was as if everything was right with the world. Just as I sat contemplating how great everything was, I was awoken from my thoughts by the shrill screech of tires behind us. "Come on, shitheads! Get in here! Let's go!" Bam beckoned us from the window of a black mercedes. "Yeah, it's nice to see you too, Margera!" I yelped back before getting up. "Oh, and no ice-cream in the car!" Fuckin' ice-cream nazi. I looked to Dan and rolled my eyes before shoving as much of it in my mouth as possible. ------- We pulled up onto Bam's driveway and this time I was sober enough to notice all of the cars that were parked way down the drive to the front gates. I also noticed the now almost completed "snake run", which I was actually pretty impressed with! Danni had passed out as soon as we'd gotten into Bam's car at the airport. I gently shook her awake, announcing that we'd arrived. We got out of the car and the whole place was eerily quiet, especially considering the amount of cars in the drive. As luck would have it, Compton Terry had lost his passport and only realised when he was at the Airport. Bam said he was filming him looking for it around the house and he'd assigned Bran to help him look for it. It meant that Danni and I would be sharing a room, which was absolutely fine with me as I was hoping that would maybe keep us both out of "trouble". April helped me carry mine and Dan's bags up to our room while she shuffled along behind us feeling sorry for herself. I wasn't going to be too harsh on her, mind, I knew exactly how she felt. Dan collapsed straight onto the bed and I heard people talking downstairs so I left her to a nap. I walked back out onto the landing and instantly recognised Bran and Raab's voices. I got a feeling of excited nerves as I headed down the stairs to greet them. A part of me was relieved that I couldn't hear Ryan's voice, and I presumed he wasn't around because of this stupid "prank war" he had going on with Bam and Knoxville. "Heeey Kim!!" Raab waved at me, grinning from ear to ear. I loved that Raab was always smiling so much. Bran ran over and tried to pick me up. I thrashed about until he dropped me and fell on top of me and we both laughed. As I was getting up, Jenn came into the room looking for Bam. She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me. I got geared up for some awkward confrontation, but to my surprise she smiled and walked towards me with her arms open for a hug. "Hey, Kim..." she said with a tone of sympathy in her voice, before pushing me back and shrugging her shoulders with a creepy sad smile on her face. I presume Bam told her what happened with Mike, I couldn't imagine anything else could have caused such a transformation. As she left the room I looked around at Bran and Raab and thought about the fact they probably all knew, especially after Bam turned up back home covered in battle-scars. I suddenly started to feel very self-conscious and embarrassed. Pretty much all of my bruises had gone except for a few on my arms, I'd had my cast taken off just before leaving, and the cut above my eye where Mike had thrown a bottle at me had cleaned up into a neat little scar, but the way Jenn had looked at me made me feel as if he'd chopped off a limb. I made excuses to leave and Raab said they were going to start a BBQ in about an hour and that we'd be going out after that. Going out was the last thing on my mind as I sheepishly climbed into bed beside Dan. I had been on such a high all the way here and now I just wanted to hide away in bed forever, totally ashamed and embarrassed that everyone here would be silently judging me and feeling sorry for me. Tears started rolling down my face and I blubbered into the pillow in an attempt to not wake her, but it was too late as I felt a warm arm over my back, pulling me into a comforting cuddle like a parent. Thank God I'm not alone this time. I woke up about an hour later to the sound of knocking at the door. Without thinking I shouted for whoever it was to come in and in flew Bam. He ran towards the bed and jumped right on top of us both before screaming "lesbians' at the top of his voice. I heard the padding of footsteps running along the hall outside and in came Novak, out of breath and desperately trying to evaluate the "lesbian" situation. After realising there was no actual lesbian situation he slumped off in a huff and Bam pushed us both out of bed. "Get up now! It's time to get up! My house, my rules!" he shouted as I begrudgingly struggled away from his flailing limbs. It was still light out, but looked to be getting towards dusk. I dragged my bag along the floor and sat down in front of it to take my top off. I turned around and Bam was sat looking at me with a stupid grin on his face. "Okay, I'm getting ready now... you can leave now!" "Nah, you know, I'm good here." "Get out, Bam!" I shouted, hurling a shoe in his direction. A short while later we were both just about presentable enough for the outside world. Danni was still feeling rough and claimed she was going to take it easy, but I knew that wouldn't last two seconds as soon as she got a drink in her hand. We walked out of the side door and over towards the BBQ area and I could see a tall man in a blue t-shirt standing talking to Phil that I instantly recognised. As we got closer he turned to look at us and I literally gasped at how beautiful he was. I smiled and turned to Phil to say hi but I was interrupted by Bam dragging Danni off and shouting for everyone's attention. "Yo, yo, everyone this is Danni! Danni, this is everyone, or... nearly everyone. Danni's here with Kim, who I think you all know, and she speaks real fucked up English so good luck understanding what she's saying!" Danni laughed and playfully hit him across the chest, and Jenn stood snarling behind them. Good luck, Dan, I thought to myself and as I turned back to greet Phil. "Hi, I'm Johnny..." Knoxville introduced himself, extending his arm for a handshake. "Hi, nice to meet you Johnny. I'm Kim!" I smiled and blushed a little while I shook his hand. "Bam tells me you've been raising hell. I saw the Hummer on the way in.... nice job!" "Yeah, well, I figured it's the least he deserves..." "Oh, why?" "Well...... he's Bam...." As we laughed I noticed another familiar face appear from round the back of the Hobbit Hole, and he seemed to have a friend with him. "Excuse me for a minute, will ya?" Knoxville said before walking off slowly down the drive towards Bam. Danni walked over to me with a bemused look on her face. "Was that Ryan Dunn... with a snake around his neck?!" "Yep." "Oh, okay....... I can't fucking believe I'm here." She laughed out loud and downed the rest of her drink.

___

Previous Chapter

The next morning when I woke, the thoughts and feelings of yesterdays events almost instantly washed over me. 

I felt betrayed. I thought Bam and I's relationship was better than that, I thought Bam was better than that. Silly me for thinking that what we had would be kept only between us. I should have known.

I rolled over now facing Kelly's side of the room, but I was alone. Again. It was 11:00 and I had slept through my first class. But at this point I didn't even care. I slowly crawled out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I didn't know who I was staring at in the mirror. 

Whoever this girl was, it wasn't me. I looked like I had been hit my a truck, and it certainly felt like it. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and ran a brush through my hair.

"This is as good as it's gonna get today." I quietly said to myself.

I walked over to my backpack and a note was laying on the top.

"We need to talk. -Ashley"

I crumbled the note in my hand and threw it in the trash. The only person I wanted to talk to at this point was my Mom. I missed her compassion, advice, and her hugs. 

I grabbed my cell phone out of my backpack, and hesitated before I turned it on. I wasn't ready to read or hear any more messages from Bam. I really couldn't handle it right now.

As soon as it connected to service, it started vibrating. One after another, text messages and voice mails came piling in. 9 text messages and just 1 voice mail.

Most were from Bam asking me to call him and saying how sorry he was for opening his "idiot mouth" to all of his friends. A few texts were from Ryan saying how Bam was worried, and asking me to call Bam or himself. When I checked the only voice mail that I had, it was of course from Bam.

"I know why you're ignoring me, and I don't blame you. I really fucked up. I shouldn't have been bragging about something that was so personal between you and I. I really hope that you will talk to me again, and that you will forgive me. I will do anything to prove to you how much I care. I don't think that I have ever cared about anyone so much before. Please call me, I love you."

The last three words were the hardest to hear. I loved Bam too, but I didn't know if I did as much as before. I wiped my eyes, threw my cellphone into my purse and headed to class. I needed to get my mind off of the current situation.

Listening to my teacher's rambling wasn't helping at all. I couldn't stop thinking about Bam and the voicemail he had left me. I debated in my head about calling him back. I wanted to work things out with him, but then I didn't. I missed him, but then I didn't. It felt like I had an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other. I was so confused.

When I got back to the dorm, Ashley was there. She was sitting on the floor indian style, reading one of her text books.

"Oh good, you are alive." She said still focusing on her book.

I didn't say anything. I walked over to my bed and threw my bag down.

"Are you ever going to talk to me?"

I was silent again. I heard Ashley shuffle around, and I could feel the tension in the room start to grow.

"You know what Jordan! Bam is super worried about you. Yes, what he did was wrong, but you are acting like he killed your cat or something! Are you ever going to call him? Because frankly, I'm sick of him texting and calling me asking if you are okay!"

I turned to Ashley and face grew red.

"I don't understand you, Ashley. First you want to know every god damn detail about Bam and I's relationship, but when things go sour you want nothing to do with it! Why don't you make up your damn mind!" I said sternly. I felt like my face was going to explode.

Ashley was silent, and her expression changed.

"The only reason why I care so much is because after you and Bam started dating, I was starting to feel left out. I introduced you two, and now I feel like all you want to do is hang out with him and his friends. It makes me feel like a piece of shit."

I didn't say anything, because she was sort of right. I had been kind of neglecting her.

"I don't mean to leave you out." I replied.

Ashley didn't say anything and plopped down on the futon.

"As long as I've known Bam, I've never seen him this happy before. He screwed up, and he knows that. But I think that you should at least call him so he knows that you're all right."

I sat down next to Ashley on the floor.

"I'm sorry that you got drug into this. I really am."

Ashley smiled and then turned towards me, "Just call him, please?"

I sighed and reached for my phone. 

Ashley stood up and grabbed her purse. "I'm gonna go grab some coffee, do you want anything?"

"Yeah, just a black coffee. Thanks."

After Ashley left, I dialed Bam's number. It only rang once, and he picked up.

"Jordan? oh my god. I didn't think you would call me. I am so sorry, you have no-"

I cut him off, "Bam, I know you're sorry. You've said it a hundred times."

"I know, I just want you to know that I fucked up. I hope you will forgive me."

"I forgive you Bam, I just don't know if I can trust you anymore."

A few seconds of silence passed until he spoke again.

"What can I do to prove my trust?" He asked.

"I really don't know. It's just going to take time." I replied.

More silence.

"I will prove it to you even if it takes years Jordan, I love you."

"I love you too, Bam."

"Can I come see you?"

I hesitated before answering, but I knew in my heart what I wanted.

"Yes."

___

Previous Chapter

Ch 1: Introductions

Here is my story. My name is Charlie, (as in Charlotte, but as I don’t like that name so everyone just calls me Charlie), I’m 24 and I work in a bar in Philly. I also do a few shifts in a clothes shop, just to make ends meat. My plan is to travel, visit different places of the world for at least a year. But to be able to do that you need a lot of money, something that I don’t have, so I have been working lots, saving up and learning different languages to be able to make myself understood.

My life has always been pretty uneventful, something that has always bothered me. I see my friends, work, sleep etc. and the cycle just goes on. As for my love life, well, uneventful as well. I have had a few boyfriends, most were douchebags, but nothing that I knew would last, the true thing. Anyway, enough about me, and anyway I’m gonna be late for my shift.

*

“Hey Charlie!” said a familiar voice, one that just stood out from the crowd. “Yo Chris! What are you doing here? It’s been ages, I thought you had forgotten about me!” “How could I forget about my favorite bartender? Who else knows just how I like my drink?” “I do like to excel at what I do, you know me, besides this is my dream job!” “Stop being ironic, you love it here really, and besides you have me to keep you company tonight.” “I know, I know, what do you want?” “Jack and coke please” “Coming right up, unfortunately I have to go and wash some stuff up, my boss really doesn’t like me, I think he even made some plates extra dirty just to annoy me! But I want to know all about what you have been up to lately!” “No probs I’ll be right here” After washing the filthy glasses and plates etc. (which by the way took me ages and was NOT fun), I went back to my place at the bar to discover Chris at a table with some chicks and some other guys laughing his infectious laugh and telling some of his hilarious stories. I loved Chris’s company, he always made you feel better when you were down. We had met a couple of years ago through mutual friends, and though he wasn’t always around as he was busy with various film projects, I knew that this friendship was real. I was vaguely aware that he had been in some hit MTV show, but that didn’t really interest me, I only wanted to have a laugh and a good time with my friend, not worry about his past. Besides, he got asked a lot about it almost every day by his fans.     Hours past, still busy serving drinks, I just did what my mind normally did, dream about all the projects I had planned for the future. I dreamt of sun, sea, snow, you name it I wanted to see it, go there. Traveling was something that had obsessed my mind for as long as I could remember...  I was woken from my daydreams by the sound of my boss, Rick, ringing the bell that meant that the bar would soon be closing, and I would be free to daydream about my future in the comfort of my tiny flat. “Can I have one last Jack and Coke please Charlie?” “Sure thing Chris, but I’m still waiting to hear about what you’ve been doing the past month.” “Well you decided to leave me to go and play with plates. How could you do that to me” he joked. “I really don’t know, maybe ‘cause I love them so much. So what were you doing?” “The usual, filming bits and pieces, meetings and stuff for budgets to be able to film, castings, that sort of thing. But I spent a lot of time seeing old friends, and renewing friendships that were destroyed a long time ago. You never know, if you’re good, you might get to meet some of them if they ever come here”. “Cool, I’m really pleased for you, did it all go smoothly? No fights or anything?” “Nope, it all went pretty well. I was actually surprised, because we all acted like assholes back then, and lots of stuff went down. But I suppose we have all had the time to grow up, lead our own lives a bit. Are you working tomorrow?” “I’m doing a shift at the shop tomorrow morning but I’m free in the afternoon if you wanna meet up and do something.” “Great, I’ll see you round yours at about 2 then? See you tomorrow” “OK, night!” Then I got back to work, and started cleaning up the mess that people had left behind. People really don’t know how to drink, I mean what a waste! Chris looked really good, he definitely looked happier than I had seen him in a while.  I was really glad to see things working out for him, he deserved it! An hour and a half later, I walked back in the dark to my tiny flat, tired and looking forward to tomorrow. I fell asleep the same way I always did, dreaming my dreams of foreign lands that I was soon to discover.

I know I've been very busy trying to scrap by in my classes and I know Kristine is busy as well. Luckily the semester just ended for me, so I was do my best to get the blog up to date.

Sorry again guys, and thanks to those of you who have been so patient.

One Step At A Time is a one shot.One Shot Short Story, another one shot.Just Go With It is finished.