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a few people have replied stuff to the effect of âdamn this looks cool but i donât know anything about Doomâ and that is officially my cue to start nerding out about it
This is the Doomguy. Demons call him âThe Doom Slayer,â but everyone who loves him calls him Doomguy.
Once upon a time, Doomguy was a security guard working for the Union Aerospace Corporation. He was stationed on a remote space base on the Martian moon Phobos. He used to be in the Marine Corps, but he was dishonorably discharged after his CO ordered him to fire on unarmed civilians and he responded by putting his CO in a full-body cast. He spent most of his time as a security guard jerking off to porn on the clock, according to the original gameâs manual.
One day, his bosses at the UAC fucked up super bad when experimenting with teleporters and opened a portal to Hell. Demons quickly swarmed the base, possessed Doomguyâs fellow security officers, and started taking everything over. Doomguy thought that wasnât very cash money of the demons, grabbed a shotgun, and started asking them politely yet firmly to leave.
Doomguy does this on Phobos for a bit, dies, finds himself on the Martian moon of Deimos which had been swallowed in to Hell itself, and gets right back to fighting demons. He rappels down from Deimos in to the depths of Hell, kills more demons, and then escapes through a portal in Hell to Earth.
When on Earth, Doomguy discovers that the demons killed his pet rabbit Daisy. This motivates him to power through a bunch of extremely difficult levels designed by American McGee, a bunch of really shitty rushed ambitious levels designed by Sandy Petersen, three expansion packs designed by fans, a short jog through some levels designed by Nerve Software, and an entire game that was exclusive to the Nintendo 64. During these games he kills a lot of demons, saves humanity, stops the demonic invasion of Earth, and resolves to stay in Hell for the rest of eternity to make sure this never happens again.
And⌠he does that. He spends eons traveling between Hell and parallel dimensions, putting a stop to demonic invasions across the multiverse. He does this for so long that the demons canonize him as a part of their weird demonic religious belief system, dubbing him The Doom Slayer. The demons chronicle Doomguyâs rampage in a collection of stories called The Slayerâs Testament. He meets an order of alien knights in Hell called the Night Sentinels, whose own home world was pulled in to Hell by the demons and who had become just as effective at killing demons as he had. He pals around with them for a bit but eventually the demons get the better of them all and all thatâs left is the Doomguy. This pisses him off really bad, so badly that when he went on his latest rampage he didnât notice that the demons were leading him in to a trap. The demons drop an entire temple on his head, knock him unconscious, and lock him in a sarcophagus.
An undisclosed amount of time passes, and eventually the UAC from an alternate universe busts in to Hell by accident again. The UAC starts pulling natural resources and artifacts from Hell and using those resources to power all of their technology. Turns out, using Hell Energy to power your electronics makes people go crazy, and eventually this turns in to another full-on demonic invasion. This is where DOOM (2016) starts, with the Doomguy waking up from his nap in a UAC lab where they had been studying his sarcophagus. Doomguy realizes that heâs in a âsame shit different universeâ situation and gets to work stopping the demonic invasion and angrily ignoring the input of every single person that tries to talk to him. Heâs seen all this shit before countless times and is sick of hearing excuses and monologues. Heâs through with the niceties of it all. Characters tell him to âcarefully deactivateâ all of the different science machines that let humanity safely use Hell Energy. He smashes them to bits with his feet. Characters assure him that this was all for the âgreater good,â he knows that the greatest possible good for humanity is not fucking with Hell anymore. They donât know what theyâre messing with, he does, and he has to fix the problem in his own special way.
The clip above is from Doom Eternal, set to release March of next year. The clip of Doomguy casually strolling through his UAC base and just sort of asserting himself is the result of the character having experienced several thousand years of this bullshit and being just So Through with it all. Heâs not gonna hurt these people because ultimately heâs fighting to protect humanity, but as far as heâs concerned he doesnât owe anyone in this scenario the luxury of his politeness or respect.
The demons are coming from a portal at the core of Mars? What a coincidence, heâs on one of the Martian moons and thereâs a gun designed to blow up planets right outside. Thereâs also a bunch of demons outside, so thatâs gonna need to be addressed. This guy has a key to the door out? Sweet. Heâs just gonna borrow that right quick. That guy has a plasma rifle? Doomguy always liked that one. It belongs to him now. Time to go outside and hit things until the industrial metal stops playing.
Bruh this was a fuckinâ sweet info dump to read.
This wonât make your blog look ugly. How could you not reblog this? REBLOGGING THIS COULD SAVE A LIFE!!!
This goes for assholes, too, guys. I know a couple who went tubing once, and they had to re-air their tubes, but the guy thought it would be funny to stick the tip of the air compressor up to her bikini trunks, the air ruptured something inside her and she died within thirty minutes.
WHAT?
The thing about this? Itâs in every pregnancy book Iâve read.
WHAT?????
Why is it in pregnancy books but not sex ed books?
Because the men in charge only care about the health and safety of women in so far as it enables them to have babies.
https://www.healthline.com/health/air-embolism#outlook
Reblogging with a link because I thought this was a legit joke. Never heard it before. Like I knew you could kill a person by inserting air into a vein but still.
WHAT THE FUCL I hate how I didnât learn this in sex Ed AT ALL
This is very true lol
Yo what the f u c k
not the normal stuff iâd reblog but, uh, this is kinda??? heckin???? important?????
I feel like I first saw this in The Joy of Sex, but itâs definitely a thing.