don't mind me. I'm just screaming into the void

"I can't do this anymore."

..that that's really it. Deleted me on everything. Burned every bridge. Except for the literal one, that connects over the river "between" us.

And I just had to look that up on christmas eve. Couldn't wait to get my heart shattered. Or what's left of it at least.

Fuck yourself.

Go to hell.

You didn't even have the balls to tell me outright, I had to ask first. Just to get humiliated like this.

Why would you let me wait this long?

I'm so glad I didn't tell you how I felt in the last weeks and months.

I wish you had known sooner, so we didn't have to go through all this and waste both our times.

Now I have yet another reason to not be myself, as it seems to be the root of all my problems.

I trusted you.

"emotionally dependant", I just thought I finally found a real friend.

I don't believe you came up with that all on your own. I can't.

The embarrassment of explaining that we're no longer friends, the next time someone will inevitably ask.

I can't believe I lost you again.

On the day I find myself to have the energy to take a shower, there's no warm fucking water!? I haven't showered in [redacted] and now that I finally have a bit of energy, I can't actually do it, because of things outside of my control.

I hoped this would get him out of my system. Obviously it didn't, who could've guessed.

I really don't know,

if I regret this

what this means

if it even means anything to him

I hate it so much. 'Cause am I just feeling like I am being rejected, or is this person actually rejecting me?.

On top of that, people don't often clarify exactly what they mean. And I know, I can't police how other people choose to communicate, but please consider;

"No, I don't wanna do this with you." "I'd like to do that with you, But that doesn't fit in my schedule. How about [another more or less specific time]?."