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shane hollander is a jock, a dude, a 200 pounds man, a captain, he's been giving interviews and speeches before he could even walk, he plays in front of thousands and thousands of people and loud af crowds, he's a performer, he's constantly in front of cameras, he's been under scrutiny his whole life, he's an athlete, he breathes-eats-sleeps-shits sport, he swears, he's masculine, his hockey gear is probably putrid, he's a certified mcgymbro™, he only wears athletic stuff, he models, he does commercials, his main personality trait is hockey, he's kissed and hugged by his sweaty teammates in the locker room, he's ripped, he's an asshole, he's sarcastic, he's a bitch, he uses "fuck" every three words, he hires a stylish and a designer because his taste is bro. and he is all that while being neurodivergent too. and a bottom.
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My Troy Barrett is just as irresponsible with money as the next multi-millionaire can be, BUT with one important difference…
Which is Troy never spends extravagantly on himself. I’m sure he has super expensive gym equipment or that his sneakers and workout clothes are way overpriced by a ‘normal’ person’s standards, but nothing super extreme.
But his mom’s birthday rolls around? That boy is dropping $5k on a diamond necklace like it’s no big deal.
Harris makes a passing comment about wanting to upgrade his laptop? Troy is up all night researching all the fanciest top-of-the-line models and how soon he can get overnight shipping.
The barista at Starbucks looks like she’s having a bad day? Troy is slipping a $50 into the tip jar without a second thought.
He sees picture of a sad-looking dog that’s up for adoption? Immediately donating thousands to the local animal shelter.
Harris’ mom says she always wanted to visit Greece? Troy is giving her and her husband an all-expense paid trip as a Christmas gift.
This is canon to me and I will not be taking any notes.
I keep thinking about your post about Troy's mom and what he might be feeling about her post-some therapy and I would love to hear if you have more expanded thoughts on that in some way about what things might have been like for her during her time with Curtis and raising Troy and then afterwards with the divorce and everything. We don't get enough on that in canon and I love to seeing more expansions on it. You can take this as a prompt for a ficlet if you want it to be (and assuming I am not missing that prompts are still open), but I just want to hear more of your thoughts on it in a general sense.
okay i have a ton of thoughts about this, you're not getting a ficlet, sorry, but you're still getting a huge paragraph of thoughts.
There was some discussion under my original post so I want to expand on my thoughts (as someone who has worked with families for almost 10 years now).
We don't know in detail about how exactly Curtis acted as a father, but there are a few things we do know: he was emotionally distant, very focused on Troy as a son and an extension of himself, is overly critical of Troy when he fails in any way, is a misogynist and a homphobe, extremely focused on masculinity and feels a great need to use Troy's accomplishments to brag. Even when Troy is an adult, a professional athlete and a millionaire, Curtis still does not seem to be genuinely proud of him, instead caring only about his own bragging rights.
A truly pleasant person all around. /s
Meanwhile, Julia is, in Troy's mind, the reason for the decent parts of his personality. And I 100% believe this. I'm sure she was a good mother, and did her best.
And in arrangements like this, with an emotionally abusive (and I don't use this word lightly - I am going off the fact that if little Troy was one of 'my' children, Curtis would get CPS called on him) father, mothers often overcompensate as long as the child is still young. I'm sure Julia did her very best to be there for Troy and pick up the pieces Curtis left behind. But she, too, had to avoid drawing his anger, so I think it's very likely that she did this very much in secret. The mom coming into Troy's room at night, "You know he didn't mean it like that", and "We're not telling Dad :)" which are all meant well, but ultimately signal: as long as you and I tuck ourselves away when he's around, we'll be fine. As long as we make him happy, we'll be fine. As long as we behave just the way he wants us to, we'll be fine.
They made it through Troy's childhood like that. And then, once Troy is older, Julia finally finds her strength to divorce Curtis. And I *know*, deep down, there's this tiny part of Troy that goes, why no sooner? And rationally, he knows why not: his mother wanted the best for him, and she endured Curtis so Troy could play hockey. But still. STILL. Couldn't they have made it work without him? And was Troy the reason why his mother had to live with the abuse for so long?
And then we have the heart-to-heart, the "my mom is my best friend".
This, in the book, is described overwhelmingly positively. And sure, it's nice for Troy that they're so close.
However.
Another thing that happens in these family dynamics a lot is, once the child becomes a teenager or an adult, mom finally feels like she has a true ally. Someone who understands her. Someone who will listen. And I fear (although it's not described in canon so this is speculative), that this heart-to-heart was important, yes, but also, in parts, difficult. Maybe even inappropriate. Because when one parents complains deeply about the other parents, regarding their romantic relationship, it can often be confusing or hard for the child. Because the child (in this case, Troy), wasn't involved in that relationship; it was the result of it. And while Troy agrees that his father is an asshole, he's still in contact with Curtis, and still holds some sort of residual, fear-driven loyalty to him, merely on account of him being his parents. And on top of that, HE was the reason why Julia "had to stay".
Another thing: listen, love the world trip thing for my girl Julia. Go get it. Glad you're having fun. But in a strange way, TO ME (!!!!) it felt like Troy was kind of... abandoned by both parents. Curtis emotionally abandoned him ages ago, and Julia (though this may sound harsh) abandoned him to catch up on all the good things she missed out on during the many years she was with Curtis. Not every parent can be as present as the Hollanders in Shane's life, but all their interactions (again, TO ME!!!!) read as loving, but oddly distant.
I think Troy starts out therapy with this very clear picture in mind: his dad, the horrible abusive monster vs. his mother, the saint. But over time, as he digs deeper, he realizes it's more complex than that, which then leads to the aforementioned Irina Rozanova Memorial Guilt Spiral aka "I am betraying my mother by resenting her for *some* things".
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I nearly didn't read this book at the beginning. Because we had briefly met Troy twice before, and I wasn't very interested in any kind of redemption arc in the beginning. But I knew the book was pretty intertwined with The Long Game, and I'm kind of peculiar about reading things in order. So I did read it after all before moving on to The Long Game.
I'm glad I read the book. And I've had conversations with others who told me they avoid the book for the same reason as I nearly did. Which really makes me question and reflect on the fact that somehow a lot of fandom spaces are very unforgiving and set in a black-and-white view, and how contagious that is. I think we see that pretty clearly in a lot of discourse about the things people hate about certain characters (including Shane and Ilya) and the creators of book and show. But that would be another post.
Back to the book.
I learned to like Troy while reading. And I love Harris and Harris' family. I especially love how loud and proud Harris is. And of course, I love Chiron. Who wouldn't!
I vibed a lot with Harris' insecurity about his scars. Mine is probably a lot smaller than his, but it's also in a place that's exposed a lot during summer, and that makes finding certain summer wear that's not chaffing at the scar tissue difficult. (There is also a lot of headcanon going around about Harris being on the thicker side, though the only description in the book is "stocky," which could mean anything, really. But I'll be happy to adopt that headcanon; I just fear people will forget it's a beloved headcanon upon the casting being announced. And I've seen some arguments about it being unrealistic that Harris is overweight but not insecure about that while being insecure about his scars, and I laughed because that means I'm unrealistic, I guess. Never lost the weight I gained over that summer of hospital-hell, and yes, I'm super insecure about my scar while insecure thoughts about my weight or body shape are few and far between.)
Harris and Troy are super messy together, though. I'd even say they're messier than Shane and Ilya ever managed to be in the seven years of sneaking around the NHL. Mostly because Troy is a hot mess and definitely would benefit from a lot of therapy. Troy is in such a bad position, emotionally and mentally, and I do think a lot of his struggle about what kind of person he was so far and what kind of person he'd like to be was captured in a pretty good way.
I have seen some comments about this book that argue Troy's redemption arc fell short. And I always think, reading those arguments, that people judge the book outside of its genre, and that's a major mistake. The main focus of the book is the romance between Troy and Harris. Everything else around it, including their characterisation outside their relationship, is an add-on. The book starts with Troy and Harris meeting for the first time, and ends with them getting their happily ever after together, no matter what else is still going on in their lives. And for a romance, there is no other choice than that. Because that's the story of the romance told!
In the end, the book isn't about Troy's redemption. Otherwise it would've started sooner, probably with the fight between Troy and Kent. And it would've ended later, because the book ends before Troy's redemption arc is finished. We're left knowing he still has a lot of work to do there. For the scope th focus of this book being Troy and Harris falling in love, I think do get a pretty big part of his redemption along the way, and see that he truly means it, and that he is very well aware that rapairing some things is impossible and that's okay (aka his kind of conversation with Ryan), he'll just have to live with it and learn from it for the future.
I kind of feel that the whole arguments about Troy I have seen in fandom, and all the not correctly tagged fanfiction with all the Troy bashing, overshadow my memory of Harris' personal journal in the book. So I guess I have a reason to read that book again. And maybe I'll make a second post about the book at that time.
Luca staying with Shane and Ilya for a few days while his place is being fumigated. He’s lying in bed when Hollanov’s sex sounds fill his room. Luca sends a video to the team group chat (the one without Shane and Ilya). It’s of him staring blankly into the camera. In the background, you can clearly hear Ilya moaning loudly. Luca is like ‘I can’t listen to Shane suck Ilya’s soul out of his body for the next 2 days. Can I stay with one of you?’ and Troy is like ‘You can come over and listen to me suck Harris’s soul out of his body’ and the other players respond with similar stuff like ‘You’re welcomed to listen to me fuck my wife’ and Luca remembers he’s a hockey player with money and checks into a hotel.
Troy would be the most miserable sick person. He's so used to being the only person who takes care of him. Plus the ingrained need to appear strong in front of others.
He would try to hide that anything is wrong until he literally couldn't stand upright anymore and even then continue denying anything is wrong, refusing to accept help.
Everyone would be so mad and concerned at the same time. From then on every time he as much as sneezes they proceed to watch him like a hawk got the next 24 hours.
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Last song: whatever was on the radio… I think it was some Roxette song
Currently Watching: I've been catching up on movies lately, but I want to watch that new HBO series Proud 🌈
Current Obsession: For about half a year now there has been only one thought in my head - Troy Barrett 🤦
Currently Reading: Troy Barrett- centric fanfiction (to absolutely no one's surprise 🤷), antique children's books (those illustrations 😭), art albums (again more page-turning than reading), and random shit on internet my neurodiverse brain finds interesting at the moment
Currently Working On: oneshot featuring Caitlin Dykstra, Shane and Troy (I'm halfway through), how to survive another heatwave, and most importantly, how to overcome Troy Barrett's addiction and return to my regular life!
Currently Wearing: a black Death Star t-shirt and navy cotton shorts
Last Google Search: do bears wander to Ottawa, surname of Didi and Dexter, pencil crayons best varnish, Tollense valley battlefield, prototaxites
Favorite Flower: cloves
Tagging: I don't tag anyone because I am awkward nerd who doesn't know how to make friends online but if by some miracle you're reading this and want to join in the fun, then please come along 😁
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