abuse

People seemed to like my bi/pan post so I decided to make a similar thing for asexuality! Please know that this is based on my own experiences within the community and I can’t speak for all aces. However I hope this can be a good starter for people to understand. A lot of ace stuff on here is heated arguments and I wanted to get away from that and provide a resource so people can learn without having to wade through the Discourse.

💖

Please note, I intentionally did not include anything about the “is ace queer” debate because it warrants a whole separate post and I want this to be accessible to anybody willing to learn, despite my personal feelings on that topic. Please do not bring your ace/queer debate onto this post, it is not the place. Thank you!!

Also for my last graphic, people re-posted to other social media and translated it into different languages and I’m totally fine w that! I would love if you keep the bottom credit and let me know if you do this. 😊

Plain text under the cut.

Ace Fact Image Set (Part 1 of 2)

[ ID: An image set with the asexual flag, a crumpled paper background, and a gray square in the top left with different facts. Each fact is labeled with a number in the bottom right.

“#01 Ace Fact: Asexuality is not a disorder. My asexuality is not because of any sadness, confusion, depression, or repression.”

“#02 Ace Fact: Asexuality is not choosing to be celibate or abstinent. My asexuality is because I don’t experience sexual attraction, not because I do but I’m choosing not to act on it.”

“#03 Ace Fact: Asexuality doesn’t mean I think people who have sex are bad or wrong. Asexuality just means we don’t experience sexual attraction (or rarely/only in certain circumstances. It’s not a judgment of people who have sex.”

“#04 Ace Fact: Asexuality is different from aromanticism. Asexual people can still experience romantic attraction to others. However, there is nothing wrong with being aromantic, and some aces are also aros.”

“#05 Ace Fact: Ace people belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. We belong here. Our experiences as ace people have commonalities with the experiences of allosexual LGBTQIA+ people.” ]

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be accepting, and it’s nice to not be asked intrusive questions.

But it’s so important to me, and I know you don’t even know what it mean.

This is my first ever comic, and I just begun digital drawing, so advises are welcome!

I find it reeeeaaal cute that all of these aphobic exclusionists (especially the ones that aren’t actually ace themselves, pfsshh) like to spout that, “If you are Ace and are ‘Actually Lgbt+’ then we’re not talking about you, hon. You are Lgbt+ but only for your same gender attraction/non assigned by birth gender identity. The lack of sexual attraction isn’t a true orientation worth protecting. It’s a TMI modifier, you’ll see in time, you experience no real discrimination for being ace. Only for your real Lgbt+ identity! ”, thinking it’s a flawless, righteous thing to say to the “actual Lgbt+” people who are Asexual that they claim to care about and want to protect.

Honestly, not only does that type of answer sound condescending and doesn’t make any of their aphobia hurt less but do you know what it sounds like to me? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SOUND LIKE TO ME, A DEMI-PANROMANTIC ASEXUAL WOC?!

IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN WHITE FEMINISTS WHO IGNORE INTERSECTIONALITY SAY, “WE’RE ALL WOMEN AT THE END OF THE DAY AND OPPRESSED HARDER FOR BEING WOMAN SO TO TRULY FIGHT FOR FEMINISM YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR WOMANHOOD BEFORE YOUR ETHNICITY AND LEAVE RACE OUT OF IT”, AND JUST LIKE WHEN BLACK MEN WHO CONTRIBUTE TO MISOGYNOIR SAY, “ WE’RE ALL BLACK AT THE END OF THE DAY AND OPPRESSED HARDER FOR BEING BLACK SO TO TRULY FIGHT FOR BLACK EQUALITY, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR GENDER AND YOUR FEMINISM AT THE DOOR.” THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK THE WHOLE, “YOUR LBGT+ IDENTITY AND ASEXUAL IDENTITY ARE/HAVE TO BE EXPRESSED SEPARATE(LY)” ARGUMENT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME!

And I’m about to tell you why arguments like that are ignorant and harmful and full of shit, if you’re one not smart enough to put two and two together.

I AM A BLACK WOMAN, A WOMAN WHO IS BLACK. IF I GO INTO A FEMINIST EQUALITY SPACE, MY BLACKNESS DOESN’T DISAPPEAR. IF I GO INTO A BLACK EQUALITY SPACE, MY WOMAN-NESS DOESN’T VANISH. I’M NEVER ONE AND THEN THE OTHER, I’M BOTH AT THE SAME TIME AND THAT’S NEVER GONNA CHANGE OR NOT AFFECT HOW I’M TREATED BY SOCIETY!

Similarly…

I AM PANROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL, AN ASEXUAL WHO IS PANROMANTIC. WHEN I’M FIGHTING FOR LGBT+ ACCEPTANCE AND VISIBILITY, MY ASEXUALITY DOESN’T DISAPPEAR. WHEN I’M FIGHTING FOR ASEXUAL ACCEPTANCE AND VISIBILITY, MY PANROMANTIC-NESS DOESN’T VANISH. I’M NEVER ONE AND THEN THE OTHER, I’M BOTH AT THE SAME TIME AND THAT’S NEVER GONNA CHANGE OR NOT AFFECT HOW I’M TREATED BY SOCIETY!

Holy shit!!! Why is that so hard for so many people to get??? Oh wait, I know why. IT’S BECAUSE QUITE A FEW OF THESE APHOBES AND EXCLUSIONIST ARE NEITHER WOC NOR “REAL LGBT+” ASEXUALS. THEY DON’T HAVE EXPERIENCES BEING TOLD SHIT THAT’S BASICALLY EQUIVALENT TO, “NEGLECT AND LEAVE HALF OF YOUR IDENTITY AT HOME, YOUR EXISTENCE COMPLICATES THINGS AND MAKES PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE”. THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO EXIST AS EITHER. HOWEVER, THEY STILL THINK THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO IGNORE INTERSECTIONALITY AND TO SPEAK DOWN TO PEOPLE WHO ARE BOTH WOC AND ASEXUAL, LIKE ME, TO MAINTAIN AND ENFORCE THEIR OWN VIEWS AND IDEAS OF WHAT THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY LOOKS LIKES AND INCLUDES.

Damn ain’t that some shit, huh? In other news, I can’t wait for my point of view to be ignored and to be dismissed as just another “Angry Black Woman™” for bringing to light of how aphobes and exclusionists treat Asexual WOC like trash, regardless of their romantic orientation or gender identity. (Seriously, don’t even get me started on the amount of non-black exclusionists I’ve seen pull the, “Headcanonning Black female characters as Asexual desexualizes/oversexualizes them!!1!” card. They aren’t Black and they don’t know shit about the inner workings of Black politics or how misogynoir affects how Black women are view in relation to sexuality but they still act like they understand all and are helping, get the fuck out of here). So yeah, sorry not sorry for this long ass post but at first I was just tilted and now I’m hot about it. Aphobes and exclusionists are so fucking ignorant and counterproductive. Yikes.

my autochorissexual ass:

(obligatory disclaimer: agreeing or disagreeing with one or more of these does not necessarily make you ace or NOT ace, your experience will vary!)

You’re not sure if you’ve ever felt sexual attraction.

You’re not even sure what ‘sexual attraction’ is vs. other types of attraction

You’ve ever had to just pick a person (celebrity or otherwise) that you had a ‘crush’ on in order to fit in with your peers (regardless of gender)

You’ve felt pressured to pursue relationships because “that’s just what everyone does”

You’ve felt pressured to kiss/touch/have sex with someone because “that’s just what everyone does”

Your peers being obsessed with sex makes you feel deeply uncomfortable or excluded

You’ve tried to mimic sex jokes or sexualized behaviors in order to fit in with your peers.

You’ve ever felt like “well, I guess must be bi/pan because my level of attraction towards everyone is the same” (and that sameness feeling isn’t actually, y’know, sexual attraction) (I’m just saying you’d be surprised how many aces start off identifying as bisexual or pansexual and then realize they are bi/pan ace or aro ace)

People having crushes/dating/having sex feels like a joke and you’re pretty sure everyone else is also faking or exaggerating their attractions (but then you realize they’re Not)

There are times when you suddenly remember that other people Fuck in real life, with Each Other, and it’s surreal as hell

The entire topic of sex is repulsive to you, or your just don’t understand why other people care about it so much.

You don’t understand people who complain if they go without sex for X days.

You don’t understand why people cheat (in real life or media), no matter how “hot” the person they cheated with is.

You’re fine thinking about sex as a vague concept, or even other people having sex (especially in fiction and/or on video) but when the topic of sex involves you personally, (or real life people) it’s a big nope.

Sexual jokes, innuendo, or flirting tends to go over your head often.

You have no interest or desire to masturbate and don’t get why other people do.

You enjoy masturbation but you’d be fine going without it.

You enjoy masturbation and can’t understand why some people claim that it isn’t “enough” for them vs having sex.

The idea of the “honeymoon night” (or other implied social sexual contracts, like a date expecting sex in return for dinner/being nice) fills you with dread.

The idea of having sex is strange or upsetting for you.

You enjoy sex but you’d be fine going without it.

You enjoy sex but can’t understand why some people seem addicted to it.

Sex is something you enjoy (or endure) moreso to have intimacy with your partner or because you want them to be pleased.

You’ve ever told someone you don’t want a relationship/don’t want to have sex, and they felt sorry for you or acted like you’re weird even though you’re perfectly happy.

Bonus:

You might be Grey Asexual if:

You’ve definitely felt sexual attraction (maybe) but it’s a rare occurrence

(Not to be confused with having a libido)

You might be Demisexual if:

You’ve definitely felt sexual attraction (maybe) but it was only after getting to know someone really well and only for that person (and even then, it might come and go at times)

If you find many of these things relatable, you might wanna look deeper into asexuality! 

*- Please note that whether or not you have a libido is not a qualifying factor for whether or not you are ace. Some aces have zero desire or need to masturbate, for instance, others do masturbate. Some aces will even have sex to satisfy that drive. Feeling aroused is not the same as sexual attraction. This might sound confusing, but trust me it makes sense when you’re in this situation.

*- Also note that whether you have positive feelings towards sex (for other people or yourself), indifference to sex, or are triggered/repulsed by sex, also has no bearing on whether or not you are asexual. Allosexual people can also be positive, indifferent, or repulsed by sex, especially certain actions.

*- Ultimately, you are ace if you don’t experience sexual attraction, but since it’s a really freaking difficult task to recognize the absence of something you don’t even feel, this list might help some aces figure themselves out! ♥

Takeaways:

It’s easy to think you’re bi (or pan) when you’re ace, because no attraction is easily confused for all attraction when you don’t have any other resources.

Aphobia is ingrained in our society and exists outside of tumblr–encountering asexuality for the first time, I thought it was a bad identity.

Black Power and Gay Pride aren’t mutually exclusive. the first pride was a riot led by trans black women.

I’ve noticed that I experience sex and romance repulsion, but only under certain conditions. I was hoping to get my personal experience out there, and maybe hear from others who may have a similar experience.

When I experience repulsion:

When the concept is applied to me

When people talk about it in everyday conversation

When it appears in a work of fiction and I was unprepared for it

When it appears in a work of fiction and it is unrealistic and/or cliche

When I enjoy it:

When I was seeking out such subjects in a work of fiction

When I wanted a certain fictional pairing to become canon