What when you cannot be what you value?
When a soldier comes from war,
And a nurse returns home after hours of work,
When a mother finally lays her child to rest,
And a father gets called out on his failings,
When you have been strong for very long,
Come home behind closed fortress doors,
When society's watchful eye falls closed,
Solitude and silence envelope a body,
And strip the bonds of a mind,
The pieces start to come apart.
When there is no more fire to push ahead,
And the only comfort is a hug and a warm bed,
With no more spoons to give,
And strength draining through the body like a sieve,
When the things you pride yourself in aren't possible anymore,
What is left to be proud of?
When your fighting spirit dulls,
And endurance is defeated by rests lulls,
What value can you ascribe yourself,
When you cant be what you wanted to?
To accept the parts of you you never wanted to be,
And grieve for what can never be seen,
It feels ridiculous to grieve a crueler version of myself,
Someone hard and lonely and hurt,
There was something admirable in them,
Healed and evolved and realistic may I be,
But god how hard it is to accept my true selves limitations I see.
The more I learn to be myself,
The less worthy of a human I feel,
I know I'm not smart enough to get away with cruelty,
Yet not stupid enough to not see the consequence if I were regardless.
I know I'm not determined enough to push through,
Yet not lazy enough to not care,
I am not athletic enough to call myself an athlete and train like one,
Yet love movement so much I cannot stop it, no matter how scared of the pain I may be.
To try and love something so utterly other,
That the values it holds dear.
How can it love kindness in itself,
While it wishes for a sharper edge?
How can it love creativity,
While knowing it will be useless in the future?
How can something so right to some,
