Really?

0914

From: Child’s Mother

Sounds good!! You don’t have to sign your text messages btw, you’re saved in my phone so I know who they’re from!! My address is:

1-Chome-19-11 Okusawa, Setagaya City, Tokyo 158-0083, Japan

Please don’t feel like you have to pick me up, I’m rather far from the restaurant and you don’t have to waste your time if you don’t have to, I wouldn’t mind meeting you there :)

09:16 AM

From: Nanami Kento (Baby Daddy)

I don’t mind, really. You could never be a waste of my time. I’ll be outside at 6pm.

And across the city in a high-rise business building, one salaryman is typing behind his computer with no clue what keys his fingertips are landing on. His mind is fully occupied with the device beside his keyboard on his desk and making sure he doesn’t miss when your name flashes across the screen. Was that too risky of a message?

0920

From: Child’s Mother

Alright, I can’t wait. Looking forward to seeing you again :)

9:21 AM

From: Nanami Kento (Baby Daddy)

Nanami Kento (Baby Daddy) liked a message

He would never admit to the way his shoulders relax as soon as he sees your message and knows he hasn’t overstepped.

And he’ll never know the way blood rushed to your cheeks when you read his message. You could never be a waste of my time.

 Which could mean nothing.

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It’s 5:55 when a knock sounds from your front door.

“Of course, he would show up early and not just text that he’s here,” you’re grumbling under your breath while wrangling an earring into your ear. But Shoko beats you to it, and suddenly you’re racing to finish getting ready before she can give him the 3rd degree.

The evening had been a time. Shoko had knocked on your door sometime around 4 with a bottle of wine and a rose between her teeth, waggling her eyebrows at you as you rolled your eyes and left the door open for her. Her laughter followed behind you into the apartment.

“I should have never told you about tonight,” You’re shouting from the bedroom as she shuffles around in your kitchen. “I can’t even drink what you brought!”

“It’s not for you, genius. It’s for me, when you get back from tonight and I have to listen to you complain about your love life like you don’t have legitimately one of the hottest men I have ever seen making goo goo eyes at you all night,”  Shoko whistles as she appears in the doorway, taking in the disaster spread throughout the room. “That serious, huh?”

You’re chucking a balled-up sweater at her head before she can catch it, but it just makes her laugh again.

“Yes, it is that serious. He even said it’s not a date, and I know it’s not a date, and yet....,” You’re gnawing on your lip as you think through your next words but decide they’re not even worth the breath to say them out loud. “Never mind. Help me pick something out?”

In an hour, Shoko has you standing in front of the mirror and smiling at your reflection. In the end, a baby tee beneath a dress and some flat soled sneakers was the answer to your dilemma. Easy, casual, and good for the heat you knew would dwell into the evening.

And that’s landed you here, losing track of time until the knock on your front door. But before you can even get out of your bathroom, you hear the door click open.

“Uhh, good evening, I’m here to pick up-“

“Oh, I know who you are, Mr. Baby Daddy,” Shoko is glaring at Nanami as he chokes on the nickname.

“I-I’m sorry, what did you just-“ Nanami is cut off by you this time as you finally make it to the front door, absolutely mortified.

“Shoko! Oh my god, get away from there, you fucking psycho,” You usher her away from the door as she grumbles something about a guard dog, but you pay her no mind as your eyes sweep over the man on your stoop.

Gone is the tan suit you’ve seen him in twice, replaced with a soft blue linen button down over a pair of khakis. His hair is loose, part of it tucked behind his ear. He looks relaxed and so much younger, like the suit he wears adds years to his face. You’re so distracted you almost don’t notice the bouquet of daffodils clutched to his chest.

“Hey,” He’s pushing the flowers towards you while your brain is still catching up to what your eyes are taking in. “These are for you. Almost ready?”

“Yeah, nearly. Come in, come in, let me put these in some water,” You’re stepping back to let him into your home before making a beeline to the kitchen, shooting a glare at Shoko on the couch as she bites back a grin. You’re rummaging below the sink when you hear Shoko clear her throat.

“I’m Shoko Ieri, the best friend. I’ve heard lots about you, Nanami. Nice to meet you.” She doesn’t bother to get off the couch to properly introduce herself, just waves from across the room as Nanami’s eyes flit around.  

He bows his head slightly, turning to face Shoko. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kento Nanami, the......baby daddy,” His eye twitches at the last phrase, belying his feeling on how scummy the phrase sounds coming off his tongue. “I will admit though, I haven’t heard much about you. How long have you two known each other?”

Shoko’s hand flies to her chest as she gasps in fake dramatics. “’Haven’t heard much about me?’” She parrots back, leaning back on the couch to catch your eye as you stand from beneath the sink, dusty vase in hand. “What am I, chopped liver?”

You’re rolling your eyes before you can help it as you fill the glass vessel. “Yes, Shoko. The scum of the earth, clearly,” Your eyes shift to Nanami to find he’s already looking at you. Focused, eyes soft, the ghost of a smile turning the corners of his lips up. “Just haven’t talked much about that kind of stuff. Really what tonight is for, no?”

“Yes, and speaking of, we should get going,” Nanami’s eyes drop down to his wrist and the gold watch wrapped around it. “Our reservation is at 7 so we should head out.”

You shoot one last glare at Shoko as she mouths shut the fuck up at the man holding your door open for you. You just shake your head before slipping your shoes on and stepping into the humid night, Nanami following and closing your door behind you two.

“Sorry about her. She can be....a lot, and by that, I just mean really annoying,” You’re scratching at the back of your neck sheepishly, but Nanami just offers an easy smile as you two fall into step together.

“It’s alright, I can understand being defensive over a best friend. I know she just wants what’s best for you, and this whole....thing,” He gestures into the air with his hand. “Can’t be easy on her either,”

His statement settles around you and ushers in an easy silence as your walk to the train station. Tokyo is coming to life in the dusk around you; restaurants bustling with people inside, kids running down the street from school to home, the sound of families in the kitchen floating down the street from open windows. It’s peaceful and warm, and you’re content to soak in the night with Nanami by your side.  

Tokyo’s rush hour is in full swing, and every square centimeter of available space is taken by someone or other. Nanami guides you onto a car with a hand on the small of your back, the heat from his palm radiating into your skin. Once inside, he’s keeping his back between you and the oppressive crowd while you stand right beside the door. His hands come to hold onto the railing above his head, standing over you protectively, head bowed to keep his gaze on you in the silence. Some feral part of your brain is singing at how he stands, his hulking form keeping you from brushing against strangers.

And inside the head of the man himself, Kento can’t even be irritated by the people pressing in on all sides on him for he is too dialed in on you. The way the scent of your shampoo floats up when you nervously adjust your hair, the way your eyes reflect the lights above his head when you look up at him, and how pretty you look in the dress you have on tonight.

He swore his heart had stopped beating for a minute when you opened that door for him tonight; backlit by the kitchen lights, hair cascading over your shoulders, just looking so beautiful. Knowing it was for him, even if he told himself it wasn’t a date, still made his chest burn.

Before he can shake himself of his thoughts clouded with you, the train takes a sharp turn, sending you hurtling face forward into his chest. Nanami braces against the loops his hands fit in as he holds up both his and your own body weight. A warmth flares to life in his gut at the feeling of your body against his, lizard brain coming online and telling him to hold you and keep you safe.

But all too soon, you’re scrambling back with a hand on his chest to push yourself away, expression screaming embarrassment while your eyes shine in something just short of panic and a crimson flush runs down your neck.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to just.... face plant into you,” Your hand hovers over his clean shirt like you somehow damaged it. You tuck your hair behind your ear and lower your eyes to your feet like the answer to erasing such a stupid moment lies in your shoelaces.

Your eyes close for a split second before there’s two fingers below your chin, gently grasping to lift your face up to meet soft hazel eyes.

“Hey,” His voice is quiet to not disturb the hush of the car. “It’s no big deal, really what I’m here for anyways,” Nanami’s eyes bounce over your face as you nod, really all you can manage in your flustered state.

Mercifully, the train arrives at your destination soon after, and you’re off as soon as the doors open. You drag in a breath, and it feels like the first one you’ve truly taken since Nanami showed up on your doorstep. He takes up so much space in his physical form but crowds out more space in your head than you’d ever confess.

“Come on, this way,” His hand slips into yours easily as he navigates through the throngs of people on the platform, his large frame clearing the way for you behind him. You’ll panic with Shoko later over how natural it felt to hold onto his hand.

But the moment is over as soon as it begins as you trek up the stairs out of the station and onto the street level, your hand loosing from his grasp as soon as you’re free of the crowds. You’re in a quieter part of the city, more residential than anything. The restaurant is down a narrow side street at the bottom of an apartment block.

Quiet and intimate is the word you’d choose as you step into the door Nanami holds open for you. A few other patrons take up room in the small space, and there’s a bar with another couple sitting at it. Nanami gives his name and the hostess guides you to a small table set for two beside a window looking back onto the street.

The summer sun is being swallowed by the horizon, its dying light beaming through the window as you both take a seat. It washes over Nanami and illuminates the gold woven through his hair. His hazel eyes, glowing amber in the last rays, catch on yours, and you’re caught. Exposed for a second at being reminded how handsome he really is. It’s not like it’s a secret; after all, there’s a reason you left with him that night, but sitting here and soaking up the sun? It’s like you’re seeing him for the first time all over again.

“Good evening folks! My name is Yuta, I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get you started with some drinks?” Your waiter, a young man with shaggy dark hair, brings you back down to earth with his questions, thankfully. Nanami is asking after the specials while you’re trying to act like some warm little thing didn’t just burrow it’s way into your heart.

“And before I go, any special occasion tonight? Just a date night?” Yuta’s eyes bounce between you and Nanami as he waits for an answer and you both seem to short circuit at the suggestion. Nanami’s back goes ramrod straight as his eyes land on you as if waiting to follow your lead.

“No, no, nothing-“

“It’s not like that-,” Your voices overlap in an awkward denial, cutting yourselves off as soon as the other opens their mouth. Yuta just nods with an uncomfortable “ok” like he regrets asking and turns on his heel.

“Sorry. Caught a little off guard, you know?” You chuckle but there’s little humor behind it. Nanami just heaves a sigh and doesn’t respond, choosing to bury his nose in his menu in his lap. This is going great.

Yuta returns with two waters soon thereafter, and the awkwardness is forgotten in deciding over the beef or chicken. Nanami breaks the silence the server leaves in his wake, fiddling with the silverware on the table as he starts speaking.

“So, this might be weird, but I feel it should be discussed before you get too far along, and we’re here. What is our plan going to look like as far as raising the little one,” He clears his throat like it will help clear the stiff air hanging over the table. “Coparenting? Split custody? Do we need to get a lawyer involved in this?” Nanami’s gaze pins you to your seat as your mouth twitches, mulling over his questions.

“No, no lawyers. I really see no reason to drag one into this, all things considered. There’s no bad blood, we’re not in a relationship,” You pause to swallow and miss the way Nanami’s lip turns down the slightest degree.

“And I don’t see anything like that happening to even need something to that degree. We can probably decide on a custody schedule further down the line. Do you have a spare bedroom at your place? Where do you live anyways?” You sip your water and watch him over the glass.

“I do, and I live not far from you. Just a little further north into Setagaya. As for the spare, it agree it would be best to turn it into a nursery; I can start working on that in my off time. Assuming you’re going to be doing the same thing? Do you even have a second bedroom?”

“Of course. I’ll be roping Shoko and Suguru into helping me transform it,” You snicker at the thought of Shoko with painters tape and a roller, knowing she’d curse your existence the whole time but do it anyways.

“Suguru?” Nanami echoes back across the table, furrowing his brow. He knows he would remember another man’s name rolling off your tongue.

“My other best friend. I’ve known him even longer than Shoko, really. We grew up together, our parents were neighbors when we were kids. But he....” Your words slide to a stop, unsure of what to even say.

“He was upset when I told him and Shoko I was pregnant. Didn’t talk to me for a while, showed up on my doorstep the night of the ultrasound apologizing, but we got into a fight again and I haven’t spoken to him since,” A familiar heaviness makes a home in your chest remembering the way he had slunk out the door and into the night and the radio silence that’s lingered since.

Nanami’s eyes darken as you speak, some shadow of anger clouding his eyes. “It might not be my place, but that doesn’t sound like much of a friend to me,”

Words in Suguru’s defense sit heavy on your tongue, but you know the point Nanami makes is true. How Suguru has treated you since you told him isn’t what a friend would really do, especially one that you’ve known for as long as him.

“Yeah. I think some part of me knows that but isn’t ready to let go yet, you know?” Nanami watches as your eyes lose focus, drifting back somewhere to your memories of a stranger.

“But we don’t have to talk about that,”

Your mouth pulls up in a small smile but there’s no warmth in your eyes, and Nanami hopes for his sake that he never meets the man that’s caused this much sadness to take root in you.

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“I feel like I should be making some joke about a food baby, but that’s not quite true,” You’re giggling at yourself as you walk out of the restaurant and into the warm and dark night.

You had gotten completely lost in conversation with Nanami. Swapping stories, complaints about siblings and parents and coworkers, and all the easy things that makes up a person’s identity. You learn he’s Danish, despises having to work overtime, and is a serious bookworm.

You tell him about your career before the bakery, how your family settled in Tokyo generations ago after emigrating, and how you were allergic to penicillin and turtles.

Before you knew it, Yuta was giving you the boot as the lights turned off over the bar. Nanami had tossed out several large yen notes from his wallet onto the table and was standing before you could even argue over the bill, like it wasn’t even a thought for him.

You’re stone cold sober but feel tipsy from the night that’s transpired. Nanami’s eyes have softened over the course of the night, like spending time with you bled the tightness from his body.

Two hands stretch your dress over the bottom of your belly, highlighting the swell there as he falls into step beside you.

But all he gives you is a noncommittal hum as he glances to where your hands have highlighted the bump where his baby grows. You watch as the muscles in his jaw tick as he stares back straight ahead, his back tightening again. And the message isn’t lost on you as you drop your hands and try not to let his reaction stain the memory of the rest of the night.

It’s a quiet train ride back to your apartment. The traffic from earlier is all but gone, and the only company in the train is a few drunk tourists, talking loudly across the aisle from you. You’re fighting your eyelids and trying in vain to keep your head from falling over onto his shoulder.

Normally you would just have let it drop, too tired to care if it was even a stranger beside you. But he’s seemingly reverted to the postured salaryman you knew from the beginning. You’re not sure what you did to make him act like this, but you don’t want to make him any more uncomfortable, so you lean your head against the cold metal railing instead and try to stay awake for the walk back.

And Nanami sits on his hands while a war is waging inside his own mind. He knows he’s a rational adult, but you showing off your bump leaving the restaurant had triggered something in his head that he could not stifle. He knew he’d do something stupid if he so much as glanced at you after that, so what had he done instead? Gone internal and silent, cutting you off with some wall drawn up in an instant.

And now he’s here. Watching with self-induced heartache as you try and try to fight off the sleep pulling you under. He wants to tuck up against you, slouch in his seat so he’s at your height and offer his shoulder, but he doesn’t.

He sits there and watches in agony as you lean against the railing instead. It’s cold and unforgiving and everything he’s not, but the irony isn’t lost on him. So instead of doing what he wants to, Nanami drowns in a sorrow he brought upon himself and doesn’t move.

His silence lasts all the way to your front door. Shoko is inside and you know the door is open for you, but for now Nanami stands in front of you. The porch light she left on paints half his face and leaves the other side shadowed, and you briefly think it’s a good metaphor for his hot and cold attitude tonight.  

“Thanks for dinner tonight, I had a good time. And I’m sorry if I said something off putting earlier. You got kind of...tense, afterwards, and I’m sorry if I offended you,” He’s opening his mouth to say something, anything. Anything to keep you from walking into that door with a poor impression of him, but you’ve already turned your back and walked the few steps to your door.

“Goodnight, Nanami,” And that’s all he gets before Shoko appears from the other side and lets you in with one last glare pinned on him.

The door swings shut with a click, and you’re gone from his sight. Nanami doesn’t see your lower lip start to tremble as you recount the night to Shoko, and you don’t see the frustrated man kicking himself all the way back to his apartment.  

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