#lolo writes

“Of all of the bakeries in all of Tokyo, he walks into mine,” you’re muttering beneath your breath. While you’re not wrong about a lot of things, you want to be right now and that is in fact not the Roppongi one night stand whose baby is growing inside of you right here, right now.

“Hmm?” Suguru sounds from where he’s bent over with his head in the display case, rearranging the leftovers from the day.  Straightening up, he follows your eyes to the same beige suit you tore off that slender frame a month ago as it strides into your bakery, completely unaware and too focused on scanning the options to have noticed your presence yet. Suguru shoots you a sideways glance, a crinkle between his brows as his eyes bounce between you and him.

“Nothing, nothing,” A glance at the clock beside the door swinging back shut confirms it’s within a half an hour of closing, “If you want to head out you can. We’re close enough to closing and I can handle this one,” And Suguru shouldn’t be here to see whatever is about to unfold when that next to stranger finally looks up and sees you there. You smile up at him, hoping he’ll go quietly.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’m not doing much-okokok,” You huff at your friend as you push on his chest as he argues. It’s a joke but enough for him to throw his hands up in a surrender and slip back through the swinging doors to the kitchen. A steeling breath is all you get before you turn back to the front and act like this is all just in another day for you.

 “Hello and welcome to Cranberry Bob’s, what can I get for you?” You paste on your best customer service voice and hope to whoever it doesn’t bely the turmoil in your gut.

“Hello. I know it’s late in the day, but do you have anymor-“ The words on Nanami’s tongue die in an instant as he glances over to lock eyes with you, and any hope he wouldn’t recognize you vanishes. You smile back sheepishly as he loses his composure entirely for a second, face slack in shock as he just stares.

“Hey....,” You trail off awkwardly, shifting on your feet, not exactly sure where to go from here. “What was it you were looking for?”

Nanami seems to remember himself in that moment and clears his throat hastily, a hand reaching to adjust his tie in a nervous tick. “Bread. I was curious if you had any loaves left, but I know it’s close to the end of day....” He trails off and hopes you don’t notice the heat blooming beneath his skin high on his cheekbones.

Locking eyes with you sends Nanami back to that morning in an instant. Waking up to the cold side of the bed, your clothes no longer scattered through the apartment, and no note on the counter. You, gone with the sunrise as if you never existed in the first place. A phantom determined to haunt him long after your departure. Stupid as it was, his heart had sunk at the realization you had left. You were just another one-night stand, so why had you been living behind his eyelids every time he closed his eyes the past month?

And here you were, behind the counter of the new bakery down the street from his office, looking just as you did that night. Maybe a little frazzled and flushed, but that didn’t stop Nanami’s heart lurching into his throat realizing you were right here in front of him.

“Oh yeah! We have a few in the back, give me a second,” You flash him a quick smile and push your back against the swinging doors taking you into the kitchen. The loaves sit on a metal prep table, wrapped in cellophane. They had been set aside by Suguru earlier in the day for you to take home, but suddenly you were quite willing to give them up. Leaning on the table, you take a second to gather your thoughts.

Should I tell him? Would it be worth it to tell him here and now? Fuck it. Gnawing on the inside of your lip and making a snap decision, you grab a loaf off the counter and push the doors back open to drop life altering news on the unsuspecting man out front.

 At the sound of you returning, Nanami is digging around in his pocket for his wallet before you’re holding up a hand to him.

“No worries, on the house,” You wave him off with a small laugh, but Nanami still continues pulling out his wallet anyways. You clear your throat and dig your fingernail into the wooden counter as the next words slip out. “Would you happen to have a few minutes?” You rush your next words at seeing the instant frown of confusion on his face. “I can make some coffee, and the shop is closing soon anyways. Just uh, something we should talk about,” You’re gnawing on your lip as your eyes nervously track his eyes and hope he doesn’t turn you down.

Nanami returns his wallet to his pocket slowly before nodding. What on earth could she possibly have to tell me?

A few minutes later, the doors are locked, neon sign above the door turned off, and two steaming mugs of coffee sat untouched on the small oak table in front of you. Nanami’s legs are crossed, awkwardly sat off to the side as they’re too tall to fit beneath the table. He’s looking at you expectantly, an unreadable expression on his face.

“There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to say it all and then we can talk,” You swallow one last time, as if it can erase the weight of the words on the back of your tongue. They’ll change your life as soon as you say them, and there’s no taking it back after that.

“I’m pregnant. It’s yours, as I haven’t.... slept with anyone else before you in well, a long time,” you scoff half-heartedly in a pathetic attempt to break the suffocating environment you’ve just created. “And no one since. I just found out last week. I didn’t take anything afterwards; we used a condom and I’m on the pill, but something broke or didn’t work,” You push out a breath.

“I considered uhhhh getting rid of it but couldn’t bring myself to walk into the clinic. I honestly was never expecting to see you again, and with no number I was planning on just raising them on my own and letting it be,” You swallow again, and take a deep breath before the end of your spiel. “I know this is a lot and quite unexpected, but I couldn’t let you walk out of here and risk not telling you and then never seeing you again. I thought you deserved to know.”

You pause in your rush of words to glance at Nanami. The color seems to have drained from his face in the moments since you said those all-important words, but you know you must finish before he can get a word in. “If you want to walk out of here and never contact me again and ignore us, that’s fine. I just thought you deserved to know. Even if it means you have to buy your bread from somewhere else,” The laugh bubbling from your chest sounds more akin to a sob, but you don’t acknowledge it.

 Your fingers fiddle in your lap as you sit in silence, watching the man sat across from you deep in thought. It’s as if you can see the cogs moving behind those sunglasses, decisions that will forever alter both of your lives being mulled over.

“When’s your first appointment?”

“I-what?” You start your sentence, not sure where you’re going, before your brain catches up and his words give you pause.

He clears his throat and adjusts his legs, a hand once again reaching for the yellow tie around his neck. “I think we were in the same boat of never expecting to see one another again. I can’t say I’m not a little happy that I was proven wrong,” His lips quirk up in a split second in a small smile. “And while this is certainly rather unexpected, and I don’t wish to be an inconvenience, I would like to be a part of....this,” He gestures to you, and you don’t miss the way his eyes drop to your midriff for a split second as if searching for a bump already.

 “I don’t want to come across as if I’m doing it out of moral obligation and not a desire to be a parent,” He clears his throat again. “Things in my life have not exactly gone the way I thought they would have at this age, and I did wish at some point in my life to be a parent. While potentially unorthodox, I don’t think this is a bad thing,” He finishes his statement and allows it to hang in the air between while you digest his words.               

“My first appointment is two weeks from today at the Shakuyaku Clinic at 2. If you would like to meet me here beforehand, around 1, we can head that way together. Don’t feel like you have to at all, I know you said you’re doing this not out of moral obligation bu-“ A hand reaching across the table, palm up in invitation, halts your rambling before it can really begin. Nanami’s tawny eyes are soft but serious as he stares across the table.

“I will be there because I want to be,” his voice is clear and steady, and in some way lifts a weight from your shoulders. “Could we exchange numbers so I can reach you if I need to?” The question is mundane and logical but slipping your phone from your back pocket to slide it across the table has you seriously considering the backwardness of the whole thing. Shouldn’t you have had his number before getting pregnant with his baby?

A moment later your phone is being pushed back across the table with a new contact page open. A cell number resides beneath the name you couldn’t remember from that night: Kento Nanami. You click the device off and slip it back into your pocket, intending to send him a message later for your number. An awkward silence descends upon the table again but is soon broken by Nanami speaking again. “How did you find out, if you don’t mind my asking?” He’s reaching for the coffee cup to sip from it as he waits, attention focused on you.

You laugh quietly as you think back to the evening it all went down. “Last week, like four days ago. My period was due, and I missed it for the first time in my life, ever,” You ignore the heat burning under your skin at admission of such intimate details to a practical stranger, ironic all things considered. “I had been feeling....off as it was. Fatigue I couldn’t shake no matter what, more sick in a few days than in the past 10 years of my life. I had a feeling, but I so badly wanted to be wrong, terrible as it may sound. I closed the bakery early one day last week and walked to the pharmacy because I couldn't focus properly. Bought 4 tests, and all of them spit back out the same result back at home. There were quite a few tears; it was rather unexpected as you might have guessed,” You sigh deeply.

He nods solemnly. “I understand it really isn’t anyone’s fault, but I am sorry that this has happened this way. A good accident but an accident nonetheless,” You nod slowly, tipping your head in agreement with the statement.

“If you’ll excuse me, I do have to get going. I know this can’t have been easy to bring up, especially under such bizarre circumstances, but I do mean it when I say I’m glad I ended up here today,” Nanami stands as he speaks, the chair scraping against the tile spurring you to stand with him. “Thank you for the coffee, and I will see you two weeks from today,” He offers a small smile that crinkles his eyes before grabbing his loaf and slipping from the door nearly as quickly as he entered it.

The silence left in his wake is just what you need in the moment. The world continues to turn outside of the window, but for a moment, you’re safely suspended. Ridiculous as it may be, you can’t totally shove down the hope taking root in your chest that things might just turn out alright.

5:15 PM

To: Kento Nanami (Baby Daddy)

From: Me

Hey, it’s me! See you in two weeks :)

5:17 PM

With a few words exchanged and a nod and wink from Shoko, you’re being led out of the club with a strong hand wrapped in yours. Crammed chest to chest on the subway back to his small apartment in a quieter part of the city, staring up at his golden irises, crinkled with a little drunken smile. After a quiet walk back to his building and a set of stairs later, you’re being pressed against the door, pink lips begging for more against your mouth. The taste of expensive whiskey floods your mouth as his tongue prods past your lips, pulling a soft gasp from you. Before you know it, you’re falling back against dark sheets, drenched in the scent of his cologne and detergent, his hair tickling against your cheeks as a hungry mouth sucks bruises into the tender skin of your neck. Those deft fingers you had watched him card through his hair earlier are now pulling gasps from your swollen lips as he sinks them into your plush center, clothes discarded somewhere between the front door and his bed.

“That’s it, that’s it,” he’s crooning praise into your ear as his fingers slide in and out of you at a rapid pace. Watching as your low moans break into a sharp cry as the pads of his fingers find that spongey spot up against your belly, eyes closed as you writhe beneath him. He’s drowning you in soft kisses against your cheek as the sounds of the filthy act he’s committing sound throughout the room. His other hand finds a grasp around your soft tit, rough pads gently tugging at the peaked nipple until goosebumps break out over your flesh. It’s not long before he has you clenching around his digits and your mouth open in a silent scream, gushing your release down his hand. He can’t remember the last time he was this worked up; leaking into his trousers like a hormonal teenager, hips pushing against air in the search of friction he so desperately craves.  

This was not how the night was supposed to end for one Kento Nanami. A long work week had left him feeling more defeated and disillusioned with the world than usual. A nightcap at his favorite bar wouldn’t be a bad idea, right? Better than drinking straight from the bottle at his kitchen counter, at least. A short ride from his office at an incredibly late hour, and he was inside the bar. A busy night, but he found what he was searching for in the bottom of the glass anyways. The hair on the back of his neck standing up was unusual, however, and he was looking over his shoulder warily. Scanning the crowd for whoever was staring at him, it all seemingly a blur of bodies, but someone caught his gaze. A woman, highlighted accidentally by a spotlight, glowing under a red halo, staring straight back at him.

"Fuck it," he mumbled to himself. Before he could think better of it or talk himself out of it, he was leaving his drink at the bar to head to the beautiful stranger in the crowd.

And now he was here. With you, this pretty little thing, panting and staring up at him through glossed out eyes.

“Please tell me you have condoms,” You’re smiling at him, a joking lilt to your tone, still a little breathless from your high. He snorts as he stands up beside the bed and unlinks his belt with a metallic clink resounding through the room, shirt and jacket already discarded in the trail of clothes you left from his door to his bedroom. The beige pants and the blue boxers beneath fall to the floor in one fell swoop, revealing a cock-swollen, fat, blushing and weeping at the tip, the trim patch blonde of hair at the base-leaving you wondering where it’ll fit. You watch in fascination as he bends at the waist and opens a bedside drawer, quickly tearing open a packet and rolling the condom onto himself.

“’Do I have condoms,’ she asks,” he’s shaking his head as he mutters, laughing to himself while crawling back onto the bed and positioning himself between your legs. You spread yourself a little wider, intending to draw him and make space for the massive bulk that’s just him. The boozey haze you were in has faded since the beginning of your time together and you’re grateful that you’ll be able to remember this tomorrow.

“Ready?” He’s asking in a gravelly voice as he grips his length, brushing it through the soaked flesh between your thighs. You suck in a breath through your teeth at the sudden contact. A large hand, still damp from where he was inside of you earlier, splays over your hip to keep you in place as he tears his gaze up for confirmation. A flustered ‘yes’ from you has him sinking in to you slowly. A low groan from deep in his chest, seeming almost against his will, breaks from his mouth as you clamp down around him instinctively.

“God, you’re tight,” his lean hips press forward achingly slow until he’s seated inside of you fully. Nanami prides himself on his restraint in all aspects of his life, but you are testing every cell in his being with the way you’re sucking him in. Some animalistic part of his brain is begging him to abandon all care for you and drill his cock inside of you until you’re pleading with him. His chest heaves as he stills inside of you, but a wiggle of your hips has him gritting his teeth and pulling nearly all the way back out before slamming forward into you.

Gone is the gentleman who had held your hand at the crosswalks home, replaced with a man hellbent on filling all of your senses with him. His hand was bruising in its grip on your hip, the other finding its way to the button of flesh at the peak of your thighs, rubbing it in slick and tight circles. His blonde hair had long fallen out of the neat comb, damp with sweat the ends as his head hung, eyes glued to where he disappeared over and over again inside of your tight cunt. Your high pitched whines as he kisses every sweet spot inside of you clash with his deep groans as he sinks into you, neighbors be damned. Nanami knows he’s not lasting long, not with the way you look so pretty spread out beneath him, sounding so needy, just for him.

“You’re gonna cum with me, mkay?” His words are slurred but it’s not because of the whiskey he left behind. He can feel it building in his belly as his balls tighten beneath him, brushing against the soft hair between your thighs. His thumb sets a brutal pace, pushing your poor clit in angry circles.

“I-I-I-I’m cu-“ You cut yourself off as your second orgasm of the night crashes over you in a rush. You’re tightening down on poor Nanami on instinct, and the man is an absolute goner. One final push of his hips has him filling the condom, grinding against you in desperation to sink into your soft heat as deep as he can.

Sometime after you’ve both caught your breath, a sticky condom is in the trash can, bedsheets changed, and you’ve both rinsed away the sweat and heat of the night, you’re falling back into bed beside Nanami. The soft glow from the bedside lamp is extinguished and the clean sheets rustle as he settles in. He’s reaching for you before he can tell himself it’s too much and is pulling you into the warmth radiating from his bare chest. You smile to yourself as you nuzzle into him, and with a mumbled “goodnight”, your breathing levels and you’re asleep.

Nanami follows you into darkness soon after, but not before having the fleeting thought that he hopes you’ll stick around.

His phone is still in his hand, he realizes, as it starts trembling. Without giving it a second thought, he’s opening the dial pad and punching in Haibara’s number. If anyone can talk him down from a ledge it’s his oldest and best friend.

“Come on, man, pick up,” he mutters into the receiver as it rings and rings and rings. He knew Haibara was busier this year than ever before because of hie new baby, but that was exactly what made him want to talk to his dear friend.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Haibara’s voice crackled through with a soft “hello?”. A children’s TV show play somewhere in the background, Haibara’s daughter high pitch squealing while his wife spoke to her, and before Nanami could say a word his heart was softening.

Haibara’s life, in that split second, sounded like nothing but sweet domesticity, and for a beat Nanami was devastated his life would never shape up to something like that. He had known that lifestyle would never be for him for years, but knowing he was becoming a father made that old ache of missing out on something settle behind his ribs once again.

“Hey, sorry to bother you, do you have a few minutes? I know it’s dinner and bath time soon, just uhhh, wanted to talk,” Nanami grimaces even though Haibara can’t see him.

“No, it’s totally alright, we just finished dinner and bathtime isn’t for a while. Is everything alright? You don’t make a habit of calling unless something’s wrong,”  Yu’s constant upbeat, peppy look on life hasn’t changed since high school, and right now that cheer is just what Nanami needs in his life.

“Yeah, everything’s all good. I actually just got some pretty big news,” Nanami pushes a breath out. Understatement of the century. “And wasn’t sure what to do so I called. You remember that woman I told you about a few weeks ago?”

“Mhmm....?” Haibara hums as he pretends to think, knowing well and good Nanami’s love life is as dull as the suits he wears. “The one-night stand that left and you were pouting about it for days?”

He snickers, recalling the last time the two had spoken was Nanami texting about this woman who had disappeared on him, as if he was so shocked that someone could leave him like that. Nanami realizes in the same moment as Haibara and groans, dragging a hand down his face.

“Yeah, her. Guess who works at the new bakery down the street from the office?”

“.... you’re kidding.”

Nanami snorts. “Do I wish I was. God, Haibara, she’s beautiful. I only saw her drunk, but standing in the light in that bakery? She had finally stopped living in the back of my mind, until she was just there in front of me,” Nanami stops on the sidewalk to talk, voice raising as he gesticulates with his hand, flinging the loaf with every sentence.

“I ask if there’s any bread, she ducks into the back. Comes back out and says she has something to tell me, then drops it on me that she’s pregnant. I just about fell out of my chair, and I’m pretty sure I was white as a sheet,” Nanami barks a laugh, recalling the way his stomach had absolutely plummeted when you said those two important words.  

“I’m going to be someone’s dad, Haibara. What the fuck? I just wanted to get something for lunch tomorrow, and now I’m going to be a father.” Nanami laughs again and it comes out sounding hysterical. His throat burns as his eyes sting behind his sunglasses.

“Wait, what?! What did you just say?” Haibara on the other end is appropriately confused. “Did you just say what I think you said? How-how did that even happen?”

Nanami heaves a weary sigh. “I did, and I’m not sure. We used a condom and she’s on the pill, best guess is the damn thing broke and we didn’t notice,” He laughs again, a little shakily, as the true weight of what’s happening lands on Kento all at once.

“Wow. Well, congratulations, Kento. Are you excited?” Haibara’s tone drops as he asks the question, treading carefully around such a huge, sudden change to someone’s life.

“I am,” Nanami surprises even himself as he speaks truthfully, swallowing that lump in his throat before starting again.  

Haibara hesitates on the other end, seemingly weighing the next question out of his mouth. “Are you two-are you two going to get together and raise the kid? Or are you just going to coparent?”

The question gives Nanami pause. He hadn’t even considered getting with you, truth be told. Based on what transpired just minutes ago, you had told him only because you wanted him to know and gave no inclination that he was wanted in your life beyond being a father to the kid.

“I-I honestly am not sure. She didn’t seem like she wanted me in any more capacity than being there for the baby. I don’t think she’s interested in anything like that,” Nanami frowns at the pavers beneath his feet as if they’re responsible for the recent developments in his life.

A few more minutes pass of talking between the old friends, catching up on the goings on in each other’s lives. Haibara offers one more congratulations in parting, and Nanami lets it sink into his chest to hold onto.

He’s going to be a father.

His mind is occupied the whole way home, and he doesn’t come back until he’s circling a date and time two weeks from today on the calendar in his kitchen.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

On the other side of Tokyo, your thoughts are spiraling out of control in your own way. Really, how in the hell are you supposed to tell your best friends news that will change all your lives forever?

As if summoned by the thought of them, a knock resounds from your front door into your apartment.

A glance at your watch confirms what you knew to be true but had forgotten in the whirlwind that your afternoon had turned into. It’s Thursday night, which means it’s family night. Dinner, a movie, board games, and booze. And of course, because why wouldn’t it be, it’s your turn to host. You groan quietly to yourself as you heave yourself off the couch and head for the door.

You twist the knob to reveal Shoko and Suguru. Both in soft pajamas and uttering greetings as they head past you into your kitchen. Suguru reaches for the fridge to place the case of Orion tucked under his arm inside, while Shoko leaves the few card games she came armed with on your island.

“Wasn’t sure what you guys wanted to do for dinner tonight so figured we could do take out,” You scratch at the back of your neck awkwardly, head down turned and shoulders tucked in. Shoko is the first to clock it, squinting suspiciously as her eyes rake down your body.

“Ok, spill, what’s going on with you?” Her tone comes off worried. Suguru closes the fridge and turns his attention to you. You open your mouth before you can think any better of it, already squirming under their scrutiny.

You laugh a little awkwardly as you shuffle your feet. “I have something important to tell you guys,” Your eyes dart over their faces. Two kids that you grew up with, through thick and thin, always having each other. You suck in a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant.”

Shoko pauses for a second, the words registering. Then she’s coming around the counter to wrap you in her arms, squeals of “oh my god!” and “How?! When?! Tell me everything!” as she’s holding you so tightly.

“Oh my god! My best friend is having a baby!” She pulls away and you notice the way the light catches her eyes, glistening with unshed tears. If she wasn’t holding onto your forearm, you would think Shoko would simply float away. But you watch as it clicks for her there’s a missing piece of this puzzle. “But wait. Who’s the dad?”

You can’t deny the thickness in your throat, and a wet chuckle escapes you because you know you’ll never live down your next sentence.

“Remember that guy I left the club with in Roppongi last month?” Shoko’s eyes turn down as she struggles to remember the night, all sort of a drunken blur.

 “The blonde?” She giggles as she recalls you being pulled out the door behind a rather tall man. Her fingers needle into your sides, pulling a startled laugh from you as you jump away from her. And suddenly her eyes are saucers. A shit eating grin stretches across her face.

“So what I’m hearing is me,” A finger points in her chest as she speaks. “Dragging you out to go clubbing, first time you get laid in months, and now you’re pregnant? He was handsome, too,” She nudges you with a shoulder and you both laugh like schoolgirls with a crush.

“The blonde?” Suguru echoes from across the counter. You had nearly forgotten he was there in his silence, too got caught up in the moment with Shoko. His hands were clenched at his side, jaw tense, face framed in a scowl, dark eyes shadowed in....anger? He raises a hand to gesture over his shoulder. “The guy that you kicked me out of the bakery for today?” His eyebrows climb up his face, unimpressed.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact,” You turn to Shoko, eyes brightening in remembering. “He came into the bakery by complete accident today. Thought I would never see him again, had kind of just accepted I would be raising the kid on my own, and he would be none the wiser. Left out his place without leaving a name or a number, and with Tokyo being well, Tokyo....” you trail off.

“But he showed up like half an hour before close, so I gave Sugu the boot and we sat and talked for a while. Felt he deserved to know he was going to be a dad, you know?”

Shoko nodded her head. “How did he take it?”

You snorted, recalling poor Nanami’s reaction. “Thought he was going to pass out. Turned totally white, but once he got over the shock, I think he was ok. Left me his number, he’s coming with me to my ultrasound in two weeks. Name’s Kento Nanami,”

Suguru scoffs and rolls his eyes. Shoko pipes up before you can get a word in but says what you’re thinking anyways. “What the hell is your problem? Our best friend just tells us she’s having a baby and that’s your reaction. Gross.”  Her grip on your arms tightens as if it can protect you from Suguru’s attitude.

Something’s wrong.

“What a stupid name,” Suguru mutters. He pushes back off the counter and heads back towards the door, nimbly bending to slip his shoes back on. “I’m going to head out, I don’t want to be here for all the girl talk that I know is about to happen,” The uncloaked disgust in his tone at girl talk sinks it’s teeth into your heart. As if it isn't something he's participated in more times than one could count over the years.

“Congratulations, or whatever,” A half assed wave is tossed over his shoulder as he steps out of the door he entered just a few minutes ago. The door rattling in the frame as it slams shut feels like some air of finality. Over what though, you don’t know.

The tears that unleash suddenly down your cheeks were no longer the joyous ones you had been fighting but were rather born of anger and sadness.

“What. The fuck. Was that?” Shoko stares at the doorway, echoing your very thoughts. If looks could kill the man outside would be long dead. Your shoulders slump, all of the giddiness sucked straight out of you with his departure. Shoko wraps a supportive arm around your shoulder and guides you straight back to the couch.

“Don’t worry about that prick. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but we’ll figure that out later. I want to know everything,” Shoko tucks her feet beneath her on your sofa, practically bouncing in excitement on the velvet.

You laugh through your tears, swiping a hand beneath your eyes at Shoko’s excitement. You’re launching into it before you can lose yourself in worrying over Suguru, and the night goes on.

But unbeknownst to you, Suguru doesn’t leave. Not for a while, anyways. Just stands in the hallway of your apartment building, back inches from your door, head hung low. The sound of you and Shoko talking on the other side is a faded hum behind the sound of his heartbeat rushing in his ears. Anger simmers beneath his skin, flushing him a furious red.

She’s pregnant.

His head falls into his hands as he groans softly at the images racing behind his eyes.

You, late in pregnancy, glowing and happy, hands beneath a swollen belly.

You, a baby wrapped in blankets, sleeping in your arms.

You, a little toddler propped on your hip, smiling at them, glowing with pride.

You, head tucked beneath the chin of that man and cradling your baby together, the perfect little family.

If he clenches his teeth any tighter at the last image Suguru thinks he’ll crack a tooth.

0914

From: Child’s Mother

Sounds good!! You don’t have to sign your text messages btw, you’re saved in my phone so I know who they’re from!! My address is:

1-Chome-19-11 Okusawa, Setagaya City, Tokyo 158-0083, Japan

Please don’t feel like you have to pick me up, I’m rather far from the restaurant and you don’t have to waste your time if you don’t have to, I wouldn’t mind meeting you there :)

09:16 AM

From: Nanami Kento (Baby Daddy)

I don’t mind, really. You could never be a waste of my time. I’ll be outside at 6pm.

And across the city in a high-rise business building, one salaryman is typing behind his computer with no clue what keys his fingertips are landing on. His mind is fully occupied with the device beside his keyboard on his desk and making sure he doesn’t miss when your name flashes across the screen. Was that too risky of a message?

0920

From: Child’s Mother

Alright, I can’t wait. Looking forward to seeing you again :)

9:21 AM

From: Nanami Kento (Baby Daddy)

Nanami Kento (Baby Daddy) liked a message

He would never admit to the way his shoulders relax as soon as he sees your message and knows he hasn’t overstepped.

And he’ll never know the way blood rushed to your cheeks when you read his message. You could never be a waste of my time.

 Which could mean nothing.

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It’s 5:55 when a knock sounds from your front door.

“Of course, he would show up early and not just text that he’s here,” you’re grumbling under your breath while wrangling an earring into your ear. But Shoko beats you to it, and suddenly you’re racing to finish getting ready before she can give him the 3rd degree.

The evening had been a time. Shoko had knocked on your door sometime around 4 with a bottle of wine and a rose between her teeth, waggling her eyebrows at you as you rolled your eyes and left the door open for her. Her laughter followed behind you into the apartment.

“I should have never told you about tonight,” You’re shouting from the bedroom as she shuffles around in your kitchen. “I can’t even drink what you brought!”

“It’s not for you, genius. It’s for me, when you get back from tonight and I have to listen to you complain about your love life like you don’t have legitimately one of the hottest men I have ever seen making goo goo eyes at you all night,”  Shoko whistles as she appears in the doorway, taking in the disaster spread throughout the room. “That serious, huh?”

You’re chucking a balled-up sweater at her head before she can catch it, but it just makes her laugh again.

“Yes, it is that serious. He even said it’s not a date, and I know it’s not a date, and yet....,” You’re gnawing on your lip as you think through your next words but decide they’re not even worth the breath to say them out loud. “Never mind. Help me pick something out?”

In an hour, Shoko has you standing in front of the mirror and smiling at your reflection. In the end, a baby tee beneath a dress and some flat soled sneakers was the answer to your dilemma. Easy, casual, and good for the heat you knew would dwell into the evening.

And that’s landed you here, losing track of time until the knock on your front door. But before you can even get out of your bathroom, you hear the door click open.

“Uhh, good evening, I’m here to pick up-“

“Oh, I know who you are, Mr. Baby Daddy,” Shoko is glaring at Nanami as he chokes on the nickname.

“I-I’m sorry, what did you just-“ Nanami is cut off by you this time as you finally make it to the front door, absolutely mortified.

“Shoko! Oh my god, get away from there, you fucking psycho,” You usher her away from the door as she grumbles something about a guard dog, but you pay her no mind as your eyes sweep over the man on your stoop.

Gone is the tan suit you’ve seen him in twice, replaced with a soft blue linen button down over a pair of khakis. His hair is loose, part of it tucked behind his ear. He looks relaxed and so much younger, like the suit he wears adds years to his face. You’re so distracted you almost don’t notice the bouquet of daffodils clutched to his chest.

“Hey,” He’s pushing the flowers towards you while your brain is still catching up to what your eyes are taking in. “These are for you. Almost ready?”

“Yeah, nearly. Come in, come in, let me put these in some water,” You’re stepping back to let him into your home before making a beeline to the kitchen, shooting a glare at Shoko on the couch as she bites back a grin. You’re rummaging below the sink when you hear Shoko clear her throat.

“I’m Shoko Ieri, the best friend. I’ve heard lots about you, Nanami. Nice to meet you.” She doesn’t bother to get off the couch to properly introduce herself, just waves from across the room as Nanami’s eyes flit around.  

He bows his head slightly, turning to face Shoko. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kento Nanami, the......baby daddy,” His eye twitches at the last phrase, belying his feeling on how scummy the phrase sounds coming off his tongue. “I will admit though, I haven’t heard much about you. How long have you two known each other?”

Shoko’s hand flies to her chest as she gasps in fake dramatics. “’Haven’t heard much about me?’” She parrots back, leaning back on the couch to catch your eye as you stand from beneath the sink, dusty vase in hand. “What am I, chopped liver?”

You’re rolling your eyes before you can help it as you fill the glass vessel. “Yes, Shoko. The scum of the earth, clearly,” Your eyes shift to Nanami to find he’s already looking at you. Focused, eyes soft, the ghost of a smile turning the corners of his lips up. “Just haven’t talked much about that kind of stuff. Really what tonight is for, no?”

“Yes, and speaking of, we should get going,” Nanami’s eyes drop down to his wrist and the gold watch wrapped around it. “Our reservation is at 7 so we should head out.”

You shoot one last glare at Shoko as she mouths shut the fuck up at the man holding your door open for you. You just shake your head before slipping your shoes on and stepping into the humid night, Nanami following and closing your door behind you two.

“Sorry about her. She can be....a lot, and by that, I just mean really annoying,” You’re scratching at the back of your neck sheepishly, but Nanami just offers an easy smile as you two fall into step together.

“It’s alright, I can understand being defensive over a best friend. I know she just wants what’s best for you, and this whole....thing,” He gestures into the air with his hand. “Can’t be easy on her either,”

His statement settles around you and ushers in an easy silence as your walk to the train station. Tokyo is coming to life in the dusk around you; restaurants bustling with people inside, kids running down the street from school to home, the sound of families in the kitchen floating down the street from open windows. It’s peaceful and warm, and you’re content to soak in the night with Nanami by your side.  

Tokyo’s rush hour is in full swing, and every square centimeter of available space is taken by someone or other. Nanami guides you onto a car with a hand on the small of your back, the heat from his palm radiating into your skin. Once inside, he’s keeping his back between you and the oppressive crowd while you stand right beside the door. His hands come to hold onto the railing above his head, standing over you protectively, head bowed to keep his gaze on you in the silence. Some feral part of your brain is singing at how he stands, his hulking form keeping you from brushing against strangers.

And inside the head of the man himself, Kento can’t even be irritated by the people pressing in on all sides on him for he is too dialed in on you. The way the scent of your shampoo floats up when you nervously adjust your hair, the way your eyes reflect the lights above his head when you look up at him, and how pretty you look in the dress you have on tonight.

He swore his heart had stopped beating for a minute when you opened that door for him tonight; backlit by the kitchen lights, hair cascading over your shoulders, just looking so beautiful. Knowing it was for him, even if he told himself it wasn’t a date, still made his chest burn.

Before he can shake himself of his thoughts clouded with you, the train takes a sharp turn, sending you hurtling face forward into his chest. Nanami braces against the loops his hands fit in as he holds up both his and your own body weight. A warmth flares to life in his gut at the feeling of your body against his, lizard brain coming online and telling him to hold you and keep you safe.

But all too soon, you’re scrambling back with a hand on his chest to push yourself away, expression screaming embarrassment while your eyes shine in something just short of panic and a crimson flush runs down your neck.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to just.... face plant into you,” Your hand hovers over his clean shirt like you somehow damaged it. You tuck your hair behind your ear and lower your eyes to your feet like the answer to erasing such a stupid moment lies in your shoelaces.

Your eyes close for a split second before there’s two fingers below your chin, gently grasping to lift your face up to meet soft hazel eyes.

“Hey,” His voice is quiet to not disturb the hush of the car. “It’s no big deal, really what I’m here for anyways,” Nanami’s eyes bounce over your face as you nod, really all you can manage in your flustered state.

Mercifully, the train arrives at your destination soon after, and you’re off as soon as the doors open. You drag in a breath, and it feels like the first one you’ve truly taken since Nanami showed up on your doorstep. He takes up so much space in his physical form but crowds out more space in your head than you’d ever confess.

“Come on, this way,” His hand slips into yours easily as he navigates through the throngs of people on the platform, his large frame clearing the way for you behind him. You’ll panic with Shoko later over how natural it felt to hold onto his hand.

But the moment is over as soon as it begins as you trek up the stairs out of the station and onto the street level, your hand loosing from his grasp as soon as you’re free of the crowds. You’re in a quieter part of the city, more residential than anything. The restaurant is down a narrow side street at the bottom of an apartment block.

Quiet and intimate is the word you’d choose as you step into the door Nanami holds open for you. A few other patrons take up room in the small space, and there’s a bar with another couple sitting at it. Nanami gives his name and the hostess guides you to a small table set for two beside a window looking back onto the street.

The summer sun is being swallowed by the horizon, its dying light beaming through the window as you both take a seat. It washes over Nanami and illuminates the gold woven through his hair. His hazel eyes, glowing amber in the last rays, catch on yours, and you’re caught. Exposed for a second at being reminded how handsome he really is. It’s not like it’s a secret; after all, there’s a reason you left with him that night, but sitting here and soaking up the sun? It’s like you’re seeing him for the first time all over again.

“Good evening folks! My name is Yuta, I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get you started with some drinks?” Your waiter, a young man with shaggy dark hair, brings you back down to earth with his questions, thankfully. Nanami is asking after the specials while you’re trying to act like some warm little thing didn’t just burrow it’s way into your heart.

“And before I go, any special occasion tonight? Just a date night?” Yuta’s eyes bounce between you and Nanami as he waits for an answer and you both seem to short circuit at the suggestion. Nanami’s back goes ramrod straight as his eyes land on you as if waiting to follow your lead.

“No, no, nothing-“

“It’s not like that-,” Your voices overlap in an awkward denial, cutting yourselves off as soon as the other opens their mouth. Yuta just nods with an uncomfortable “ok” like he regrets asking and turns on his heel.

“Sorry. Caught a little off guard, you know?” You chuckle but there’s little humor behind it. Nanami just heaves a sigh and doesn’t respond, choosing to bury his nose in his menu in his lap. This is going great.

Yuta returns with two waters soon thereafter, and the awkwardness is forgotten in deciding over the beef or chicken. Nanami breaks the silence the server leaves in his wake, fiddling with the silverware on the table as he starts speaking.

“So, this might be weird, but I feel it should be discussed before you get too far along, and we’re here. What is our plan going to look like as far as raising the little one,” He clears his throat like it will help clear the stiff air hanging over the table. “Coparenting? Split custody? Do we need to get a lawyer involved in this?” Nanami’s gaze pins you to your seat as your mouth twitches, mulling over his questions.

“No, no lawyers. I really see no reason to drag one into this, all things considered. There’s no bad blood, we’re not in a relationship,” You pause to swallow and miss the way Nanami’s lip turns down the slightest degree.

“And I don’t see anything like that happening to even need something to that degree. We can probably decide on a custody schedule further down the line. Do you have a spare bedroom at your place? Where do you live anyways?” You sip your water and watch him over the glass.

“I do, and I live not far from you. Just a little further north into Setagaya. As for the spare, it agree it would be best to turn it into a nursery; I can start working on that in my off time. Assuming you’re going to be doing the same thing? Do you even have a second bedroom?”

“Of course. I’ll be roping Shoko and Suguru into helping me transform it,” You snicker at the thought of Shoko with painters tape and a roller, knowing she’d curse your existence the whole time but do it anyways.

“Suguru?” Nanami echoes back across the table, furrowing his brow. He knows he would remember another man’s name rolling off your tongue.

“My other best friend. I’ve known him even longer than Shoko, really. We grew up together, our parents were neighbors when we were kids. But he....” Your words slide to a stop, unsure of what to even say.

“He was upset when I told him and Shoko I was pregnant. Didn’t talk to me for a while, showed up on my doorstep the night of the ultrasound apologizing, but we got into a fight again and I haven’t spoken to him since,” A familiar heaviness makes a home in your chest remembering the way he had slunk out the door and into the night and the radio silence that’s lingered since.

Nanami’s eyes darken as you speak, some shadow of anger clouding his eyes. “It might not be my place, but that doesn’t sound like much of a friend to me,”

Words in Suguru’s defense sit heavy on your tongue, but you know the point Nanami makes is true. How Suguru has treated you since you told him isn’t what a friend would really do, especially one that you’ve known for as long as him.

“Yeah. I think some part of me knows that but isn’t ready to let go yet, you know?” Nanami watches as your eyes lose focus, drifting back somewhere to your memories of a stranger.

“But we don’t have to talk about that,”

Your mouth pulls up in a small smile but there’s no warmth in your eyes, and Nanami hopes for his sake that he never meets the man that’s caused this much sadness to take root in you.

<><><><><><><><><> 

“I feel like I should be making some joke about a food baby, but that’s not quite true,” You’re giggling at yourself as you walk out of the restaurant and into the warm and dark night.

You had gotten completely lost in conversation with Nanami. Swapping stories, complaints about siblings and parents and coworkers, and all the easy things that makes up a person’s identity. You learn he’s Danish, despises having to work overtime, and is a serious bookworm.

You tell him about your career before the bakery, how your family settled in Tokyo generations ago after emigrating, and how you were allergic to penicillin and turtles.

Before you knew it, Yuta was giving you the boot as the lights turned off over the bar. Nanami had tossed out several large yen notes from his wallet onto the table and was standing before you could even argue over the bill, like it wasn’t even a thought for him.

You’re stone cold sober but feel tipsy from the night that’s transpired. Nanami’s eyes have softened over the course of the night, like spending time with you bled the tightness from his body.

Two hands stretch your dress over the bottom of your belly, highlighting the swell there as he falls into step beside you.

But all he gives you is a noncommittal hum as he glances to where your hands have highlighted the bump where his baby grows. You watch as the muscles in his jaw tick as he stares back straight ahead, his back tightening again. And the message isn’t lost on you as you drop your hands and try not to let his reaction stain the memory of the rest of the night.

It’s a quiet train ride back to your apartment. The traffic from earlier is all but gone, and the only company in the train is a few drunk tourists, talking loudly across the aisle from you. You’re fighting your eyelids and trying in vain to keep your head from falling over onto his shoulder.

Normally you would just have let it drop, too tired to care if it was even a stranger beside you. But he’s seemingly reverted to the postured salaryman you knew from the beginning. You’re not sure what you did to make him act like this, but you don’t want to make him any more uncomfortable, so you lean your head against the cold metal railing instead and try to stay awake for the walk back.

And Nanami sits on his hands while a war is waging inside his own mind. He knows he’s a rational adult, but you showing off your bump leaving the restaurant had triggered something in his head that he could not stifle. He knew he’d do something stupid if he so much as glanced at you after that, so what had he done instead? Gone internal and silent, cutting you off with some wall drawn up in an instant.

And now he’s here. Watching with self-induced heartache as you try and try to fight off the sleep pulling you under. He wants to tuck up against you, slouch in his seat so he’s at your height and offer his shoulder, but he doesn’t.

He sits there and watches in agony as you lean against the railing instead. It’s cold and unforgiving and everything he’s not, but the irony isn’t lost on him. So instead of doing what he wants to, Nanami drowns in a sorrow he brought upon himself and doesn’t move.

His silence lasts all the way to your front door. Shoko is inside and you know the door is open for you, but for now Nanami stands in front of you. The porch light she left on paints half his face and leaves the other side shadowed, and you briefly think it’s a good metaphor for his hot and cold attitude tonight.  

“Thanks for dinner tonight, I had a good time. And I’m sorry if I said something off putting earlier. You got kind of...tense, afterwards, and I’m sorry if I offended you,” He’s opening his mouth to say something, anything. Anything to keep you from walking into that door with a poor impression of him, but you’ve already turned your back and walked the few steps to your door.

“Goodnight, Nanami,” And that’s all he gets before Shoko appears from the other side and lets you in with one last glare pinned on him.

The door swings shut with a click, and you’re gone from his sight. Nanami doesn’t see your lower lip start to tremble as you recount the night to Shoko, and you don’t see the frustrated man kicking himself all the way back to his apartment.  

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taglist: @rarepandalily @eclipseahmed3 @t4naiis @fortunatelydistinguishedobject

From your rumpled bed, your alarm on your phone blares, effectively breaking the quiet trance of the morning. You push yourself from the floor with a sigh, padding back through to your bedroom to kill the noise. You quickly make the bed before turning to your dresser to change into your uniform for the bakery.

In bending down to grab a shirt from a drawer, your eyes snag on your exposed midriff for a second too long in the mirror atop the dresser. You squint at your own reflection, caught in a raw moment of not believing what you’re seeing.

There’s a bump.

Your breath catches in your throat. Maybe it’s just bloating and your frazzled brain wants to believe what you’re seeing to justify the turmoil it’s caused in your life. Nearly imperceptible; if someone who didn’t know your body as well as you did saw it, they wouldn’t bat an eye. It’s there, pushing your pajama pants down beneath it. Soft and delicate, just the slightest outward swell of your abdomen, but it’s so real. It solidifies what you’ve already known for weeks but didn’t have visible proof for.

“Hey there, little one,” There’s a waver in your voice as you trace a finger over the mound. You twist and turn your hips in the mirror experimentally, but nope. The bump stays. Not a trick of the light, just evidence of the life growing inside of you. “We get to see you for the first time today. Fingers crossed I’m doing my job right and growing you all strong and healthy.” The last sentence is spoken more to yourself than anything. It’s hushed and delicate, as if your words could break the small life within.

Soon after, you’re locking your door. The sun is waking as you walk to the bakery, painting the houses lining the road in a golden light. The last bite of the summer evening chill, lingering in dawn, nips at your cheeks. There’s not a soul out, and you bask in the quiet before Tokyo rises for the day.

The bakery slowly rouses from its own slumber as you move around it at your own pace. It’s two hours before opening, and there’s no rush as you prep. Firing on ovens, rolling out cold dough from the fridge to proof, dotting balls of cookie dough on a sheet, filling up muffin tins with fresh batter. It all has become second nature to you. The daily expression of a childhood dream imbued in all the treats you so carefully pulled from flour and sugar day in and day out.

The morning is a steady flow of patrons, some familiar and some new faces. But before long, the rush fades and the bakery quiets with the afternoon lull. You stand behind the counter and try not to let the trepidation of today and what it means for the rest of your life encroach too heavy on your mind.

The deadbolt on the front door is sliding home with a dull thud when you hear footsteps approaching behind you. Turning on your heels has your eyes landing on the practical stranger you’re taking with you to see your baby for the first time.

You haven’t spoken to Nanami since he left the bakery that afternoon two weeks ago. Really, what was there to talk about? He knew where and when to be the next time you needed him, and you weren’t one to waste your time with forced conversations if there was no need. He hadn’t reached out either, and that was just fine with you.

“Good afternoon,” His greeting was as stiff as his demeanor as he stopped beside you. The same sunglasses you saw him slip on as he left the bakery last time adorned his face now, hiding his eyes from your view. His beige suit jacket is slung over the arm tucked to his side, a blue collared shirt tight across his broad chest. You’re squinting into the sun behind him as you look up at him.

“Hey. We’re heading this way,” Your chin gestures down the street on as you step in the opposite direction. A comfortable silence settles over the two of you as you stroll side by side towards the train station.

“So,” Nanami breaks the silence first, clearing his throat before continuing. “How have you been? Is everything going well?” He doesn’t specify but the real question lingering beneath his words isn’t lost on you.  

You snort incredulously as you recall this morning and all the mornings since last week. “I’ve been about as good as one can expect at this point, if I can be honest. Sick as a dog every morning, having a hard time keeping things down, all the nasty things that come along with this,” Your mouth twists up in a grimace. “Thankfully the smells of the bakery haven’t made me sick yet, but I think it’s an inevitability at this point.”

Nanami visibly pales at the onslaught of unpleasant information but nods in understanding. “I’ve read that early stages of pregnancy can be rather...unpleasant for the mother. I’m sorry it’s affecting you so severely, though. Is there anything I can do?” His voice is relaxed, but his words go in one ear and out the other as you’re still stuck on his first sentence.

“Hang on. Where did you read that?” You look at him, puzzled, and Nanami meets your eyes.

“I’ve picked up a few books on the topic since you told me. Figured I should do my best to be prepared, even though we still have a while to go,” His mouth twists in a shy move as his eyes move away, like he’s embarrassed to admit how excited he is for this new part of his life.

You laugh a little at his obvious discomfort. It slips from your lips effortlessly and relaxes the nervous knot in his belly a little. Something about his embarrassment is so human and endearing, it catches on one of your ribs and finds a home in your chest.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea, reading up on things before they get here,” You pause a second to weigh whether what transpired this morning is worth admitting to him.

“Actually, this morning, I was getting ready and saw myself in the mirror, and there’s a bump there. It’s small but it’s there. Really made it feel...real, you know? I have those lines on the test, and all the awful symptoms, sure, but before there was nothing really saying there’s a baby in there.” Your eyes get a little distant at recalling the events, the same feelings of recognition flooding back into your body.

A look of something flashes across his visage before his face relaxes back into the lines of neutrality. Longing, perhaps, or sorrow, but it’s gone as soon as it appears, and you have no time to dwell on it before his next question. A flush creeps onto your cheeks, unrelated to the summer swelter.

“So, tell me a little bit about yourself? Probably should know a little bit about each other, all things considered,” he offers up tentatively.

“Probably, huh?” You break into rambling about yourself, school and family, college and a career you had in what felt like another life as the station comes into view.

Nanami takes everything in with an attentive ear, tucking the personal information away somewhere in the back of his head. An air conditioning unit above the door of the train cools the sweat on your damp skin, and you shiver in the chilly atmosphere as you enter. The afternoon rush has started in earnest, and there’s only one available seat inside the packed car. You sit down, and Nanami spends the whole ride standing above you. He stays far away enough to not crowd you, but close enough to send the message that he’s there to keep you safe, and part of you knows he means not just here.

Half an hour later you’re stepping off the train and back into the summer swelter. Nanami is beating you in breaking the silence, resuming your previous conversation where you left off at.

“If I might ask,” he starts carefully, glancing down to you to see you looking back to him waiting on his question. “How did the bakery get its name? It’s a little.... creative.”

“Wow, Nanami, way to tell me I have bad naming skills. Remind me of this conversation in a few months when we’re picking out baby names,” You shake your head like you can’t believe him but the mischievous grin on your face says otherwise.

And poor Nanami is just glad you can’t see inside his head or see the way his brain is short circuiting at the casual way you mention picking out names for your baby. You speaking up breaks him from the internal spiral he was about to embark on.  

“It’s from when I was a kid. It was always my dream to be able to bake professionally. It was a stress hobby I picked up in middle school, but my parents never saw a career in it, so they pushed me to university for a more serious career.” You frowned at the pavement as you walked, old frustration at your parents bubbling in your chest, even all these years later.

“But when that all came crashing down last year, I said screw it and decided to open the place. Cranberry Bob was a name my friends and I had come up one day, talking about something else years ago, but it had stuck in my head for some reason. So, I decided to name the bakery that in honor of my friends and finally realizing my dreams,” You finished proudly. “How did you end up a salaryman?”

He heaved a small sigh at the question, and you wonder briefly if you shouldn’t have asked. “How does anyone ever end up a salaryman? Just the first job that took me in after college. I have been at the same company for almost 10 years now. If we’re both being honest today, work has really been all I do,” he halfway shrugs like the confession is embarrassing to say out loud.

“Work, sleep, repeat. Not much else going on in my life. Goal was to save up enough money to move somewhere with a low cost of living sometime in the next two decades. Maybe Malaysia. Enjoy the time I spent working now when I’m older.” He hesitates to say his next sentence, like he doesn’t want the words to be spoken because it will make them come true. “But uhh, that plans changed a little bit now,”

 A weight sinks into your belly, some sense of blame shrouding your good mood. “You know, I don’t want you to feel like you have to be here. Offer is still on the table to lea-“

Your rambling is interrupted by your name in a rather dreadful tone from beside you. As if your statement was not even worth bringing into the universe. He steps into your space a little more, facing you completely.

“What?” You’re looking up to find a furrowed brow. Nanami’s hands are shaking, with anger or restraint you’re not sure, as he brings them to your shoulders. His hands are warm as the heat bleeds through your thin t shirt to your skin. He’s so close you can smell his shampoo and his cologne, a familiar scent that brings back memories of the night this all started.

“I need you to let that thought go from your head, for good. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, and in whatever capacity you’ll have me, I’m intending to stay in your life and our baby’s life for good. We’re literally here,” He motions with one hand to the sign above him for the clinic; you hadn’t even noticed you were outside. “Right now, and I wouldn’t be here if didn’t mean to be present. Please stop suggesting I leave,” His voice is strong and steady and leaves no room for argument.

A lump is stuck in your throat at the honesty and warmth shining from his eyes as he looks directly at you. I’m not going anywhere, please stop suggesting I leave. When he’s satisfied with your nod of understanding, his hands drop from your shoulders. You don’t have time to dwell on why you miss them on your skin before he’s swinging the door open for you.

There’s a few other women in the waiting room of the clinic, in various stages of pregnancy, some with young children playing on a mat on the floor. It’s sterile and a little cold, but posters and plants in the room brighten the space. A receptionist greets you with a smile and hands over some paperwork on a clipboard to be filled out.

You quickly find an open seat and begin filling in the empty spaces, muttering under your breath as you try to recall pertinent information. Nanami sits beside you, folding his large body into the small chairs.

“Marital status: single,” you whisper the words under your breath harshly, as if they offended you with their presence. The emphasis isn’t lost on Nanami who’s hoping you don’t notice the flush on the tips of his ears.

A few minutes pass of you idly flipping through old magazines beside your chair before your name is being called by a nurse in scrubs from a door across the room. Your bag beside the chair is snatched up by Nanami before you can grab it, but he just motions to the nurse before you can argue with him. You roll your eyes but follow her down a small hallway before being directed into a small room.

“The sonographer will be in shortly,” The nurse says brightly before closing the door behind her, leaving you and Nanami together in a comfortable silence. He sits on a small bench beside the bed you’re perched on, paper crinkling beneath your thighs as you sit awkwardly, not sure what to say.

Thankfully, a knock lands on the door only a few seconds later, and a tall woman with bright blonde hair comes in, a wide smile on her face. “Good afternoon, everyone! My name is Yuki, I’ll be conducting the ultrasound today,” She offers a greeting to Nanami who just nods his head. She moves through the room as she preps, slipping on gloves and moving a small machine around to your bedside.

“If you could just lay back for me and lift your shirt for me, we’ll be on our way,” You do as she instructs, laying back against the crinkling paper and wiggling to get comfortable. Goosebumps arise on the exposed skin in the chill of the room. Yuki grabs a small bottle on the machine and shakes it briefly.  

“This will be cold,” is all the warning you get before a squeeze of some goop is on your belly. You gasp a little at the sensation.

From the corner of your eye, you watch Nanami as he rises to stand beside you. The air of stress he had been carrying with him earlier when he met you in front of the bakery, bled out over the course of getting here, seems to have returned. Spine straight, shoulders back, brows furrowed, taking up all the space in the room with his worry.

A hand settles on your calf where your pants ride up. You don’t shy away from the contact. His hand is warm, seeping that same heat into your chilled skin. His thumb starts to move in small circles. Whether it’s to calm him or you, though, you don’t know.

“And here we go!” Yuki says as she takes a small wand and rubs it through the gel on your belly, digging in a little bit as she searches for something. And just as you think your heart will pound out of your chest with nerves, and you have half a mind to ask what she’s looking for, Yuki’s face relaxes.

“There it is. Do you want to see your baby?” Her eyes dart to yours with a soft smile. You’re nodding before she’s even done speaking, and then she’s spinning around the screen and there it is.

Its black and white and a little hard to make out, but there on your screen is the outline of a small baby. A breath catches in your throat before you can even fully recognize it, and Nanami’s hand clamps down around your calf in the same second.

“And here is the heartbeat!” She hits a button on her side, and then there’s a rapid thump thump thump resounding through the small space.

“Oh my god,” you hand flies to your mouth as a sob breaks free of your mouth. It’s sudden and surprising, but you don’t stifle the tears as they spring to your eyes and flow freely down your cheeks.

Through your blurry sight, you nearly miss the way Nanami instantly deflates at the sound. Shoulders slumping forward and head drooping. Like all the stress of the day was keeping him upright and it just disappeared at the sound. Your teary eyes find Nanami’s in the dark room as he looks back at you, some unnamed emotion swimming in his eyes,

“The doctor will be in soon,” Yuki whispers before backing out of the room, leaving the two of you to bask in the moment together.

“Wow,” you breathe out. A laugh makes its way through the sobs at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. “I’m having a baby. We’re having a baby,” you emphasize, leaning forward to grab at Nanami’s arm to ground yourself here. He laughs at your obvious statement, a little lost in his own emotions.

Before he can get a word in, a knock resounds from the door. A hulking doctor with dark hair and a large facial scar is stepping into the room next.

“Good afternoon, everyone. I’m Doctor Todo,” He shakes your hands individually before moving back to the ultrasound machine. He repeats the movements of Yuki; squirting more of the gel for the ultrasound onto your belly before taking the wand to it and searching for your baby once again.

A few minutes pass as he clicks around on the machine, explaining as he does what he’s measuring limbs. The steady heartbeat of the baby fills the room the entire time, practically music to your ears.

“Well, everything looks good on this end. Baby is exactly where we’d expect to be about 6 weeks along. There’s nothing to be concerned about at this time I can see, and I’m very happy to say that. Would you like a copy of the ultrasound to take home?” The doctor hands you a wad of paper towels to wipe your belly off, and Nanami backs up a step to allow you to move.

“Yes, we’d love two copies, if you wouldn’t mind,” you say as you pull your shirt back down. Nanami nods in agreement, and watches in suspicion as the doctor’s eyes bounce between you two. It’s like he can see something, but keeps his lips sealed.

Soon after, with ultrasounds inside envelopes tucked into your bag and another appointment booked for a few months from now, you’re stepping back out into the hot afternoon. It feels like you’re floating somewhere high above the ground, some sense of security settling around you with the knowledge your baby is healthy.

Digging one of the envelopes from your bag, you hand it to Kento with a bright grin. He takes it and fiddles with it between his fingers, seemingly deep in his head.

 “Thanks again for coming today, I’m really glad you were able to be here for it,” You speak earnestly and hope he understands you mean it.

“Really, I should be thanking you. If you hadn’t decided to tell me that day, I wouldn’t be here right now. So, thank you for telling me and letting me be here, even though it must have been difficult. I’m very grateful to be doing this with you. Even if it is a little messy,” The honesty drips from his words and lands somewhere in your heart. It’s all you can do to nod in agreement with him without letting tears well in your eyes again.

“I’m glad you’re here, too,” And you mean every word as they leave your lips. “Well, I’ll see you at the next appointment,” You give him one last wave as you’re stepping off the sidewalk, before a steely grip wraps around your wrist.

Spinning on your heels, you’re face to face with Nanami, looking a little forlorn. He releases your wrist almost as quickly as he grabbed it. “Sorry, I just-“He seems to stumble over his own words as you wait, emotionally recovering from the last words out of your mouth.

“Can I see you before that? I know you don’t owe me anything, it’s nothing like that, I just would like to buy you dinner. Strictly as friends,” He’s looking at you with hope written clear across his handsome face, and really, how could you say no?

“I’d really like that,” You say truthfully. Your thumb hooks over your shoulders, gesturing behind you. “I do have to get going though, text me the details?”

“Absolutely. I’ll see you then. Please get home safely,” Nanami smiles, truly, for the first time today and it’s like seeing the sun break the clouds after days of rain. Something warms in your chest as you step off the sidewalk again, tossing a wave over your shoulder to the man left standing in front of a woman’s clinic and wondering what the hell he’s gotten himself into.

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It’s later that night a knock came to your door.

It’s too early for dinner but too late in the afternoon to make any trip worthwhile, which lands you in the quiet of your home. Doomscrolling with unseeing eyes on the living room couch while your mind is on a sabbatical, somewhere beyond the four walls around you.

Your heart jumps in your chest at the sound traveling through the empty air in the apartment, pulling you back to the present in a snap. A look through the peephole would have confirmed your feeling on who was behind it, but you don’t even bother before swinging it open.

Suguru.

He looks bogged down, like the weight of the world has found a home between his shoulder blades. Dark hair like a curtain of ink falls over his shoulders, softly curling at the ends.

You haven’t seen him in weeks. He had stormed out of your doorway that night and you hadn’t seen nor heard from him since. He had gone MIA on Shoko too. The missed phone calls and unread messages had built up on your phone like a stain you couldn’t scrub from the forefront of your mind. It was like he disappeared from this earth the moment he closed that door, never to be seen or heard from again until now. Where he went or what he was doing in that time you don’t know, but knowing he could drop you at any time, like you were the gum on the bottom of his proverbial shoe, cut deep.

“Hey,” He’s sheepish, eyes darting to yours and away as fast as they land. “Can I come in?”

You purse your lips as you lean against the door, cocking your head and blocking your apartment from him. “Depends. Am I here to be an emotional punching bag for you that Shoko will have to put back together again?” An unimpressed brow creeps towards your hairline as he shuffles on his feet, cringing as your words find their target on his heart.

“Actually, I’m here to apologize for just that. Please, let me in?” His eyes are begging, something raw bleeding from the brown depths.

A sigh is creeping from your lungs as you roll your eyes. But you relent anyways.

“Come on,” He’s quickly moving past you into the warmth of your living room as you step aside. But Suguru doesn’t sit, he just.... hovers. Like the room is unfamiliar to him and he isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to be doing with a chair. You match his stance and cross your arms across your chest, staring expectantly from across the rug.

“I’ll keep this short,” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat before starting again. “I’m sorry about last week. I’m happy for you, I really am. I-I just wasn’t sure how to take it. You can imagine it was quite a shock.” He halfway smiles like he’s expecting you to blindly agree with him.

A scoff leaps from your throat. “You’re preaching to the choir here, Gu. How do you think I felt?” The anger he left in his wake when he slammed that door last week rears its head again under your skin.

“I tell the people who I love more than anything in this world, something that’s going to change all of our lives for good. And your reaction was act like I just told you the world was ending next week. Then you just disappear?! No texts, no phone calls, just radio silence as punishment for telling you I’m pregnant. I mean, who does that to their friend?” Tears, fueled by your anger, spring to your eyes as you recall the fury and hurt he left you with for Shoko to deal with that night, and all the nights since.

“You don’t get to waltz in here after hurting me, not talking to me for weeks, apologize, and think that makes everything alright,” Fists curled at your side as you glare at your best friend across from you, looking something akin to a deer in the headlights.

A sob claws its way out of your throat before you can stop it. Your hand slaps over your mouth, but it’s too late. Suguru’s taking a step towards you across the room before you hold a hand up and he stops in his tracks. Seeing you breaking down and knowing he was the cause was the breaking point in this mess for him. Some sad creature in his chest is crying out for you at seeing the pain he knows he caused so plainly on your beautiful face.

“Listen, I know I was out of line,” His hands come up in an appeasing gesture as if they could hold back the emotional floodgates. “I just couldn’t stand to be in that room anymore, it hurt too much,” His voice tapers out, so quiet you almost miss the words at the end.

Your retort that had been built on your tongue evaporates in an instant. “What ‘hurt too much’ about me telling you I’m pregnant? What does that even mean?” Ice poured through your veins, some realization creeping from the back of your mind.

“Nothing, just forget it,” Suguru waves a hand like it was a moot point. “I am so, so sorry,”

 Somewhere between his first apology and now, you knew he wasn’t just apologizing for his behavior last week anymore. Some parts of your brain understand what his pleading eyes mean, but the better half of you willfully ignores it.

Shoko’s sly comments that you were never quite far enough out of earshot for. Suguru’s willingness to be there at your beck and call for anything, in the middle of the night or the workday, like a love-struck puppy. The soft glances out of your corner of your eye you ignored for your own peace of mind. A blush with no rhyme or reason across his pretty cheekbones when you brushed against him in his shoebox apartment during hang outs. All the signs you had ignored for the sake of your friendship slid into place in an instant. But there was no room for it in your life now.

 “You know what? Just... just get out. I don’t- I don’t know how to let you back into my life right now. You really, really hurt me, Suguru, and I don’t have room in my life right now for.... whatever this is.” Your hands wave through the air as you talk, like it’s enough to describe the man bleeding out on your living room floor. Tears, unbidden, pour down your cheeks as you fight past the knot in your throat to get your final words out.

“Just please leave.”