reblog my palestine posts, cowards

the thing about having hope is that it is so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so difficult. but you have to do it anyway

idk but when i discover new books and music i’m just excited to be alive again. yes a bit dramatic but that’s how i feel when i discover them

"it would be so good if it was good" will haunt you but "it's extremely good, except for the one or two parts which are so bad it's genuinely kind of insulting" will straight up drive you insane

You have to let people love you. You have to let people get to know you. You have to let people help you. Being so completely selfless that you try to erase yourself off the face of the planet and never ask for anything and reject everybody's offers of support makes you very hard to love! Unfortunately. Emptying yourself out of everything that makes you, you is not actually what your loved ones want from you, generally. They want to make you happy! They will be so so sad if you don't give them the chance. It's not all selfish. I promise.

One thing that worries me about the use of AI is whether or not it can worsen people's dementia and alzheimer's in the future. When my grandmother was first diagnosed, we got her math activity books. Now, my grandmother never had a formal education, but we did our best to keep her sharp, get her to do math and writing activity books, sudokus, playing board games that required some level of strategizing with her. Her family is prone to alzheimer's and dementia (both her siblings had it and deteriorated very very very quickly, which yeah, scares the shit out of me being her granddaughter) but she was the one whose mind lasted the longest, she only passed away two years ago, at 88, ten whole years after her initial diagnosis and sure, she had forgotten things, recipes and where she put her glasses and appointments, but she never forgot any of us, ten whole years in, she still remembered us. Now, this may have been luck, but doctors always said the constant mental work + companionship + medicine helped her a lot. So I'm thinking, these people who are now relying on AI for everything, from email-writing to thinking what's for dinner to casual conversations, I've even seen people rely on it to calculate what time they should leave their house if they need to be at a place at a specific time and their commute lasts X number of minutes. As if that's not... the simplest math operation possible? You shouldn't even need a calculator for that!!! Idk I don't know how long it'll take us to see the effects of this + exposure to brain-rotting short form content that is completely meaningless + people addicted to right-wing conspiracy style media. Idk I'm very worried. Please, read, read complicated books! Take up a book on philosophy and try to decipher it and make your own opinions on it, please buy a maths activity book and relearn how to do math, please get a hobby that involves lots of thinking and concentrating. PLEASE!!!

actually i think andy weir's boldest writing choice in project hail mary isn't the twist that "grace was a coward & had to be forced onto the mission" which then makes his decision to potentially die to save rocky & erid so beautiful. no, the BOLDEST choice is that what triggers grace's first memory of the petrova line & astrophage at the very beginning of the book (thus kicking off the entire plot) is seeing a line of his dick blood on the floor after yanking out a still-inflated catheter

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

i love gansey so much i love him so much. i love that he’s a fucking wreck for the entire series but so unable to face it that his own NARRATION tricks the reader into thinking he has it together, literally while he is like. narrating panic attacks and obsessive spirals about potentially dead friends and tortured insomnia and borderline hallucinatory sleep deprivation. i love that he comes at everything from a POV of “i want to help :( let me fix :( i love you :(” but has no framework for how to healthily do that bc He Is A Wreck. i love that his most consistent character flaw is that his inability to acknowledge and work on his own issues sabotages his ability to care for other people the way they need to be cared for, i LOVE what that says about relationships thematically, i love him slowly going to pieces in trk, i love that his trk arc is about seeing all the friends he THOUGHT were “worse off” than him get better & being like oh i am alone and going to die and no one will mourn and i can’t fix it and i can’t distract myself. i love that gansey really 100% honest to god truly and wholly loves people and 100% honest to god truly wants to do the right thing and do the best thing for his loved ones but that simultaneously that’s a shield so he doesn’t have to look inward. he’s so well-intentioned and so loving and so inherently kind and his refusal to work thru his own trauma STILL almost ruins him & his relationships bc he projects his own viewpoint of “right” and doesn’t realize he’s doing it.  and bc he cannot separate trauma-based terror from rational terror.  (which is not helped by how terrifying most of his friends’ situations are.) i love that he thinks he’s too privileged to feel pain but that the only way through is to feel the pain and he doesn’t want to do that so he hides behind the privilege. i love that he is simultaneously incredibly strong and crumbling to dust & i love how complex his narration is & i love that the second series read is COMPLETELY different from the first. once you know what gansey has known and been repressing for 3.5 straight books.

people looovee reducing adam and gansey’s relationship to just the repugnant argument while completely failing to mention come on adam please we’ll make it work. you’d come with. you could come stay at monmouth for the night. he’s a genius. what do you think i’ll see if he dies? he didn’t know whether he wanted to save gansey or be gansey. some days gansey wished he could be him because adam was so very real and true in a way gansey couldn’t ever seem to be. adam felt like he had helped a bird hatch from an egg. who has he had to love him? ever? only gansey ever seemed to catch him at it. searching for the only pair of eyes in the room that mattered — where was gansey? i do miss the romans gansey said just to see adam smirk which he did. thank god we’re not fighting thank god we’re not fighting thank god we’re not fighting. treason adam said because he knew it would please gansey and he saw that it did. if adam was stupid about his pride gansey was stupid about adam. hey, tiger. i should call gansey. adam’s body shook in silent convulsions of laughter. adam looked more like himself than he had in ages and gansey silently vowed to do whatever it took to keep him that way. i’m glad we’re not fighting it was stupid for it to go on so long. gansey wasn’t like anyone else and suddenly adam wasn’t sure if he wanted him to be. you were smart to figure it out. you marvelous creature. his fallible king. gansey, his best friend, his stupid and kind and marvelous best friend.

Gansey is actually so cunt if you think about it. His parents are conservative republicans. He’s in a homoerotic situationship with every single one of his friends and some old man from Europe. Died twice. Stole his ex situationship’s girl — ON SAID SITUATIONSHIP’S BIRTHDAY. Always on the phone, always busy and booked. Punched his Latin teacher, threw a Molotov cocktail at a substance party he wasn’t even invited to. Can fly a helicopter, isn’t very good at it. Drives a vintage car even though it’s shit, simply for aesthetics. Wears contacts instead of his nerdy glasses, because he’s vain. Writes in an old leather notebook instead of just using his laptop. Truly believes in magic. His roommate is a ghost. Captain of the rowing team. Everyone at his fancy private school knows his name, everyone thinks he’s cool but also very very weird. The absolute aura on this guy.

There are gonna be people who won't like hearing this but if you want to live in a world where mixed marriages, families, and adoptions (particularly POC adopting outside their "race") aren't maligned and discriminated against, then you have got to get more chill about seeing someone partaking in something cultural that you don't think fits the "race" you perceive them as.