Gl!tched_Girly

Holy shit

Holy shit

The Gaslighting Magician: This is your card

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

Ohhh wait...I'm cute!!! :OOOO!!!! *aims my pistol at your head*

so ive been meaning to do this poll for a while because my hypothesis is that seattle is the most Tumblr city, likely in the entire world. tumblr has a huge american majority userbase obviously, but just for comparison going forward, only 0.22% of the american population lives in seattle. as of this reblog, this poll is showing 4% of respondents are seattleites. given, this isnt scientific at all, because my blog just has a lot of seattle connections and seattle followers, but it's still an impressive bias

As an adult I’ve unlocked some of my dad’s more sketchy personal stories and after hearing them I’m like okay I know that you’re not gay at all but considering that you showed up to a drug deal wearing a pink cardigan and used to dress up fancy to play croquet and smoke weed, I can see how some people used to assume that you were gay.

my new poker strat: start tearing up after looking at my cards no matter what i got

tumblr is great bc its like a diary where I can take other peoples diary entries and glue them into my own diary

This is stupid! Were you born yesterday? (the mayfly’s big limpid eyes fill with tears as it looks at me) oh god I’m so sorry oh no oh god

I love being an adult who always puts my hand out to shake when I meet a kid! every single time their face is like "no one does The Adult Greeting Ritual with me, is this a sign of respect or is this man simply unhinged" and then of course as we talk they realise it's both

Really gross of me to desire attention, disgusting honestly.

I love the word "beeline." youre in such a hurry youre doing bug movement

i think if you showed minecraft or fortnite to a little medieval peasant boy he would probably start writing parodies of church hymns. it’s human nature