Its only weird if you make it weird

A:  mother fucking cops. I got a ticket

 I:  for what?

 A:  having a con call on my cell phone haha but it was awesome the cop was following me for a long time however I just continued to drive and when I finally stopped him said  I didnt even notice him and I said no yes I did I just thought it would be more convient for A to pull into my work parking lot

hahah

 I:  hahaha

 A:  but it gets better I was still on the call and he asked if I was going to get off the call and I said no I need to be on it

haha

 I:  hahaha no wonder you got a ticket ahahahaha

 A:  hahah but it gets better

 I:  you sassy bitch

 A:  he asks for my license, I didnt have it on A so I had to give him my whole expired license

haha

 I:  OMG

 A:  the one I had when I was 16 and I have a dinosaur hat around my neck

 I:  bahahahahahaaha classic

 A:  but wait

there is more then he asked A for my insurance card no joke, I gave him 9 old insurance card.... non of which were current and to top it off my license plates are still the wrong plates on my car hahah I have personalized license plates that are suppose to be on my car but arent

 I:  wow

 A:  AND

I didnt have my registration hahahahah

 I:  i love how you started this with "mother fucking cops" like he was a dick or soAthing but turns out you have serious issues

classic

 A:  best part about it is that there are 5 different things he could give A a ticket for haha I know right classic move by A! but seriously 5 different things he could have giving A a ticket for But only gave A a $90 ticket for talking on my cell phone However, on my ticket it say 5'6 which we both know I am not even 5'6

 I:  hahahaha

 A:  127lbs.... yeah right maybe in my bra my hair blond.... which is not natural

and eyes: blue which is also false facts!

 I:  that is amazing. who did he think he was looking at

 A:  So I am thinking  I can get out of this ticket by saying I dont know who this person is described in the ticket because its not me

 I:  hahahahaha

 A:  I dont know but I want to ask him who he was looking at!

 I:  that might work

 A:  haha I know! I'm going to test it They can't raise the ticket right but debating that

 I:  well they can give you a ticket for being an ass hole but they wont raise the origional ticket

 A:  So I think I will show up to court in flats, brown hair, in a baggy sweater

 I:  hahahahaha

 A:  and say clearly he pulled over the wrong bitch

 I:  good plan

 A:  Oh and it gets better

 I:  let A know when you need soAone to post bail

 A:  so the whole tiA this is happening my co-work for our Seattle office is here

 A:  he takes a picture of the incident and posts it to our company Yammer page

 I:  hahahahah

 A:  saying this

 A:  You can't stop Her from closing deals! On a con call, getting pulled over and STILL told the cop that she needed to stay on the call while he wrote her the ticket. #gettingitdonedifferently #closers #uswestisamazing

and the VP of Sales for my district liked it haha

and so did the CEO

Little do they know I was actually on the call with a client who is not too happy with us  #priceless All in all I chalk this day up as a success!!

A: There's an erotic dance popular in Jamaica called "daggering". It was banned from TV after causing too many broken penises.

I: Challenge accepted

A: if there was anyone to accept a physical challenge it would be you!

 A:  Have you ever had a zit in your ear

I have one now (I think) and it hurts

 I:  Oh yeah. fucking aweful

 A:  how does it get in there

literally dont understand

 I:  i have no idea but its one of the worst you can get

cuz you can't leave it alone but its so hard to pop it

 A:  there is no way to pop it either

 I:  i usually jump on the pain train and just pick at it

 A: it is the zit that lasts months

 I:  bummer

 A:  But you know what is worse

the zits that make your eyes water

like what? how does a little zit have so much control to cause so much pain that your  eye water

 I:  the fucking worst are the ones that are deep and hurt when you smile and are totally un pop able

 me:  hahah

YES!!!

the undergrounders

Its a slave zit!

 I:  those are the zits that just say FUCK YOU

 A:  #racistagainstzits

 I:  fact

 I:  i'm totally racist and i've accepted it. as Ginuwine said is his classic hit "same 'ol G", i can only be me me me

 A:  Ahh yes Mr Ginuwine"

I believe one of of the best classics of all time "pony"

"ride it my pony"

Man all the talk about riding pony has be quite excited in the underpants

 I:  its a cruel cruel world when i'm not having sex, i'll i want is to have sex and then when i finally do have sex all i want is more sex.

Its only a problem if you make it a problem

 A:  Im with ya!

100%

 I:  i don't understand why i'm always in these relationships with men and i want more sex then they do

wtf

 A:  well that's isnt all true facts

they do to

we just think with a penis too

that's alot of penis thinking

its tingling right now

 I:  hahaha

 A:  hahahah

always thinking about wang is not a problem to me

however most other people on the planet see it as one

its like when you meet a guy for the first time

you just wanna know

what its like... shape, color,

texture

its smell

You think that a dick would be a dick

 I:  its one of the first things i thing about

 A:  but there are so many wangs out there

 I:  so many

 A:  We should start a confessions blog

 I:  Ants was my first un circumcised. kinda liked it. change is good

 A:  "The Wang Chronicles"

 I:  bahhaahaha

so many Wangs

 A:  wait what!

He is un circ

 I:  The Dick Diary's

 A:  I have never seen such a penis

what does it do

hahah

 I:  WHAT

you need to see one

its different

 A:  I havent see that much wang in my life

 I:  i've seen 6

4 white, 1 black, 1 un curc

all special

 A:  wow and one un circumcised

We should have a wang card catalog

 I:  haha

 A:  Do you ever would what it would be like to be a penis

not have one but be one

 I:  um ...

 A:  Like right now

 I:  i think about what it would be like to have one and i would never want one

 A:  I would love to be a penis

and be submerged in a bath

 I:  to be one?

bahahahahahah

youre killing smalls

 A:  I think it would feel nice

no?

 I:  probably

we should ask a guy

 A:  Ok

ok answer to the bath wang questions

 I:  who did you ask

 A:  me:  Question Do you take baths? M:  it has been a while, but yes. they are pretty relaxing a part of me thinks this is a joke, but ill go along with it A:  hahah how does it feel for your wang to be submerged in the warm water M:  It is a like an unrestricted swim in the lake A:  hahaha that is awesome

 I:  he does have a way with words

 A:  he is a poem

A:  yo girl!

 Sent at 8:44 AM on Wednesday

I: OMG i've been waiting for you this morning

i did something so embarrassing last night

had to tel you

slept at J's last night

fell asleep and

Farted in my sleep so loud it woke me up

I almost died

 Sent at 8:46 AM on Wednesday

 A:  hahahahaha

That is awesome!!

I: no its not

i feel like he was awake

 A:  well no but yes

 I:  i couldn't go back to sleep after

its to horrible

 Sent at 8:48 AM on Wednesday

 A:  hahah

that is awful but slightly awesome

 Sent at 9:03 AM on Wednesday

 I:  i mean i totally have to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen

 A:  Do you think he heard

I: i think so

 A:  smart

you have to

 I:  its the only choice

 A:where are you guys going tonight for dinner

 I:  i'm making dinner

 A:  Oh nice at your place

or his

get sex food

you know the food that makes you want sex

what do they call those foods

hah

 I:  i believe you are looking for aphrodisiac

 A:  haha

 I:  i just want Sex

 A:  yes!

 I:  can we skip dinner

like he shows up for dinner and i'm just Naked like um heres the thing i didn't cook anything oops

 A:  hahaha

How about you put your wang in my vagina to cook in there for a few hours

wangs need to slow cook 

 I:  bahhahahah

 A:  hahaha

 I:  I gotta crock pot for ya

 A:  haha

vaginapot!

 I:  CockPot

 A:  CockPot!

Money maker right there

 I:  hahahaha

i made mine myself

A:  Question

 I:  answers

A:  You sweat

 I:  a lot

 A:  and sweat falls to your gine

 I:  yep

 A:  Does it ever smell like chicken both to you?

broth

hahah

 I:  um not that i have noticed

 A:  ok

I just got back from a run

and my gine smells like top ramen

haha

got me hungry

 I:  hahahaha um i love you

 A:  I love you too!

Im glad we can share these things to each other

 I:  me to

sometimes you need that confirmation that youre not crazy

 A:  right?!

I can't help the fact my gine has the sweet smell of hot soup

Sorry Im not sorry

Its a true fact and yes I am now hungry

 I:  is that a status

 A:  hahh

yes!