Literallywhat

Hanging out with your bestie

the problem with musicians is how they're always touring their latest album instead of like their critically hated second album from 2009 which is the one i'm obsessed with

Meet Cute expansion pack

In any tomato based sauce, vodka, or any strong alcohol doesn't make the dish taste more like alcohol, it releases alcohol soluble elements from the tomato itself, making it taste sweeter, richer and more tomato than even just tomatoes themselves, this adds acidity, which is often tempered by the addition of dairy (usually heavy cream) a la vodka is not a delicate sauce, but any means, it's made with a full intention of every major ingredient hitting well above it's weight. And if you want it even better, try using a good botanical gin or a pepper vodka for even more intensity.

“ugh this character is so annoying and immature” this character is 14

"This teenage character is unsympathetic". So were you. Grow up.

Not me I was born an empath. I cried after being born bc the nurse was sad her husband left her. Maybe you should grow up instead.

buzzfeed keep accidentally outdoing clickhole

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

hits the bong and immediately becomes aware of the narrative

hits the bong again and looks directly at the camera knowingly

Please take a picture show us your perspective

put the beast on your shoulder, that it might know what it is to stride like a titan upon the suddenly distant earth