It's Ace-Okay

Asexuality is a whole orientation just like being gay or bisexual. And im so sick of people treating asexuality like its the "transitional" sexuality till you find your real one, or its you being disinterested in sex for reasons other than your sexual attraction, or its you choosing not to have sex.

I wrote a master’s thesis on intentionally single people, and the number of them that said in various ways, “I didn’t know not dating people was even an option at first” was absolutely tragic. They honestly thought they had no choice and it never occurred to them that opting out was even a possibility available to them.  

People honestly believe these are life experience you are required to have AND THEY ARE NOT.

do NOT like sex, even with someone you love

will NEVER have sex, not even 'to find out if you enjoy it,' because you don't want to

have NO curiosity about sex and do not write, read, or enjoy smut

are SEX-REPULSED and have to beg your friends to stop talking about their sex lives in graphic detail when you're together

You are not broken, weird, or alien

Your boundaries are real, and valid, and you deserve for them to be respected

You deserve to be both treated and regarded as an Adult by your sex-having peers

If any of your sex-having or sex-wanting peers cannot or will not regard you as an Adult and as a complete person because of your asexuality, your indifference to sex, your revulsion for sex, or your virginity, I need you to know something:

They are in fact the living, breathing proof that having sex does not grant either maturity or a fuller understanding of human nature.

there is about a billion ways to love or not love. you can do that. you can do that and still be a person.

you dont have to love the way your parents, friends, teachers, classmates, coworkers, bosses, peers do. you dont have to love at all.

Grace:

My first reaction was confusion. How can someone not feel platonic love? Isn't that one of the most basic human needs? Is it even possible to live without platonic love? How are these people not sad?

My next reaction was indignation. No. That doesn't make sense. That's bullshit. I don't believe there is a single person on this planet who could go without platonic relationships. I can't imagine it. That person is definitely hurting their friends when they don't feel anything in their friendships.

And then... Well, I looked it up. I read about the concept. And I accepted it. Because who am I to talk into people's feelings? That thing can't be influenced by either of us. Best I can do is wish them luck.

So, why am I saying this?

These reactions are the same as those of allo people when they hear about aro/ace folk for the first time. A lot of the time without the last step. As an aro/ace myself, I've been affected by such behavior in the past (still am sometimes), so I try my best to be understanding.

I cannot imagine a world where I couldn't feel platonic love because it's basically the only thing I was given to feel connected to people. But that's the thing. I couldn't imagine. I would be so sad if I couldn't feel platonic love.

My circumstances are different.

Which is why I was ashamed. I went through stigma, I still go through stigma, as an aromantic/asexual person, and it's not fair of me to give the same treatment to others.

So, I simply... Won't. I have my opinion. I still don't understand it yet.

I CAN CHOOSE NOBODYYYYYY

Like, my therapist asked me about my sexual history and I told her I've never had a sex drive/I'm asexual and she told me to start masturbating to prepare for a higher sex drive. When I tell my trans friends I'm asexual, they tell me "just wait until you start T". So many trans folks seem convinced asexuality is just dysphoria talking.

Yes, for some people it might be dysphoria. Yes, some people might "discover" their sex drive on HRT. Sexuality can be fluid, and that's okay.

But asexual trans folks exist babes. Asexuality is not something that's "cured" by testosterone, or transitioning in general.