“Steve’s Her Daddy Now”

obviously i don’t have this chapter written out because i don’t even have the first one completely written yet lol. but, i’ll give you what’s cooking in my head rn.

i’m thinking she didn’t have an exact birth plan like some people do, but she knew things like wanted an epidural etc. she’s calm going into this, a lot more calm than she was a few months ago when she was having panic attacks about it. now it’s gator’s turn to panic, but he appears calm because it’s gator and he’s good at keep things inside. but he’s tense, his jaw is tense, every muscle in his body is tense, he keeps rubbing his face, tugging on his hair, he’s going through it.

and honey, his angel, she’s sitting on the couch as he times the contractions. she smiles at him, giving him that reassuring loving smile that makes his chest warm. and for a minute he forgets all of his anxieties, then she makes a little “ooof shit, another one.” and he’s reminded, and watching the clock, not even paying attention to whatever is on the tv.

“it’s time to go honey…” he mutters, helping her off the couch and grabbing the bag.

he’s sooo careful walking her to the truck, he thinks about turning on his sirens but he doesn’t, it’s late at night there won’t be any traffic, she wouldn’t want all the fuss.

but her contractions amp up on the drive and she’s squeezing his hand with every single one. his heart is beating so hard he swears he can hear the “thump thump thump.”

god, she’s still calm, she’s just rubbing her belly, breathing, squeezing gator’s hand. he doesn’t understand how calm she is, he feels like he’s the one about to give birth.

they get to the hospital and in a room quick, but then things aren’t so quick. the nurse is good, she’s coming in and checking but then the pain intensifies. it’s time for the epidural and no one has come to give it, now there’s tears in his girl’s eyes, it’s getting bad. gator is pissed, he’s in hell, he can’t do anything to help her, he can hold her hand, he can hold her, but he can’t stop the pain, and it’s killing him.

gator goes to the nurses’ desk, demanding someone get in there right fucking now and give that damn epidural.

unfortunately, a nurse comes in to check on her, and it’s too late, actually it’s about time to push. now she’s sobbing, it fucking hurts, she’s scared, and gator still can’t do anything.

her hair is stuck to her face, gator is gently pushing it back. kissing her head, kissing her cheek, saying every calming thing he can possibly think of and stressing it’s all the wrong things. he knows it’s supposed to hurt but part of him is scared this isn’t normal even though he knows it is, but….it’s awful.

she’s curled up on her side, she looks terrible, it’s breaking his heart. he crawls into the bed with her, it’s too small for both of them but he doesn’t care, he’s holding her the best that he can, his hand on her belly, the other one stroking her hair.

“it’ll be okay mama, i got you honey, you can do this.”

when she hears it’s time to start pushing, she panics. “i can’t…i can’t do it…”

he cups her cheek, tears brimming his eyes. “i know you can do it, you’re the bravest person i fucking know. bravest in the whole damn world, and this little girl is gonna know her mama is a badass.”

damn it gator tillman puts his fears behind him, and he’s there. he stays behind her as she pushes, he whispers encouragements in her ear, and every time she cries that she can’t do it, he’s there to lovingly tell her that he knows she can. if anyone who knew him back when he was under his father’s boot saw him now, they wouldn’t recognize him, and thank god for that.

like i said before, once he can see the head tears well in his eyes. once the baby’s loud cry fills the room, he’s a goner, those tears are streaming down his face. honey is sobbing, he’s still holding her, the baby goes on honey’s chest, and he’s stunned.

she’s real, shes so tiny, she’s precious, and she’s his. she’s crying too, her little face all smushed up.

honey coos softly, talking to the little miracle, who stops crying as her mama talks to her. gator hesitantly reaches for the baby’s cheek, his finger trembling as he gently rubs it. “h-hey little lady…” at the sound of his voice, her eyes go up, they’re big and match her mama’s.

“hello sweet girl, you hear daddy, yeah?” honey is the only one who can speak, gator can’t say anything else he’s crying too hard.

he’s not sure if babies can even smile that young, but damn it a little smile spreads across her face (to him).

“you smilin’ sweetheart? happy to see daddy?” honey coos, “he loves you, we both love you so much…”

her little hand moves, fingers wrapping around gator’s finger.

in that moment, gator thanks every higher power in the entire universe that has brought him to this point. maybe all of that suffering was worth it, maybe all of the pain and abuse happened for some fucked up reason to make him the man he is now.

gator remembers when the ranch had horses and stuff when he was a kid and how much he loved them. so when honey brings up animals he’s like hey yeah why not??

i think honey would mention it when she’s pregnant, she’s looking at books to put in the nursery and she has ones with farm animals and stuff.

gator is putting together a bookshelf, and after the great crib debacle honey noticed if she stays in the room gator doesnt seem to get as frustrated with himself.

so she asks if the ranch ever actually had animals on it and gator stops for a minute, looking up at her. “yeah, when i was a kid, we had some chickens and horses and shit.”

“did you get to play with them?” she asks softly, unsure of what his answer would be.

but he nods, “yeah, when roy let me stay with my mom, cuz i was small enough still that i didn’t have to be a man yet.” and his words make her heart hurt, it always hurts her when he speaks about his childhood, she can’t believe one man could be so evil.

“what happened to them all?” she asks, gently rocking in the chair they picked up at the goodwill a few weeks ago.

gator shrugs, “i dunno, i mean some things got sold off or butchered or whatever. dot took care of ‘em after mom left…”

honey had learned after a while that sometimes you kept asking questions about gator’s past and other times when his answers were vague, you just let it go. she understood, and she knew when he was ready, he would always tell her more.

so instead she asks him what if they got some animals, not a whole bunch but some chickens or horses. her brain swirling with the thoughts of a little girl following behind her as she collected eggs and brushed the horses. it seemed almost like a waste to have all this land and not do anything with it.

gator looks over at her, his eyebrow raised, a little smirk on his lips. “i never thought about it until now but, i think it would be really nice.”

nothing else was done about the animals until after the baby was born though. gator knew honey, and he knew she’d be out there trying to help, and like hell he would let her waddle around and clean out stalls no matter how much she protested.

if he could he’d have her on bed rest until the baby came and then a little extra after, he didn’t even know exactly why he worried so much about her but he did. she was perfectly healthy, everything was fine but god he worried.

back to the animals! a couple of months after the baby is born and things start to fall into the new normal and routines are set, animals come up again, and this time gator actually gets some. it starts with chickens, and he’s up early so it works out well. he never wants to give honey even more work than she already has so he tries to do as much of the work as he can, but she does like to collect the eggs (gator is bad at waking her up early, she’s always sleeping in)

honey wants to be up when the baby is up, but gator can handle her, and he wants mama to get her rest so he takes the baby out in her jammies. if it’s cold then she’s all bundled up, and if it’s warm then she doesn’t even have socks on, her little piggies are out.

sometimes she’s on his hip, other times he puts on the baby carrier, it depends what exactly he has to do. she loooves seeing all the chickens, she loves when dad crouches down by the fencing so she can see them all up close. she doesn’t like however when he stops her from grabbing the fence because no damn chicken will be making his baby cry by accidentally poking her sweet little hand.

the first time honey is actually awake early and she notices both gator and the baby are gone, she’s confused. then she notices his boots are missing, so she goes outside in her flip flops and nightgown.

shading the sun from her eyes as she squints to try to find her two loves, she spots them by the coop. gator turns around, baby strapped to his chest bouncing her legs as the chickens squawk and move to eat all the feed he spread out. and the smile on honey’s face is so big, she can’t believe this is her life