Mom Friend ™

I used to work at McDonalds (I know). Opening usually involved me at the front counter with a headset on so I could do drive-through orders and handle making coffee / putting orders together / taking money at the front from the little old people that came in at the crack of dawn every morning. We would also have a manager who was there to be important and one person in the kitchen. We’re a small rural town so usually this is fine but we were on kind of a major highway so sometimes it would get busy out of nowhere.

Depending on the manager the amount of help we had would vary wildly. One morning we got super busy and I started cracking under the pressure. I’m a fantastic multi-tasker but my drive-through line was backing up since I was trying to juggle them and all the walk-in folks from my front registers and when it gets packed…well, it’s fun. I glance around trying to find my manager for help. I see him on one of our cameras – he’s outside smoking a cigarette around the side of the building. Mind you, this is like his third trip out to smoke this morning. I’m absolutely dying trying to get caught up. Customers are being passive aggressive saying they will come behind the counter and get their own coffee and stuff. I have people yelling at me in my headset from the drive through. I end up having to remove the headset just to try to get the frontline sorted. I start making progress with the front but I basically had to sacrifice the drive-through customers for two minutes.

Apparently the cars outside start yelling at my manager and interrupt his smoke break so he comes in, sees me with my headset off and goes berserk. He’s like “WHOS TAKING THE DRIVE-THRU ORDERS?” I’m in the middle of trying to get a fresh pot of coffee going so I sort of auto-respond “No one. Hang on.” as I continue to dash around behind our counter to grab a fruit & yogurt parfait for an order. He basically gets in my way and starts giving me shit. Loudly, talking to me like I’m a dog. I point to the camera and yell, loudly enough to disrupt the entire inside of the restaurant. “I’m these two registers, first window, second window, and I’m bagging. I’m like FOUR PEOPLE and you’re out behind the building not doing SHIT!”

His eyes go wide. I can tell he knows I’m holding on by my last thread. He’s sighs. And he’s like “You’re in a ton of trouble but we can talk about this later.” No. Fuck him. I’m done. I’m all riled up from random customers yelling at me. I toss him the headset. “You want to give me shit for not being able to run like four stations with no support? Run five. I’ll watch.” I remove my name badge.

He went to say something to me. I turn away, facing the one girl working in the kitchen who is watching this all play out. I remember telling her “I’m so sorry.” and then I dropped my name badge, toss my hat on the counter, grab a water cup, put on (and zip) my jacket so my uniform is covered up. I go to the drink fountain, fill my water cup, and then I go sit on the far side of the seating area and watch him go down in flames. He ends up ALSO taking off the headset and picking up the phone so he can spam call the whole workforce one by one trying to call for help. It’s like 5AM so no one is going to accept a call from their work number. About ten minutes into his struggle he ends up very loudly pleading with me to come back from behind the counter. I can’t even see him on the other side of the sea of people swarming the counter at this point.

I call back “I need a smoke first!” and I go outside.

I don’t smoke. I’ve never smoked. I drive home.

there wasnt love in carol and there wasnt love in blue is the warmest color and there wasnt love in the handful of movies where the lesbians arent even the focus theyre just a sidenote. 

at best we get one lesbian or bisexual actress. one girl trying her hardest and pushing for this romance and trying to represent what she needed to see when she was younger, but theres literally only so much you can do when youre just one person. 

like when i say i want passion i dont even mean fighting or evilness or unhealthy dynamics or angst bc thats been done over and over again and none of it has love inherent in it. 

i want to see a girl on screen look at another girl and feel like she couldnt breath before she met her. i want to see girls who would burn the world down for the other. who would die and become gods if it meant they could stay together just minutes longer. i want romance where a confession feels like salvation. i want love that changes you from the inside out, where there wont be another one, where you cant afford to squander this one, where you walk to the ends of the earth and beyond just to kiss a girls hand and to feel her embrace. 

Newsflash. No man needs a bitch telling him to eat rabbit food and nagging him constantly.

My dude, you got this backward; welcome to the modern era, we have careers, money, we buy our own houses and cars, and we have easy access to a selection of vibrators our ancestresses could only dream of.  Companionship is great and everything, but as many of us discovered, it comes in many forms.