Music is Life

i think specifically of his hyperindependence. in the season 1 finale, alastor remarks to niffty that the hotel crew is enough to "make one sentimental." i genuinely don't think that he was lying in that moment. he didn't really have a reason to. he was starting to care a bit for these people, and maybe he even slightly believed that they cared back. yet, in the back of his head, he likely kept telling himself that they didn't care, that he shouldn't care, that the only person he can rely on is himself and it will Always be like that.

and then he loses to adam. and no one gives a shit. no one asks if he's okay, no one erects a statue or painting to honor his (for all they know) death, no one even inquires about him. and alastor is validated for his disordered thinking; he's proven right. he receives the negative reinforcement he was expecting and it only pushes him further and further down this trail.

in season 2, alastor goes to rosie and, in his own way, asks for help. he asks for her to fix his staff because that was part of their deal, and while unfortunate, rosie is one of the only other things he can rely on besides himself and his power because she's granted it to him. rosie says no, so alastor immediately launches himself into a plan independent of rosie, of any of the hotel crew, and hell, something that while intelligent is so damn impulsive and you can tell he wasn't quite happy with those consequences, despite getting what he wanted. and that's the thing...he ends up getting what he wants. he's free from rosie, he can fix his own staff. his disorder behavior is rewarded because he receives what he initially asked for help for, all by himself.

alastor's worldview, one where he believes that the only reliant person that will ever exist is himself, is not a healthy one. it prevents not only interpersonal relationships, but also one's own personal growth, and causes a ton of damage to someone's mental state. most people expect for their disordered worldviews to be challenged, because the thoughts are disordered and, at their core, incorrect, born from trauma rather than fact.

alastor is a unique representation in media because his disordered behaviors and thoughts are constantly validated, rewarded, and reinforced. as someone who experiences the same thing in my own life, i genuinely can't think of any other obviously disordered character who is heavily reinforced like this. and it's so refreshing.