Isaac Lorand

❝ Morning! Are you ready for your hot fresh cup of bodily harm? ❞ ❝ Gotta warn you, I’m feeling punchy today. ❞ ❝ Sorry to break it to you, but you have so NOT got this, buddy. ❞ ❝ I guess this is what they call a ‘hostile workplace’. ❞ ❝ You may be a dirty criminal, but you have remarkably clean air vents. ❞ ❝ Oh, you’re so cute when you’re oblivious. ❞ ❝ After all these years, you’re still nothing more than an ignorant child. ❞ ❝ Why do I get the feeling that you were planning this all along? ❞ ❝ You’ll die as uselessly as you lived. ❞ ❝ If you worked this hard at a legit job, you wouldn’t need to be a criminal. ❞ ❝ I wish I could bottle and sell your optimism, I’d make a killing! ❞ ❝ You’re already breaking, so it looks like it’s up to me to stop the entering. ❞ ❝ You and ____ would make some beautiful babies, you know! ❞ ❝ There are so many times I would have fallen apart if not for you… ❞ ❝ I get why you do it, but I never really loved the heroes hiding behind masks. ❞ ❝ I’m lucky to be alive? Says the guy I saved five minutes ago. ❞ ❝ Honestly, why are you robbing again? You know the police are watching your every move. ❞ ❝ I know you’re kinda dumb, but I didn’t think you were this dumb. ❞ ❝ You can tell me this secret now or make me punch it out of you later. Your choice. ❞ ❝ Your suit is awesome! Can we talk design details? ❞ ❝ This won’t pay the bills, but I’ll help you with this if it means a lot to you. ❞ ❝ Have it your way. You wanna fight? Well then, let’s fight! ❞ ❝ Well, there’s nothing illegal in plain sight…Kind of anticlimactic, huh? ❞ ❝ It’s not really breaking and entering if I don’t break anything, right? ❞   ❝ We were good together, weren’t we? Maybe it’s time to reignite that flame… ❞ ❝ You have to learn to swallow that pride and accept that you’re only human. ❞ ❝ I hope I live to regret this… ❞ ❝ Nice entrance. That was a solid 8 out of 10. ❞ ❝ I really wish these guys weren’t so hostage-happy. ❞ ❝ The only way to fight a monster is to become one. ❞ ❝ Someday, I’ll turn the tables. I’ll show you what it feels like to be helpless and small. ❞ ❝ I want to say “don’t do that ever again”, but I know you’re going to anyway. ❞ ❝ Did…you just leave your clothes on the kitchen floor…? ❞   ❝ You know, as elevator shafts go, this is pretty nice! ❞ ❝ If you ever wanted to team up, well, we could do some real damage! ❞ ❝ Do you remember the last time we did this dance? ❞ ❝ You’ve got a hell of a left hook. Can’t wait for the rematch. ❞ ❝ Sometimes, information is worth more than money, and I learned plenty watching you. ❞ ❝ That was really brave, but next time, leave the fighting to the pros, okay? ❞  ❝ Kneel before me, or I’ll pull your mask off and expose you. ❞ ❝ I feel bad for anyone who’s on the wrong side of you. ❞ ❝ Love the optimism, but in my experience, when it looks bad, it’s usually worse. ❞ ❝ You can’t stop me, but I’m flattered that you’re still trying. ❞ ❝ There are easier ways to ask for an autograph than this. ❞ ❝ It’s hard when you’re always the one that gets saved, you know? ❞ ❝ Amazing what a little teamwork can achieve, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ The world would be better off without you, and you know it. ❞ ❝ Let’s just…go ahead and forget that ever happened… ❞ ❝ I love ya, but you do know it’s rude to cut in, right? ❞  ❝ Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now. ❞ ❝ You’re a lot more than your past. Don’t let it control you. ❞ ❝ Long time, no see! We’re going to have so much fun together! ❞ ❝ Missed me, missed me, now you gotta- You know what, forget I said anything. ❞ ❝ I’m not one to be judgemental, but you, sir, are an extremely disturbed man. ❞ ❝ Admit it, you were just waiting in the next room hoping the other guys would finish me first. ❞ ❝ “Lie" is such an ugly word. I prefer “misdirection”. ❞ ❝ I just conned the hell out of you and here you are trying to save me. How can you be so damn nice all the time? ❞

❛ Don’t let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice so use it. ❜

‘  i tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and i broke everything.  ’ ‘  i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.  ’ ‘  there’s only one thing i hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.  ’ ‘  don’t be such a baby. i cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.  ’ ‘  i really only listen to german death reggae and halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.  ’ ‘  whenever she asks me for the latin names of any of our plants, i just give her the names of rappers.  ’ ‘  i once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.  ’ ‘  i didn’t actually sell my last car, i just forgot where i parked it.  ’ ‘  i don’t know who al gore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask.  ’ ‘  when they say 2% milk, i don’t know what they other 98% is.  ’ ‘  i’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days so i’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  ’ ‘  upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.  ’ ‘  since i am not a rabbit, no, i do not want a salad.  ’ ‘  you’re like an angel with no wings.  ’ ‘  oh my god you have to stop using the word ‘nipple.’  ’ ‘  you’re right, i know. i have to be a grown up… but it’s so hard!  ’ ‘  i was reading an encyclopedia and i tripped or ‘fell over’ and hit my head. or ‘brain helmet.’  ’ ‘  oh my god, your boobs are dead.  ’ ‘  i have a medical condition, alright! it’s called caring too much and it’s incurable!  ’ ‘  he put all my records into this rectangle! the songs just play one right after the other! this is an excellent rectangle!  ’ ‘  if i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, i will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.  ’ ‘  guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.  ’ ‘  jogging is the worst. i mean, i know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?  ’ ‘  i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.  ’ ‘  i know this and i love you.  ’ ‘  that’s too much responsibility. i gotta find a way out of this.  ’ ‘  you are a wonderful person. your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful.  ’ ‘  i was kind of getting sick of listening to them talk about their relationship, but then i remembered that alcohol existed.  ’ ‘  i got stung once and i’m immune. go ahead and sting me, bees! it does nothing!  ’ ‘  i’m not afraid of cops! i have no reason to be. i never break any laws, ever… because i’m deathly afraid of cops.  ’ ‘  i’m fine. it’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and i’m always tired.  ’ ‘  there will be alcohol there, so i will go as well.  ’ ‘  i can’t go because i don’t want to.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna stay angry, i find that relaxes me!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to seem overdramatic, but i don’t really care what happens here.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna leave early and go home.  ’ ‘  if any of you need anything at all, too bad.  ’ ‘  you have never been neutral on anything in your life. you have an opinion on pockets.  ’ ‘  dance up on me!  ’ ‘  i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move.  ’ ‘  one time my refrigerator stopped working. i didn’t know what to do. i just moved.  ’ ‘  you’re stupid and you’re drunk and you’re stupid.  ’ ‘  you don’t even know one thing. i didn’t even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and i didn’t even do it once.  ’ ‘  i’m like an elephant, okay? if i walk into a room, it’s like, ‘oh he’s in there.’  ’ ‘  bababooey.  ’ ‘  mac and cheese pizza?! you’re making that?!  ’ ‘  i was dying earlier today. and then i died. now i’m dead.  ’ ‘  the only thing i will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.  ’ ‘  i have been kind of tense lately. just thinking about the new star wars sequel.  ’ ‘  it does look sad. kind of. sorry for stepping on you, floor.  ’ ‘  if you rearrange the letters of peru, you can spell europe.  ’ ‘  you’re as guilty as you are sexy.  ’ ‘  this maze is like a maze.  ’ ‘  sometimes when i blow my nose, i get a boner. i don’t know why. it just happens.  ’ ‘  so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again.  ’ ‘  no, i’m not crying, okay? i’m allergic to jerks!  ’ ‘  i don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are… actually, it’s going to bug me if i don’t.  ’ ‘  with all due respect, you’re a major dick.  ’ ‘  the calzones… betrayed me?  ’ ‘  who hasn’t had gay thoughts?  ’ ‘  do you think a depressed person could make this? no!  ’ ‘  i like your energy. what do you say you and i ride go-karts later?  ’ ‘  three words: treat. yo. self.  ’ ‘  treat yo self. it’s the best day of the year!  ’ ‘  i’ll tell you what. here’s the deal. if you get fired, i’ll quit, and we’ll leave together. i’m serious! move to a new city, change our names… burn our fingertips off with acid… swap faces… if we have to.  ’ ‘  monsters don’t have souls? uh, have you seen monsters inc?  ’ ‘  i make my money the old fashioned way: i got run over by a lexus.  ’ ‘  i took this thing called ‘zapvigil’ which apparently is what israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake so… right now it looks like i’m talking to a giant crab. stay away from me crab!  ’ ‘  well, you suck at being polite, sir.  ’ ‘  at one point, for no reason, i just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.  ’ ‘  three, two, one, and my shift’s over… what the fuck is your problem?!  ’ ‘  math is worthless in real life. i mean, there’s an app for calculating tips. that’s all you need.  ’ ‘  your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely.  ’ ‘  just because i can’t go out with him, someone else can? wow.  ’ ‘  oh, this is bad. i should not have done this.  ’ ‘  she’s the worst person i’ve ever met. i want to travel the world with her.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, no. i’m not lonely. i have me.  ’ ‘  i love watching russian traffic accidents on youtube while i play children’s music at the wrong rpm.  ’ ‘  god, i am so annoyed that he would hypothetically do that.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, rule-breaking moth.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.  ’ ‘  you beautiful tropical fish.  ’ ‘  hope no one minds if i livetweet this bitch!  ’ ‘  i just want to hear the doctor say that he had a fart attack. is that too much to ask?  ’ ‘  the only things i like are dogs and sleeping late.  ’ ‘  it kind of sucks that i’m super broke and i want to buy you stuff and it’s embarrassing that i can’t.  ’ ‘  i don’t want anything. i just want to hang out with you.  ’ ‘  you’ve killed my spirit. my spirit’s blood is on your hands.  ’ ‘  i hate people.  ’ ‘  you can see the stars, which i hate. they’re creepy.  ’ ‘  i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe.  ’ ‘  what? i love garbage.  ’ ‘  i only tell the truth when it makes me sound like i’m lying.  ’ ‘  i want to be burned at the stake.  ’ ‘  i’m going to murder you a thousand times.  ’ ‘  people who buy things are suckers.  ’ ‘  this is 100% certified for realskis.  ’ ‘  well, if there’s anyone who can bring my parents together, it’s no one. no one can ever bring them together.  ’ ‘  getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do because every day you come home and you’re just like, ‘what? it’s you! i love you! you’re my sexy roommate. we love each other.’  ’ ‘  i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do.  ’ ‘  my anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours.  ’ ‘  maybe we should find the person who stole your positive attitude.  ’ ‘  scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. i believe i am that human being.  ’ ‘  messy is fun, okay? my whole life is a giant mess and i love it.  ’ ‘  friendship is better because friends help you move. they drive you to the airport. boyfriends just… love you and marry you.  ’ ‘  i hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.  ’ ‘  everything hurts and i’m dying.  ’ ‘  i need you to text me every 30 seconds saying everything’s gonna be okay.  ’ ‘  let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: my bad.  ’ ‘  there are no consequences to my actions anymore. i’m like a white, male u.s. senator.  ’ ‘  hey, are you busy? and writing star trek fan fiction does not count.  ’ ‘  what do we…? like, what do we do? like, what do we do? um, how- how do we- how…? how… how… how? what do we do?!  ’ ‘  oh, also, i have a little secret… i’m drunk.  ’ ‘  i do say the cutest stuff.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to cause a panic… news flash: we’re screwed!  ’ ‘  velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. i’m a cashmere-velvet candy cane.  ’ ‘  you shut your mouth! you have all the strengths!  ’ ‘  never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.  ’ ‘  i’m a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.  ’ ‘  i guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you.  ’ ‘  time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. let’s go!  ’ ‘  i have no idea what i’m doing, but i know i’m doing it really, really well.  ’ ‘  ovaries before brovaries.  ’ ‘  sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.  ’ ‘  i have never taken the high road, but i tell people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.  ’ ‘  just remember, every time you look up at the moon, i, too, will be looking at a moon. not the same moon, obviously. that’s impossible.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.  ’ ‘  i love games that turn people against each other.  ’ ‘  i don’t care about that prize, but i’m gonna win because i want his happiness to go away.  ’ ‘  that is the coolest sentence i have ever heard somebody talk.  ’ ‘  i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk. my two true passions.  ’ ‘  i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself.  ’ ‘  if i could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, i would.  ’

via  The Humane Society of Utah

A quick sketch for the amazing isaaclorand!

in paradisum - when your muse dies, how would they like to be buried?

“But you will tear them apart.”