irphanfic

''When I was little my parents, brother and I went every Sunday morning on a hike around the woods that were near our neighbourhood and always brought a picnic basket with us, full with leftover dishes my mum would get ready just that morning and ate them while sitting down on any clear spot that we could find. If it was raining, we would always come back home to eat, get dried and laid down the blanket on our living room to simulate that experience,'' Phil let out a little chuckle before getting a bit more serious, ''then, my brother and I got older and stopped doing it, telling our parents that it was a 'silly tradition' and all. I still remember the hurt in their faces when we said that. After a few years, we finally became proper adults and apologized for that, treating them to picnics every Sunday as we did back then. It was really nice to see them smile so brightly after so many years... Then, we had to move to London for work reasons and I just remembered that it has been a while since I have been home with my parents, and treating them to a picnic too.' Phil sighed as he finished the story, looking back at Dan who had a sad smile on his face.

''You miss your parents, don't you?'' Dan said softly, reaching to caress Phil's cheek as a comforting way.

''A bit, yeah, I speak with my mom almost everyday, we sometimes Skype but it's not the same. I feel a bit lonely sometimes but now... I have you. I feel less lonely with you.'' Phil said, looking into Dan's eyes who repositioned himself to sit and be closer to Phil.

Dan could swear his heart leaped. Phil felt as lonely as he did, and even though Phil's feeling of solitude wasn't really related with any romantic aspect as Dan's was, he could also empathize with him.

''I feel less lonely with you too, Phil.'' Dan almost whispered, lacing their fingers together. Phil smiled brightly at him and Dan could feel his heart starting to beat faster, did that even mean anything? Was it worrying? But all thoughts were disappeared when Phil pecked his cheek.

''C'mon, let's stop being sappy and eat dessert, because you brought dessert, right?''

''How could I even forget to bring dessert to a picnic, Philip?'' Dan mocked as if he was offended, reaching out to grab a pack of fresh strawberries along with a can of whipped cream from his backpack, ''Does this count as dessert to you?''

Dan laughed at the way Phil eagerly nodded at the food, instantly grabbing the can of whipped cream and spraying what would be considered a great amount of cream directly on his mouth.

''Phil!'' Dan almost screamed, snatching the can from his boyfriend's hands and hiding it behind his back, ''you are going to finish it before we even try the strawberries!''

''I'm not even sorry'' Phil tried to say smugly, strugging with the whipped cream still inside his mouth, managing to gulp down what was left.

''Well, then, no strawberries or whipped cream for you!'' Dan picked a few strawberries and began eating them, not letting Phil to even grab the pack from his hands.

Phil looked at him with big 'puppy-eyes' along with a pout, to which Dan tried to pull a mad face at him, but was useless; his boyfriend's antics to adorable to even fake annoyance at him.

''Okay, here...'' Dan was about to hand Phil the pack of strawberries but thought better of it and grabbed one, bringing it closer to Phil's mouth, tapping his pink and thin lips with the fruit, ''open up.''

Phil gladly opened his mouth and ate the strawberry, humming at the taste of it. ''Now, your turn.'' he said, reaching across to grab the can of whipped cream that Dan had hidden, spraying a bit too much of the cream on one of the strawberries, feeding it to Dan, who also ate the single fruit in one bite, leaving all his upper lip and the tip of his nose sporting a foamy white moustache.

''These are soooo good,'' Dan said with his mouth full, instantly feeling the sugary goodness get down his throat, not really knowing why Phil was trying not to laugh, ''What? Why are you laughing, you dork?''

Phil was full on laughing now, ''you... you have...'' he pointed to Dan's mouth, making him realize he was probably sporting a dumb look caused by the damned whipped cream.

''Oh! Let me just...'' Dan was about to turn around and grab a napkin to clean himself up when Phil launched himself at him, kissing his sweetly, managing to get a bit of whipped cream also on himself.

''You smeared it on yourself now!'' Dan said, leaning in for another kiss, this one becoming deeper as he laced his arms around Phil's neck and brought him to lay down on top of him, Dan's back touching the blanket, really liking the way Phil's hands were caressing the skin on his hips that had been exposed.

Dan didn't know for how long they ended up making out lazily, but he was sure Phil's lips and his were now almost as red as the strawberries they had eaten for dessert.

''It's getting a bit late... and we both have important things tomorrow,'' Phil whispered as he separated himself from Dan, sitting back down on the blanket, looking towards the sunset in front of them.

Dan also sat down and stared at the sunset, enjoying the oranges and yellows that were painting the trees and grass, also giving Phil's face a glow that was worth capturing...

Realizing his thought, he took out his Polaroid camera and snapped a photo of his boyfriend's profile, and even thought the colours couldn't be appreciated, Phil's calm and happy face was, and Dan was happy with that.

He was about to take another photo of Phil when the blue eyed suddenly turned around, realizing what Dan was doing, ''Dan, no!'' Phil hid his face behind his hands, but Dan took another photo anyways and smiling when it revealed the result.

''Um... would you want to take a picture with me? I really want to keep this date in mind, I mean, not that I would forget but...'' Dan admited shyly, not really wanting to look at Phil.

This little things were important to Dan. Even though it could be seemed as silly, having a photo of this wonderful day was enough to make Dan a bit better at this relationship thing, knowing that he wanted to treasure every memory with Phil.

''Of course, come here,'' Phil opened up his arms and Dan scooted closer to him, feeling safe with Phil's arm around his shoulders as their cheeks touched

He handed Phil the Polaroid and lifted it a bit higher, getting both of them in shot and saying ''Smile!'' before pushing the button, both smiling widely at the camera.

Dan grabbed the picture and shook it a bit so the image would appear, ''Look, I... I love it.'' Dan said as he showed it to Phil, who looked at it before grabbing Dan by his chin and leaning in for a sweet kiss that Dan gladly accepted, smiling at the sweet touch of their lips together, not realising Phil had taken another picture of them till they separated.

''I really like this one,'' Phil said as he took the newest picture, giving it to Dan, showing him how it turned out.

Dan held the picture and stared at it, realising how happy he looked. How happy he was around Phil. Next to Phil.

''I really like this one too.'' Dan whispered before helping Phil pick up everything to go back to their homes.

______________

Monday was... unexpected.

Dan woke up later than expected due to his alarm failing to ring on time, so he dressed quickly on his tracksuit, picked up his practice bag and bolted out of his flat to arrive to practice on time.

He was 10 minutes late and his coach kind of shouted at him, but as soon as he started with the exercises it all had calmed down. He was too concentrated to care about the weird looks he was receiving from his teamates... Well, maybe not so much. Why were they looking at him like that? Was it because he had been 'missing' for two days straight? He shook all these thoughts out of his head and decided to only focus on baseball. Baseball and only baseball.

Once practice had finished, all players walked into the changing rooms and as soon as they quickly showered and changed and about to leave Dan was suddenly grabbed by Eric, pulling him aside away from all the other players, ''Care to explain?''

''Explain? Explain what? Why I haven't been to practice? What are you on ab...?'' Dan was wondering, not really understanding Eric's behaviour.

''No, that's not why!'' Eric said a bit annoyed, ''Look, you told me about Phil and you were like completely enamoured with the guy and then I find out that you are with Claire, okay, nothing wrong maybe you have a crush on her and it didn't work out with Phil but I go today and I find this!''

Eric pulled out his phone and showed it to Dan, it was an article with another freaking paparazzi picture of he and Phil yesterday at the park, where they were laughing and kissing...

''What's going on? Are you with Claire and cheating on her with Phil? Seriously Dan, I know I'm your friend but that's just... twisted and wrong...''

Dan wasn't listening anymore, he was looking at the damn article and it's horrible headline trying to understand how he had reached this point.

'Baseball star Dan Howell spotted acting affectionately with secret lover, cheating on girlfriend Claire Vickard!'

The brown eyed looked back at Eric with wide eyes and picked up his phone from the bag, finally looking at the 20 missed calls from Estelle and 5 from Phil, along with multiple messages coming from both of them, instantly calling his agent back to know what the hell was happening.

''Estelle! Sorry, I didn't look at my phone this morning and I just found out about everything! I.. Estelle, I...'' Dan was saying, geting more and more panicked at every word, ''I'm not cheating on Claire, I'm not going out with Claire! I'm with Phil, I just... I just want to be with Phil...''

His breaths were becoming faster as usual, as he felt his lungs couldn't get enough oxygen. He felt as if he was drowning, making him panic even more. He wanted to escape from this fast...

''Dan, calm down, breathe please...'' Estelle asked him gently with a soft tone.

''Hey, Dan, copy my breathing, in... out...'' Eric was telling him, trying to also help Dan as he had done that last time.

Dan copied Eric the best he could, relieved that his breathing was slowly coming back normal, still a bit ragged, but steady enough to continue speaking to Estelle.

''Estelle, I... I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking when I took Phil out on that date. I didn't realise the rumours about me and Claire were still going on. I probably damaged all of this, right? I'm so sorry... '' Dan said, not knowing what more he could tell Estelle more than multiple apologies.

He had been so damn happy for Phil that moment he really forgot about his fake relationship with Claire, about his fame and all that came with it.

''Dan, don't be sorry. It's not your fault, okay? It isn't. If it's someone it's mine. I talked to Peter and Claire's assistant when the first article came out, we talked about getting an agreement to how to get you both out of this mess. We have been talking everyday and we were about to meet today to finally reach some agreement but the paparazzi were faster...'' Estelle explained. Dan knew Estelle so well by know he could hear he guilty tone. It wasn't her fault either! No one was ready to know this new pictures and article would come out today!

''I didn't tell you anything about it because I didn't want you to worry, you have been so damn happy lately I didn't want to make that smile disappear Dan, I'm so sorry...'' Estelle said, ''I know it's kind of rushed but, could you talk to Phil, see if he is fine and then contact me as soon as you can so we can do something?''

Oh, god. Phil.

Dan realised he hadn't checked with Phil yet. He felt as the worst boyfriend ever right now and wanted to cry.

Phil was really shy and Dan was sure he wasn't ready to be on the spotlight yet, not when they haven't been together for that long either... He didn't really want to think how this could have affected Phil.

Also, Phil had his interview with the publishing house today? He hoped this mess didn't manage to harm Phil's writing career badly, if it did, he would never be able to look at Phil in the eye ever again and that meant not seeing the blue eyed ever again; get him out of his life; and even if he didn't want to admit it, he was sure he wouldn't be able to handle Phil's absence in his life.

''Yeah, I... I'll check with Phil, see how he is handling all of this,'' Dan said before offering a 'goodbye' to Estelle and ending the call.

''Eric, could you take me to Phil's, please? I really need to talk to him''

''Sure, let's go.''

______________

Phil was sure this was the strangest Monday he had ever had.

On his way back home from the tense and uncomfortable meeting with Bloomsbury Publishing he kept reminiscing on the day.

He woke up later than usual but it was still early, giving himself enough time to get ready and go and meet up with Bloomsbury Publishing at noon and see what they could get to with his novel when he decided he should check his Twitter feed, only to find out that Dan had been acused of cheating on Claire with him.

What was even happening!?

He scrolled down, finding a few pictures of them in the park, fooling around all smiley and cute. He didn't understand anything. They were accusing Phil of being after Dan's money, that he just wanted fame and had lured Dan to get what he wanted.

That was not like that! It was all a complete lie!

Phil managed to read the complete article and read a few of the comments, most of them calling the pair a lot of homophobic slurs that Phil hadn't heard since high school and it really hurt. Even more coming from people he didn't know, anonymous haters on the internet that didn't dare to show their faces...

He had instantly called Dan but he guessed he was in practice already so after a few times, hedidn't bother to call anymore and decided that he would have to face whatever was going to happen. So, dressed as discreetly as he could, he hailed a taxi and made it on time to the most stressful meeting he had ever had in his life.

Now, walking upstairs of his flat he sighed, just wanting a calm afternoon and maybe an explanation from Dan that he would probably get soon since he found the brown haired waiting by his door, pacing up and down, his eyes a bit red as if he had been crying a bit, making Phil's heart ache for him.

''Dan?'' Phil called, getting the attention from the player since he hadn't seen him yet.

''Phil... I... First, I'm so, so sorry, I wasn't careful and I just didn't realize any of this would happen... I.. ugh, just...'' Phil could see Dan struggling to explain everything, so he walked up to him and touched his arm in a calm way, trying to get Dan's focus on him.

''Dan, hey, c'mon, let's go in...'' Phil opened the door and as soon as they were inside Phil's flat he turned around to hug Dan, both of them sighing into the other's neck, finally finding a comforting place in this troublesome day.

Phil walked both down to his bedroom, knowing they both needed to just lay down for a while before needing to talk. He handed Dan some plaid spare pyjama pants so he could be more comfortable and signed him to change in the bedroom as he did the same in the ensuite bathroom, giving himself a few minutes alone to face whatever he was about to hear.

As he entered the bedroom his heart broke a little as he spotted Dan laying down on his bed, hands on his stomach as he faced the ceiling, cleaning a stray tear away from his cheek, ''Dan...'' he whispered to himself, walking to his bed and grabbing one of Dan's hand between his, intertwining their fingers as Phil laid down close to Dan, facing his boyfriend's profile, still leaving a small space between them to not overwhelm the other.

''I'm so sorry Phil.'' Dan started with somewhat a shaky voice, still not looking at Phil, ''I was so exited to take you on that date I didn't realize what had happened before. I forgot about the rumours with Claire, about the paparazzi and maybe this sounds strange, but for a moment I forgot I was famous, that I'm in the public eye almost everytime but with you I forget I have a thousand eyes on me all the time, and now more than before.

With you it's as if I'm in another world, in just a bubble with both of us where I can be myself and enjoy life for once, where I feel fine, happy all the time and not lonely and miserable. And... I would really hate it if this managed to burst that bubble because Phil I understand this is not somehting that happens everyday and people are mean and I never want you to get hurt, not when it is because of me.''

Phil felt his Dan's thumb tracing a repetitive pattern along his skin and he took it as a sign to wait, that Dan wasn't done yet so he traced with his thumb back and let Dan speak as long as he needed. He explained how he woke up late today, not realizing that he had multiple phone calls from Estelle and how paniked he was before Estelle explained everything, that they hadn't been able to get to a deal out of all of this and how worried he was about Phil and his interview.

''So yeah, I was really worried about your interview. If this managed to interfere in your professional life, once again Phil, I'm so sorry and I understand if you don't want anything to do with me again because really, I would never forgive myself if you don't get to be a writer because of me.''

Dan drew another shaky breath and squeezed Phil's hand, giving him queue to him to talk now.

''Dan, this is not your fault. In any way, so please, stop feeling guilty about it. We didn't know this would happen and Estelle didn't either so there is nothing we can do.'' Phil sighed. This wasn't easy for him either and it was a situation that was completely out of his hands, nothing he could do to make it better, ''And, I know this is not what you want to hear but I went to the meeting with Bloomsbury and...''

''And!?'' Dan suddenly turned around, facing Phil, a worried expression on his face.

''And they said they still want to publish my novel but it's going to take time till all of this calms down, so once my face is out of all this articles it can be safe to publish it. They also said I should probably use a nickname for my novel since even if my name is not leaked to the press, it could be dangerous, but that's up to me.'' Phil explained, noticing how Dan let out a sigh of relief, thankful that it wasn't as worse as he had expected.

''But Dan... I'm not ready to be out to the press yet.'' Phil admited. He thought once Dan's and his relationship was made public he would be ready but not in this circumstances, when Dan was acused of being a cheater and Phil was called so many ugly words that he wanted to hide forever, ''I don't want to disappoint you and I think if we came out together and make a statement about this mess it could fix it, but as long as I want to trick my mind that everything will be okay, I can't.'' Phil whispered, burrowing his face onto the pillow and almost wanting to hide from Dan. He didn't really know why, but he was feeling more vulnerable as ever and the sensation of insecurity was getting bigger and bigger by any minute.

''Phil, I understand.'' Dan drew Phil closer and eveloped his arms around Phil's slim frame, tracing random patterns on his back, letting Phil find peace in Dan's chest by listening to his heartbeat, instatly feeling more relaxed, ''I'm not going to pressure you but Estelle will want to talk to you soon about all of this, so I need you to be ready to whatever she suggest we can do, will you think about it?''

He was about to get up and dress as quick as possible to leave this nightmare when suddenly the bedroom door opened, a messy haired Phil walking in with a tray on his hands that carried a few plates and mugs, his glasses falling a bit down his nose making him trip a bit at the entrance but quickly regaining the balance.

''Oh, you are up! It was going to be a surprise but I brought you breakfast!'' Phil said with a tired smile, walking towards Dan who just blankly stared at him.

Had Phil, who had only been his boyfriend for a few hours, really walked in to bring Dan breakfast? Now, this was a fucking dream. Dan only thought this only happened in movies...

''I only had cereal and a bit of fruit, but I made coffee with two sugars as you like it. I can do some toast if you would like but I don't have any jam so I thought it wouldn't be the best idea and...'' Phil rambled as he set the tray down on Dan's lap, bracketing his thights and sitting down next to Dan, popping up some pillows on the headboard to get more comfortable.

Dan continued to stare. He was sure he looked stupid right now but he couldn't seem to function. This was something Dan had been dreaming of happening for a while now and Phil had managed to do it without even knowing that Dan would have wanted something like this.

''Is something wrong? You don't like this cereal, I can bring you oth...'' Dan heard Phil ask with a concerned expression on his face.

''No!'' Dan cut him off, maybe a bit too loudly and strong than he had intended, ''No, Phil, no. I... I like this cereal. I like this breakfast thing, I like it a lot. Thank you.'' Dan said in a softer tone this time, accompaning all the words with a proper smile, ''It's actually one thing... no, it's silly nevermind, let's eat.'' Dan said, wanting to tell Phil about his 'dream', but Phil would proably think it was so foolish and lame so he discarded the idea of even mentioning something.

''Hey, no Dan, if it matters to you it cannot be silly, okay? You can tell me if you want.'' Phil said, grabbing one of Dan's hands between his, somehow giving Dan an impulse to start opening up to the blue eyed.

''It's just... everytime I felt lonely I wished for someone to enter my bedroom and bring me breakfast with coffee, some fruit, pancakes and a rose, I don't really know why but then you suddenly entered the bedroom and I... It's just a small gesture but to me it means a lot. And the fact that you didn't even know about it makes it more impressive so... thank you.'' Dan explained, feeling a lot better already.

''Well, I'm sorry mine didn't carry pancakes or a rose so I think for next time I will have to keep that in mind.'' Phil said, bringing Dan for a sweet kiss that had his heart fluttering not only because of the soft and gentle kiss, but also the words. He would love to have breakfast in bed with Phil every morning.

''Wait, you don't have practice today?'' Phil asked as soon as they separated.

''I did, but I called yesterday and coach let me the next two days off. I guessed I would need a bit of time to process whatever happened when I came to yours.'' Dan said, taking a small sip from his coffee, ''This was more important to me than practice anyways, so I even if I didn't have permission to miss training I would have done it anyways. My mind would be too busy and wouldn't be able to concentrate so...''

''So, given that you don't have more practice till Monday.... you wanna spend this four day weekend with me? I mean, I have to work on Friday but we could still manage to arrange something, it's just a few hours.'' Phil suggested with a smile, taking a few pieces of fruit.

Dan beamed at him. It was just such a simple suggestion, something you hear all couples do, but still it made him feel all tingly and warm inside. ''Yes, I would love to!''

''Great! Now let's eat, I'm starving, aren't you?'' Phil said, pecking Dan's cheek before grabbing a few more pieces of fruit, almost leaving the bowl empty, alternating between feeding one to Dan and one to himself.

______________  

They literally spent all Thursday in Phil's bed, snuggling around blankets and each other as they catched up on anime while eating an unhealthy amount of popcorn and chocolate goods. He had enjoyed every minute he spent with him. Every gentle touch they traded, every caress, every kiss... It seemed as if Dan couldn't get enough of Phil and Phil wouldn't complain about it. Oh no. He was pretty much okay having Dan Howell all over him almost for 24 hours.

Even though Phil insisted Dan to stay the night again, (and could also see on Dan's face that he didn't want to go back to his flat) the player decided to return back since he knew Phil worked tomorrow and wanted him to have a good night's rest.

It was Friday now and Phil was already reaching Dan's windows instantly frowing at the lack of Dan inside the spacious flat. 'Where was he?' He had promised yesterday to be here when Phil arrived...

Suddenly an almost naked Dan walked into the living room just out from the shower as Phil could guess from the maroon towel that was covering his lower body and the few drops of water that were making their way down his toned torso, a mop of ultra messy curls on top of his head that Phil really wanted to untangle with his fingers.

Even though Phil knew his face was deep red and could be seen from kilometres away, he was so glad that the glass separating them was soundproof so Dan couldn't hear the gasp he had let out at the sight.

How was Phil even so lucky? That was a question he didn't know how to answer.

Just as the blue eyed was trying to prentend not to have seen Dan in case he felt uncomfortable, Dan noticed him and smiled, walking towards him and picking up the the notebook he had been using to communicate with Phil all those first times.

While Dan was writing, Phil used his time to he admire his boyfriend's physical attributes up close. He noticed small light brown fleckles scatered around on his collarbones as if they were splatters of paint, followed by a weirdly shaped birthmark on his stomach really near to his belly button, making Dan more of a unique person than he already was.

'Sorry, showered longer than expected but come up when you finish? Gonna change now :)' Phil read once he startled out of his trance.

He gulped and quickly nodded, smiling a little before ushering Dan back to his bedroom with a few hand movements, rapidly picking up a bottle and spraying around so he couldn't get lost on that defined back.

Once Dan disappeared, Phil managed to clean all of the windows on record time, giving him enough time to calm himself down so he could knock on Dan's front door with no red cheeks that would  surely been followed by nervous movements and high-pitched greetings.

''Hi,'' a fully dressed Dan said happily as he opened the door even wider, letting Phil in and greeting him with a sweet kiss, lacing his arms around the black haired, who easily responded and kissed Dan back.

''It feels so good to do that,'' Dan said once they separated, quickly closing the door and dragging Phil further in.

''I agree,'' Phil said, leaning in for another kiss that didn't last too long. ''So, what plans did you think we could do today?''

''I have something in mind but first,'' Dan said in a mysterious tone, walking to his bedroom and not letting Phil follow, signing him to sit on the sofa and to leave his coat and backpack at the entrance.  

Phil did as he was told and looked around the living room with a new perspective, spotting a few pictures of younger Dan with his family, friends and teamates, smiling at the happiness he was radiating. He also noticed a few books around, reading the vertically written titles rapidly, some of them familiar, some others not so much.

Just before he could finish reading the shelves of books, Dan appeared again, something familiar on his hands.

''My manuscript.''

''Your manuscript.'' Dan sat down next to him, handing him the stack of papers perfectly settled.

''Did you finish it?'' Phil asked a bit waryly. He wouldn't admit it, but Dan's opinion on his writing was pretty important to him. Of course he remembered the compliments the brown eyed had told him a few days back over Skype, but he had just read a little, not enough to form a solid opinion of t yet.

''Yeah, yesterday. I would have finished it earlier but you know after everything well... but Phil, it's... wow, it's mindblowing. Your book, really, I don't know, it has something that drives you in all the time, each chapter, every new character that appears, every single plot twist. Phil, it's amazing.'' Dan finished with a sigh, smiling softly at Phil.

''Really? You think so?'' Phil questioned, staring at his manuscript and back at Dan repeatedly, as if he didn't believe the words he was saying, ''It's just, maybe it wasn't that good, I mean, I haven't gotten a call back from any publishing houses yet so...''

''Yes, really Phil, believe me. It's good, really good. No, even more than that, it's awesome, okay? And, even if it takes time I know that call will arrive, I don't know when but it will arrive.'' Dan said, reaching for Phil's hands to comfort him a bit.

''Thank you,'' Phil muttered, giving Dan a peck before lying his head on his shoulder, instantly feeling Dan's arm bringing him even closer,  ''So, let's not talk about my writing anymore, what did you plan for us to do today?''

''Well, you know how I moved here not so long ago, and with practices, interviews, trips and more I have a spare room that needs some painting, so would you help me? If you are up to it, of course, we can always do something else if you want to...'' Dan said, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

''Yeah! It sounds like fun! But you will need to lend me some old clothes since I didn't bring any...'' Phil commented, gesturing to the clothes that he had put on under his work uniform, now stuffed in his backpack.

''Yeah of course, c'mon, we can start now and have a lunch break later on,'' Dan said excitedly as he lifted himself from the sofa and grabbed Phil's hand in the process, pulling him up without any warning.

Phil protested a bit from having to move from the sofa and the sudden movements but a quick kiss from Dan shut him up, ''Stop complaining and follow me, the walls are huge and we will need a few hours to finish the whole room.''

Five minutes later Phil found himself dressed with baggy sweatpants and an extra large sweater that smelled like Dan (not that he was complaining. Not at all) in the middle of an empty ugly green coloured room waiting for Dan to come back with the brushes and paint along with some music and speakers that he had insisted on bringing so they could have some background noise while they painted.

''Ready to paint?'' Dan said as he entered the room, handing Phil a big brush and connecting the phone to some speakers as he choose a random playlist that filled the room with pop music instantly.

Phil nooded and grinned, instantly dipping the brush inside the tub of paint and giving a few gentle strokes on the wall, looking at Dan as he did the same, moving and humming along with the music.

They both had been painting for a while when Walking On Sunshine by Katrina & The Waves came through the speakers, making them both start fully singing and dancing in the silliest way possible as if they were in some karaoke.

''Walking on sunshine... I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love that's really real! I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love that's really real!'' They sang looking at each other, staring at the other's crinkled eyes due the big smiles they had on their faces.

Phil didn't know why but he felt warm all sudden. Was it because of the lyrics of the song maybe having a double meaning? No, it couldn't be... But then, he looked at Dan, who probably was mirroring his euphoric mood, literally beaming a Phil and he understood.

He was in love. He was in love with Dan Howell. There was no way out now.

''Phil, you okay?'' he heard Dan ask over the loud notes of an unfamiliar rock song, who was still smiling but had a bit of worry in his expression.

''Yeah, I'm fine. Great!'' Phil answered, smiling back at Dan as he leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss, enjoying the soft look it got on Dan's face.

''Phil! You painted my jumper!'' Dan laughed, trying to erase the paint that was already dry, painting Phil back on revenge.

''It was an accident I swear!'' Phil said staring at the big white spot that was now on Dan's clothes. It had really been an accident when he leaned in and didn't even notice where he had the paint brush, but now he was running, trying his best to escape Dan's brush but not succeeding at all, ''You just painted your own sweater!''

''I don't care, you deserved that!'' Dan replied, trying to make an angry face but not managing to erase the toothy-grin that he was sporting.

''And you, deserve... this!'' Phil reached forward and managed to paint Dan's left cheek, leaving a wide white stroke adorning his face.

Dan gasped at the cold paint on his face, ''Phil! Oh, you are on!''

They started chasing eachother around the empty room, somehow managing to paint one another as they laughed and sang along to old radio music, squealing every time they felt the brush touch their skin or body.

''I think... we should... stop for... a bit'' Phil suggested between breaths. He wasn't a professional athlete like Dan, so after a few minutes running he was more than ready to collapse on the floor.

''You already tired, Lester?'' Dan teased as he turned off the radio and walked up to Phil, caressing his cheek, giving it a soft peck before asking if he wanted a glass of water, an offer Phil gladly took.

As Dan left the room, Phil heard some familiar music but he couldn't place where it was coming from... The radio was turned off so, maybe some neighbour was blasting a song in the shower?

''Phil, I think your phone is ringing!'' he heard Dan shout from the kitchen.

Oh, yeah! It was his rigntone, now it all made sense! Someone was calling him and he didn't get phonecalls that often so it must be important...

Phil ran off the room and picked up the phone from the front pocket of his backpack, not even bothering to look at the number that was calling him.

''Yes?'' Phil answered a bit out of breath, silently thanking Dan as he brought him a big glass of water that he drank in a few seconds, handing it back to Dan who returned to the kitchen to leave Phil speak privately.

''Hi, is this Phil Lester?'' A polite and sweet voice from the other side of the phone asked.

''Yeah, it's me, who is calling?'' Phil asked a bit unsure as he didn't recognize the voice at all...

''Hi, Mr. Lester my name is Nicky and I'm calling you from Bloomsbury Publishing.''

Bloomsbury Publishing. Wait. It was one of the most important publishing houses in the UK.

When Phil heard Nicky's introduction he tried not to get his hopes up. He had been rejected a few times already by them so he wasn't expecting the next sentences.

''I'm calling you beacuse we are interested in publishing your novel 'Strangers of Space'. We have been looking into more Sci-fi works lately and yours seems to be one of our favourites. Will you be willing to meet next Monday at noon for a proper meeting?''

Phil gasped at this. What was even happening!? He couldn't belive this, he was going to cry. This was what he had been waiting for all his life and now it was close to becoming true.

''Yes sure! Thank you! I just... thank you!'' Phil managed to let out, still not believing this was happening.

''Great! If you have any questions just call into this same phone number and I will try to answer them all.'' Nicky offered.

''Okay, and thank you!'' Phil repeated, not knowing what more he should say.

Nicky said her goodbyes and hung up the phone, leaving Phil alone with his thoughts.

''This is real, Phil. You are probably getting published by one of the most important publishing houses in the UK.'' he said to himself, still surprised and a bit in shock.

Suddenly Dan's worried voice startled him, ''Phil, you okay? Is something wrong? You seem paler than usual... Was that phonecall a bad one?''

Phil felt Dan's hand touch his face, as if trying to get Phil out of the daze he was in.

''Yes... I mean, no! I mean, I'm okay and no, it wasn't a bad phonecall, it was probably the best phonecall I have ever gotten Dan!'' he excitedly said, showing his boyfriend a big smile before breaking the news, ''it was from Bloomsbury Publishing, they said they really like 'Strangers of Space' and they are interested in publishing it! Dan, they want to publish my novel!'' Phil squealed, giving a few little jumps before he felt a pair of strong and big arms enveloping him in a big hug.

''Phil, that's awesome! I'm so happy for you! I'm so proud of you!'' Dan said to him, separating their bodies a bit so they could look at each other in the eyes, a wide and pround smile on his face, ''I cannot believe my boyfriend is going to be a best selling author...'' Dan teased but is his tone Phil could really hear his sincerity. Did Dan really believe he could be a best selling author? Wow.

''Dan, shh! I don't know if I will ever get to be one, but just having this opportunity is... is amazing. But either way, thank you for believing in me.''

''Phil... I will always believe in you.'' Dan said, bringing Phil into a deep kiss that showed him better than anything else how much Dan supported him.

''So, what about some celebratory popcorn, huh?'' Dan asked once they separated for air, lacing their fingers together to pull Phil towards the couch.

Phil nodded repeatedly, as he sat down on the sofa and stared up at Dan, who was still looking at him with the softest smile on his face, ''Celebratory popcorn sounds perfect right now...''

''Three minutes and I'll be back, okay? Just, put a movie on if you want...'' Dan leaned down and pecked Phil on the lips, leaving Phil wanting nothing more than gentle kisses from the curly haired.

''Okay...'' Phil whispered against Dan's lips, turning around just in time to watch his boyfriend prepare the microwaved popcorn as he hummed to an unknown song.

'Yeah, I'm in love with Dan Howell.'

The game was almost over, and after more than a few drinks and at least 4 tequila shots Phil knew he was drunk. Totally drunk.

‘’I… I need the bathroom…’’ Phil slurred, standing up the best he could while leaning on Bryan the whole time, who helped him get up properly.

‘’You need me to come with you?’’ Bryan offered, standing up with Phil, who nodded and grabbed his hand, walking clumsily upstairs where Bryan kindly opened the door for Phil. ‘’I will wait here for you, okay?’’

Phil nodded and offered him a smile, trying to balance properly as he closed the door and quickly made his necessities, a bit surprised at the fact that he didn’t feel close to puking as it had happened a few other times.

As he exited the toilet he spotted Bryan against the empty hallway wall. Deciding he felt drunk enough to do something he had been wanting to all night, Phil  walked up to him and touched his biceps, making their bodies touch; not that Bryan seemed to mind much as he seemed to also want Phil closer by putting his hands on his slim waist.

‘’I thought you weren’t one who made the first move, Lester.’’ Bryan teased, tracing a few patterns along Phil’s shirt, who shrugged and decided to flush their chests together, lifting his arms to lace his arms around Bryan’s tanned neck.

‘’Well, I feel… I feel like there is a first time for everything, right?’’ Phil said, not letting Bryan say anything else as he closed the gap between their lips, an innocent kiss quickly becoming a heated one.

Suddenly, Bryan turned the around and put Phil against the wall, earning a moan from the blue eyed, who felt Bryan skim his hands lower and lower towards Phil’s butt, who instantly felt uncomfortable and broke the kiss, trying to give Bryan a hint that he didn’t want to be touched there, just make out with him, nothing more.

‘’Babe, that my butt! No touching there!’’ Phil said, lifting Bryan’s big hands away from his butt and putting them again at his hips, instantly starting to kiss the rugby player again in hopes he had understood the message.

The kiss turned out pretty heated once again, Phil felt as Bryan kissed his neck, probably leaving a questionable hickey that he wouldn’t mind to have to be honest. As he kept trying not to moan at Bryan’s neck kisses, Phil suddenly noticed the player’s hands once again at his butt, this time not only touching but also groping it, making Phil want to escape from this.

He felt uncomfortable, he didn’t want this. He wanted to stop.

‘’Bryan… stop,’’ Phil said as calmly as he could, trying once again to quit Bryan’s hands off of his butt or his mouth off of his neck, but he was stronger than Phil and he knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

‘’C’mon Lester, you know you want this, don’t tell me you don’t when in every party you end up like this with every other guy!’’ Bryan commented, grabbing his butt even harder and groping it as if he owned it.

‘’Bryan, stop please!’’ Phil tried again, this time a bit louder than before, squirming his body a bit but not managing to move that much against the hallway wall, ‘’Bryan, please stop right now! I… I don’t wanna…’’ he said, feeling trapped and scared at the same time, his drunk state not making this any easier.

‘’He said to stop, Keller!’’ suddenly a voice from the further side of the hallway said, making Bryan stop his actions, but not freeing Phil from his groping.

‘’Fuck off Howell! This is none of your business!’’ Bryan said a bit angrily as Dan Howell, part from the rowing team, walked up to them.

Phil knew him, they were in some of the classes together and had spoken a few times but never got to know each other but now, Phil was glad he had appeared out of nowhere to probably rescue him out of this situation.

‘’Yeah, it is when he is telling you that you should stop and you don’t! That’s sexual assault, you know that, right?’’ Dan said in a fuming tone and seeing as Bryan wanted to retort something between the lines of ‘no, it isn’t’, Dan stopped him by walking somehow closer and confronting him.

‘’You will get your hands off of Phil right now and will him leave alone, understood?’’ Dan said slowly as punctuating every single word to which Bryan only growled but freed Phil and stomped away, not even daring to look back.

‘’Are you okay? Did he hurt you? You need anything?’’ Dan asked Phil in the sweetest and calmest tone Phil had ever heard.

As much as he wanted to speak, Phil found himself out of words and shaking a bit, trying not to cry, his drunk state not helping at all with all these emotions.

‘’Phil, you okay? can I do something for you?’’ he heard Dan ask again in the same tone, trying to look at him in the eyes, but Phil felt crowded, trapped, caged and wanted nothing else than to be out of this situation.

‘’N- no, lea- leave me alone, I… I need… I need to find Mads,’’ and finding strength out of nowhere he pushed Dan against the other wall of the hallway, trying to run away as quickly as he could to find Mads, who he spotted quickly with her red hair standing out in the crowd.

‘’Mads, we need to go,’’ Phil nervously said to her, interrupting the conversation she was apparently having with these unfamiliar people.

‘’You okay, Phil?’’ Mads worriedly asked, rapidly turning to him looking at the distressed look his best friend had on his face.

Phil shook his head, ‘no’, trying to clear a tear that had managed to make it’s way down his cheek, ‘’Can- Can I tell you on our way to the dorm?’’

‘’Sure, let’s go.’’ Mads laced her arm around Phil giving him a side hug as they left the noisy party, walking into the dark night that had left the campus full of dark colours.

___________

It had been a few days since the party had happened and now classes were starting again.

Phil had told Mads everything that had happened that night. Feeling a bit better once he had finished the story, he cried on her shoulder for a while as he felt the sweet arm caresses Mads kept making in hopes of trying to calm him, falling instantly asleep on their dorm floor surrounded by blankets where they spent the next weekend.

It was early Monday morning when Phil woke up with a mission in mind so, dressed up in his warmest clothes, a big lilac jumper combined with black skinny jeans and some white Converse, he left his shared dorm room a soft click of the door, taking in the pretty and warm colours of the morning sunrise.

After a fifteen minute walk he finally reached his destination, the riverbank of their campus where he knew the rowing team practised every morning four days a week.

‘’Well done for today! See you tomorrow, okay? Now, a shower and off to class!’’ Phil heard the coach dismiss the team, a few of the boys chatting energetically as they walked to the changing rooms as others stayed to pick up a few of the oars they had been using, one of them being the one Phil needed to talk to, Dan Howell.

‘’Oh, hey Lester, what brings you around here?’’ another team member said when he spotted him, making Dan turn around quickly, pulling a surprised but worried expression on his face as if he wondering why Phil was here.  

Phil waved at the boys before turning his gaze to those curious brown eyes, ‘’Dan, can I talk to you?’’ Phil said shyly, grabbing at his jumper paws nervously.

‘’Sure, you wanna take a walk?’’ he suggested.

Phil nodded and started walking with Dan after waving ‘goodbye’ at the other boys who continued to gather up everything that was still left.

‘’So… what did you want to talk about?’’ Dan said as soon as they were alone, looking sideways at Phil who was still playing with his jumper paws.

Phil sighed before speaking, a deep sigh that let Dan see how nervous he was about what the blue eyed wanted to talk about.

‘’It’s about what happened at the party. I… I feel bad because you saved me from Bry-Bryan and I didn’t even got to thank you. I was so drunk and before I knew it I was being pinned to the wall and then you appeared and managed to free me, well, save me, but then you asked if I was okay and if I needed something with such a kind and caring voice but my drunkness didn’t let me think straight…’’ Phil managed to say almost in a breath, just stopping a few times.

He took a deep sigh before starting to speak again, as he needed a moment, ‘’I felt… I felt bad, I felt trapped and I shoved you against the wall so I’m sorry Dan. I didn’t mean to push you with such force but I don’t know what came over me and I did it so, once again I’m… I’m sorry, Dan.’’

‘’Phil…’’ Dan wanted to speak, but the black haired continued.

‘’Anyways, thank you and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you as I did after what you did for me…’’ he finished, hugging himself as if he needed some kind of protection. After remembering all that had happened he felt vulnerable and wanted nothing more than to hide once again in those thick blankets he had in his dorm.

‘’Phil…’’ Dan said once again, stopping in his tracks as Phil did the same, turning his body a bit to face each other, ‘’There is no need to apologize for pushing me. I understand why you did it and after how Bryan treated you I know that the least you wanted was someone hovering over you.’’

‘’Okay but… but please, I wanna thank you properly…’’ Phil suddenly said, really wanting to make something for Dan after how he had helped him.

‘’Hey, Phil, it’s okay, really, there is no need to thank me,’’ Dan offered him a smile, a beautiful smile if Phil said so.

‘’Dan please, let me take you out for coffee or something, of course only if you want to, I don’t wanna overstep,’’ Phil said nervously, playing with his sweater paws again, a reddish tone tinting his cheeks.

‘’Okay, only with a condition,’’ Dan said, a warm smile never leaving his face.

‘’Huh? Yeah, sure, whatever?’’ Phil questioned curiously, not really knowing what to expect from Dan.

‘’It’s a date,’’ Dan said suddenly, still smiling before realizing that maybe it was a pretty forward request after what had happened to Phil a few days before, ‘’Only if you want to of course, you can always say no, I mean, I would like it if it was a date but I don’t know if you would be comfortab…’’

‘’Dan,’’ Phil cut him off, a happy look on his face, letting Dan know that what he was asking was okay, ‘’I would love to go on a date with you. Are you free today? What about we meet at Petit Latte at 5pm?’’

Dan eagerly nodded, ‘’Sure. Today. Petit Latte at 5pm.’’

Phil chuckled a bit at Dan’s excited expression when suddenly he left an alarm coming from his watch, meaning it was time for class to start, ‘’I should probably go to class now… See you later then?’’

‘’See you later.’’ Dan repeated, his smile getting bigger and letting Phil see a dimple taht hadn’t been there before.

Deciding that the dimple was too cute to let it disappear early, Phil leaned in and pecked it, instantly feeling the warmth that was beginning to spread around Dan’s face.

‘’Don’t be late,’’ he whispered, smiling and waving back at Dan as he made his way back to the campus.

‘Petit Latte at 5pm. Don’t you dare to forget it, brain.’

''This,'' Martyn took out his phone and showed Phil a news article with a shocking headline in big bold black letters: 'Hot! Sport stars Dan Howell and Claire Vickard, two surprise lovers show their passion while on a secret escapade!'

Phil stared, not being able to read much more of that article. ''Wha...'' he whispered, scrolling a bit further down the page only to see a few pictures of Dan and Claire.

They were paparazzi like photos, taken from a hidden spot where you could only see the both athletes swimming around a lake, talking, laughing and... kissing. Passionately kissing.

Phil didn't know what to feel. But him and Dan... This couldn't be.

He knew he shouldn't believe what the media said. They were often liars and sometimes they manipulated pictures or events just to create interest even though those facts weren't true.

But this time it wasn't that easy. These pictures were pretty much real, they didn't look edited at all, and well, when Dan left to Ireland they didn't establish a proper 'relationship status', they hadn't even talked about the possibility of making whatever they had into something more serious, so maybe Dan had found something better. Meaning that 'better' was clearly a professional tennis player who went by the name of Claire Vickard.

A part of his brain was telling him that Dan wouldn't do that, that Dan wasn't like that, but at the same time it was difficult when you belonged to completely opposite worlds.

Phil could never compete with that. He was just a window cleaner at the moment, trying to make it as an author, a really competitive field that he was now doubting he would ever get into.

Looking back, Phil recalled that Dan had only been with famous people before, it was logical he would want to continue being with someone who shared that 'famous status'.Yeah, it was a matter of time that Dan found something much better. Much more suitable for his lifestyle.

''Phil, I thought you two were together,'' he heard Martyn say, grabbing his attention from the article, ''He is cheating on you!''

''Well... we... we didn't establish anything. We weren't boyfriends, were just going on dates so yeah... it really wasn't serious...''

'At least not for him' Phil added in his brain, starting to really feel upset now that the initial shock had gone away.

''I'm going to find him and... and...'' Martyn exclaimed in a furious tone, not even knowing how to finish that sentence.

''No, you are not going to do anything, okay?'' Phil said, seriousness clear in his voice, ''You are not doing anything because there is nothing to fix. Dan and I were nothing, it was just a fling, nothing else.''

Saying those words our lout hurt Phil's feelings more than he had expected. It had been more than 'just a fling' for him, he was seriously starting to develop stronger feelings for Dan. Feelings that he couldn't voice this soon but they were there. They were real.

Phil just wanted to lie on his bed and cry now. He didn't know if he was more surprised, upset or angry. At Dan or with himself. For not realizing sooner that this wouldn't get anywhere; that this was only a thing that happened in movies.

''Martyn, you should go, you need to work.'' Phil said, not wantitng to break down in front of his brother.

''But Phil, I can stay, you need someone right now,'' Martyn said, giving Phil a hug which the younger accepted, trying to keep his tears from falling down.

Once Phil separated from the comforting hug, he handed Martyn his phone back, ''Go, I need to be alone for a bit.''

''Phil.. I...''

''Please, just go,'' Phil said defeatedly, staring at his brother with a black expression on his face.

It seemed as if Martyn wanted to say something more, but closed his mouth and sighed before speaking again, ''I will be back later, okay? Call me if you need anything.''

And with that Martyn hugged Phil one more time before leaving the flat, closing the front door with a soft click, a faint noise that made Phil start crying silently in the middle of his living room.

______________

''C'mon, pick up,'' Dan said to the phone as he called Phil for the 5th time.

This morning, when Peter had called him and Claire for a talk before shooting once again he knew something had been wrong.

As the director had explained, some paparazzi had taken photos of Claire and him at the lake, and now the pictures were everywhere, a few articles already written about the ''secret romance'' they both had been hiding.

But there was no romance! He wasn't going out with Claire! They all knew that but there was a problem... if Phil saw those articles along with the pictures he was sure the blue eyed would think otherwise.

Dan kind of hoped Phil didn't believe the gossip media, but you could never be sure. That's why he had been trying to locate Phil, via call or messages, trying to explain everything, that it was just a modeling job and nothing more; but from the lack of resopnse he was receiving he was sure Phil had already seen everything, leaving Dan feeling like a horrible person.

It wasn't even his fault, it was the annoying paparazzi's! But still, he felt terrible.

Peter had said they should continue with the shooting, since they only had today and tomorrow morning left and they hadn't finished all the photos yet, meaning this could turn into a bigger thing if more photographers got to take a few more snaps, but Peter had assured them both they would take some measures so the campaign wouldn't be affected either.

''Phil, please, pick up...'' Dan said again, feeling disappointed when he heard the first words of the voicemail that he ahd already listened too many times that morning reached his ears.

Dan knew he would need to be professional and be getting ready for today's shoot, he always was with these things, he didn't let anything affect him, but all of this? Thinking that Phil would be crying and surely angry at Dan and probably not wanting to hear from him ever again? Yeah, he couldn't cope with that.

What coud have been his first real relationship with an amazing man, now, thanks to the paparazzi, it was ruined.

He also felt a bit guilty. Dan could have asked him to be his boyfriend before leaving to Ireland, but he didn't know if that could have been better or worse...

Suddenly his phone started ringing, answering the call without even looking at the contact that was calling him, hoping it was who he had been wanting to hear all day, ''Phil?''

''Dan... I'm Estelle,'' his agent's voice said on the other line, a bit guilty.

''Oh, hey. Sorry, I thought you... I've been wanting to talk to Phil all morning so yeah...''

''I'm guessing he saw the pictures and that's why?'' Estelle said, a question to which Dan only hummed disappointedly.

''I think so Estelle. God, I ruined everything,'' Dan wanted to cry, to eb honest. He wanted to go back to London now and explain everything. That if Phil ever agreed to let him, of course.

''Dan, listen. I'm trying everything that is in my hands to take them down, all articles, all pictures, but it's difficult. I've managed to convince a few to take some down, but the big gossip magazines are hard to persuade,'' Estelle mentioned, leaving Dan as surprised as ever, ''I know

''Thank you Estelle. Thank you. I...'' he didn't know what to even say to her. She was an angel.

''I don't know if my efforts will do anything but I know this is not what you wished when you agreed to do the campaign. I could see how happy it made you to be talking about Phil and I don't want the stupid paparazzis to ruin the possibility of that.''

Dan was speechless. Maybe Estelle's actions would fix it, maybe not, but he could only hope for the best.

''Estelle, thank you. I don't know what else to say. Just, thank you.'' Dan managed to let out, a bit touched that she was rooting for him and Phil. That she supported Dan's happiness above all. Above his career. Above his fame.

''Dan, there is no need. When you come back tomorrow afternoon just go and try to explain everything to Phil, I'm sure he will give you a chance. That way you can try and clear everything out better.''

''I'm going to need a miracle for that to happen, but I will try. He at least needs to know the truth, Phil deserves that much.''

Dan continued speaking a bit more to Estelle, trying to calm himself a bit about this mess of situation. He hadn't even thought about the possibility of this happening and thank to it he probably lost one of the most significant people of his life.

Way to go, Dan. Way to go...

______________

Phil sighed twice when he woke up on Wednesday. Once, because it was heavily raining and the second because he still had those damned pictures engraved in his mind.

During all Tuesday morning he had let his his phone ring again and again knowing it was Dan. There had been probably fifth calls in a span of an hour before they stopped and it took all of his willpower not to pick it up and answer, because he knew that if he had spoken to the baseball player he would have ended up crying on the line and he couldn't live with that embarrassement. Not after all of this.

He did also see a few messages pop up on the screen, but he didn't open them, trying to give himself a bit of 'alone time' while he thought this through.

By lunchtime he felt miserable and contacted his brother, who left work and came to his flat, making him watch silly animated movies the rest of the day in hopes of cheering him up, but it did close to nothing, only letting Phil's mind wonder how he had ended up in this.

But now, Tuesday was over, his brother was working all day and work didn't help when he had to see Dan's empty and lonely apartment once again, reminding him of the brown eyed even more. Those freaking cute polaroids still stuck on the windows, almost making Phil cry.  

Even though it was still heavily raining and his yellow raincoat wasn't doing much more of protecting him from the rain Phil decided to wander around his city, trying to think more clearly what was happening.

Phil's little voice was still nagging him that there must be some explanation for this, for why Dan was kissing Claire Vickard on a lake in Ireland. There must be something that Phil couldn't place yet... Should he let Dan explain? Would Dan be honest with him? That would have to be seen...

His stroll was so long that it was almost night when he decided to come back to his flat, totally not expecting a drenched curly haired and shaky Dan waiting by his door with a somehow dry envelope clutched to his chest.

''Dan?''

______________

''Dan?'' he heard Phil ask him. It wasn't an angry ask, just, surprised, as if he had not been expecting Dan to be heare.

Believe him, if he had been Phil he would have reacted the same way.

''Dan? What... are you doing here?'' he heard Phil ask once again in the same tone as he hadn't even responded that first time.

''Oh, First... I'm sorry I... I don't know... Phil I...'' Dan managed to say as he felt really nervous and it didn't help that he was also shaking from the cold.

He had run to Phil's flat as soon as his plane landed only wearing a thin t-shirt and skinny jeans, leaving his suitcase quickly on his bulding, only picking up his keys, wallet and phone and another thing he had brought for Phil just before turning up here, not even remembering to grab an umbrella or even a raincoat as the blue eyed was wearing.

That damned yellow raincoat that made Phil look adorable as he recalled one of those first days when they had started talking.

Dan saw Phil walking closer to him, making him even more nervous. God, Phil was going to sent him away, wasn't him? Dan felt horrible. He was trembling and could probably cry. Why was this such a shitty situation?

''Hey, come inside, you must be freezing,'' Phil said as he sensed his worry, opening the main door. Dan looked surprised for a second that Phil was being so gentle with him, even if he had a serious expression on his face, his tone said otherwise, so he quickly entered instantly feeling a bit warmer, taking in the white hallways he had seen before as he followed the blue eyed inside, who took out his yellow coat and hung it, signing Dan to take out his shoes and surely wet socks to leave them there to dry before walking further into the flat.

He felt the carpet under the soles of his feet, letting Phil guide them both to an almost dark bedroom. Phil's bedroom to be exact. Dan couldn't see much, but he spotted  a few plushies and a ton of books on different shelves, surely making the room a bit more colorful than it already was. It was such a Phil thing to be honest.

''Here, you can change in the bathroom there. Leave the clothes by the tub, they will get dry while we talk,'' Phil startled him out of his thoughts, handing him a dark t-shirt and some grey tracksuit bottoms and pointing at the door where the ensuite bathroom was.

Dan quietly thanked him and walked inside, closing the door as he could with the clothes along with the envelope still clutched to his chest, managing to change quickly before reappearing again to find a pyjama claded Phil with his glasses sat by the headboard, switching on one of the lamps on the bedside tables.

Dan walked and sat down by the end of the bed, the envelope now resting on his lap as he smoothed the few wrinkles that had been creade by his strong grip.

He lifted his gaze for a moment, and looked at Phil, who had a neutral expression on his face, quickly making Dan tear his gaze away from him, not daring to look at Phil more. He felt as if he didn't deserve it.

''So... you came back.'' Phil mentioned, his tone still not angry, just... normal. Why wasn't Phil angry at Dan? He didn't understand. Phil should be angry, furious even, but no, he was.. patient; as if he was waiting for an explanation.

''Yeah. I... I managed to catch the first flight but due to the storm it was harder to land... I can explain everything if you let me?'' Dan said, not wanting to make this longer.

Phil hummed and Dan guessed he also nodded, but didn't see as he was still looking down, ''Look, I shouldn't be telling you this because it was secret but to hell with all contracts. I don't care about them anymore. My agent, Estelle, managed to get me another clothing campaign with this sport clothing brand I've worked before, but this time I had to get shoots done with Claire Vickard.''

Dan sighed, trying his best to explain, ''We travelled to Ireland where we met Peter, the director of the campaign. He told us to expect some 'sensual photos' that ended up being a 'lustful swimming sunset scene' as he explained... I felt terrible Phil. I thought like, okay, I can act but still, even if it was acting I should have said no. I should have refused to do them even if that meant breaking the contract and ruining my career. I knew it. While we were shooting them I couldn't get you out of my head. I wished it had been you. I wished so much it would have been you.''

He took a deep breath before continuing his explanation, ''We left this in such ambiguous terms I was scared of what would happen if you saw the campaign, but in my head, I was sure I could take a step forward before the cat was out of the bag. What I didn't see comming was the shitty paparazzi pictures twisting everything and making everyone believe that I'm going out with Claire Vickard. She and I are just friends and I need you to believe that, Phil. I need you to believe me.''

Dan was almost crying at this point. If Phil didn't believe anything now this was surely over. He turned a bit to look at Phil, who was still looking at him, but a bit of emotion on his face that Dan couldn't place.

''Phil... being away from you it was harder than I expected it to be. It made me realize I couldn't let you slip though my fingers, not when you are already so close. Not when you are the only person who has managed to open my heart this way and made me feel things taht I haven't felt before. Making me feel less lonely. I just... I just wanna be with you.'' Dan looked away, cleaning a few tears that had started to fall down his face. He was opening up to Phil in a way he had never done before and yes, he was emotional. He could be emotional, even if it was a side that no one knew about him.

''Dan...'' he heard Phil say but Dan didn't lift his gaze, he didn't want Phil to see him crying.

''I'm sorry Phil. I should have... I should have made something about this, us, earlier. I should have asked you to be my boyfriend and I was ready to do so on our videogame date but I was scared... I have, I have never been in a relationship before. I have never told anyone this before.'' Dan admitted, finally letting oen of his biggest secrets out loud.

''But, you have gone out with plenty of famous people, right?'' Phil questioned curiously and Dan understood where he was coming from.

''There were all fake relationships. They were never real. They were only to make the others have a bit of fame since a was a promising star of baseball so yeah, there you have it. Dan Howell, famous baseball player, has never had a partner before,'' Dan cry-laughed at this, a few tears still making his way down his cheeks. If he hadn't before, he now had lost all his chances of going out with Phil. He was pathetic, oh God. ''So, if you still wanna see me and somehow bare with me, even only as friends I will take it, because you... you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me Phil.''

Dan couldn't hold his tears anymore and cried into his hands as he had wanted to do many times before, letting every emotion he had bottled up all this time into this night.

''Dan,'' he felt the duvet move as Phil crawled towards him, sitting down beside him and grabbing his hands away from his face, threading their fingers together, making Dan gasp a bit at the contact. What...? Why was Phil so friendly? He should be laughing at him, or angry, or something! He was not supposed to be this kind... Not after Dan had made him feel this bad.

''Dan, I believe you.'' Phil said, taking also a deep breath, ''At first, when I saw those pictures I was confused, I kept reminding myself I wouldn't believe it, that this was just the press making his thing, but then another part of me said that we weren't even going out properly, we hadn't even established anything before you went away, so it was possible that you would have found someone like Claire, someone who shares your lifestyle, it made sense.''

''But Phil, I...'' Dan tried to explain, that it didn't matter if Phil wasn't famous. He didn't care. He was Phil and it was enough.

''But now that you explained I understand and I believe you. I knew there was something behind all of it and now that you have explained the campaign and everything I believe you Dan. I believe you.'' Phil said, squeezing their hands together tightly, giving him a small smile. ''And... I don't care that you haven't been in another relationship before, I don't care, really. Your secret is safe with me, okay?''

Dan sighed and copied his smile, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders but he knew this talk wasn't over yet.

''Can I ask you a question though?'' Phil said to which Dan nodded, his smile fading a bit. He didn't know what to even expect but he was ready for anything, even the possibility of Phil sending him away even if he believed him.

''What's inside that envelope?'' Dan wanted to laugh at Phil's question. Of course he would ask that! Phil had such a curious personality it was unbelieveable!

''I brought this for you,'' Dan handed Phil the envelope, who grabbed it but didn't open it yet, as if waiting for an explanation, ''when I said I was ready to ask you to be my boyfriend I was going to do it this way but I guess I wasn't as brave a I though so I kind of chickened out last minute... I'm, god, I sound pathetic, but yeah, it was a big step for me but I'm ready now so... open it.''

Dan observed as Phil opened the envelope carfuly, trying no to rip it in half, pulling out a surprised face as he lifted what was inside up to his eyes to observe it better.

''Wha...? Dan how, what?'' Phil babbled, not tearing his eyes away from the item. It was a ticket for a Rocky Planets' game.

''So, Phil Lester, would you like to go to and see the Rocky Planets' first game of this baseball season... as my boyfriend?'' Dan managed to ask before he heard Phil's loud 'Yes!' echo through the bedroom, somehow illuminating the dim lit bedroom a bit more with his smile.

Dan mirrored Phil's smile, teeth showing in a grin that soon was wiped away by a pair of soft lips pressing against his, making him react fast and grabbing Phil's cheeks, bringing him on a deeper kiss, enjoying the sweet flavour that he had mised so much during this week and that he had been close to lose.

''I cannot believe Dan Howell is now my.. boyfriend.'' Phil whispered once their kiss was over, leaning in again to peck his lips again a few times more.

''I cannot believe Phil Lester is my... first boyfriend.'' Dan said in the same tone, finally realizing that he was finally in a real realtionship. That he had someone that cared for him as more than a friend, someone who could share a life with... someone who would take his loneliness finally away.

______________

It was around lunch time when Dan landed in a cloudy Ireland, quickly hoping into the car the company had ready for him just outside the airport and driving to a very lively rural-looking city. Once he left the suitcase in his hotel bedroom, the same driver drove Dan to the location where he would be working.

After almost half an hour, a beautiful landscape appeared in front of his eyes. A hill full of different tones of greens with multiple spots of lilac and yellow flowers that the wind was calmly moving, leaving Dan breathless at the sight.

Dan got out of the car, admiring the scenery in front of him. 'I would love to come here with Phil.' he thought. They would love this, it was so nice. Dan was already thinking of coming here with a blanket and spend the day with his head on Phil's lap as the blue eyed read to him for hours. Yeah, it seemed like a perfect date.

Suddenly, a strong voice startled him, ''Dan Howell, long time no see!''

Already smiling, Dan turned around only to see Peter Wright. He had been the director of the last campaign and it seemed like he was the one for this new one too. Great, at least a familiar face Dan could spot around.

Dan greeted him back which led to a quick conversation while Peter showed Dan around and what he wanted to do for this campaign.

Apparently, he and his modeling partner Claire would be trying different outfits of their new  clothing range. They wanted to keep a 'rustic aesthetic' as Peter described, so that's why the landscape was a must.

''Also, we want you and Claire act like star-crossed lover. Runaways who left their actual lives to continue with their love somewhere else, what leads us to living a non-approved romance in a rural village. Yeah, a bit weird concept but you will see. Expect a few sensual shots in the next few days but nothing that you haven't done before, of course,'' Peter mentioned.

Dan almost frowned but somehow managed to control his hace expressions. He could act like a 'lover' with Claire, he had done that a few times in the past, but would he be comfortable now that he was almost in a relationship with Phil? Well, it was acting. And, believe it or not, acting had always been one of Dan's passions and even though it could be a bit pretentious, he considered himself a pretty good actor at this point.

''We will make a few test-photos today and tomorrow, see what light settings, make-up and more we will work with so we can work properly in the next few days,'' Peter said, finally arriving to an open space with a few tents where a crew was franatically running around.

Peter showed Dan what would be his changing and lounging room and left him for a few minutes till he came back with Claire Vickard, who had been one of the best tennis players in the last three years. It was really a privilege to work with someone so professional.

''Dan Howell, nice to finally meet you. Claire Vickard,'' she showed him a small smile and handed him a hand which he shook.

''Hello Claire, nice to meet you too,'' Dan repeated, also smiling.

Once Peter pitched them three into a conversation Dan's mind wandered till his eyes landed on Claire.

She was tall, not as tall as Dan, but she had a pretty good height that seemed to heighten thanks to her black and sleek ponytail letting him see her face features better, making her clear green eyes look even greener.

'They are not like Phil's' Dan almost groaned at the though. Yeah, her eyes might be greener than Phil's, but her features reminded him so much of the window cleaner it wouldn't be that easy to forget about said person.

It was going to be difficult. Pretty difficult.

______________

The day was finally over. It was 9pm and Phil had managed to have a productive afternoon of developing ideas that had potential to be a proper novel, wiriting whatever came into his mind and writing a few paraghaphs or pages at least. After a nice dinner and some cereal he decided to just lay on his bed watching a movie on his laptop, browsing to see which one he could pick that he hadn't watched yet.

He had messaged Dan earlier, thanking him for the pictures and reminidng him he didn't have 'an ugly face' but he hadn't gotten any response yet, meaning he was busy or simply wanted to disconnect from the world a bit.

As if reading his mind, his phone vibrated, quickly picking it up from his nightsand Phil saw a new message from Dan, 'can you skype? wanna see you.'

'Sure, let me call you.'

Phil closed his movie folder and opened Skype, easily calling Dan who after a minute appeared on the screen, almost in the same position as Phil, leaning against the headboard of what seemed a king sized bed, some pillows supporting his back. Dan's smiley face was tinted with the yellow light coming from a nightstand lamp, making his black t-shirt stand out even more.

''Hi'' Phil said shyly, regarding the old pyjamas he was wearing, not having even tought about changing.

''Hello, how was your day?'' Dan asked from the other side, his voice sounded happy but tired, Phil hoped he wasn't keeping him up even though Dan had been the one to ask to Skype.

''Nah, nothing much, just went to work and saw your super ugly pictures stuck to the windows.'' Phil joked, making them both chuckle, ''But, it was a very nice surprise, so thank you so much.'' he said sincerely.

''You're welcome. I wanted to make something nice for you since you are letting me read your manuscript which, by the way, it's going pretty well. It has me very intrigued.'' Dan picked up the stack of papers from the nightstand and showed it to Phil. He could spot a bright green post-it note marking Dan's reading. He noticed it wasn't very advanced, but enough to at least have read two chapters.

''Yeah? Are you liking it so far?'' Phil asked worried about his response.

''I'm really liking it. It has the perfect amount of mystery and sci-fi elements I like in a novel,'' Dan said.

Phil pulled a surprised face. Dan was enjoying his novel and he couldn't be happier. ''yeah? You really like it? You are not just saying it because it's me, right?''

''Of course not! I think this is your opportunity, Phil. This is good, like, really good.''

''Tell that to publishing houses... All I have received are rejection emails,'' Phil muttered under his breath, not knowing if Dan had heard.  

''Believe me, I think this is your big chance. Just, wait a bit more, I'm sure you will get good news soon,'' Dan said, giving him a smile, hoping Phil would cheer up a bit.

''I hope so, it has been so difficult... I have been writing since I finished my degree and I just don't know anymore... Maybe writing isn't for me, after all,'' Phil didn't really want to make this Skype call so upseting, but he needed to talk about it and Dan seemed like he was willing to listen to him and give him all support he needed.

''Phil, listen, writing is your passion. Writing is your definitely your thing. You of all people deserve to be an author. And you will become one, I know. It might take a bit more of time but believe me, you will make it.''

''Thank you,'' Phil croaked out, his voice a bit emotional. Dan's encouraging words were all he needed, ''I really needed to hear that.''

''You, Phil Lester, will be a future author, okay?'' Dan repeated.

Phil nodded, trying to get those words inside his brain. ''I'm sorry for ranting, I just, I felt like I needed to get that out of my chest...''

''Hey, don't worry, you can count on me for everything.'' Dan said, his beautiful smile not fading from his face. Oh, how he wished he could be with Dan now, cuddling and maybe kissing under the blankets...

''I wish I could hug you right now.'' Phil whispered.

''I wish I could hug you too.'' Dan repeated in the same tone, grabbing one of the throw pillows he had on his bed and clutching it to his chest, yawning in the process.

Phil decided it was time to go to bed. He didn't want to keep Dan up much longer, he must had had a long day in this 'secret project' and sure he needed to rest.

''You're tired, talk to you tomorrow?'' Phil suggested, offering him a small smile.He saw Dan tried to fight his tiredness, but another yawn made him backtrack.

''Okay, good night, Phil.'' Dan waved at him, ''Miss you.''

''Miss you too, Dan'' Phil managed to say before they hung up.

Needless to say they both fell asleep hugging a pillow as close to them as possible.

______________

The rest of the week went calm for Dan. He found it really easy to work with Claire since she was so professional. Peter would shout phrases like 'hands lower!', 'caress each other's face, yeah that's it!' and they acted it as natural as it could get. While they were resting they took time to know the other, bonding so well and quickly at the same time Dan could consider Claire a friend already.

Also, he and Phil had been Skyping each night to speak about everything and nothing. Dan managed to read a bit more of Phil's manuscript everyday, even if it was just a few pages, but he really was enjoying the story.

Phil didn't get enough credit, that for sure. Oh, boy. How much he missed him.

It was Monday evening now and they were going to a lake to shoot a few of Peter's famous 'sensual photos' since he wanted to picture a ''lustful swimming sunset scene'' as he had expressed yesterday.

The lake indeed was also as beautiful as the field they had been working on till now. Dark water reaching the surprising sandy shore with tall rocky mountains to they right and left, making shadows along the water thanks to the now orange sunlight that reached the scenenery.

So, after takinga  few pictures to send later to Phil, Dan did as he was told, put on the swimsuit he was supposed to wear and left his changing room, spotting Claire in her bikini already waiting for him.

''How are you so fast on the field and so slow at changing clothes, uh?'' Claire teased him, making the both chuckle.

''Must be a baseball player thing, I guess,'' Dan replied, not managing to say anything else since Peter called at them both to go into the water.

It was cold (it was freaking Ireland, of course it was cold!) and both of them were shivering at first, but after Peter told them to swim around bit at first it was okay.

''Okay, we will do a few out of the water shots first and them underwater, fine with that?'' eh director said, who received a quick nod from both of the athletes.

Dan and Claire swam around, 'flirting' as they had been doing with the other pictures before, splashing water and giving suggestive glances to each other. Peter shouted from the shore that they needed to get closer and act a bit more 'lustful' so Claire laced her arms around Dan's neck and Dan's hands traveled to her waist, standing up with their feet touching the sand unterwater, the water surrounding them by their thighs.

Claire trailed a few kisses along Dan's jaw, reaching his ear and whispering silly things as Dan tried not to laugh, keeping a serious face for the shake of the shoot and deciding to move his mouth down to Claire's shoulder, leaving a few kisses there. Dan tried to pull her closer but somehow managed to make them both lose their balance, sending them both splashing into the water, instantly laughing.

They heard Peter's laugh cut the repetive clicking of the camera sutter from the shore, probably meaning they should be done with this part of the shot, ''Okay, let's do the underwater shoots before the light fades''.

Peter instructed them once again, meaning one of his helpers would be going underwater with them and these shots would involve kissing, like 'proper kissing, tongue included'.

When Dan heard those words he wanted to believe he hadn't heard the right. 'Proper kissing' meant the opposite to chaste-like pecks on cheeks, of course. It was acting and he knew it but Phil... Dan was sure that by the time the campaign pictures were out he would have already asked Phil to be his boyfriend, he was sure of it, so it should be fine.

''You okay, Dan? I hope I'm not that horrible to kiss!'' Claire said jokingly.

Dan chuckled. He would have told Claire about Phil, he would have, but he wasn't sure if Phil would have wanted that, ''It's just that I wasn't expecting more kissing but yeah, I'm sure you will be... okay to kiss'' he teased, getting a fake offended huff from Claire, who looked like she wanted to say something else but Peter's words cut her off.

''You two, stop bickering and back into the water, you will start kissing out of it and slowly submerge into the water. Once you feel oxygen is necessary, just come up. We can repeat it a few times, understood?''

They both nodded, knowing there wasn't any other alternative to Peter's words. A bit awkwardly, they walked back into the water, swimming further than before and latching into each other for balance, staring at each other's eyes.

Dan looked into Claire's green eyes and wet black hair, her features reminding him once again how much he wished he was with Phil right now... Maybe if Dan imagined he was with Phil instead...

He felt Claire's arms tighten around his neck, bringing him a bit closer so he did the same, pressing their foreheads together and closing his eyes before slowly pressing their lips together. Dan felt Claire bit his lower lip for entrance, which he allowed for a while imagining it was Phil who he was kissing.

Phil and only Phil.

Dan grabbed Claire's hips a bit tighter before sending them both purposely under the water, trying to keep the kiss passionate and professional as possible as long as their lungs allowed them too.

After a while, oxygen became necessary so they separated their mouths and rapidly swam back up, breathing for air as they once again held each other for balance.

Heavily inhaling and exhaling, Dan looked at Claire, remainding his brain that she wasn't Phil.

She. Was. Not. Phil.

Dan's chest felt heavy. He just wanted to see Phil now, be close to him so he could feel better about all of this but he knew that was going to be impossible. He just wanted to arrive to the hotel and curl up under the blankets while he skyped the blue eyed, seeing his tired and sleepy face across the crappy webcam as he had done everyday since Wednesday.

Suddenly he heard Peter's voice calling them, saying that they were done for today so they could go back to their hotel, meaning the day was finally over.

So, with a quick 'goodbye, see you tomorrow' to Claire, Dan walked into his changing room, discarding the wet swimsuit before putting back his comfy sweatshirt and jeans, hoping into the car that drove him to his lonely hotel bedroom.

Once he arrived Dan threw himself on the bed and was ready to text Phil when a new message from said person popped into the screen, 'Work was horrible today, I'm extremely tired to Skype today, I'm sorry :(  but talk to you tomorrow? :)'

Dan was a bit disappointed but he understood. Mondays for Phil were pretty much tiring and he guessed he was going to bed early, so even though Dan felt the need to see him he understood. They could talk tomorrow anyways, he could live with that.

'Sure, no worries. We can Skype tomorrow if you are not that tired.' Dan replied, deciding to type a 'Good night. Miss you. ♥' to finish his message, but no response came in, meaning for sure Phil had fallen already asleep.