irny :3

why don’t you shut your fucking mouth and look at the wikipedia page for sucking cock???????????

alright one sec

hey it says i gotta have my mouth open for this one boss

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

Every day I mourn the irrepairable damage that cringe compilationers have done to the art community as a whole. Fly high possessive undertale selfshippers and amateur flipaclip furry animators. Your legacy will not be in vain and I wish people weren't so cruel to you

they should make a video game based off the minecraft movie

Doctor calls you with your bloodwork results and just says “I’m really mad at you” and then hangs up

Holding a girl down with my hand in her hair but it’s my right hand so she has to make dead on eye contact with my clippy tattoo

Hey, looks like you're trying to have lesbian sex, can I help with that?

t shirt that says i've misunderstood many social interactions

on the back: please tell me whats going on in a clear and concise manner

booty shorts that ask: are you mad at me ?

shoobies