eric

first of all intracommunity discourse is normal and attempting to completely silence those w differing opinions in the name of “unification” or “progress” is. the opposite of progressive.

second the lgbt community is a diverse group of thousands of different lived experiences and it’s futile to expect every single individual to have the same exact opinions because we are not a hive mind or a monolith

identities can change over time. not just our understanding of them, but the feelings themselves. the human experience is organic and ever-shifting. the ways we perceive ourselves or experience attraction may alter significantly over time. or not! both are normal and good.

you cannot force an identity on someone. being cishet or queer is not a choice. identities may shift over time, but this arises naturally and cannot be controlled. any “therapy” that pretends otherwise is inherently malignant. 

anyway, you can spend years & years identifying as x, and eventually deciding that you’re y instead. that doesn’t necessarily mean 

you weren’t ‘really’ x, 

that you were y all along

that any of your experiences were invalid. 

sometimes we change in unexpected ways. sometimes we don’t! some discoveries have been there all along, some of them are new and emerging. 

Here are the lyrics and some emojis to guide you:

Bona👍Eke🙂,

You got the campest💅little bona👍 eke🙂

When you vada👀 me it leaves me weak

You’ve got a bona👍 eke🙂

bona👍 bona, You’ve got a tatty👎 gaft🏠

Bona👍 Bona👍And all your drag👕👗 is naff🤢

But I love you so and

 My heart starts a racket

Everytime I see your packet🍆

But I love your bona👍 eke🙂!

Bona👍 Eke🙂, You’ve got the campest💅 little bona👍 eke🙂

Your bon Polari💬 makes me spring a leak

You’ve got, a bona👍 eke🙂!

Bona👍 Bona👍, whats more your riah’s💇‍♀️ cod💩

Bona 👍Bona👍, and all your pots🦷 are odd,

But I love you so, I’d grant your every wish,

I’d even grease my dish🍑🕳

Just to see your bona👍 eke🙂!

Bona👍 Eke🙂, 

You’ve got the boldest🏳️‍🌈 little bona👍 eke🙂

And when you charver🥵💦 me it leaves me weak,

You’ve got a bona👍 eke🙂

Bona👍 Bona👍, heard it from lilly law👮‍♂️

Bona👍 Bona👍, You’re in the life🏳️‍🌈 once more,

But I love you so

And you can clean my kitchen🍆🍑

Get your carts🍆 a pitchin’!

Yes I love your bona👍 eke🙂!

Bona👍 Eke🙂 x3

Your lallies🦵 look like darts,

And you’ve got nanti🙅 carts🍆,

But I love your, Bona👍Eke🙂!

Bona👍 Eke🙂! Bona👍 Eke🙂!

E’re, Give us a vada👀 of that dolly💅 old eke🙂! 

(heads up there are a lot of references to sex and genitalia in here)

👍 “Bona”, adjective; good, well, sometimes synonymous with pretty (more here)

🙂 “Eke”, noun, face. Short for ecaf (more here)

💅 “Campest”, adjective; the most “camp”.

💅 “Camp” is an adjective meaning funny, exaggerated, flamboyant or heavily stylized

👀 “Vada”, verb; to see or to look 

👎 “tatty”, from “tat”, and adjective meaning “rubbish” or “trash”

🏠 “gaff”, noun; an apartment or house

👕👗 “Drag”; noun, clothing, usually “women’s” clothing

🤢 “Naff”, adjective; plain, tasteless, heterosexual, ugly, comes from the acronym “Not Available For Fucking”

🍆 “Packet”, noun, someone’s crotch

💬 “Bon Polari” this one is hard for me ill cover it at the end of the post

💇‍♀️ “Riah”, noun, hair.

💩 “Cod”, adjective, bad, synonymous with “shit”

🦷 “Pots”, noun; teeth

🍑“Dish”, noun; the 1st meaning is ass or anus, the 2nd is an attractive man

🏳️‍🌈“Bold”, adjective, the 1st meaning is very gay, the 2nd is unpleasant (more here)

🥵 💦”Charver”, verb; to f*ck

👮‍♂️ “Lilly Law”, noun; the police

🏳️‍🌈 “In the life”, adjective; gay or queer. (more here)

🍆🍑 “Clean the kitchen”, noun, gay sex, usually butt stuff between men

🍆 “Carts”, noun, a penis. a popular variation of this word is “Cartzo”

🦵 “Lallies”, noun; legs. (plural of Lally, “leg”)

🙅 “Nanti”, a general negator term. (more here)

💅 “Dolly”, adjective; pretty or smart (more here) 

So i have done a bit more research on the origins of this song and discovered its a  version of one of Lee Sutton’s songs! I don’t know much about Lee yet, just that he wrote songs in Polari then translated them for the audience. However he often purposefully translated things wrong as an extra joke for the Polari speakers in the room.

In this recording of him performing and translating Bona Eke he says “your bon polari almost makes me spring a leak” means “When you speak your mind I almost lose control of myself”.

I know Polari is the name for the language and is also a verb meaning “to talk”, but im not quite sure what the “bon” means specifically. In French, “bon” means “well” or “good”, se perhaps the literal translations is “good talk” but i cant be sure. 

Let me know if you guys would be interested in more about Lee Sutton!

I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.

This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.

Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.

A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?

While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!

NO.

NO NO NO NO.

NO.

fast forward to when i went to college. i lived in an all girls dorm and was genuinely shocked to see how many girls couldn’t do their laundry, but then i started to piece something together: a lot of the girls who didn’t know how to do their laundry came from wealth. their clothes were expensive. and another correlation? lots of them didn’t have brothers. though i was fortunate enough to have a mom that wouldn’t tolerate my brother being helpless, so many girls i know with brothers are forced into domesticity not even to serve their fathers and sisters and mothers, but their brothers.

The OP and in general many of the points made in this post are about lazy inadequate fathers not doing their portion of the child care and lazily leaving it all to the mother, so I don’t know where the disconnect comes from to respond to that with “yeah that’s why women need to do even more domestic work and child care by being the ones to teach domestic skills to their sons!”

i will say that, in complete honestly, i’m not sure where to take the discussion in terms of fathers and dividing domestic tasks, because clearly it’s not the mother’s job to teach him that he should practice equal division of labor, and i don’t want to present an argument that will fall flat for women already in marriages with unequal division of labor, so this is something i can’t fully present a response to, or at least not one i can stand by. but your response really has me thinking a lot about the theoretical framework of domesticity.