The Importance of Procrastination

Before you ask, yes there are paintings of this. And yes, they’re amazing.

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The courtesan named was named Phryne and she was indeed a renowned beauty, and was indeed was put on trial for a capital crime. And yes, the sum of her defense consisted of her stripping in court (helped by her lover/defendant) and asking the jury (all males) if they were prepared to destroy this. 

But this is actually a very interesting case of Values Dissonance - the capital crime she was accused of was blasphemy. In Ancient Greek society, exceptional beauty was a sign of favor from the gods, and they took the idea that beauty indicated goodness with great seriousness. They even called their nobles Kaloi k'Agathoi, “the Beautiful and the Good.” 

So by showing off her great physical beauty, Phryne was being very clever indeed, her argument essentially being “How could I possibly commit blasphemy if the gods have given me this body?“ 

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic. 

Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day. 

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 egg 1 cup sugar 2 cups flour 1 tsp vanilla ½ tsp salt Turbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.

Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy.  Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour. 

Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick.  Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.

And it is GREAT.

That tail is batting away all those haters 🔥  

I sit here with the most clarity in thoughts today. Finally back into the safe crevice within the chaos once again, my true home.

I’ve compromised a lot in life, as you naturally do through life experiences, but one thing that stays completely pure in my life still is art.

I’m the most grateful for the passion that’s within me, it constantly fuels my desire for life.

I’m the most grateful for all the lessons it teaches me, both the absolute euphoria and the most horrific.

I’m the most grateful for this ability to connect with others, since I’m the worst in just about all the other ways.

It lightens my worst weakness and I know it stands by me and will continue to do so, so long as I’m equally as truthful and loyal to it.

I may never be truly happy in life, but that somehow makes me feel the happiest.

I’m happy to be able to experience the struggles in life, it pushes me to strive toward the illusion that is that idea of ‘happiness’.

In reality, reaching happiness would simultaneously be reaching the peak of my unhappiness.

I got no strings so I have fun I’m not tied up to anyone They’ve got strings But you can see There are no strings on me

The wild yeast found in flour and in the air of your home can be cultivated by just.... leaving wet flour paste and a sprinkle of sugar out as free real estate.

Yeast moves in, you feed it a bit more every day, and that’s a bread starter!

Mine is about two months old and going strong. Some bakeries pride themselves in having bread starters over a century old. The wild yeast gives bread a complexity and depth of flavor that gives sourdough it’s iconic flavor.

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When the yeast is hungry it starts to smell like wine or acetone.

When it’s eating well and happy, it smells like vinegar and fresh bread.

Keeping it cold slows its metabolism, so you can put it in the fridge if you don’t make bread every day.

In the fridge you only have to feed it every 2 days or so. Left out at room temperature, you have to feed, and take a piece off for baking every day.

Yeast is killed at temps over 85 degrees Fahrenheit, but it can withstand short periods of being frozen, so the cold fridge is fine.

As long as you have flour on-hand, it’s basically infinite ready-to-bake bread.

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So far I’ve used my bread starter, mixed it with flour and water, and made:

Dumplings (rolled dough flat and stuffed with minced veggies)

Bread loaves (duh)

Fried dough balls

Elephant ears (that cinnamon-sugar ❤️)

Pizza crust

It is not the prettiest but here is a little chart I made of skin tones.

Gorgeous lion giving a massive yawn 

The best help I can offer is to point you to Amy Cuddy’s book, Presence. She talks about Imposter Syndrome (and interviews me in it) and offers helpful insight.

The second best help might be in the form of an anecdote. Some years ago, I was lucky enough invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.

On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”

And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”

And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.