... "forget everything about how sex is supposed to go, and everything about how it’s supposed to look. Focus instead on how it’s supposed to feel, and what it’s supposed to do. Remember that everything about sex is about the people. Whether there is one or two or more people involved, every one of them is a partner, and every one needs to be happy with how it goes. To do that, they have to share information. Encourage each other to say what feels good (physically and emotionally), and do it more. Whatever doesn’t work — either for you or for them (physically or emotionally), stop doing.
That’s it. Really. Some folks might tell you, for example, that “everyone” loves oral sex. But not really. If you and your partner are not so into it, then it doesn’t do you any good. People might tell you that sex only “counts” or goes “all the way” if a penis goes in a vagina, or in some other entrance or whatever arbitrary definition “they” agree on. What good does that kind of keeping score do anybody? That stuff is for gossip, it doesn’t help anyone have better sex."
Thomas MacAulay Millar, Ethical Horniness, Or How To Find A Partner In An Enthusiastic Consent World