Black Friday is such a joke nowadays. “Don’t miss out on 30% off” don’t piss me the fuck off. People used to hit each other over the head for a microwave that’s how low the prices were. People literally died. We used to be a country

secret technique "one hour smoke break" only discussed by the monks in hushed whispers

(after getting attacked by a one-episode creature) whatever that was, it's gone now...

It's so messed up that Coca Cola is one of the quintessential symbols of the US globally, a drink sold across the world and known for being refreshing and delicious, but if you actually go to the US and drink it, it tastes like ass.

i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life. 

i consider this a sort of prose poem to be honest