Self-Appointed Mushroom King

I will live and die on the hill that is the fact that Shane Hollander is A-list famous. Even if you don’t watch hockey, you’ve seen him. He is the guy in the Rolex commercial. He is the underwear model who got the 20 foot Calvin Klein spread on the side of a building. He is Rose Landry’s boyfriend.

Shane Hollander is a brand and that brand is a fucking machine. Yuna Hollander did not settle for anything less than making her son A-List untouchable. She was not going to let him get paid less than his white colleagues. She was not going to let him be valued for less than his worth. So she pushed luxury brand campaigns and photoshoots and even her own son’s sex appeal. She made him an underwear model and signed him up to be in dripping wet shirts because sex fucking sells and the best language corporate execs speak is money. I fully believe that Yuna’s momager pursuits were all designed to protect her son by making him too valuable to hurt. But it’s the very efforts meant to protect him that eventually swallow him whole. Shane Hollander is now a brand that is a machine that was built without an off switch. There is no stopping the ride.

In snapping birch specifically, Shane’s fame was spiraling out of control even before the leak. Rose was a big part of why.

Shane is already a big name before he started dating Rose. He’s been leading the League for years. The rivalry had carved his and Ilya’s images into the public consciousness deeper than any other hockey players in history. He had his two Stanley cups and was gunning for more. He was a major face of Rolex, Calvin Klein, Reeboks. And he was, of course, the Metros’ beloved captain. If you’re looking exclusively at a Montreal market, Shane was the more famous one between him and Rose. If you open it up to markets beyond Montreal, Rose is the knock-out winner in the fame race, but it’s hard to beat Rose Landry when it comes to fame.

Rose in snapping birch is meant to be modeled after Taylor Swift. She has an overwhelming fanbase that is extremely passionate about her. They are invested in everything she does. They are especially invested in who she dates.

Shane was her fanbase’s favorite boyfriend.

The Rose and Shane that live in my head just get on like a house fire. They genuinely, sincerely love each other, in part because they feel like the other is the only one who truly understands what it’s like to be swallowed by your own brand. And that love shines through when they’re together. Shane was attractive. He was successful. He was talented. He was respectful. His reputation was excruciatingly clean. And he and Rose looked at each other like they hung the sun, moon, and stars.

For a lot of people, they were endgame. People didn’t even believe the breakup because Shane and Rose just kept fucking hanging out together and acting like they were still together. They were considered an iconic power couple and they weren’t even together.

And this becomes the point Shane truly starts to lose control of his own image.

Because Rose’s dedicated hoard of parasocial fans? They are now Shane Hollander fans. They fucking learned hockey just so they could watch Rose Landry watch Shane Hollander. And the more they learned about Shane, the more they liked him for Rose.

Like. In the context of snapping birch, Rose bagged the greatest hockey player of all time who had never been publicly tied to anyone and also his own fans thought he had made the playoffs sex ban a year round thing. He was forbidden fruit and she had plucked him with ease. She was an icon and a queen and her fans loved their relationship.

I’d say that Shane kept some of her fans in the divorce but to most of Rose’s fans, there’s no divorce. So many of them were convinced that Shane and Rose were still together. They were all still watching him play hockey. They were all still Shane Hollander fans.

Rose’s relationship with Shane catapulted him to such levels of fame that it was having a discernible financial impact on the NHL overall. The machine was simply too big for him to control at this point. He was the most famous player in the league by a wide margin.

And all of that escalated how bad the leak went for him.

He’s already got a hoard of dedicated, parasocial fans, and all of them want to know what the fuck is up with his ice shifts. Those people spread the leak hard and fast and early, and the noise they make catches the attention of the rest of the goddamn world.