actual human person,

Googling your name + death

brushing teeth is. So unbelievably based

I absorbed my first nutrient at age 26 it’s never too late ya’ll

substance “abuse”? that can’t be right…… every substance I use was cherished

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place

You're not allowed to watch morally questionable movies because you're prone to evil and it can corrupt you. Whereas I'm allowed to watch morally questionable movies because I'm such a good person that the movies are actually redeemed by my consumption of them. If I write a favorable letterboxd review the rehabilitative effect is even stronger. But you are still not allowed to watch them in that case. Ok?

coffee makes you have to pee SO much i'm like maos wife over here