this is the real world, honey, bienvenue

one time I took a 50mg edible at my friend’s house and greened out horribly and then ate an entire tub of ice cream and got a stomachache (I’m lactose intolerant) and then when my mom came to pick me up I said I was drunk and then sat on the toilet for an hour and she believed me I think

objectively hilarious experience for everyone involved for different reasons but I do NOT wish to repeat it I will stick to 10mgs thank you

Oh you thought I would be your golden retriever boyfriend? Sorry I’m your husky boyfriend. AWOWOOOOOROTOTOOOOOOAUAUAUAUAUAUAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAWAWAEAEAEAEAWAWAWAWAWAAAAAAAAA

Green heron (Butorides virescens)

I was born with the dragon soul. you will not put me on hold

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

#ow

#stuck

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

nobody ever warns you about how much weird shit you can get away with if you're attractive. started styling my hair and showing cleave and picked up the lipliner and now people don't even care that I have no social skills

I was at work (waitress) and one of my tables was asking me questions and I forgot what day it was and they were like "haha you don't know what day it is?" and I was like "every day is blending together and I'm losing track of time hahahahaha" and they looked at me a little weird but still laughed and tipped me 20%

well what if i don't want to stress syllables, this world is stressful enough as it is for a small and innocent syllable

he hasn't sent another email it's been almost two weeks I think he's dead