this is the real world, honey, bienvenue

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

#ow

#stuck

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

nobody ever warns you about how much weird shit you can get away with if you're attractive. started styling my hair and showing cleave and picked up the lipliner and now people don't even care that I have no social skills

I was at work (waitress) and one of my tables was asking me questions and I forgot what day it was and they were like "haha you don't know what day it is?" and I was like "every day is blending together and I'm losing track of time hahahahaha" and they looked at me a little weird but still laughed and tipped me 20%

well what if i don't want to stress syllables, this world is stressful enough as it is for a small and innocent syllable

he hasn't sent another email it's been almost two weeks I think he's dead

When you get more objective about the way nature is & away from weird anthropomorphic carnivore slander it is a little funny when the baby sea turtles hatch and every other animal in like a ten mile radius goes "oh fuck yum one million mini sliders"

Watching a jaguar casually walk up to an adult sea turtle headed back to the water after laying her eggs and eat it like why am I in my sea turtle violence era and why are they like this. Adult sea turtles aren't especially easy to eat in the water they'll swim around with shark bites taken out of them like they're just chillin. And then on land they just kinda

Jaguar watching a sea turtle on the beach: oh fuck yum 100 pound slider

Also today I learned that since the jaguar scares off other smaller predators it's actually good for the sea turtle population if there are jaguars there. Cause less babies get eaten by Everything Else. I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach

Every other animal in like a ten mile radius: I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach

ok computer show me men in pain

the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable

Always funny to me when indie devs who already sell games for dirt cheap participate in steam sales with like 90 percent off. Like. "Yeah this game is three dollars but you can have it for one right now." Like your game costs as much as a pack of m&ms and youre selling it for the cost of a pack of m&ms in the 1950s now? Okay