I’m Good At Pretending Like I Know What I’m Doing

God fucking damn it

and, look, I’m not complaining, not at all, but this is why it’s very important to be abundantly clear and specific with your Etsy witch.

[lawyer voice] mothers and fuckers of the jury-

DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I THINK ABOUT THIS POST??? IM IN LAW SCHOOL THIS POST IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE

reblog to ruin a law student’s life

Hi. I’m a trial attorney now and every last one of you is a motherfucker.

notice how its littlest pet shop and not littlest pet shelter, littlest pet adoption center, littlest pet rehabilitation. really twisted

"'I don't know' isn't an answer" alright man then I'll just. Fuckin. Enter my philosophical mind-palace and check the fuckin akashic records. Real quick lemme just catch and cook and eat the Salmon of All Knowledge. Tell me ur question again so I can real quick climb to the highest branches of the Yggdrasil and lay it at the feet of Freda the all-wise Queen of Heaven. Dickhead.

#'this is present in the text' is often a good first step #but those second and third ones (naming it; describing its function) are vital (via @elucubrare)

romance is a scam invented by dan and phil to sell more nordvpn subscriptions

"are you gonna take those pills the rest of your life?" you mean my molecules? why surely you wouldn't deprive me of my molecules. they are shaped exactly just so, you see. my molecules

do you know how hard someone had to work to make my molecules into their molecule shapes??

they invented a new shape of molecule just for me and you want me to what, not absorb it???

reblog to remind somebody about their molecules

people who shape molecules at their jobs found this post and they're in the notes being happy to be appreciated. go take your fucking molecules

the death of dvds is so fucked. what about bonus features

far far away idol would never happen now

Made this post and then the new property manager (who started on Monday and only finally emailed us today because I sent a vaguely professionally hostile email to her boss because I hadn't heard anything and was not convinced she existed) asked for a list of open action items which her predecessor should have had but apparently wasn't keeping track of, which I learned when I met her boss and provided her with the list of open action items, which I guess tragically died in a fire in the last 2 weeks since she was sitting at my kitchen table, being menaced by the skull. How many people's jobs am I doing now

It has a name!!!

they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"