Today I accidentally knocked a monarch caterpillar off its leaf and it fell and immediately began oozing green liquid. I was devastated. I thought I'd killed it. Turns out they do that on purpose to defend against predators. Fooled by a fat little worm. Irrecoverable

anyone wanna have a toxic homoerotic psychosexual rivalry with me? it does have to be weird

why doesn’t Mitski have a song about how bad ass Dark Souls III is

Hey man is that a vase in your pocket or is it just two people looking at each other

Should go without saying but never date a cop and christ never marry one. Rule of thumb if he's legally untouchable he's ethically unfuckable. You don't like that cop, you like buff men in tight clothing. I can show you more of those, better ones. Take my hand.

They’ll leave you for the horse

his pussy was like a Whataburger frier. and brother. i was the last rat in texas

every day o need to save money and then there is some kind of little fucking item

“are you sure you want to unsubscribe?” no i just scrolled to the bottom of the email and clicked the link just for the thrill of opening another tab