*a cop walks in, just killing it on the bassoon*

these experiences are, of course: arson, horny depression, 3 am manic episode trying to bargain with god, and when youve got you a car thats as big as a whale and youre heading on down to the love shack

HELLO FAST CAT I AM YOUR DESIGNATED DOG FRIEND

Opponents would literally attempt to kidnap each other’s goats in an effort to upset the horse and cause them to lose the race. [x]

I have a weird derailing question. Is this the origin of the idiom about getting someone’s goat?

As a matter of fact, it is!

I just learned so much from this one post.

This looks like a fuckin pokemon battle.

“A NEW FRIEND!!!”

Bring back hatpins.

Science vs. Engineering

this is what a male feminist should look like

the other side says “treats and pets, not trump and pence”

GOOD SHIT

All my datafiles…contained in jelly…

Describe your perfect date in detail.

ideal date: it happens

What is my perfect date? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years; she’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.