Here For A Good Time Not A Long Time

A little girl and her mom were looking at me at the coffee shop this morning and I heard her mom say “go on, it’s ok!” and the little girl shuffled up to me and said “ex-cuse me please, do you have to put on your tattoos by yourself every DAY or does your mom help you?” I am d y i n g

I was standing in line at the store and the person in front of me had a little kid who was staring hard until he randomly said “you’re not supposed to draw on your body, you’re supposed to draw on paper” then he turned around as if he’d properly reprimanded me for my tattoos drawing on myself 😂

imagine begging god to resurrect your dead girlfriend and he's like "not only am i not gonna do that but also you have to come live on my swinger boat now"

“that character is a war criminal” that character is from a fictional fantasy world and did not attend the geneva convention

if you are dealing with extreme heat or even just. moderate heat in your area right now. 80f/26c is when it starts getting toasty for a lot of people. if you are in a heat wave and you have not done yourself the favor of googling fucking "heat exhaustion symptoms" i am shaking you violently right now. look it up. burn the symptoms into your brain. heatstroke is no joke and it can and WILL sneak up on you before you're aware it's even an issue. ohh my god

if you are outside and it is hot and sunny and you are sweating thru your clothes or feeling tired or starting to get irrationally agitated or upset in another way or feeling nauseous or your heart is pounding etc etc if you are feeling Weird and Bad for no apparent reason while you are in a warm/hot area then i have news for you! you need to cool down! right now! oh my god.

and there's a very good chance that you're gonna think "it's not heat exhaustion, i don't feel any warmer than i have all day" when you consider it as a reason why you are suddenly feeling weirdbad for no apparent reason during a record-breaking heatwave and i would like to say. there is no harm in sitting in the shade and drinking some water even if heat exhaustion isn't the cause of whatever ailment is inflicting itself upon u. once i swore up and down to my bf that i was just kinda tired and headachy and got bitchy about the possibility of being overheated and needing to drink water. because heat exhaustion tends to make you bitchy. but i did as he asked and drank some cold water and my condition immediately improved. because it was heat exhaustion and heat exhaustion is evil and a liar. sit down. drink water

When you do drink that water, make sure you’re drinking it slowly as well and taking breaks, don’t chug it

I’m going to be honest I do not care about the 5 billionaires who have probably died in an explosion on their shitty homemade submarine that they welded themselves into. My empathy meter is down to zero. I am following the story solely for entertainment value. It’s like a folktale warning about the dangers of arrogance. Every time something new comes out, my jaw goes to the fucking floor.

bro this is the funniest shit to happen in a while. Between this and orcas fucking up yachts I’m just like yes ocean you’re doing amazing sweetie

I love the ocean. No matter what we do, that bitch is still ungovernable.

“This character is dead in canon” to you. They’re dead in canon to you. To me they’re fine

“This character is dead in canon” then explain to me why they’re still running around and living rent free in my head.

Do you think Transformers feel like the dude in Ratatouille everytime a human drives them?