Khalil Gibran

Who thought this was a good idea? This is embarrassing. If you really want cover then raise the rates. I'm not going in on my days off whe I'm exhausted from my already long hours for peanut rates. I wouldn't even do it for good rates to be honest, I need rest or I won't be useful to anyone. And of course I'm a human being who should be allowed to rest, but I don't expect the trust to treat me like a human being lol. Juniordoctor.exe is broken, give it some lectures on resilience, that will do the trick!

Wow I sound so bitter but I do actually like my job. On a positive note, I really love the staff nurses on the gynae ward. They are so competent, polite and lovely. I used to bitch about this one charge nurse on my last job but other than her, the vast majority of staff nurses I've met have been an absolute pleasure to work with.

Tho the gynae nurses didn't let me get to the drug cupboard for a vial of 1% lidocaine in order to insert a large IV/cannula and I was a bit sad about that. I think grey cannulas are large and quite painful for the patient so I prefer to use a small amount of lidocaine for that. Literally 0.1ml does the trick, put it in a tiny insulin needle and inject just subcutaneous and it anaesthetises the whole area so you can put a huge monster cannula in and the patient won't feel a thing. Pink cannulas I wouldn't use lidocaine for, they're small diameter enough that there is no benefit to two needle pokes (one for the lidocaine and one for the cannula). But I get that this is rare practice so the nurses aren't used to this and are skeptical. They gave me this shitty topical lidocaine instead. That works for kids but not so much for adults. I don't think it really helped but the patient didn't say anything either way.

ID was world's better and even there I didn't really have a quiet place and was constantly being interrupted. I tried to bring this up to the registrar and he was like tough shit weakling, get over it and stop blaming others instead of yourself. So yeah zero help there.

It is obviously my own responsibility and I do take personal measures. I meditate and practice mindfulness to try to focus my stream of thoughts, I study and grind the book learning, I try to stay hydrated and eat because a hungry, tired doctor will make mistakes. But it's not like there aren't also external contributing factors that are actually changeable! I complained about people talking while I was trying to do sensitive documents like death certificates once, actually that doctor herself kept talking and then went oops and joked about how she had made another mistake and would have to start again (so close to self-awareness...). The only solution I can think of is to create a cultural expectation of being quiet when you see someone is trying to do a prescription or some other sensitive document. There really is no need to talk excessively. It's fine to chat, I love to chat AFTER the jobs are done.

Later I went to theatre wearing my new crocs. A scrub nurse for some reason decided to take her frustration out on me that day. She told me off for the inappropriate colour of my theatre shoes. Behind her, I could see another scrub nurse wearing neon orange crocs. I said ok. Then I walked into the theatre anyway and started talking to the anaesthetist before she could chew me out further. She backed off then, afraid to challenge a senior doctor (but all too happy to bully a student). She was really very rude, I already was afraid of going to theatre as a newcomer and she didn't help with my anxiety. Initially I was a bit tearful but I got over it because the anaesthetist was really enthusiastic and taught me applied physiology.

I could have taken the path of least resistance and did what she said, but like hell was I going to take off the precious gift my dad had got for me!