—fireproof.

HUNTER: A twisted desperate need for validation that I'll never get.

TINA: I'll live. I think?

TINA: Oh gee, thanks. So supportive.

SAM: Might be touch and go for a little bit. You know, old age, those knees ain't what they used to be. 😉

It’s honestly just fucking weird like you have to find all these eggs some big rabbit put somewhere, and just….trust that? Nah, it’s too easy. I wanna know this origin story, see if it’s legit.

Probably cult or pagan origins. Usually how that stuff works. Least it means discount candy, which is always the best part. 

HUNTER: I know.

HUNTER: I could, and what's stopping me is stupid, honestly. But I still feel held back here by it.

You need to throw a disclaimer up in your Tinder bio so you can just chuck water in their face if they try to go there. What’s his story? Lately, I’ve got the time and my evil hasn’t had a suitable jerk to unleash it’s self on, so send him my way if you need some lunch break entertainment. 

Might just end up with a bunch of pissed off people but I dunno, it’s kind of appealing. Jeff? Thinks the sun shines out of his ass. He’s a good artist and he’ll tell you in any given conversation along with bragging about his hookups.. I guess if you’re looking for that entertainment, by all means. 

HUNTER: We should have just always stayed in Boston, honestly.

SAM: I say that every damn time something shitty happens around here...which y'know, is pretty much every month.

TINA: I just slammed my leg into my coffee table and there's already a huge welt. Help.

TINA: I think I also just sullied poor Salem's ears with the slew of curses I let out too.

SAM: Yikes. Def a pain in the ass. Or calf, I guess. You okay?

What’s first date talk then? See, you have the personality to hold back on the good stuff, most 7 in the face’s and 3′s in personality have to go big or go home. Ya, how so? 

Apparently my tattoos. I’m a walking conversation piece. Then someone inevitably mentions the ones they wanna get, or their own horror stories. And that’s usually my cue to steer the convo to anything other than shop talk. Jeff? Guy’s a total jackass. Much as I’d like to see someone make him cry, I wouldn’t push you on a two pump chump like that.

I think that depends on personal standards and expectations. I for one, expect some one of a kind tattoo tales. Throw me a bland ‘tramp stamp’ story and I’m clocking out midway through the date with dinner and dessert to-go on the guy. Jimmy or whatever, or maybe it’s John.

I mean that’s fair. I just figure that’s at least second date talk. Can’t bust out the dick tats tales too soon, gotta work up to it. Wait, you mean Jeff? Tall guy, dark hair? You dodged a bullet. 

Ugh - sonnets. True romance. Hit me where it hurts, why don’t you. Tattooed anything incredibly odd recently?

Shakespeare might’ve been on to something. Or at least pretty creative to find a rhyme for ‘betwixt’. Nah, nothing too off the wall. I guess it’s been business as usual, which might explain my sketching slump. What about you? Any job related weirdness? Fun radio hijinks? 

HUNTER: Charming, Evans.

HUNTER: Unfortunately, I don't believe we can just run away and live that life of sin together.

SAM: I try. Plus you already know I'd stick around for more than that.

Sammy, take one for the team next time and get the story directly. I’ve already swiped left on your co-workers more than once, I’m trying to save myself the ‘so….’ after they’re done giving me my thrills by telling me about someone’s permanent fuck up. 

Yeah, something tells me a story about a guy’s private parts ain’t exactly first date talk. But uh, who are we talking about, co-worker-wise? 

I’m always dying to deflect with other people’s drama, so please tell me you got a good story when you were in every-man’s land. 

Nah, I turned him down. But my co-worker took one for the team so if you want a good story involving tatooing parts that belong inside of pants, feel free to hit him up. Figured I’d have enough troubles. 

HUNTER: I'm sure you would.