This is not my beautiful house

Why do employers offering minimum wage expect dedicated, hard working, knowledgeable, experienced employees instead of just someone who shows up and does the job?

 So the two of us are having this lovely lunch date at a cafe when some asshole on rollerblades crashes into our table and we all tumble to the ground together in a sprawl of limbs and bodies

We all like to sleep in the same bed at night, but somehow one of us always ends up pushing the other two off the fucking bed

I’m having this epic paintball fight and I’m recruiting team mates randomly so here you two take these guns and try not to get shot don’t ask questions oH SHIT HERE THEY COME

I’m sitting on a toilet in a public restroom and I’ve been singing because I thought I was by myself but all of a sudden two other people join in from the stalls around me and now we have this epic three part harmony going on, so this has to be the best poop break I have ever taken

You’ve been studying for this really tough test that’s coming up and the two of us know you need a break so we started a pillow fight but holy shit do you take this seriously oH MY GOD NO

So we’re on this long ass 12 hour flight and we’re sitting in a three seat setup in coach, and the person in the middle has fallen asleep so now us two on the end have made a game of how many things we can put on the middle person’s sleeping body/face before they wake up

WE’VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS ELEVATOR FOR EIGHT GODDAM HOURS AND IT’S REALLY FUCKING HOT SO I’M STRIPPING AND IF YOU TWO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT THEN TAKE IT UP WITH MY BARE ASS

Ok one of you two flatfoots stole my wallet and I’m going to pat both of you down and helloooo I failed to realize how hot you two were

We all wore the same shirt today, and I so wore it better you copycat bitches

The Avengers as Winter Soldiers