Fear of Dying

Eddie, casually reading a magazine as he waits for the vet to do a look over on the most recent stray he found, but he can’t focus on the words anymore because this guy next to him won’t stop pacing

“Hey man, you good?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Mhm.”

And Eddie’s about to ask if he’s sure, but the guy cuts in—

“It’s just my cat, he hates vets, hates leaving the house really, and I’m not sure if that’s my fault for not taking him out more or what, but he’s also really dumb and ate god-knows-what out of the trash, and I should have thrown the trash out sooner, and I’ve got no idea what he needs or if he’s deathly sick or what and—”

“Whoa, whoa, okay, slow down. Breathe, dude. You look half a step out from either charging back there or collapsing on the floor,” Eddie says quickly, kindly, and the guy surprisingly hinges on his every word, “I’m sure he’ll be okay. You wanna..sit next to me while we wait?”

The guy chews his bottom lip, then nods and slumps in the chair next to him.

“I just have a million scenarios running around my head, and none of them are good,” The guy cringes and rubs a hand over his face, “God, I sound like Robin..”

“Anxiety’s a bitch, man, I get it,” The metalhead nods. He wants to reach over and, like, give him a hug or something, but that’s not what you do to a stranger. Even if the stranger looks totally freaked. And totally attractive, but that’s not relevant. “If it helps though, um. My uncle and I come to this place a lot. Find a lot of strays around the trailer park, so we pick ‘em up and drop ‘em here. Your little guy’s in good hands.”

The man looks up from his slumped position and takes Eddie’s words in. “You think so?”

“Definitely. If he’s got someone who cares about him half as much as you seem to, I’m sure of it.”

His shoulders relax a little. He cracks a less-terrified smile. It’s almost sad. And adorable. Sadorable.

“Thanks. Um…”

“Eddie.”

“Thanks, Eddie. I’m Steve. By the way.”

“No problem, Steve,” Eddie tries to offer a smile of his own.

They get to talking for a little while, and it seems to quell enough of Steve’s anxieties for the time being, until Eddie gets told by the doctor that the stray mutt he brought in today is alright enough to get sent to the nearest shelter. He’s free to go.

But he looks back and Steve is still sitting in the chair next to where Eddie was, leg bouncing as he picks at his arm. He could just wish him well, leave, and go home like a normal person. But now he’s invested in Steve and his silly cat, and dragging his feet out the door is a fate he’s not sure he can muster anymore.

Eddie drops himself back down beside Steve. It earns him a confused frown.

“I thought you were free to leave.”

“I am. Fido in there’s gonna have a decent place to sleep now,” He leans his arm on the arm of the chair between them and tilts his head lopsidedly at Steve, “But I don’t have anywhere to be, and you’ve got me hooked, Steve. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep unless I knew Teddy made it home okay.”

Something about his bold sincerity causes Steve to blush a bit. He smiles, an actual one this time, and nods at Eddie. “Yeah. Me neither.”

Eddie, casually reading a magazine as he waits for the vet to do a look over on the most recent stray he found, but he can’t focus on the words anymore because this guy next to him won’t stop pacing

“Hey man, you good?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Mhm.”

And Eddie’s about to ask if he’s sure, but the guy cuts in—

“It’s just my cat, he hates vets, hates leaving the house really, and I’m not sure if that’s my fault for not taking him out more or what, but he’s also really dumb and ate god-knows-what out of the trash, and I should have thrown the trash out sooner, and I’ve got no idea what he needs or if he’s deathly sick or what and—”

“Whoa, whoa, okay, slow down. Breathe, dude. You look half a step out from either charging back there or collapsing on the floor,” Eddie says quickly, kindly, and the guy surprisingly hinges on his every word, “I’m sure he’ll be okay. You wanna..sit next to me while we wait?”

The guy chews his bottom lip, then nods and slumps in the chair next to him.

“I just have a million scenarios running around my head, and none of them are good,” The guy cringes and rubs a hand over his face, “God, I sound like Robin..”

“Anxiety’s a bitch, man, I get it,” The metalhead nods. He wants to reach over and, like, give him a hug or something, but that’s not what you do to a stranger. Even if the stranger looks totally freaked. And totally attractive, but that’s not relevant. “If it helps though, um. My uncle and I come to this place a lot. Find a lot of strays around the trailer park, so we pick ‘em up and drop ‘em here. Your little guy’s in good hands.”

The man looks up from his slumped position and takes Eddie’s words in. “You think so?”

“Definitely. If he’s got someone who cares about him half as much as you seem to, I’m sure of it.”

His shoulders relax a little. He cracks a less-terrified smile. It’s almost sad. And adorable. Sadorable.

“Thanks. Um…”

“Eddie.”

“Thanks, Eddie. I’m Steve. By the way.”

“No problem, Steve,” Eddie tries to offer a smile of his own.

They get to talking for a little while, and it seems to quell enough of Steve’s anxieties for the time being, until Eddie gets told by the doctor that the stray mutt he brought in today is alright enough to get sent to the nearest shelter. He’s free to go.

But he looks back and Steve is still sitting in the chair next to where Eddie was, leg bouncing as he picks at his arm. He could just wish him well, leave, and go home like a normal person. But now he’s invested in Steve and his silly cat, and dragging his feet out the door is a fate he’s not sure he can muster anymore.

Eddie drops himself back down beside Steve. It earns him a confused frown.

“I thought you were free to leave.”

“I am. Fido in there’s gonna have a decent place to sleep now,” He leans his arm on the arm of the chair between them and tilts his head lopsidedly at Steve, “But I don’t have anywhere to be, and you’ve got me hooked, Steve. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep unless I knew Teddy made it home okay.”

Something about his bold sincerity causes Steve to blush a bit. He smiles, an actual one this time, and nods at Eddie. “Yeah. Me neither.”

Their kids would be throwing tantrums or being difficult for the sake of being difficult and Steve would try to deal with them. A teenage daughter getting frustrated because Steve won’t let her go to a party everybody is going to that weekend because they’re supposed to visit grandpa Wayne back in Hawkins.

She tries to argue, to plead, but Steve keeps saying no. It’s been three months since they paid Wayne a visit and it’s his freaking birthday so, no, she can’t miss the trip and go to a party. And in the middle of their argument, their daughter screams “I HATE YOU!!” to Steve with such rage that Steve stops, stunned.

When he recovers from the shock, he just says, “Hate me all you want, you’re still not going to that party,” then leaves their daughter’s room.

Five minutes later Eddie comes in and closes the door quietly behind him. Their daughter is about to snap at him too, but she closes her mouth when she sees her Papa’s dead serious expression. He crosses the room and stops right before the bed, where their daughter is sitting, and looks her straight in the eye.

“Listen here, darling, you’re gonna put on the best regretful face you can, apologize to your father and you’re gonna mean it. Do you understand?”

“But—”

“Nah, ah. I don't think you're understanding. This is not a discussion, so I'm gonna say it again. You're gonna go downstairs right now, you're gonna apologize to your father and you're gonna mean it. Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes, Papa.”

“Good. You’re also grounded for however long I’m still pissed. So, if I were you, I’d be in my best behavior when we visit Wayne this weekend.”

Their kids would be throwing tantrums or being difficult for the sake of being difficult and Steve would try to deal with them. A teenage daughter getting frustrated because Steve won’t let her go to a party everybody is going to that weekend because they’re supposed to visit grandpa Wayne back in Hawkins.

She tries to argue, to plead, but Steve keeps saying no. It’s been three months since they paid Wayne a visit and it’s his freaking birthday so, no, she can’t miss the trip and go to a party. And in the middle of their argument, their daughter screams “I HATE YOU!!” to Steve with such rage that Steve stops, stunned.

When he recovers from the shock, he just says, “Hate me all you want, you’re still not going to that party,” then leaves their daughter’s room.

Five minutes later Eddie comes in and closes the door quietly behind him. Their daughter is about to snap at him too, but she closes her mouth when she sees her Papa’s dead serious expression. He crosses the room and stops right before the bed, where their daughter is sitting, and looks her straight in the eye.

“Listen here, darling, you’re gonna put on the best regretful face you can, apologize to your father and you’re gonna mean it. Do you understand?”

“But—”

“Nah, ah. I don't think you're understanding. This is not a discussion, so I'm gonna say it again. You're gonna go downstairs right now, you're gonna apologize to your father and you're gonna mean it. Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes, Papa.”

“Good. You’re also grounded for however long I’m still pissed. So, if I were you, I’d be in my best behavior when we visit Wayne this weekend.”

Steve is disappointed when nothing changes after he and Nancy start dating, and even more disappointed when Nancy and Jonathan turn out to be soulmates not long after she breaks up with Steve.

He goes in a lot of dates, with a lot of girls, makes sure to always touch them somehow to see if something happens. Still nothing.

Then one day he’s working at Scoops Ahoy when Eddie Munson walks in, a bunch of his nerdy friends tagging along. Robin is on her break, so it’s just Steve there to deal with everybody’s orders. Fifteen minutes, a lot of arguing between the nerds and four satisfied costumers later, Eddie hands Steve a couple of bills to pay for everyone’s ice cream and that is the moment Steve’s life changes.

Their fingers brush and, suddenly, his black and white world explode in color. It’s so overwhelming the money slips from his hand and Steve has to grab the counter to steady himself, the world around him seeming to spin.

“Hey, Eddie, are you okay?” one of the nerds (Gareth?) asks.

Steve blinks, still dizzy and trying to understand what the hell is going on. When he lifts his head, he sees Eddie pretty much in the same state as him, two of his friends holding him up and supporting him as the man looks dazzled, the third one holding his forgotten ice cream and looking lost and distressed.

“What the fuck did you do to him, Harrington?”

But Steve can’t bring himself to say anything, he’s too busy freaking the fuck out. Because Eddie Munson is his soulmate, apparently. Eddie fucking Munson. What kind of joke is that!?

“Get off me,” Eddie says, pushing his friends away until he’s standing by himself.

He’s still struggling, that’s quite clear, but Eddie Munson has always been stubborn and has always refused to show any kind of weakness. He’s not gonna start doing it in front of Steve of all people.

“Look, man,” Steve starts, not really knowing what to say, but needing to say something. Eddie doesn’t let him finish, though.

“No, shut up. Don’t even start,” he says, fierce. If looks could kill, Steve would be dead right now. “I don’t wanna hear anything, I refuse. Fuck this. It doesn’t change a single thing, you hear me? It changes nothing.”

“And who says I want it to change anything? You’re not exactly my dream come true, Munson.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish, Harrington.”

“What is happening here?” another one of Eddie’s friends whispers to the others, who are just as confused.

“Shut up, you too!” Eddie snaps at them. He takes a last look at Steve, then turns his back. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Steve watches as Munson marches out of the shop, his friends trailing behind him and trying to catch up with his pace, and that’s all he can do; watch. Because what else would he do? Ask Munson to wait so they can talk about the fact that they are fucking soulmates? As if. Steve would rather flush his own head in the toilet.

After that, they avoid each other like the plague. And if not knowing who his soulmate was had been bad, knowing it is not much better. Steve still can’t understand how the universe, or whatever force chooses this soulmate shit, came to the conclusion that Eddie Munson would be his perfect match. For the first time in his life, Steve wonders if these things could be wrong somehow; if maybe some soulmates were just not meant to be.

The next time Steve sees Eddie, the man is holding a broken bottle to his neck and threatening to kill him. Eddie is terrified, eyes frantic and the hand holding the bottle is trembling, and Steve is so relieved he’s okay he would probably hug him if the risk of getting stabbed wasn’t so high.

“We’re on your side,” Dustin pleads. “I swear on my mother. Right, guys?”

And there’s a change there, in Eddie’s eyes. A flicker of recognition and hope as he looks at Steve before letting him go. The others don’t notice, but Steve does. He’s hyperaware of everything Eddie does, every small movement and look. He sees the nervous fidgeting and the touch of hysteria in Eddie’s words, but also the trust the other man shows when he agrees with Dustin’s plans, and how it helps him with the anxiety. And it’s weird for Steve, being so in tune with whatever is going on in Eddie’s mind that he can actually read the guy like a book, but is also comforting somehow.

Steve is disappointed when nothing changes after he and Nancy start dating, and even more disappointed when Nancy and Jonathan turn out to be soulmates not long after she breaks up with Steve.

He goes in a lot of dates, with a lot of girls, makes sure to always touch them somehow to see if something happens. Still nothing.

Then one day he’s working at Scoops Ahoy when Eddie Munson walks in, a bunch of his nerdy friends tagging along. Robin is on her break, so it’s just Steve there to deal with everybody’s orders. Fifteen minutes, a lot of arguing between the nerds and four satisfied costumers later, Eddie hands Steve a couple of bills to pay for everyone’s ice cream and that is the moment Steve’s life changes.

Their fingers brush and, suddenly, his black and white world explode in color. It’s so overwhelming the money slips from his hand and Steve has to grab the counter to steady himself, the world around him seeming to spin.

“Hey, Eddie, are you okay?” one of the nerds (Gareth?) asks.

Steve blinks, still dizzy and trying to understand what the hell is going on. When he lifts his head, he sees Eddie pretty much in the same state as him, two of his friends holding him up and supporting him as the man looks dazzled, the third one holding his forgotten ice cream and looking lost and distressed.

“What the fuck did you do to him, Harrington?”

But Steve can’t bring himself to say anything, he’s too busy freaking the fuck out. Because Eddie Munson is his soulmate, apparently. Eddie fucking Munson. What kind of joke is that!?

“Get off me,” Eddie says, pushing his friends away until he’s standing by himself.

He’s still struggling, that’s quite clear, but Eddie Munson has always been stubborn and has always refused to show any kind of weakness. He’s not gonna start doing it in front of Steve of all people.

“Look, man,” Steve starts, not really knowing what to say, but needing to say something. Eddie doesn’t let him finish, though.

“No, shut up. Don’t even start,” he says, fierce. If looks could kill, Steve would be dead right now. “I don’t wanna hear anything, I refuse. Fuck this. It doesn’t change a single thing, you hear me? It changes nothing.”

“And who says I want it to change anything? You’re not exactly my dream come true, Munson.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish, Harrington.”

“What is happening here?” another one of Eddie’s friends whispers to the others, who are just as confused.

“Shut up, you too!” Eddie snaps at them. He takes a last look at Steve, then turns his back. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Steve watches as Munson marches out of the shop, his friends trailing behind him and trying to catch up with his pace, and that’s all he can do; watch. Because what else would he do? Ask Munson to wait so they can talk about the fact that they are fucking soulmates? As if. Steve would rather flush his own head in the toilet.

After that, they avoid each other like the plague. And if not knowing who his soulmate was had been bad, knowing it is not much better. Steve still can’t understand how the universe, or whatever force chooses this soulmate shit, came to the conclusion that Eddie Munson would be his perfect match. For the first time in his life, Steve wonders if these things could be wrong somehow; if maybe some soulmates were just not meant to be.

The next time Steve sees Eddie, the man is holding a broken bottle to his neck and threatening to kill him. Eddie is terrified, eyes frantic and the hand holding the bottle is trembling, and Steve is so relieved he’s okay he would probably hug him if the risk of getting stabbed wasn’t so high.

“We’re on your side,” Dustin pleads. “I swear on my mother. Right, guys?”

And there’s a change there, in Eddie’s eyes. A flicker of recognition and hope as he looks at Steve before letting him go. The others don’t notice, but Steve does. He’s hyperaware of everything Eddie does, every small movement and look. He sees the nervous fidgeting and the touch of hysteria in Eddie’s words, but also the trust the other man shows when he agrees with Dustin’s plans, and how it helps him with the anxiety. And it’s weird for Steve, being so in tune with whatever is going on in Eddie’s mind that he can actually read the guy like a book, but is also comforting somehow.

some silly comic under uwu