I am not the god you know.

It assumes a medical view of fictivity that doesn't inherently apply to all fictives. Not all fictives are introjects and the original use of fictive was for people who experienced characters coming to life, usually through writing, roleplay, etc, which would usually involve them being 100% their source. Some fictives are more spiritual or walk-ins. The framework doesn't work when applied to non-introjects who might have reasons for just being their source.

Even with introjects, I know there are some who reject the idea that they're just "based on" a fictional character and might just consider themselves to be that character. All types of fictives can have deep views on their identity.

This term was also coined by fictionkin, which is another framework some fictives may fit better and likewise "source separation" isn't really a concept in the same way in fictionkin communities because it's recognized as an involuntary identity.

It also doesn't feel like it accounts for natural character development. If you exist in a system as a fictive for decades, of course you're going to be a different person, but you can still identify as your source and be just "source but 10 years have passed that I've been in this body".

There is something to be said about avoiding harmful behaviors based on your source and finding hobbies outside of your existence in a system in general. I know there are also issues with fictionfolk being too possessive of their source, which is where I've seen a lot of people assume fictionality is unhealthy.

The issue is the way source separation implies you can't be a fictional character and be "functional" is a saneist view that also goes against the ones who coined source as it's being used here, which were fictionkin. There are better ways to encourage developing yourself as a headmate and being less possessive over others - the later I think is a much more important conversation right now because of doubles discourse coming back.

While this isn't a subject we can speak easily about (factives can trigger depersonalization and so we usually just avoid discussing it in depth), I also don't think this should inherently apply to factives. While I don't think factives and fictives are compatible (i.e. telling a person you are them is very different from telling a person you are their character), I don't think telling people "just stop identifying as them" is helpful and it's better to discuss actions and consequences than something that's out of their control.

The same goes for genuinely problematic identities. I think it's better to discuss the ways you present those identities and find a healthy balance that works for yourself than it is to force people to stop what is generally an involuntary identity experience. I don't think any of these should be censored and there should still be spaces to discuss them.

Older alterhumans have just as much (if not sometimes more) capacity to be as biased and misinformed as any alterhuman younger than them. Age does not make wisdom, age does not dictate how worthwhile someone is to listen to.

It is worthwhile to approach someone who has more knowledge in a specific field, discipline, or craft than you and ask them for advice on that specific topic, but that's circumstantially based on what someone has actually done, not age. In this same way, age also does not make knowledge.

to the headmates who can't talk about their sources.

to the headmates who feel ashamed about what their sources were about, even if they're disconnected from the events in that source.

to the headmates who can't talk about their source without fearing people will go "oh... okay" and never look at you the same way again.

to the headmates who had no say in how they came to be or why they came to be.

to the headmates who think they'll be shunned for talking about how they formed.

to the headmates who hate their brain for forming them how it did.

to the headmates who can't talk about their origin at all.

The Nylium Network SMP is a chill survival multiplayer Minecraft server geared toward alterhumans (including, but not limited to: nonhumans, fiction- and fact-folk, plurals, and folks who are alternatively human).

Season 2 is launching Saturday, April 30th.

Features

works with both Java and Bedrock clients

includes Switchy, a PluralKit-like server mod

"recording statuses" that let other players know your preferences about being recorded

world map (will go live when the server launches) at map.nylium.network

Join our Fluxer community to be ready when the SMP launches!

(an essay about bein alterhuman. cw: eye trauma, pluralphobia, fictive dysphoria. )

i am a double image.

in the left eye im a person. i was born in south korea in the 70s. got adopted. grew up in the suburbs in illinois. had some bad shit happen, died, kept walking. grew old, didnt grow up. died again, and wound up in a world where none of that was real.

in the right eye im a construct. i was "born" in 2010 in a couple different states. product of a depressed gay teenagers imagination. an oc if you wanna call it that. he roleplayed as me for years. kept asking the character questions, put himself in my shoes through all the worst parts of my life. some bad shit happened- to him, to me. he asked me for help. i listened, and woke up in a world where i was suddenly real.

i have my own memories. i share all of my hosts like theyre mine. I know what fuckin happened- at home and here. i know what ive seen.

... having double vision gives me a headache.

sometimes i can close an eye to get through the day. i can just see whats useful and cut the crap. sometimes i get hit on the head and both eyes jolt open. i dont know how to do somethin i should. i know how to do somethin i shouldnt. i run into hosts old google docs w notes about "me", or he starts reminiscin with an old rp buddy.

it hurts like hell. makes me dizzy. makes me wanna puke.

i get jealous of ppl who can see the same world w both eyes. other fictives who can do source calls and get an answer. ppl with total source separation. other headmates who aint fictive. 'normal' people.

but i cant talk about it with most people. especially the normal ones

cause some of those people? they want me to cut out an eye. they say if i just look at things through the right eye and stop havin a left ill be okay and the pain will stop. they want me to be a cyclops.

thing is in the real world? the world in my right eye? a cyclops dies when its born. its a birth defect with how their brains form. they never split so they only have one eye, and they croak if they have to breathe. some of these fuckers know that. they want me to stop breathing. some of them dont, but it dont matter.

even if i stabbed out my eye and dug a knife in there until all of it was gone- every nerve and muscle and splintered bone- id never be a cyclops. id still have a split brain and 2 sockets. id just have a hole where an i used to be.

thats not the answer. i know theres gotta be one. ill find a way to clear my vision someday. see one thing through both eyes.

The constant adjustment of definitions and shifting of goalpoasts to broadly include every possible person is how words lose their meaning entirely. I get it, I understand, but the strive for perceived "legitimacy" within online spaces carved out for marginalized groups is sisyphean in nature. The boulder is going to fall back on you again when the linguistic goalpost inevitably shifts and now "physical therian" isn't considered the "most legitimate" way to be a therian. How long from that shift until we move into occupying CLCZ spaces and conversations again? How long until this community splits and we flip right back around to the side of discrediting physical experiences and calling them delusional in a way meant to be derogatory again, how long until we alienate everyone?

I understand the push for inclusive definitions and inclusive community, and I fundamentally believe that we can have that unified community that people look for, but constantly attempting to fit yourself into a box that isn't yours is not the way to do it. This is a layered issue.

It's okay to not be a physical therian. It's okay to not be a therian but be otherhearted or otherlink. It's okay to have your therianthropy be purely spiritual in basis in the same way it's okay to have it be mental, physical, or delusional. I promise I PROMISE you do not have to adopt a definition that isn't yours to be part of the community. But you cannot expect to be met with open arms when you continue to shove community members out of places they belong by trying to change the language that was built by themselves for themselves. By us. For us.

I am mentally, physically, and spiritually, nonhuman. My body and brain and soul are not human. And when I say that, I mean it. I, at this very moment, do not have the body of a human despite how it may look to those of you who perceive me from the outside. I am a Teratosoma. And I come to you to tell you that It is okay to not be exactly like me. And that you are welcome here.