Independent & Wandering

I subscribed to Beachbody ondemand today. Goal will be starting monday doing a workout everyday. We will see how this goes, having a new born makes it hard, the pandemic makes it hard, and taking care of my disabled mother makes it hard. But it is time to treat my body better and getting back to feeling good

BUT The second to last week of May it was determine my baby was breech so the last week of May I had a scheduled C section and our beautiful baby girl was born. Was the Csection what I wanted? no. I had wanted a totally natural childbirth. Was I disappointed and cry and freak out afraid I was going to be a statistic and die during survery when I found out. Yes I totally did. But by the time the csection occurred I had had a week to work it out in my head and was quite happy with how it went. Recovery went well, only took a few pain pills For breakthrough pain the first couple of days then Tylenol and Motrin were enough.And all moms say this but by baby is the most beautiful thing in the world.

I don’t update this as much as I used to but I feel the need to talk this out. At this point in time My life is going as planned: married to an amazing man, expecting our first baby in June, great job working as an inpatient acute PT at a hospital. My mom has MS and lives with us. Everything going great. Then the pandemic started. Two units in my hospital are full with possible covid19 patients but the test is taking 36+ hours to come back in the US. Employee health and my OB both tell me I’m immunocompromised due to my pregnancy so I’ve been told not to treat any symptomatic patients. What about the asymptomatic ones that we don’t know about? What about the other providers being exposed that I have to sit by that can unknowingly spread the virus for a week before showing symptoms? My lung capacity is diminished due to being 29 weeks pregnant, I don’t get enough rest as is because of how difficult it is to sleep while pregnant. What little info there is shows (for the most part) that if I get it my baby will be fine. But what if I have to be vented and don’t make it. Who will be there for my husband, baby and mom? These are terrible thoughts that pop in my mind as I lay here not able to sleep. What if I unknowingly spread it to my immunocompromised mom and something terrible happens to her? I am very lucky that my boss is being extra cautious and mostly sticking me at desk duty. But I’m in an office with other people who are seeing patients. What then? I love my growing family so much and I want to be there for them for everything. Being pregnant was supposed to be a joyous time. Now, due to working in healthcare, it is one of the scariest times for me. Be kind to one another, be grateful for health and love, and wash you damn hands

I am now 12 wks pregnant. However there is a problem, at my 12 week ultrasound the was a chorionic bump. The nurse that called to inform me tried to act like it was no big deal, they are going check it again in four weeks (FOUR WEEKS!). I looked it up, chances of neural tube deficits are higher, chromosomal abnormalities higher, miscarriage higher. So don’t worry not stressed at all waiting these four fucking weeks!!!

Took a pregnancy test today. I was maybe positive 🤷🏼‍♀️ It was one clear line and one incredibly faint line. Now I have to wait even longer and see if I get my period (already three days late) or take another test in a few days. Anxious as hell

I am getting married to the most amazing human!!!!!! And then we are going to Alaska!!!!!!!! I am so lucky to get to spend forever with an awesome person

In July. What?!? This is happening. Crazy

How can one year be filled with so much joy and so many ugly cries. 

Sorry I fail So the gentleman moved in and it's amazing. I love him so much and he is so great with me and my mom and everything. I'm the luckiest girl in the world! My twin sister is pregnant!!! Life is wonderful.

I fail at blogging anymore. Some updates, I use a menstrual cup now, it's the tits! I feel all women should at least try them, affordable, great for the environment, fairly easy to use. I'm still dating the gentleman, he will move in with me and my mom in August Working my job as always I've been traveling Working on making my moms life easier Life is just so busy I'm so sorry to anyone who reads my blog. I will try to do better