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Gladys: Well, I'm here if you want to pick my brain.

Bellatrix: Gladys, honey... Maybe we should leave it alone and let it heal.

#gladys #bellatrix #slytherin #ravenclaw #source: the golden girls

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Regulus: [Angry] I'm sorry you are not sufficiently "impressed" with my growth.

Sirius: I'm sorry I don't have a rowboat, so we're even.

#source: the social network #gryffindor #sirius #Regulus #slytherin

James: At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?

Lily: Murder?

James: An accident.

Lily: Oh, that's how I'm going to make it look.

#source: the 100 #lily #james #gryffindor

Amos: Oh, these pants feel tight. They are tight in the crotch. These are terrible pants. I should get rid of these pants.

Ted: Please don’t take your pants off in front of me. I know you haven’t done laundry lately.

Amos: I’m actually wearing your swim trunks.

Ted: You can keep them.

Amos: [looking touched] Thank you.

#ted #amos #hufflepuff #source: crazy ex girlfriend

Augustus: Oh, what the fuck!?

Rita: what happened?

Augustus: This scenario I created in my head got intense

#source: tumblr #Augustus #slytherin #ravenclaw

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Sirius, passing a note to James: Write me back!

James, writing back: One sec I can't find my quill

Sirius: Okay

Sirius, five minutes later: you are a horrible brother. you're killing me. you're killing your brother

#sirius #james #gryffindor #source: the internet

[after Glenda has been repeating everything Augustus says for several minutes now]

Augustus: This is a big, important match.

Glenda: This is a big, important match!

Augustus: Cut the crap.

Glenda: Cut the crap!

Augustus: I'm being serious, don't do that.

Glenda: I'm being serious, don't do that!

Augustus: [quickly] How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Glenda: [pauses]

Augustus: That's what I thought. Shut up.

#glenda #augustus #ravenclaw #source: big daddy

You are rude, and mean, and sloppy, and frizzy - and I don’t like you at all.

Gladys [to Alecto, during a “lesson”]

#alecto #gladys #slytherin #ravenclaw #source: 13 going on 30

[first year, Gryffindor table]

James Potter: What's her name?

[pointing at Lily]

Marlene: [laughs] She will squash you like a bug.

James: Her *name*.

Marlene: Lily.

#marlene #james #gryffindor #source: percy jackson

Gladys: If it's a concussion, you have to keep him conscious, okay? Ask him questions.

Ted [to Caradoc]: What's seven times seven?

Gladys: Stuff he knows!

#gladys #ted #caradoc #hufflepuff #ravenclaw #source: clueless

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[while planning a group Gryffindor prank]

Lily: ..So you approach from the south, and me and Remus will be in position here.

James: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. "Me and Remus"? Didn't you mean "Remus and I"?

Lily: Oh, God.

James: I corrected your grammar! Are you so proud of me? Are you horrified? Are you super horny?

#james #lily #jily #gryffindor #source: brooklyn nine nine #** edited slightly

Caradoc: Aww Teddy, you don’t eat a hot dog wearing a tuxedo.

Ted: This hot dog isn’t wearing a tuxedo..

#caradoc #ted #hufflepuff #source: drake and josh

That’s not how this works.. That’s not how any of this works!

Benjy Fenwick [when frustrated during revision]

#benjy #ravenclaw #source: esurance commercial

[ During a Slytherin "pep" talk ]

Amycus: Sev, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing.

Severus: Aw, Amycus.

Amycus: Rita, you're a bitch.

Rita: Aw, Amycus.

#amycus #severus #rita #slytherin #source: the golden girls #** edited slightly

James: Did you run a background check on Remus’s girlfriend?

Sirius: OK, why is everybody saying that to me like it’s some sort of terrible thing?

Peter: ‘Cause it’s kinda terrible.

Sirius: I’m just looking out for our friend, that’s all.

#james #sirius #peter #remus #source: bones #gryffindor

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Greta: Hey, Augustus!

Augustus: [whispering to Glenda] Name, name, I need a name.

Glenda: Greta Catchlove.

Augustus: Greta! Hi, how are ya?

Greta: I'm great, really great. Are you going to the bonfire tonight?

Augustus: You know it! I was just saying to my girl Glenda here, I can not wait to go to the bonfire tonight so I can hang out with...

Glenda: [whispers] Greta.

Augustus: [sings] Greta.

Greta: I'll see you tonight.

[leaves]

Augustus: Okay, Greta.

Glenda: It's not that hard a name to remember.

Augustus: C'mon, I went out with her last semester. After thirty days the name gets erased from my brain to make room for new ones. There's like three hundred kids at this school!

Glenda: So why can't you just remember more names?

#greta #glenda #augustus #ravenclaw #hufflepuff #source: fired up!

The Gryffindor boys and girls going camping:

*James & Sirius carrying a rolled up tent*

Sirius: What’s the matter with getting a hotel?

James: People are going missing all the time, do you want to stay in a place run by strangers?

Sirius: Oh yeah, because sleeping outside is going to be much safer!

Lily: No other race in the universe goes camping, Sirius. Celebrate your own uniqueness.

*James drops the tent on the floor.*

Sirius: What am I supposed to do with this?! *glares at the tent*

Marlene: *looks up from her already set up tent, smirking* Need a hand getting it up, Siri?

Sirius: If I did- I wouldn’t ask you.

#james #sirius #lily #marlene #Gryffindor #source: torchwood #submission: wordsofpoison

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