Aragorn: I donβt think we can mansplain, manipulate, malewife our way outta this one guys
Legolas: Alright, manslaughter it is then.

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@incorrect-tolkien
Aragorn: I donβt think we can mansplain, manipulate, malewife our way outta this one guys
Legolas: Alright, manslaughter it is then.

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Legolas: alright, so hereβs the tea.
Aragorn: for the last time, itβs called a mission plan
Gimli: do you want the tea or not
Pippin: Go to college, my dad said. Use your smarts, he said. Like I'm supposed to know which college he meant!
Merry: Are snails insects? Or are they something else, like a vegetable, or maybe a mineral?
Pippin: Well, they taste good, so they must be food.
Merry: I'm pretty sure "food" doesn't count as a species. I wish you'd think with your brain instead of your stomach.
Gandalf: my memory is perfect. I have never forgotten anything in my life.
Pippin: you forgot me in the parking lot at Walmart yesterday.
Gandalf: no, that was on purpose. Try again.

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I know the dynamic betwewn Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli is iconic and amazing but I really wish we had more Aragorn, Frodo and Sam bonding? like it would be less hilarious but I just think Frodo and Sam being around Aragorn more would be so wholesome, somebody please write a fic
(@incorrect-tolkien I tried, it's not much but I tried because I want a fic about the three of them too dang it ππ)
"Mister Frodo?"
Frodo looked at his companion seated beside him on the bench placed in the gardens. They had been sitting there for a while now, just admiring the flowers, trying to heal from the journey they had gone through Mordor.
"What is it Sam?" Frodo asked.
Sam smiled. "Do you remember that time we first met Aragorn?" he asked. "We thought he was someone dangerous because of how he looked and how he kept a close eye on us."
Frodo chuckled at the memory of his friends running to his rescue carrying what they could in hopes they could protect him. Indeed back then he was quite scared of the person named Strider. But the journey with him along with the Fellowship erased that fear and Frodo could only now feel grateful for meeting Aragorn. He had saved them, saved him, multiple times now and Aragorn had been loyal and kind. Frodo felt indebted to him and it was a debt he would wholeheartedly try to repay.
"Of course I remember," Frodo said. "I remember how we met everyone in this adventure of ours."
"It's just, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that before, I had been calling him Strider. And when we were with him, I was quite rude." Sam groaned, scolding himself for having the guts to act like that to a King.
"We didn't know he was Aragorn and his bloodline back then, Sam. Do not be too harsh on yourself." Frodo looked at Sam with amusement in his eyes. Yet the fire went out and he was left sad and in deep thought.
"What is it, Mister Frodo?" Sam asked. "What's wrong?"
"It makes me happy that we were able to finish the task given to us," Frodo said. "But it does not make partings easier. We have made good friends. But I do not think we will be able to see each other again."
Sam leaned back and sighed. "I would love to visit Gondor again someday but yes, I do think I would be quite shy to come here and stay."
"And why would that be?"
Frodo and Sam turned to see Aragorn walking towards them. He looked a bit more proper now that he was no longer wandering around the forests and other lands. He wore fine fabrics with wonderful embroidery on them and even without a crown, the hobbits could see the rightful heir to the throne by how he held himself.
Aragorn smiled and took a seat beside them. The three looked out at the garden and watched the flowers dance in the wind.
"Well, wouldn't it be embarrassing for a mere Hobbit like me to ask to stay here from their King?" Sam said.
Aragorn smiled and placed a comforting hand on Sam's shoulders.
"Tomorrow they will place the crown on my head. But before any tomorrow that comes, there were yesterdays. Before I became King, I became your friend. I was your companion first before I accepted my faith." Aragorn reached out and placed his other hand on Frodo's shoulders. "When you come to me, you do not come to a King, but a friend. When you come to me, I will welcome you not as a stranger, not someone lesser than me, but as a friend and someone who is far greater than me.
"For you had gone through great peril to free Middle Earth from evil and it is no easy feat to do.
"And because of your sacrifices and courage, you freed lands that people called home.
"You freed Gondor from the shadows and for that, Gondor will always welcome you. This is your home as much as it is mine. So do not be afraid to pay me a visit. Rest assured Gondor's gates will always be open for you."
omg this is so good!! β€οΈ
Pippin: Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone.
Gandalf: How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.
Pippin at Bilbo's party: This is fun on a bun!
Pippin: *spots a table of hot dogs with a sign that reads "fun on a bun"*
Pippin, destroying the sign: Shut up! I said it first!
Pippin: you mock my pain!
Gandalf: Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
Merry: picking locks is my speciality.
Merry: *throws brick through window*
Merry: Ok, letβs go!

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Merry: So you're saying Chase screwed up.
Pippin: Or Merry screwed up.
Merry: Big hand points to minutes. Maybe you got them mixed up.
Gandalf: Oh shit, Merry is playing the dozens. You're at a huge disadvantage here, Pippin. Take a couple minutes to think of a witty retort.
Pippin: Merry, yo momma's so fat that when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
oh fuck I'm dumb and forgot to switch one of the names. I copy/pasted the quote because I'm lazy and paid the price.
enjoy these toads as compensation.
Gandalf: just read an article about the dangers of longbottom leaf, and yknow it scared the shit out of me right so
Gandalf: *blows smoke ring* Iβm probably never gonna fucking read again
Merry: you know, the indigenous speicies in the Shire can be really aggressive actually, so itβs important to take all necessary precautions when approaching.
Merry, with an airhorn at Old Man Willow: GET FUCKED
I know the dynamic betwewn Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli is iconic and amazing but I really wish we had more Aragorn, Frodo and Sam bonding? like it would be less hilarious but I just think Frodo and Sam being around Aragorn more would be so wholesome, somebody please write a fic
i know i would be reading thisss preciousss of a blog during classeses i don't have bc of lockdown, and i am ssso relieved i am shouting the incorrect tolkien quoteses to myssself preciousss and making gollum noiceses when my professorses cannot hearss me i know i would never help it, once i found thisss i am reading the postsess non stop and laughing genuinely, more than ever. thank you, this both is gold and glitterssss.
haha thank you :D

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βI hope Bombur has a child so he keeps the line goingβ Does it make you happy to know that thereβs that headcanon floating around about Bombur having like fourteen kids (pebbles?)
IS THERE? that does make me happy
these are actually sending me
also bungo is bilboβs fatherβs name so are bilbo and bombur somehow related? the anwer is yes