La Vie

From time to time self doubt always interferes... Recently, I've made a decision that is really new to me-- running into things that long ago I always ignore and just let it pass by me, this time I grabbed it.

Once when i was young, i always wanted to be around people just to give them the love of service and then i got lost of hold onto that fire and it froze for some time that I enjoyed-- loved being alone-- just far from attention, far from crowd. Recently i craved to serve people again for the reason that i never want someone to feel what i went through.

Self doubt and old things run through my mind telling me things that scares me but then, a friend told me that 'We owe ourselves to try' that gave me hope and realized that sometimes the things that we wanted for so long seems to move away as we go nearer on it. The things we wanted are like wisps, the nearer we go and try-- a mile they step forward that we feel that they are hard to reach only to learn-- they may step a mile as we go to reach them, but a mile they step forward, a mile they lead us to somewhere we never know-- and that's magical because it helps us to realize the value of each step. Our step may be little but all will lead us to somewhere, somewhere we deserve-- the destination where our dreams are.

From time to time, we owe ourselves to try. From time to time, we owe ourselves to be brave, to take a leap of faith and enjoy this journey of life together with the ones who gives hope amidst the crowd of doubt.

Yesterday, kites showed me what life is. If you saw plenty of kites in the sky, probably-- the one who'll get your attention most was the farthest one- the one that seems to be glued and in harmony with the blue sky-- up, up and far away from land, just getting higher and higher with the help of the wind--- and then and there I also looked and observed the other ones, the one that's about to fly-- the one that met struggles, stagnancies, waitings and fall downs as it tries to fly up.

Kites taught me about the most important step needed in the journey of life, it is the first step called courage-- courage that no matter what you struggle through you are ready to face it forward-- even if it means to take little steps at a time, and even if it needs to take a step back. The waitings-- the rule to wait on your lane and climb a little much higher when the wind is a little gentler. The perseverance that no matter how harsh the wind may be, it might make you fall down a little bit but it can't take you down.

Like life it isn't easy to take steps, to pursue goals, and to take a leap of faith but then- I would like to remind you that no matter how hard it is right now, don't ever stop, for you are cherished and loved by God and that you are destined for greater things.

Since I began to know myself more, I learned that I became inlove with the thought of being alone. 

Being alone made me push through to make decisions and it also gave me so much time to reflect and recharge; with that, it also made me outgrow some people.

I just thought that we all have one thing in common the difference is just that few of us has it faced back-- underneath our skin nothing to left but to display such tough facade.

I never knew that this day will come. This day where I will choose most of my days alone because the younger me was once in love of crowded places and warm and tight hugs and other people's noises and laughters--  and before I realize it, something snapped right in front of my face making me see myself hugging solitariness. 

As I contemplate way back, with a deep sigh I realized that I too, am afraid to be left alone.

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As much as you consider and see others worth, may you never set aside yours as well.

On all your pains and dark days, I am reminding you that your are loved and the reasons to love and to live are never running out. Keep fighting.

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I almost lost my interest in writing but it feels like a first love-- it is something that I might lost track and memory about but there was something in it that keeps me coming back and long for.

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I have always been disappointed about leaving, not until I realized that there is always something to be grateful about leaving. We must always try to contemplate even deeper about life, as to why and how things just simply goes.

We must be grateful for the fact that- even just for a while, they tried. They tried to keep with us. They tried to put up with our company, tried to know us and even the thought about having us for long.

We need to discern that something's just meant to be this way, and we need to understand that just as death, leaving is also inevitable, as it teaches lessons, leads growth and for change.

The spectrum of our life is rapidly phasing keeping up with different seasons-- and we just only need to be grateful. Grateful for the things that teaches us, grateful for the things that helps us and grows with us. Be grateful for all things, as it teaches small and big leasons set to be known.

Hi. :))

There's always this time, chances; where you'll feel an urge to rely on someone and voluntarily open up yourself to let them learn and know about you... this is a good sign, knowing yourself and introducing your new "molded" self. The challenge is, if there's someone who'll notice it; if there is none, remind yourself that there are days where people face there 'crisis days' also where they tend to prefer alone time.

Even so, remind yourself that you are worthy when you yourself feel less valued and even if others didn't made you feel that way. I am reminding you that you are your own validity.

I wrote this tonight, to remind each soul that screams for help in silence that someone, someone out there understands you and even if there's none today, remember that, yourself got you no matter how things may turn. :)

Conquering thy self doesn't mean that your ownself is an enemy but, a part of you that needs you in union.

Conquering one's self is an easy way of interpreting you-- conquering all your fears, fighting from your anxiety, kicking off that mindset that tells you you're worthless. Bravely facing uncertainties. Changing your daily routine. Toughly marching towards even if your bones are weary enough to make you fall again. Conquering was a positive action and a word.

Solve et coagula. Fighting off. Breaking those old habits to come out with a new one.

With my thrumming heart, sometimes I desperately wanted to be "desperate" "stubborn". I wanted to chase after things. After things that doesn't want me. After things that I already outgrow. After things that I already realized that isn't right at all. But, no. Even if I really really wanted it I woundn't like to chase after it repeatedly. I woundn't like to find myself on the same cycle and cirle again and again and again. I am a woman and I should realize as early as I can that I have a way to go and chasing and returning won't help me.

Blocking, muting and unfollowing is becoming a natural habit for me. Toxicity and 'doesn't practice what they preach' people literally annoys me well these days and that doesn't exclude myself. I just wrote this piece to be a sign that sometimes, we are the toxic ones and detoxing doesn't causes us harm but, our restoration.

There is no harm on going back to square one silently. Reviewing our actions and words. Reviewing if social media ate our time too much and if social media does swayed our emotions, health- physically, emotionally or mentally too much.

Love. Value. Time.

There is no enough time for the person we love, even if we spend half of our lifetime with them we still think at the end of the day, that it isn't enough still and after that realization the next thing that will come crushing through us was pain and regret.

While we still have time within the grasp of our hands we should cherish, value, give love and gratitude to the people and things around us that helps us to deal with life much easier. To those who plaster smiles on our faces through those different seasons of our lives. We should give them those things that money cannot buy so at the end of the day our regret are much lesser, our pains are a little bit easier to bear.

Lucky, to those who realizes it a little earlier and sadly but a lesson to learn to those who realizes it too late.

Too late or a little early, there's always, always second chances to live with these principle. Don't lose hope. Give love.

This is for those who've been feeling empty lately.

I know that this season is more difficult and challenging but before anything else I just want to shout a thanks to you. A thank you for hanging on and a thank you for fighting still. You may feel empty today but don't forget to cling tight for hope and whenever you feel like you're lossing it, always remember that this emptiness will lead you to a path where you'll stumble with a new strength and we know exactly that no amount of flowery words and motivational speeches can lessen the emptiness inside of us. I just wrote this peace for you to be a reminder and a sign that you are a brave soul. Thank you for hanging on. ❤

As we walk through this life, I came to realize that we aren't just collecting memories and lessons but also, we are accumulating wounds and pains. Wounds and pains that hardly last. Wounds and pains that makes us cry and kept us awake at night. Wounds and pains that makes us fright. It is those wounds and pains that makes us weary tired.

In order to understand our pains is to understand others. May you always be gentle on everyone and everything.

May you always keep notes reminding that we are differently made and that by being different we too, are unique in many ways. One, was that we carry different capacities and wounds that we handle. Always value your wounds for those speaks for your being, the story of your experiences and lessons, it is a part of your worth.

Not because someone had it worse doesn't mean that yours are invalidated as I have said, we are unique and our wounds are our special parts and no one, you should not let no one have a hold of that.

We should be gentle for we all own wounds.

I once had a buddy who's appreciative, thoughtful, sweet, silly and patient. The one who lits up the atmosphere. Who's in charge of almost every single thing. Who have plenties of reminders and notes. The one who'll surely appreciate even the smallest of things. Is seemingly a happy go lucky person indeed.

Laughs and jokes and grins and smiles around every single time. Little did we know that behind those flashing and blinding smiles and laughs, giggles and jokes hides pain and wounds. All along it had been kept behind the back view, away from the sight and sense of people. Away from the care and worries.

Carrying that heavy burden of aches, stumbles and falls, silently revokes the soul surrendering everything, every single thing to life... accepting it's defeat, lossing the fight. A tough fight.

That person jokingly tip that "Whenever you feel like you're on trouble or lossing the fight to life remember, just reverse your shorts and eventually, you'll win."

Find Comfort in chaos

Living a life that seems unruly doesn't mean that we are less worthy instead, we should perceive that we may be messy but, we are messy because we are all a work in progress. No matter how chaotic life may become I hope that you discover that tough self hidden in the depth of your soul. Determined and is always living in hopes. You have that high hopes that no matter how intricate everything seems to be, your faith stand still and proud believing that this complicated things and different flavors and colors of life are all significant in building our selves and souls and that those things are God sent for our own good.

No matter how messy or complicated our feelings, perception and the things around us may get, may you unfold your calmness and grasp up for your faith. They may all seems to be complicated but we have a God who works with wonders and in order to finish wonders it needs first to be complicated.

This may be a tedious season but this is a season that simply stands as a reminder for the things that we must give value to.

Life, family and the essentiality of our being.

It is a time of realization and restoration on our living aspect as an individual. A time of thinking on our perspectives and what are the things that we give value the most. It is a chance of renewal. This is the time where the world proves that all earthly things are bound to slip from our grasp and a realization that all things may fade and lost its value but the relationships that we build and the love that connects each others bonds are bound to stay and last a lifetime.

It is a chance of being anew from the things that we discern as important. It is also the time of repentance and meditation.

Go forth and be positive sweet soul! This too shall pass!