(un)lost

discovered this cool craft brewery. perfect place for catching up and game nights

life lately [june 2026]

life in the gray area (aka no MD license yet) has felt like a forced leave of absence from the constant, crushing pressure of reviewing.

yeah, obviously life would’ve been better if I passed the boards on my first take. but life happened. and honestly? looking back at the timeline is exhausting:

college ➡️ reviewing for psychometrician boards ➡️ med school ➡️ internship in a chaotic public tertiary hospital ➡️ board exams x 3 times straight. absolutely zero breaks. just a relentless, years-long sprint.

so i could sit here and tell myself that these refresher courses are just a sad excuse to take a breather. but if i'm being totally real, it lowkey gave me the exact, pathetic excuse i desperately needed to finally, finally stop running.

i actually tried asking for a break, but the elders wouldn't allow it. "taking a break is a waste of time," they said. but here i am anyway, still stuck in the season of waiting.

and honestly? if you think about it, if i had passed the boards immediately, i would've been shoved straight into the meat grinder of residency just like my parents wanted. i genuinely don't think i would have survived it. i didn't even realize how profoundly exhausted i was until i was forced to take this huge break.

truth is, i’ve kinda enjoyed it. i got to spend real time with my nieces and nephew as they grow up, getting to enjoy their youth and curiosity. it motivated me to want to be someone they’d look up to. life in the gray area was bleak, but they made it so much better.

but now, as the refresher courses come to an end, i'm yet again entering another review season.

this time, i took a huge chance and decided to review with a classmate in their city. i figured doing this season alone at home wouldn't do me any good. i was too cramped there, constantly hearing unsolicited advice and seeing raised eyebrows every single time i took a breath. i just needed to get away.

living in a new house and interacting with new people was nerve-wracking, but incredibly refreshing. i love how functional things are here compared to what i got used to at home. we actually talk during meals, and we go on walks at night. i even get to have a proxy niece around, since my classmate's niece visits often and joins us on our walks.

i miss having deep conversations at 3am. everybody is always in a hurry. everyone has an appointment the next morning and messages only get replied to the next day. it’s always those shallow hi-hellos, the "how are you?"s, but never the "how are YOU?"

i miss the energy of chatting with someone till dawn, giggling about the most random things or just trauma dumping. nowadays, getting a good conversation that would last more than 5 mins is rare or is it just because most of my friends are in healthcare and we're all perpetually exhausted. we only really get to seriously check in with each other when we're tipsy drunk at 3am ranting about how brutal our career choice is.

but now that i'm in my hometown, hanging out with my non-med friends, they're also just as tired of their day jobs and routines. and yes, we do try doing sidequests but even those gets old. even those get tiring.

life lately (after a while)

hi, i’m back to posting here (i think).