Hange’s Whore

you’re not a bad person if you do something that you don’t particularly enjoy because, for example, it makes your partner happy, but always remember: you have no obligation to engage in sexual activities that you don’t fully like and enjoy. 

and you don’t ever, ever need to justify that - if your partner has an issue with “It makes me kind of uncomfortable” or “I don’t really like it”, then that person does not deserve a moment of your time, in or outside of the bedroom. you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone; you don’t have to meet anyone’s standards of acceptable vs. unacceptable activity (or lack thereof); you don’t have to force yourself to be comfortable with something because of any perceived political connotations of performing or refusing that act.

For example a white man wanting to say he hates when women take selfies or enjoy stereotypically feminine things might get called out for his misogyny if he just says “I fucking hate it when girls take a lot of selfies / take pictures of their food or drinks / ect.” but now he can not only get away with his misogyny but even get some Woke Points by just throwing “white” in front of girl or woman

I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.

This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.

Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.

A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?

While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!

NO.

NO NO NO NO.

NO.

fast forward to when i went to college. i lived in an all girls dorm and was genuinely shocked to see how many girls couldn’t do their laundry, but then i started to piece something together: a lot of the girls who didn’t know how to do their laundry came from wealth. their clothes were expensive. and another correlation? lots of them didn’t have brothers. though i was fortunate enough to have a mom that wouldn’t tolerate my brother being helpless, so many girls i know with brothers are forced into domesticity not even to serve their fathers and sisters and mothers, but their brothers.

The OP and in general many of the points made in this post are about lazy inadequate fathers not doing their portion of the child care and lazily leaving it all to the mother, so I don’t know where the disconnect comes from to respond to that with “yeah that’s why women need to do even more domestic work and child care by being the ones to teach domestic skills to their sons!”

i will say that, in complete honestly, i’m not sure where to take the discussion in terms of fathers and dividing domestic tasks, because clearly it’s not the mother’s job to teach him that he should practice equal division of labor, and i don’t want to present an argument that will fall flat for women already in marriages with unequal division of labor, so this is something i can’t fully present a response to, or at least not one i can stand by. but your response really has me thinking a lot about the theoretical framework of domesticity.

A 392 year old Greenland shark that was recently discovered in the Arctic Ocean. Meaning this shark was alive in 1627!

If a person says she is a woman, then she is a woman. She does not unbecome a woman when she wears jeans and high-cut t-shirts and sneakers. She is still a woman if she likes to be called handsome or buff or chiseled. Women do not have to be anything classically feminine in order to be women.