clay

need me a freak like this

y’all ever remember something extremely embarrassing and just feel horrible about it

Pro Tip: Try to think of something embarrassing some else has done. You probably can't. Which means no one else remembers the cringe thing you did.

wait that actually helps so much

tell me why my mom bought cranberry pineapple juice?? ma'am are you TRYING to help me out here-

Watch out bro... next thing you know I’m gonna be peeling an orange and sharing it slice by slice with you

sometimes the world gives it to you

orange juice is the superior beverage bc it makes ur tongue feel like u ate a bunch of ants which reminds me of my childhood when I would put ants in my mouth and eat em except this time it tastes good too

Hey op I think you’re probably allergic to citrus?

is. this not what oj is supposed to make ur tongue feel like

Did you know that if your mouth itches when you eat kiwis, it is not from hairs left over on the fruit after you peel it? I didn’t until I was about 26 or so!

Confusingly, pineapple is supposed to feel like that, the damn thing is attempting to digest you right back.

who wants to come over and just like. come to my backyard with me and then just. scream. for three hours.

it’s easier to say “im tired” than “im so sad and lonely i feel like there’s a weight in my chest and my body is so heavy i have no energy emotionally, physically or mentally to even move from my bed”