Chloë Mitchell

Being an adult means you always have to show up for yourself no matter the circumstance. Showing up to obligations that do not have a pause button. Life will continue to revolve around the moments where you need the axis to slow down or stop, having no consideration for the chaos that you’ve been subjected to. Adulthood is the inevitable position most can’t wait to experience, + while there are multiple perks + benefits to this, responsibilities seem to pile on top of an ever growing mountain of chores when you get to a certain age. This is where taking great care of yourself comes into frame. With all of what life entails, your emotional health is at a vulnerable crossroad. How one fits time to have a job, grocery shop, cook meals, exercise, date, continue education, make time for family + friends, plan trips, maintain your appearance, keep your home clean, walk your dog, drink your water, have a consistent skin care regime, get 8 hours of rest…Lord, I’m exhausted. As daunting as these may seem at times, there is something so satisfying when you’ve crossed something off the list as completed. Not all at once of course, but doing what you can with what you can offer to yourself is the focus + goal. The role of pouring into yourself is a lifelong commitment, one that requires self regulation, as well as emotional IQ. Understanding yourself the way others may not be able to so that you can show up for yourself, and then for others. And because we are adults, responsible for ourselves, we may not always have someone to check in on us at the appropriate time or remind us that it’s ok to feel beat up by life’s demands. It’s normal to sometimes feel exhausted + overwhelmed. We aren’t made to always be on the go. Taking care of yourself is not some romantic idea, its a tangible + necessary part of being a human being. When we look at what self care looks like, it appears to be calm + serene, with yoga poses + cucumbers over your eyelids. Real self care looks more like getting in bed by 9pm, putting your phone on silent for a few hours, logging out of social media, talking to your therapist, going for a run, washing your hair, having a cry session, taking the long way home after an exhausting day, holding that cup of comforting tea in your house slippers, wee hours of the morning, in silence + in gratitude. Adulthood + self care, being intentional in the ways you handle yourself, go hand in hand. There are loopholes to living a life of maintained sanity. Keep hold of yourself as best you can + in the moments where you feel yourself coming undone, go to a place where you feel most safe, cared for + protected. This could be a tangible place or a place within yourself, but search for it. Search for it with an urgency amongst the heartbreak, the headache, the hell that you feel yourself succumbing to. Your heart, mind, + body require it. Taking care of yourself is not a reward you’re waiting for or working towards. It comes with you on your journey when you’re born. You just need to unlock that part in you that desires softness, grace, + love. Maybe you’ve never been afforded that luxury growing into adulthood. And yes, it is a luxury because unfortunately, it is privilege to have a life that is soft + kind to you. As a now adult, you can move the dial + adjust elements to fit the you you want to be, the life you want to experience. You should want to create a life of ease because life is + will have waves of difficulty. This is the Yin and Yang. So make it your lifelong commitment to commit to cultivating + nurturing a life that best serves you.

Deep, vulnerable, and meaningful friendships can be compared to a hug you so joyously need after a celebration or a day that has pulled all the energy you had and you feel depleted. Having at least one person in your life that you can deem a friend, a really good friend, is food for your soul. The relationships you build outside of your family structure can have an additional impact on your self esteem, social skills, and emotional health. As we get older, responsibilities increase unapologetically, and the promises of adulthood appear to fulfill their duties in lightning speed. The effort to maintain these adult friendships require extra intention and attention and if you are forging new ones, it can be a tricky slope with confusing rules and boundaries. Having experienced decades long friendships that have ended is a death not many discuss. Space is often always created for breakups involving romantic relationships, but friendship breakups are as traumatic and detrimental. Diving back into the friendship scene is a lot like looking for a romantic partner you want to date and eventually marry, minus the sex. The fear of navigating new friendships in adulthood is a valid one, one that does not come with a manual. Maintaining vulnerability, using discernment, honoring yourself, and being in alignment are important factors to keep in mind when nurturing these friendships. Starting over in any capacity requires faith, prayer, and a willingness to put yourself out there. People are much like seasons, some staying through years of rain shower, snow storms, heat waves, and crisp breezes, and others only staying momentarily to only see the flowers bloom, or watch them whither and die. The experience of having girlfriends is nothing that can be fully understood until you experience it. A sisterhood of chosen elite women where love, respect, support, similarities and differences collide to create beautiful symmetry. This community further confirms your value and the importance of your existence outside of your parents and or siblings. Healthy friendships should and will challenge you, motivate you, and heal you in ways that are most rewarding. There is no growth without change and we must always embrace change because that is how maturity is measured.

It’s not easy loosening your grip on someone you love who has left you and it is nearly impossible to ever let go of that yearning. The ghost of them haunts you in the most inconspicuous ways and places. Their absence you carry around like a weighted blanket. Your heavy and sore heart dragging on the floor behind you as you make your way to the couch or the bed. Hiding under it for comfort, you reminisce all the times you embraced them with an urgency, to feel their heart beating placidly on top of yours. You envelope yourself under the thickness wishing to be swallowed in your grief. You close your eyes and feel you heart sinking down to an abyss of emptiness, a forrest full of no directions, no signs of an exit. The tears steamroll in a perfect line, curving over the bridge of your nose as your lips quiver from the tornado that has erupted inside your ribcage. There seems to be an infinite supply of salty water and deep breaths, but a shortage of hours to mourn the love you can no longer touch. You hear your name being called in a nearby distance of delusion and hysteria and it paralyzes you. Fear and curiosity have snuck up beside you reminding you it’s your grief taunting you, not them. They are too empathetic to play such cruel games. So you continue to lay there, with a shattered heart and puffy eyes, wrapped in a burrito of discomfort and loneliness. A heart squeezing and breaking so quietly, blood seeps out of your nose the speed of honey. Nothing and no one can offer you healing or peace. Grief is a journey up the mountain of Everest, often travelled alone, bruised, tired, exhausted. A journey that appears to never end, you acclimate, try to get familiar. The familiarity never settles. The tears are new every time. The year may change, Summer may be kind to you, new adventures might be conquered, but waiting for you is always that reminder. A color, fabric, the wind, your plant you named in their honor in a pretty lilac plantar in the corner of your room. Death humbles you, brings you to your knees, or to a cold bathroom floor at 2 am. Grief is your reminder that the love you feel will always be within you and this love has found a new purpose; working overtime to heal all the parts of you they always seemed to do with ease and magic.

Let this be the year where you keep going, even when it burns, through the disappointment + the doubt. Keep going + take a break, breathe deep, rest, stand still, cry, but don’t give up. Keep your mind healthy + your faith high even when the opposition seems to be winning + your mind is fighting to go deep into an abyss of darkness. Keep pouring into yourself even when you feel it pouring over. Keep pouring because you need to constantly be overflowed with love, healing, growth, + prayer. Keep diving into new things, new people, new adventures, new habits, a new you + do it scared, do it vulnerable. Keep your heart warm, even when others are working overtime to turn your heart into stone; but hold on to discernment. Keep dreaming, keep planning, + keep executing every thought + idea you have because the world requires a creative like you. Keep reserving + making space for everything + everyone that reminds you of soft, gentle, therapeutic, + generous love.

Let this be the year. Your year.

My book Let This Be The Year is available at the link! https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B07KP33KKC?_encoding=UTF8&langFilter=default&node=283155&offset=0&page=1&pageSize=12&searchAlias=stripbooks&sort=author-sidecar-rank#formatSelectorHeader

Like a lot of people, I decided that anytime during this pandemic was a great moment to seize and start my candle business I have been talking about for years. I finally had the time, resources, and dedication to commit to this new business venture. It took only a few months for everything to be finalized and by May 3rd I birthed my baby Maison De Foy.

Maison De Foy is French for House of Foy. Named after my grandmother Janice Foy who was the most loving, supportive, and most beautiful angel in my life, she always felt like home and became my home when I wanted to escape. She left me at the end of 2013 in complete shambles for a year and a half. I’m no longer picking myself off the floor from sadness but I still feel the absence. The yearn for her still knocks on my ribcage.

As a poet, writer, author, creative director, and now entrepreneur, running Maison De Foy has been fun and challenging. Some days I just want to quit from the frustrations I feel on a daily basis. Doing what I can everyday to ensure my candle company isn’t left in the past somewhere behind a dark mountain, I stay up late and wake up super early fixing and shifting things on my website and posting everyday on my social media. I’ve always been uncomfortable with too much leisure time when I’m in the middle of a project, mainly because I devote 1000% of my energy and creativity into making sure the project is as perfect as I see it laid out in my mind. I work tirelessly to make sure the dedication and the will power is seen in my work.

With the relaunch of Maison De Foy, the labels are eye catching, beautiful, and rich looking, much like how I pictured they would be in my mind. Beautiful tissue paper and stickers to compliment add a luxury feel to each purchase. Every floral candle is infused with flowers and flower crumbs to give a personalized touch. Distinct fragrances like geranium, oud, and dark musk make Maison De Foy stick out from competitors’ ingredients. With names like Midnight Hue, Four Twenty Four, and Two Fif, they each have a special meaning and were named from intent and familiarity. Maison De Foy is a Black owned business ran by a creative intellectual who enjoys reading poetry, as much as she loves writing it. A deep thinker who’s faith in God is the reason why I am where I am at this current moment. A women who is determined to leave a legacy of love, creative vision, and inspiration.

There will always be moments where I feel like I’m staring at a brick wall or I’m not doing enough but as long as I wake up everyday and put forth the effort to do what I can to make sure Maison De Foy is seen, appreciated, and loved, that I am always creating products and content that I love, staying motivated and most importantly faithful, then I think I’ll be alright.

I relaunched my candle line Maison De Foy! Support a Black Owned Business & click the link below! 😁