"You're... kind of the best friend I've ever had."

It's not a "I don't like what I see."

Artwork from Pinterest

Attraction to me is performative

Wanting sex is natural

But sexual attraction to me

Is a loud cry out of desperation.

I wish I could see me through your eyes to understand my beauty

Although, I’d still believe it’s a lies.

I don’t find me enchanting outside

Of a view so ominous

I hate mirrors.

I hate the reflection of me.

I hate what you pretend to see, just so you could fuck me.

I hate the performance.

This black swan play

Where you pretend I’m a beauty

When I know I’m the ogre side of Fiona and you’re the overly desirable one.

Attraction to me is performative.

You can shower me with compliments and I will let it flow off me like a steady stream to make a lake of despair.

Call it Lake Vile.

Artwork from Pinterest.

I avoid my reflection just as much as I avoid rejection.

I don’t need painted compliments added to my collection.

Pretty girls who are insecure with confidence know that they are pretty.

I am a pretty girl with insecurities and I know that I am pretty.

Pretty funny, pretty uplifting, pretty on the sideline, pretty for your occasion but not pretty for bona fide attraction. I’m pretty convenient.

I am pretty for you to turn the lights off and build surface level connection.

I am pretty for YOU to camouflage our engagement as if it’s real.

Sometimes I wish I didnt feel putrid and unlovable I cry when i look down the camera trying to take a picture of myself and it hurts

Joy Sullivan, from Instructions for Traveling West: Poems; “Geography Lessons”