I'm Definitely Not Here

“British writer invents time travel and uses it on One Joke”

Places where reality is a bit altered:

• any target • churches in texas • abandoned 7/11’s • your bedroom at 5 am • hospitals at midnight • warehouses that smell like dust • lighthouses with lights that don’t work anymore • empty parking lots • ponds and lakes in suburban neighborhoods • rooftops in the early morning • inside a dark cabinet

•hospital waiting rooms •airports from midnight to 7am • bathrooms in small concert venues

I just got the weirdest feeling I swear

I, for one, appreciate your passion for liminal spaces and thank you for explaining it to the rest of us.

I get the playgrounds at night because I walk to one that’s near my house at night sometimes and hang out. I always feel like I’m being watched or followed, or rather something out of the ordinary is happening

This is more inspirational than I think it was originally intended to be

He needs mouse bites to live

i always thought it was funny how in the lord of the rings sam and frodo head out and after awhile sam’s like “mr. frodo if i take one more step this is the farthest from the shire ive ever been” and then a ways after they meet up with merry and pippin on their daily vegetable run like jesus christ sam get out of the house once in awhile

listen i consider myself an empathic person but after a certain point i get sick of other people’s problems. my friend is always talking about how the jewel-eyed skull on their mantlepiece is tormenting them w its sinister beauty and im over it. like dude i don’t want to talk about this anymore. get rid of the fucking skull

you’ are biased against my skull

i’m not having this argument again man

hey does anyone have that poem. about the author seeing two boys cuddling on a hotel lobby couch, where he refers to it as something like an island of safe anonymity or smth. its been 5000 years my college boyfriend had it written out and pinned to his wall

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

OP I want you to know I think of this post every single time I have to wash a spoon.

This post was originally about the story of Croesus, King of Lydia, and how he decided to go to war with Cyrus the Great in the 6th century BCE. Now it's about something else.

Arguably the most appropriate post for Apollo to "bless" since it's about his oracle.

that was the Devil

I mean they wanted rain

I think we need to fully appreciate the fact that the reason he “looks like the Devil” is that many depictions of the Devil in American popular media are specifically caricatures of this guy. Like, imagine being a con man and fucking up your hustle so badly that for more than a century afterwards people start drawing the Devil to look like you.