it says clearly in the lease no bee movie or else

you know why blood is red? my favorite color. all my decision

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

Richard Nixon once called in staff to help him open an allergy-pill bottle. It was the childproof type of bottle, with instructions saying “Press down while turning.” The cap had teeth marks on it where Nixon had apparently tried to gnaw it open

i can’t find the reblog chain that mentions it but it’s important to me that people know it was richard nixon himself that had signed the legislation requiring child safety lids on pill bottles

*coughs blood* youre all just jealous of my wound. yuore trying to make me get rid of it because you wish you had a wound this cool

my buddy says the craziest stuff when i make him plead for his life

skidaddled

The Doctor’s companions in the early years tended to be “my beloved surrogate granddaughter” and “guy I found in a dumpster.”

The idea of two people having sex and it creating another, smaller person who has a combination of their traits sounds like it was made up for fan fiction but alas I've heard tale that it's really happened

You guys are always like "being crushed by 10,000 tons of rock probably feels good as hell" or "being torn to pieces by hunting dogs would low key fix me" and I feel like those things would actually be unpleasant.

How about "Drinking an ice cold strawberry milkshake probably feels good as hell". Do you guys like that one.

By the way I was at a con and Colin Baker said "My doctor is full of sentiment, but not sentimental. He would step over a dead body to help a butterfly with a broken wing." If you even care.