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wesołego geja

my issue is that im always craving epiphanies. but real life doesnt have those. there are no breakthroughs and there are no denouements theres just the day to day and i have to just keep trying to make sense of it perpetually

for as many faults as the self medication model of addiction has (and there are a few) one thing it does have going for it is that it allows one to be realistic about the cost-benefit tradeoffs of substance use. e.g. you often see a lot about how vaping THC (including lab-tested + highly purified medical-grade oils) can cause lung irritation, increased vulnerability to pneumonia, etc. but when you do something like googling "long term effect of SSRI use in adolescents" you start to realize maybe we need to stop classifying those sequelae differently than other medication adverse effects.

the "empathy fatigue" stuff is also very revealing because when you examine health professionals' self-reporting on the matter there is a specific type of person they describe losing empathy for- unsurprisingly, it's people with particularly chronic health issues and disability, drug users, people who "refuse to take care of themselves" and especially anyone with a health condition perceived to be "their own fault". very often what they describe as "empathy fatigue" is actually just the mask slipping on the seething contempt they already held

they put my blood through every test under the sun and yet nowhere in the pages and pages of lab reports do they tell me what my blood type is

your neutrophils absolute? 2.71. anion gap? why, that's 11! hemoglobin A1C? a solid 5.4. and don't fret, champ—your VLDL (calculated) is a cool 12. real fascinating stuff. hm? what's that? you want to know what kind of blood you have? like, so you won't have to look your next ER nurse in the eye and tell her you have no clue what type you have right after giving her a date of birth that confirms you are over 30 years old? psh, don't be silly! we can't tell you that! it's a ✨secret✨

...I will say, it's deeply fascinating that the Spore community has basically re-created the sort of techniques practical effects folks would use for puppetry with wire removal/green-screen due to the limitations of their medium.

im like so ready to be over with everything. you know how some young people are dying and they say it's too soon they're not done yet they haven't done everything they still want to do? not me man. it's not even that im desparate and suffering or whatever I just am done with it, I am satisfied with what I've seen, I think this has been enough. it's like if you're eating and you know you're full but someone is forcing more into you and it's just not going to feel good no matter how good the meal was. and it's not like I particularly enjoyed the meal in the first place anyway, but at this stage this isn't even the point anymore.